 Do you believe your thinking can shape the culture of your workplace?
I know it can from experience! If you want to learn how to use your thinking to create a more optimal team culture, keep reading!!! Your thinking CAN shape the culture or the feel of your workplace Often, we leave the culture of our team up to chance and rarely consciously think about our role in shaping it. The culture is how it feels when you walk into a team meeting, one of the residences, and even how you feel when you get an email from someone. The unwritten rules of a team play a role in defining the team's culture. For example, what happens when someone is late for a meeting?
How to define workplace culture: Every workplace has a specific culture - a feel to it, an impression that it leaves. Your workplace and every other workplace have a certain intangible quality that makes something about it distinct and decidedly different but difficult to define or describe. You know whether you like it or not, want to be there or run away quickly. Creating cultures requires cultivation Culture comes from the word cultivate, meaning to tend to. So, just like the garden, we need to tend to 🌱 the culture of our teams. So often, though, many of us do not care for, grow or nurture the culture of our organizations. We are too busy chasing fires, dealing with crises and solving problems. Reacting to problems is often too late to shape the culture Let's look at what often happens on a team. Things are OK. People are getting along fine. But then you sense that things aren't quite OK. But you don't have time to deal with it, and you hope they'll get OK soon on their own. But they don't! Then one day, things go sideways fast! Something blows up on the team, and we react. Too many nonprofit leaders don't believe they have the time to... This crisis-driven mindset in the nonprofit world leaves us constantly feeling overworked, overloaded, and overwhelmed. As a result, we find ourselves one step away from falling apart and living in survival mode. Because of this, we don't believe we have the time to be more intentional about building the culture of our team, and it gets left up to chance. We don't think like this daily Don't get me wrong, most of us have the odd conversation about what type of work environment we want. Perhaps we annually review our mission, vision and goals. If you have that discussion with your team, you may also talk about the type of values your organization espouses to. But do you talk about them again throughout the year? Do you ever consciously THINK about how you do this daily with your team? We say it...but do we live it? Consider the following statements I pulled from various nonprofit job postings:
I'm sure organizations do have enthusiastic workers and supportive leaders, and employees are proactive in their work with clients. The problem is that enthusiasm ebbs and flows. Somedays, teams work wonderfully together. Then, the next day, not so much. And valuing trust is very different from behaving in a trustworthy manner. Creating workplace culture is not a one-time activity The "things" listed above are not static. They don't happen once and then never again. They must be etched into the culture of your team through daily actions and regular habits. As the leader, you need to be intentional, conscious and deliberate about how that happens. But how do you do that? Workplace culture is created over time, with thoughtful daily actions You MUST create time to think about how you can and will do those things. As we've explored thinking over the last few weeks, you've learned that it doesn't take a lot of time to:
Thinking shapes your culture positively, when you do it intentionally These intentional thinking processes help you cultivate the workplace culture you desire.
Steps to THINK your way to a positive workplace culture It's our conscious thinking, instead of unconsciously reacting to everything, that cultivates the culture we desire. First, take some time to contemplate the culture you wish to create. Then be strategic about how you will create that type of culture. Finally, plan the way to develop that daily. It's conscious thinking that will take you and your team to the next level! IMPORTANT: After thinking comes the DAILY ACTIONS to create a positive workplace culture I am guessing by now you may realize that often, the most challenging part of creating the workplace culture you desire is having the courage to take action. Working through your own personal growth journey will let you address the elephant in the room, talk about the hard things, admit failure, ask for help, ditch perfectionism, and so much more.
Do you want guidance with your leadership? If you need help with that inner journey, The Training Library will guide you! Each lesson, course and worksheet not only help you identify how to lead and supervise your team but how to do it with your unique personality, traits and style and in a way that aligns with values, ethics and morals. As a result, you'll learn to lead your way and find both success and contentment in leading authentically!
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 As a nonprofit leader, you need more time to think! But how much time does it take to be a better thinker and leader? Read this blog post for the surprising answer. HINT: Not very much time!
When I'm talking to clients and suggesting that they book some time in the calendar for thinking, they expect me to tell them it will be an hour or maybe even 30 minutes. They're often surprised when I suggest anywhere between two in 10 minutes. Overcome this challenge first The challenge is that most of us are not present in this moment. Instead of being mindful, we are thinking about either the past or the future. For example: ✦ We may have anxious thoughts circulating in our minds about what's coming up in our schedule. ✦ Alternately we may be ruminating about what happened at the last meeting. Then you'll be able to be intentional with your thinking quicker To be intentional with your thinking, you need to be in this moment so you can think about only what you need to think about. When you give yourself the gift of a moment or two, I call them thinking moments often, and the thinking happens really fast. 3 tips for helping you create thinking moments. ONE: Take your hands off the keyboard when you finish a call, meeting, or dealing with your inbox or project. Put them on your lap and take a deep breath. TWO: Ask yourself:
When you give yourself the moment to connect to what you need to process, purge and plan, I guarantee thoughts will come into your head. THREE: Either in your head or grab a piece of paper and make a quick note.
Then ask yourself
You may come up with answers like these:
Once you have been mindful of what you need to think about, you can head on to the next thing on your agenda. Giving yourself the gift of just a few moments to regroup and identify where you need to plan, process and purge will help you move forward. The thing is, I know you spend most of your days running around, chasing fires, dealing with crises and solving everyone else's problems. I know because I did it too for way too many years! I learned that getting intentional about creating thinking moments made an incredible difference. Will you do it too? Extra resources to help you think "better." Over the last few weeks, I've been writing about different kinds of thinking. I've linked those thoughts up below. Each of these links is a blog post with more information about different thinking necessary for leaders. NOTE: I've added some of the courses inside my membership site, The Training Library, for those of you who are members. Creative Thinking Nonprofit Leaders – Are you doing the right kind of THINKING today? Possible courses/lessons to look at
Strategic Thinking Nonprofit leaders, you need to stop wasting time rushing your thinking! Possible courses/lessons to look at
Decision Making Nonprofit Leaders | 10 important questions you must ask before your next decision Possible courses/lessons to look at Reflective Practice Be a wise woman leader with these 10 reflective thinking questions Possible courses/lessons to look at  Have you noticed that when your thoughts are swirling around, you're often stuck reliving a memory that didn't feel so good or rehearsing a tragedy in the future? Neither feels good.
OMG, that meeting was awful! I can't believe they said that!
Your thought process can provide learning opportunities Our thoughts don't always need to spiral us into a downward tailspin. When we slow our thinking down, pause, and add an element of mindfulness to our thought process, our thinking can become a learning tool. Following the learning component, we may change our mindset, behaviour or perspectives on what happened or is coming up. Sometimes when we slow our thinking down, we are more of a strategic thinker. Other times our more conscious thoughts help us plan or make a decision. Today though, I want to focus on reflective thinking. First, let's look at different kinds of thinking and roughly categorize them as unconscious (swirling thoughts) and conscious thinking. Uncounsousious thinking Worry, anxiety and regret - full of judgment, blame and shame statements Often polarized or absolute thoughts
Conscious thinking Strategic thinking - connecting dots, seeing the big picture, looking into the future Planning - adding action elements Decision making - critical thinking, decisiveness Reflective thinking - curiosity, openness and exploration We often miss the reflective thinking piece that so often would be wise to do before the other kinds of conscious thinking. Reflective thinking as a practice In our sector, practitioners are often taught the skill of reflective practice. The idea behind turning reflective thinking into a practice is specifically for learning opportunities. Experience alone doesn't always teach us what we need to know. Developing a practice of reflecting on what happened helps us create meaning from an experience. This new meaning allows us to deepen the learning of an experience and helps us to consider perhaps what we'd like to do differently in the future. How to be a good reflective thinker Reflective thinking begins with a question instead of a statement. Most of the questions we ask ourselves during our reflective thinking time are what questions—a why question often evokes defensiveness. But instead, what questions help us be more curious and ditch the judgment. The ultimate goal of reflective thinking is to learn from your leadership experiences. You are considering three main points.
10 Reflective thinking questions to prompt learning To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: 1) What happened? 2) What body sensations did I experience?
3) What thoughts were going around my head?
4) What emotions did I feel as it was happening? 5) Which of my values were triggered during this exchange? 6) What perspective was the other person(s) in? 7) What did I do well in managing that situation?
8) How would my best self handle a similar situation in the future? 9) What strengths do I need to put to work more often? 10) What will I do differently next time? When you take time to pause, slow down your thinking and reflect, you'll learn more. That learning will provide insights into how to change your mindset, behaviours or intent, thus leading more authentically and effectively. Need more help? In my membership site, The Training Library, I offer additional training to help you make create reflective thinking practices. Here are some you may be interested in checking out:  Nonprofit leaders make a lot of decisions as they run their nonprofit organizations. Decision-making is a thinking process. However, we often make decisions without consciously thinking about our decision and how we are making it. In fact, many of us don't even realize we are or have made a decision.
Leaders make many critical decisions daily Some sources suggest that we make about 35000 decisions a day. As a leader, I'm going to guess that there is a chance you make a few more decisions than most employees. And chances are your decisions hold a lot more weight and responsibility. If my assumptions are accurate, it's likely important that you slow down your decision-making process and be more intentional about it. Decision-making help To help you be more intentional with your decision-making process, I've listed 10 questions below to help you make your next leadership decision. 10 important questions you must ask before your next decision 1 – What is the decision I am making? 2 – Is it my decision to be made?
3 – When does this decision need to be made by?
4 – What are the options or sides that I am considering?
5 – Do I have all of the information I need? 6 – Who will this decision impact?
7 – Will my decision set off a ripple of other issues that will require decision-making?
8 – Am I making a value-based decision?
9 – How important is this decision?
10 – Will I be able to live with my decision? Learn to be an intentional decision maker Processing the above questions will help you be more intentional in your decision-making. However, you may also want to think strategically before making your decision. In this article, I share 3 strategies to help you think more strategically. The bottom line is that you need to create opportunities to think as a leader. Don't wait to find time to think. Schedule thinking time into your calendar! More support to help you make good decisions In my membership site, The Training Library, I offer additional training to help you make decisions. Here are some you may be interested in checking out:
A big part of a leader's job is thinking Give yourself time and space to think! And don't be afraid to tell others that's what you are doing! Having the confidence to communicate your role is an essential aspect of Leadership. p.s. To help you understand how your values and creating thinking time play a role in your decision making, tune into Episode # 72 of the podcast where I talked to David Phu about Ethical Video Creation  I have no time to think! I wish I had time to think about things before deciding on which way to go. If only I could have some space to think clearly!
Do any of those sound familiar? If you are in leadership, I bet you are nodding your head! All too often, we feel rushed to make decisions, deal with problems and move things forward. Yet, there is a little voice inside us, asking for a bit more time. At least there is in my head! This kind of rushed thinking is often more unconscious than conscious. In the last blog post, I talked about what unconscious thought can do to us and how it can drag us into worry and overwhelming anxiety. Today I want to shift into intentional thinking and how it can help you be more purposeful, planful and productive. There are many kinds of conscious or intentional thinking. Over the next few weeks, I'll talk about conscious thinking types such as:
For this article, though, I want to start with the difference between strategic thinking and planning, sometimes called strategic planning. Do you have time to strategize or plan? Most women leaders struggle to find time for either, leaving them feeling frazzled, disconnected and whacking moles. Reacting to a to-do list, chasing down meetings and solving daily problems is neither thinking strategically nor mindfully planning things out. We often start with planning before we've done the strategizing. When we do find time, we often start with planning. Planning is setting out the steps and the process for getting something done. But we've often missed the strategic thinking part, considering how all of the dots fit together. How planning before strategizing can get you in trouble! Imagine your program just received a new pocket of funding. You know you need to work on it right away, so you start to plan how to spend it. First, you think about which staff has the capacity to add a few more hours for this program. Then, you grab a calculator and start figuring out the math for how many clients they can fit in. You know you have a conversation with them next week, so you want to figure this out before you meet with them so you can get moving right away. But wait a minute. Is that the right person for the role? Yes, they may have the capacity, but what else is happening for them? How does their capacity now fit in with a possible expansion of another program or reduction of a third? And what is the purpose of this program? Does it actually align with this employee's strengths, interests and future career trajectory? Would it split who they report to, now having two supervisors? What about the fact that they just told you they are expecting. I know, you've got a few months to figure that out, so you'll deal with it then, right? If you've made these kinds of quick decisions before thinking it out, you know how quickly they can backfire or cause you more headaches in the long run! What is strategic thinking? When you are strategically thinking, you are not yet tied to a decision. You are open. Strategic thinking is a right-brain activity. It's the thinking you do when driving or leaning back in your chair. Strategic thinking isn't necessarily about doing something specific yet because you don't know what the specific is. Instead, it's a high-level thinking process where you step back and see all the moving parts and consider how they fit together, where the dots need to be connected, and how they fit in with your mission, vision, and organizational goals. What is strategic planning? Strategic planning is when you are closer to the task at hand, breaking apart and deciding what parts need doing, when, and who can help. Strategic planning is a left-brain thinking activity. Here's an example of strategic thinking and planning in action Let's consider another example. Perhaps you are wondering if you should move offices. When you think strategically about moving offices, you might consider how changes would affect the team members, clients, and community partners. You might brainstorm what you'd like to have access to for future programming. When you think strategically, you might think about costs, people to talk to, and considerations. High-level thinking At this stage of the thinking process, you don't tie to moving or not moving. You are just considering options. Maybe you are also considering staying in the same location, but having more of your staff working from home. But, again, you are just thinking about it at a very high level. Keep coming back to high-level thinking At this point, you would keep coming back to the bigger reason for considering a move in the first place. Why is this a consideration? How does it fit in with your program's overall mission and vision? What about your contract or funding obligations? You make sure you look at the impact that a decision to change your location possibly could have on
Step one planning You may make a decision and then need to create a plan to move forward with a move. But even before then, you may make an earlier plan around getting some input from others to see if it's even viable and of interest. You'd then need to plan how to do that. To plan the first stage, you may ask yourself some of these questions:
You might be wondering, though, how to be a more strategic thinker and how to no when it's time know when it's time to move to strategic planning. I've got you covered with the steps below. 3 strategies to help you think more strategically
How to know you are ready to move to the planning stage Consider your answers to the following questions to know if you may need to stay in strategic thinking a wee bit longer.
TBH, Strategic thinking and planning often go hand-in-hand Note that these two types of thinking don't happen in a linear process. Strategic thinking and strategic planning often overlap. The point here is to help you see the difference. Write it down when you have a planning thought, but don't get hung up on it. p.s. Inside The Training Library membership site are tons of tutorials, templates and tools to help you think strategically and plan. For example, you'll find resources to help you plan 1-1 meetings and staff meetings. You'll also discover processes that help you plan to keep your emotions in check during difficult conversations. And you'll strategically learn how to plan your leadership growth, impact and legacy. Become more strategic and plan with intention here.  Thinking. As a nonprofit leader, you probably spend a lot of time thinking. But are you doing the right kind of thinking at the right time?
Over the coming weeks, I will dive into different kinds of thinking. I want to start with unconscious thought. First, let's talk about how unconscious thinking can get you into trouble and then where you probably need to do more of it. Unconscious thinking that is not helpful Let's start with what we generally think of as unconscious thinking. This is when your mind gets away from you. Generally, we're talking about worry, anxiety and those racing thoughts that keep you up at night. Here's the trouble with unconscious thinking as a leader. It can keep you stuck. Repetitive, negative thoughts left unchecked keep us stuck Unconscious thinking left unchecked can circle around and around and around. You are digging into a deeper rut that is hard to get out of. Consider these thoughts
Now put any of these thoughts on loop.
If that loop of thoughts goes on unconsciously in the back of your mind for hours, days and months, you can see how the rut gets deeper and deeper. It's not as easy as "just think positively." Many social media posts tell you to think positive – Everything is always working out for me. But it's not that easy! You might say at once, but you'll fall back into that rut fast and be back to, Oh my God, I'm so overwhelmed. Unconscious thoughts also keep us stuck in beliefs about our employees, community, funders, and ability to have funding to meet our needs. I often hear the mantra from leaders that they are expected to do more with less. And while there is undoubtedly an incredible amount of truth to that statement, repeating it out loud continuously, in our minds and aloud to other people regularly keeps the belief alive and well. To get out of repetitive negative thinking traps, you need to shift to conscious thinking When you realize you find yourself stuck in a repetitive negative thinking trap, you need to shift to conscious thinking. For example, instead of staying stuck in the scarcity mindset of never enough time, money, and staff, you need to shift your mind to examine the following questions consciously:
How to consciously think about your employee's contributions Another typical thought you may have is feeling like you are chasing your team down to get them to do their work. When we experience irritation in our body, our unconscious thoughts may have us stuck in believing those thoughts are true. When our thinking stays unconscious, it's hard to look for times when our employees take responsibility, pitch in, or take the lead on something. We both know the "positive" is generally not where our mind goes when trying to fall asleep at night. To consider how your employees are contributing takes more conscious thinking. I doubt you've dug a rut considering the answers to these questions:
The type of unconscious thinking that IS helpful In the coming weeks will talk about ways to be more intentional and conscious in our thinking. But before we go there, I want to talk about the other unconscious thought that we perhaps don't do enough of. This kind of unconscious thought is what I call creative thinking. Now I know some of you are rolling your eyes and think I'm not a creative person and creativity does not come into my job. I beg to differ! The unconscious thinking that we've been talking about above makes me think about someone pacing back-and-forth and digging a deeper and deeper rut in the ground. Creative thinking is light and easy Instead, when I think of unconscious creative thinking, I imagine it like a ladybug crawling around on a plant for a few moments, then flying away to the next one and crawling around and exploring it before she flies away again to another location. The red and black ladybug is curious. I imagine she's somewhat relaxed and perhaps even enjoying herself. You need to do more of that! Here's what you can do with creative thinking This kind of creative thinking is when you come up with the idea for an activity at a staff meeting in the shower. Or you think about a way to organize the annual report's stats that show it in a more visually appealing way. Sometimes the creative thoughts come to us when we're cooking, driving or out for a walk. And generally, we're not trying to find a solution. We didn't even know there was a problem that we were sorting through. But suddenly, an idea pops into our heads. It's like an aha, a sense of intuition, or a lightbulb moment. And it feels good! Do you create space for creative thinking? Most leaders don't The challenge is that many of us don't make space for this kind of thinking. This creative thinking takes open space with no expectation, no agenda, and no problem to wrestle with. To create more creative thinking time, make space in your days. It's often called white space, margin or free time. Unfortunately, most of us think we don't have time for this. However, you need to build creative thinking time into your week to get out of your rut and create new, innovative, and fun ways to deal with your work. 3 ways to make more time for creative thinking 1) Shut off background noise Shut off the podcast, audiobook, Netflix, or whatever else you use to fill your sound space. Instead, let your thoughts roll as you drive, cook, fold laundry, or putter around your house. 2) Take breaks Simply stepping away from the computer or your office for a few moments helps change the scenery and inputs into your mind. I remember hearing a mantra years ago that movement in your body creates movement in your mind. So, when you're stuck, move your body. 3) Engage in creative activities Yes, this means arts and crafts, sort of! It could also mean music or the arts. Go to a play, read poetry, learn to paint, garden or grab the colouring book and colour with your kids. Just get out of your left brain for a while and activate the right side of your brain. Come back next week for more practical strategies to help you think more mindfully Unconscious thinking is not all wrong. The key is to notice when the unconscious thought is keeping you stuck. If it is, find ways to move from unconscious to more conscious thought. If you want to learn how to do that, come back next week, and we'll talk about ways to be more mindful and intentional with your thinking.  As nonprofit leaders, we spend a lot of time focused on our client's and community's needs and ensuring they have the tools to be their best selves. But, sometimes, we forget to turn that focus around and use those same tools ourselves.
Recently I was talking to a client about setting goals and how to break them down. She laughed and said this is what we do with our disability clients. I agreed and chuckled that I've been writing goals for clients since I was in college! Another time I was working with a group of family visitors. They were so excited about the resources they had just received to help families expand their children's emotional literacy. Funnily enough, I was working with the leaders to develop their emotional intelligence. The books, flashcards, and stuffies depicting certain emotions could also be tools for team conversations to help them expand their emotional literacy. In leadership, we get hyper-focused on getting things done, achieving results, and forgetting that we need to grow and develop. And in many cases, we have the tools already available to do that. Just like there is a focus on increasing emotional vocabulary for children, there is more and more focus on helping leaders improve their emotional vocabulary and thus their emotional intelligence. So let's explore how increasing our emotional vocabulary works. Understanding the language of emotions Did you know those anxious thoughts you experience indicate that you feel you don't have control over something? When you realize this, you can start to identify what you do have control over and what you don't. It helps you prioritize, ask for help or let go of what you can't control. Were you aware that anger gives you the energy to break through a barrier that is in the way of what you want? Knowing that can help you identify what that barrier is and what to do about it. Anger is an action emotion. Conversely, anger differs from feeling resigned, which has you giving up. Stop ignoring your emotions Far too often, we overlook the messages our emotions are giving us. But when you learn to understand what certain emotions mean, you'll be a smarter leader! Leaders manage heavy loads. With this burden, often things come at the leader that triggers them and their emotions. However, many of us, especially women who are fearful of being called emotional, try to suppress, shut off or tune out those emotions. This is what happens when you ignore your emotions Two things can happen when you try to ignore your emotions as you push through to-do lists, meeting and dealing with people.
Learning to explore what you are feeling for valuable data It's valuable data I want to focus on for a moment. When you take time to understand how your emotions are informing you, you'll be better able to deal with all of that. Increasing your emotional literacy helps you understand what your emotions mean As I've developed my leadership, I've also learned to build my emotional intelligence. To do that, I've needed to increase my emotional literacy. I needed to learn the language of emotions. I have had to take apart the words surrounding emotions and feelings, understand what they mean, and label what I'm feeling with finer emotional granularity. Here's how I increased my emotional literacy To increase my emotional literacy, I've had to figure out what's happening inside me, why, what it means, and where it's pointing me. To help me do that, I engage in self-reflective practices such as journaling. One of my favourite tools to help me decipher my emotions is the dictionary and thesaurus app. Listen to my real-life example I sat down to journal one evening after an incident with someone that didn't go so great. I knew I was still stewing about it by sensing the tightness in my chest and jaw! I was irritated and annoyed! A quick search on the thesaurus app told me that a synonym for annoyed is not happy. That helped me question what would make me happy. Or perhaps what is not making me happy. Some insights came from that, but I dug deeper. Continuing to scroll through synonyms, I questioned whether I was dissatisfied, gloomy, or miserable. Each of those words has a slightly different flavour. But none of them nailed it. Sometimes, when I look through the thesaurus, I'll see a word and shrug no, that's not it. But when the word really hits me, it physically hits me. That happened when I saw the phrase let down. I nodded my head! Bingo. I was annoyed because I thought someone would help me out, and they didn't. That meant I had to pick up the pieces, and I didn't have time. I felt let down. Still digging deeper, I realized that feeling disappointed is synonymous with feeling let down. Suddenly, I realized that I felt both let down. Also, I felt disappointed with this person. Both of those emotions led to my irritation and annoyance. How my increased understanding helped me talk to the person That increased awareness, both by developing my emotional literacy and grinding down the emotions to find the specific ones (emotional granularity), changed my mindset and the conversation I was about to have with that person. OLD WAY: Staying at being annoyed and perhaps angry, I might have reacted with a harsher tone, a level of judgment and maybe even a bit of arrogance. NEW WAY: However, my tone was softer when I talked with that person with this new awareness.
It's good to remember... Here's the thing:
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES My thoughts above come after articles I've written to break down the components of emotional intelligence. I hope to help you understand emotional intelligence and develop your emotional intelligence. Here are more articles for you. This article looked at The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter In this article, I covered the following definitions.
In the article Being composed doesn't cut it. You'll need to learn to regain your composure, I looked at these two questions
In the article 3 Steps to Becoming a Better Leader (and having fewer regrets), I help you understand emotional intelligence and how to increase yours. Another article you may want to explore is Women Leaders that expand their Emotional Literacy will increase their Emotional Intelligence. Your turn - How will you increase your emotional intelligence? In my work with women leaders in the nonprofit sector, I provide training and self-reflective tools to help increase their self-awareness. Increased self-awareness gives you an increased ability to bounce back after leadership adversities. Because that's what you need to do to ditch survival mode; Bounce back quicker when you get hit. If I was your coach, I'd be asking you to engage in reflective practices to increase your self-awareness, your emotional literacy and thus your emotional intelligence. How will you engage in self-reflective reflective practices today? This month in my membership, I share the difference between feeling stressed and overwhelmed. There are subtle differences but substantial differences between the two of these. How they impact you, your team and how you deal with them are different. When you understand the difference between those, you'll be able to prevent yourself from going from stressed, overwhelmed to burnt out!! If you want to learn more about the training I offer, check out The Training Library.  I know this from experience.....
Just because you are composed right now doesn't mean you'll be composed an hour from now. Just because you were composed in that conversation with that one person doesn't mean you will stay composed next time you're in a conversation with that person. Composed, as we learned about last week, is static. It's this moment. Vocabulary.com says composure, on the other hand, is a noun, so you can lose, keep, regain, or maintain your composure — your ability to stay calm. If you lose your composure, you're freaking out. And I dare say all of us have lost our composure at some point. Two questions you may be asking
The answers The simple answer to both is to become more self-aware. The longer answer is to commit to developing your self-awareness. Why self-awareness matters Being self-aware means you notice what's happening both inside you and around you. That awareness starts with tuning into your body sensations. Our bodies speak volumes to us. They tell us what's going on and even what we need to do. But most of us never listen. The messages your body is sending to you that you might be ignoring THE SIGNS: When you feel a sense of agitation in your body, it may be telling you that you've been ignoring a problem. Perhaps the headache and tension in your neck are signs that you've been ignoring it, hoping it will go away. THE MESSAGE: However, this agitation and tension tell you that you need to focus on the problem. Perhaps something is going against your beliefs, values or ethics that you need to address. MORE SIGNS: Left unaddressed, the tension in your body starts to heat up, and you feel your heart beating rapidly. Maybe you have sweaty palms and pits. Left unchecked, you'll feel like your blood is boiling. THE LOUDER MESSAGE: Your body is now telling you that perhaps you're feeling furious, angry, or outraged. It's warning you that you need to deal with this before exploding with rage. These body sensations are telling you that something is going on that is very serious, perhaps even dangerous, that needs your composed attention! AN EXAMPLE OF SIGNS AND MESSAGES IGNORED Consider how you may start being irritated with one of your employees, Becca, who is late a couple of times for her shift. And then you notice that she's late more frequently. But you think it was just that her child was sick, so you let it go. ▶ You hope it will go away Then you find out it's still happening. So now you feel your annoyance building. But again, you hope it will go away and that Becca will get back to being on time. Because unfortunately, you've got a lot of other things to deal with and don't have time for this. ▶ You don't have time to deal with it Then one day, you hear from the team lead, Charlie, that the other team members complain about Becca. You're aware that there's a risk of Becca's behaviour compromising the team dynamics. Now you feel the tension in the back of your head build as you wonder how to deal with it. Therefore you tell Charlie to keep an eye on it because let's be honest, you're too busy to deal with it today. So you forget about it once again. ▶ Oh boy! The next time you hear about the issue with Becca being late is when you get the incident report. Apparently, the staff on shift, Anjali, had to stay late because Becca had yet to show up. Unfortunately, Anjali, tired and eager to go, lost her patience with the client and overreacted to the client's behaviours. So suddenly, you have an incident to deal with. ▶ You lose it! When you show up on-site to discuss the issue with Becca, you are furious instead of being calm and collected. In a raised voice, you criticize her, grill her about her whereabouts. Then, you put the majority of the blame for the incident solely on her. ▶ You regret it Driving home later, you start to feel sick about how you dealt with it. You are well aware of how often you overlooked Becca's tardiness without addressing it. You remind yourself that there is also a high-risk client involved and Anjali. There are many factors in this incident, not just Becca being late. SELF REFLECTIVE PRACTICE If you are a very self-aware leader, you'll take some time to reflect and sort through what happened. Perhaps you'll pull out your one-page journal worksheet from your course in The Training Library. ✽ After taking a few deep breaths, you'll note your ✽ Then you'll pick a couple of journal prompts from the list of 30 and begin to answer them.
✽ 5 minutes later, after answering these questions: ▶ You recognize that honesty and kindness, your top strengths, can help you immensely moving forward. ▶ You also realize that you had overlooked your value of a strong work ethic. You know how important it is to you and the team's effectiveness. ▶ You become aware that being too busy, not prioritizing tasks and failing to tune into your inner guidance, aka your intuition, you'd pushed aside an issue far too long. ✽ You practice self-compassion! As you recognize how you missed several opportunities to address the issue, you'll remind yourself to have self-compassion. Leadership is tough. Being short-staffed, juggling a massive to-do list and tending to your mom's failing health does take a toll on you. ✽ With a fresh perspective, you make a plan for moving forward:
✽ You'll tune in again If you tune into your body now, you'll notice the tension has melted away, and your muscles feel more relaxed. You may feel a bit energized as you now have a plan to help you address the challenge. Your regained sense of resolve builds your confidence, and you notice you feel optimistic that you'll be composed when you talk to Becca tomorrow. To summarize... Remember, you are composed when you are calm and free from agitation. So until you deal with the agitation, you'll struggle to stay composed. Composure is a self-controlled state of mind. You need to create time to gain control of your mind when it threatens to jump off the deep end. It helps to have a system when you do that. Working through the Inner Guidance Cycle will help you stay composed or regain your composure when you lose it! The steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle are below. The INNER GUIDANCE CYCLE A 4-step process to regain your composure when you feel like your losing it! STEP # 1 - PAUSE Step back from what's happening
→ Learn more about PAUSING here STEP # 2 - PONDER Tune into your thoughts, feelings and body sensations. — What's going on in your body?
— What are you thinking?
— What emotions do those thoughts evoke? So much of this has been unconscious. Bringing awareness to it may provide new insights. ASK: Are these thoughts and feelings going to get me where I want to go? → Learn more about PONDERING here STEP # 3 - PIVOT If you aren't heading in the direction you desire, consider what thoughts, feelings, and body sensations will help you achieve your desired outcome.
ASK: What are other ways of looking at this problem, project or person? → Learn more about PIVOTING here STEP # 4 - PROCEED Choose to move forward with intention.
Sometimes we need to circle back, try again, apologize or set more precise limits. Of course, that's not always the easiest thing to do! But now that we are back in control of our emotions, we can do this we composure. → Learn more about PROCEEDING here Keep accessing your inner wisdom to stay composed When you learn to use the Inner Guidance Cycle, you'll be accessing your inner wisdom. That will help you regain your composer when you lose it and help prevent you from losing it in the first place! p.s. If you want to grab the worksheet with over 30 questions to prompt your self-reflective process, join The Training Library and gain access to this course: Quick Journaling for Effective Leadership  If you've ever lost your composure at work ( and we all have), you know how unsettling it can be! It can be embarrassing and sometimes feels hard to bounce back after.
Can't I just shut my emotions off? What you may want, and I know this, because I hear it from the majority of my students and clients, is to be able to shut your emotions off at work, or at least keep them under wraps. I, too, so deeply wanted that.
But try as I might to shut it off, tune it out or compartmentalize my emotions; more often than not, they came bubbling up to the surface at the most inopportune times or high jacked me out of nowhere.
Shutting off emotions is impossible Trying to shut off or tune out our emotions doesn't work. What we need instead is to become emotionally intelligent. You've probably heard about emotional intelligence. But what you may wonder is, what is it? And how do you get it/do it/be it? We will dive into that in the coming weeks. To start, I want to cover the definitions of some of the terms used when talking about emotional intelligence and why they matter to you and your leadership. Let's dive in. The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter Composed and Composure When we talk about shutting our emotions off, most of us mean that we want to be composed when engaging in conversations, meetings and our day-to-day work. You are composed when you are calm and free from agitation. COMPOSED is an adjective, so you simply are composed. Vocabulary.com says composure, on the other hand, is a noun, so you can lose, keep, regain, or maintain your composure — your ability to stay calm. If you lose your composure, you're freaking out. When you stay calm under pressure, you keep your composure. 👇🏻 Staying calm under pressure is almost a daily requirement of leadership. We are constantly bombarded with expectations, rapid-fire communications from emails to chats, multiple meetings in rapid succession and all of this, short-handed. At the same time, underfunded and, well, as you know, in the nonprofit sector, this list goes on. COMPOSURE is a self-controlled state of mind Read that last sentence again... Composure is a self-controlled state of mind. Meaning....you can think your way to being composed. Being self-controlled or having self-restraint is described by the character trait of self-regulation. Self-Regulation If you've completed your VIA Character Assessment, you can look back at it and see where the trait of self-regulation lands for you. Unfortunately, self-regulation is one of the lowest found traits across the world. So don't feel bad if yours shows up lower as well. That doesn't mean you don't have access to it. It just means you need to work a little harder to be self-regulated. Self-regulation is:
🚦Think of self-regulation as your inner stoplight. 🔴 Red means stop
Can you see why self-regulation of emotions is important?
It's time to look at emotions Emotion Miriam Webster defines emotion as a conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as a strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body. Notice the words mental reaction in that definition. Once again, I want to highlight the thinking part of this definition. You can think your way into different emotions. There are a ton of other definitions for emotions and explanations of how emotions and feelings differ. Science and psychology continue to evolve on these, and I won't get into it here. But if you are curious, this article is a good starting point to understand the difference between emotions, feelings and moods. The challenge is that rather than experiencing a single emotion, we feel or are labelled emotional. Emotional Being emotional is when we are dominated by or showing or revealing very strong emotions. When we are emotional, we often feel and are considered by others to be out of control of our emotions. That's not a very fun feeling! It's also sadly associated with weakness in the eyes of many. So what's the answer? It's to become emotionally intelligent. Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions and to recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others. When we are emotionally intelligent, we tune in rather than shut off our emotions.
And just because we are experiencing a particular emotion doesn't mean we express it freely. Instead, we use self-regulation to consider if and how we express what we are experiencing. When we are emotionally intelligent, we learn to distinguish emotions and clarify what emotion we are feeling. So instead of the simple three, happy, sad, mad and glad, we use our emotional literacy to go deeper. For example, emotional literacy allows us to identify feeling overwhelmed, jealous, irritated, or rage. So what is emotional literacy? Emotional Literacy Brene Brown describes emotional literacy as recognizing the emotion we are feeling, naming it, and describing what is happening to us emotionally. Brene says we can't effectively move through an emotional experience without emotional literacy. As a leader, it's helpful to understand the difference between feeling uneasy about a decision our staff made and frightened about the results of that decision. ▶ One may have us bring it up in next week's conversation. ▶ The other might have us picking up the phone immediately. This ability to clearly label with clarity what we are feeling is called emotional granularity. Emotional Granularity Psychologist Lisa Feldman Barret tells us that emotional granularity is the skill of labelling experience with a high degree of specificity. If you have "finely tuned feelings," writes psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett you're exhibiting "emotional granularity," When you can, with a high degree of specificity and precision, get clear on what you are feeling and then put that into words during a tough conversation, meeting or email, you'll be demonstrating emotional granularity. Examples of a leader with emotional intelligence Example # 1 This decision leaves me feeling anxious. I worry that the outcome isn't going to be what we expect. I don't want us all to leave the meeting feeling tense. Let's spend a few more minutes talking about options so we can all leave feeling a little more at ease with the next steps. Example # 2 I've noticed you've gone from feeling peeved to apathetic. It's not helpful when I have no interest or concern about engaging your team anymore. It's been a tough haul these last few months. But your team needs you. So let's see what we can do to help you feel more hopeful and optimistic about the possibilities of what your team can do. Let's start with seeing if you can feel more curious. How about I ask you some open-ended questions to get you feeling more thoughtful? Each of these terms works together To become composed and keep your composure through stressful times, you'll need to self-regulate your emotions. You'll become emotionally intelligent when you use your expanding emotional vocabulary (emotional literacy) to describe what you are feeling with increasing specificity - emotional granularity. See how that all works together? 💁🏼♀️ Tune in over the coming weeks as I dive into each of these a bit further to help you become a more emotionally intelligent leader! p.s. If you are ready to dive into learning how to increase your emotional intelligence by expanding your emotional literacy, check this out.  If you've moved from peer to manager, You know there are some things you need to consider:
With those changes comes the need for new ways of interacting with those you work with. Whatsmore these people may have been your colleagues and who were perhaps even your friends. Resources to make the transition from peer to manager In this blog, I gave some strategies to help you deal with friendships when you transition. In this week's podcast, my guests Nicole and Karen give additional tips for being a successful manager. Between the two of those resources, you'll find many suggestions, ideas and strategies to help you navigate managing peers. But, of course, the tricky part is implementing those strategies! Applying the tips in those resources isn't always easy! While it's great to say increase your emotional intelligence, get an understanding of your team's strengths or set good boundaries, doing any of those things isn't always as easy as it sounds! This is where you might have trouble I wanted to remind you that implementing strategies is sometimes challenging. It's because you may lack conscious awareness of what you're thinking, which leads you to feel a certain way and behave a certain way. For example: Unconscious thought: Sophia knows I'm not fond of Charlotte. She's heard my sarcasm after management meetings. Unconscious feeling: Anxiety about sharing a decision Charlotte made that impacts our team. Unconscious behaviour: When you share the decision, you make sure not to make eye contact with Sophia. ❓ Outcome: How do you think avoiding eye contact could impact this leader's relationship with Sophia? Another example Unconscious thought: I know Ava is insecure about her writing skills Unconscious feeling: Hesitancy about her ability to write good reports for the funder. Unconscious behaviour: Double-check her work ❓ Outcome: What do you think could happen with this leader's relationship with Ava? Are you getting a sense of how much your unconscious thoughts impact your behaviour and how they can cause problems fast? The "solution" takes time The thing is, it takes time and skill to dissect what's going on inside of you to recognize why you have the subtle or intense emotions you have and why you are reacting in the way you are. It also takes time and a developed insight to understand what's happening or potentially why someone behaves in a certain way on your team. The process is to become more self-aware The best way that I know and many other experts suggest is to increase your self-awareness to make sure that you are on top of everything going on, both around you and perhaps more importantly, inside of you. Because ....your perspective on
Without self-awareness, things can go side-ways Many managers struggle as they move up the ranks because they lack good self-awareness.
The answer is to work at increasing your self-awareness Therefore, it's essential to navigate your leadership experience with awareness. Your job then is to increase your self-awareness to successfully transition to supervising your peers or adjust to where you are now. That way, you can keep your thoughts in check, change them if need be, or ramp up thoughts that will move you and your team forward. 2 surprising ways to increase your self-awareness 1) Do self-assessments Self-assessments help you to get a sense of how you see yourself, who you are and your personality. My top picks 2) Get feedback from your team 1) Ask them in regular supervision: What do you need me to start doing, stop doing or continue to do. 2) Ask them for Feedforward: Be vulnerable about what you are working on and get them to observe and report what they see. **This is a webinar for those of you inside of The Training Library 3) Complete The Leadership Circle Profile 360 - I can help you with this. It's a great tool to gather feedback from many evaluators both within your organization and key stakeholders you work with. How are you increasing your self-awareness? If you are like most, you think of meditating, journaling and going for walks as ways of becoming more self-aware. I encourage those wholeheartedly! They are my go-to places too! Your self-awareness increases any time you can pause and tune in, allowing you to notice emotions and feelings, identify values, become aware of judgements and opinions and acknowledge your behaviour. All of this will help to increase your emotional and social intelligence. Both are critical to leading a team well and doing the fulfilling work you are meant to do! Do tell me how you are increasing your self-awareness! Perhaps you have some strategies I've not suggested or others self-assessments to share! |
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Kathy ArcherWomen leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead. Archives
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