Do you get frustrated with your team some days when they don't do what they are supposed to? It's a hazard of leadership for sure!

I was talking to Natasha the other day about a staff issue she brought to coaching. Her frustration was evident when she grumbled, "They know what to do! I don't understand why they are messing up so much."

As we explored Natasha's belief or opinion that the staff did, in fact, know what to do, we realized that perhaps some team members weren't clear on all the steps. Natasha had assumed that they understood what she had told them to do.

The key phrase to note is: Told them to do.

As we reviewed what had happened, Natasha realized she had basically told them what to do. She had not trained them, ensuring they were able to do it. 

Told to do is unidirectional. It is information only going one way. 
The most effective training is bidirectional. It is a back-and-forth process that takes time.

Natasha left the call understanding more about what she needed to do to support her team and on a mission to grab a book to help her learn how to facilitate her team's learning. I'll tell you about the book I pointed her to in a moment.

Do you wish you could train your team more effectively?
As you learn and grow in your leadership role, you might want to provide more effective training for your team. Bravo for you!

Don't make these 3 training mistakes!
Whether you are thinking about orienting new staff, training people on a particular function or role or more significant team training events, you might be making the following three training errors. As you read them, don't worry, because I'll also tell you how to fix those mistakes.

MISTAKE # 1 - Training people too quickly

We are a time-poor sector, and we're often squeezing training moments in between everything else going on. As a result, we often lack clarity of what we are teaching. We do a high-level overview and missing key points.

THE FIX: Slow down and be clearer. 

MISTAKE # 2 - Quickly checking in to see if they got it.

Again this connects to the first point with the keyword - quickly. 
Do you say these when you are training?

• Does that make sense?
• Do you have any questions?​

Here's why questions like those don't work so well. The unspoken assumption is that your employees want to look good. They want to appear capable and know you are busy, so they don't want to bother you too much. Therefore they're going to nod their head and say yes, that makes sense, and no, I don't have any questions. 

THE FIX: Slow down and ask better questions.

Try questions like these that will get at what they still need to learn:

• What part of this is still unclear to you? 
• Where do you need more details?
  
  

MISTAKE # 3 - Not offering time for practice.

Most often, when we learn something, we do not learn thoroughly by knowledge alone. We have to try it and fail and fumble and learn from our mistakes. Too often, we're trying to rush through training, and once again, we need to slow down and ensure that they have it.

THE FIX:  Build in time for them to practice and for you to give feedback

Here's how to become a confident trainer or facilitator
Training, orientation and facilitation are all part of a leader's role, but rarely have we've learned how to teach, orientate and facilitate. When that happens, we are doing something and often feeling self-conscious, inapt, and lack the confidence to do it effectively.

Don't do it alone!
Once again, I'm going to remind you you do not have to do leadership alone. It's OK to ask for help! That helped can come from a variety of ways… Including a book.

Get helpThis week on the podcast, I interview Beth Cougler Blom, an expert who creates effective and engaging learning experiences. In our discussion, we review the three C's of designing a great learning experience and touch on her book. 

• Check out the podcast: The 3 C's of Designing Great Learning Experiences
• Buy Beth's Book: Design to Engage: How to Create and Facilitate a Great Learning Experience for Any Group
• Grab her free downloads from Beth's book
• Check out some of the training that Beth does to help you be a better facilitator.
  
  

Ensure you are becoming competent so that you'll feel confident!One last little reminder...Confidence comes from competence. 
You need to know how to facilitate, train and do good orientation. But that competence doesn't automatically give you confidence. You must then practice using your courage to get out and fail and fumble as you continue to learn and grow. That's when you'll develop the confidence to thrive in your leadership.​

YOUR TURN: What made your list of 2019 books?
​Comment below and tell me what books I should put on my 2020 reading list!

Have you ever avoided a tough conversation, that you know you should have? 

We all have. Unfortunately, when we don't deal with them, they tend to fester and problems get worse.

Keep reading to learn how to create a plan to get you through "that" conversation in a way that feels authentic and confident!

​Let me start with a story:
I have a decision to make today…..ok…let me rephrase that. I’ve made a decision, now I need to communicate it to someone, and I’m not looking forward to it. 

• I think she’s going to take it the wrong way. 
• It makes me feel like a big meanie.
• I have the urge to put it off another week and see if things will fix themselves.
• Yet, it’s important that I focus on sharing the message authentically and clearly so that I can move on, and so can she. 

Not communicating a decision already made is taking up brainpower, emotional energy and time. I need a plan of how to communicate it and still feel I’ve been honest and genuine.

❓️Can you relate❓️
Do you have a conversation you need to have with someone and are dreading it? 😩

Having tough conversations takes discipline.
You need the self-control to do it, even when your inner self is screaming: 

• Are you nuts? 
• This is not going to be pretty! 
• You’re going to get your head bit off! 
• They will take it totally the wrong way! 
• Why don’t you just let someone else deal with it? 
• Maybe it will just go away. Just avoid them for a few days!

Your inner voice keeps you small!
To shush that nattering voice that keeps you lacking the courage to deal with the thing with integrity you need willpower.

Willpower is that inner will that will tell all that negativity to be quiet so you can awaken that courageous you that is hiding quietly in the background. 

Having a tough conversation takes willpower!
And here’s the truth: You need to strengthen your willpower so you can handle that tough conversation and get done what matters most!💪

Here's how willpower & tough conversations fit together
Let look at the components of willpower as they relate to difficult conversations. Willpower is the ability to:
      💥manage your thoughts.
      💥manage your emotions.
      💥resist urges and distractions
      💥focus on what matters most!

Imagine being a leader who can keep your thoughts and emotions in check and handle a tough conversation with courage, confidence and integrity!!!🙌

Let's back up a moment
Imagine the next tough talk that you have coming up.

• What makes it a tough talk? 🤔
• What is it about that conversation that makes you feel queasy, nervous, angry, or worried? ✍️
• Why is it that you want to cancel it, are dreading it or considering calling in sick that day? ✍️

My guess is several things could come into play.

• That tough conversation maybe with someone who has a strong personality
• Perhaps you’ve clashed in the past with this individual
• Maybe you’re worried that they’re going to be sensitive to the information you share

Now, let's look at how your willpower, or lack of willpower may come into play. When you think about how you define it as a tough conversation, consider:
     🔹What thoughts come up for you?
     🔹What emotions are connected to those thoughts?
     🔹Where might you allow yourself to be distracted?
     🔹What urges do you have about that meeting?
     🔹What will be important about focusing during that talk?

👉️Thoughts, feelings, resisting urges and distraction and focusing, all of the components of willpower are all going to play a role in that tough conversation. It will be your inner discipline or willpower that will help you stay engaged in a conversation when you don’t feel like it; 

You need a plan!!!! 👇️Here's how:
The best way to stay authentically and courageously in that uncomfortable conversation is to pre-plan. You need to know ahead of time:

• What unhelpful thoughts are unconscious in your mind 
  • i.e. They don’t like me! I’m not skilled at confrontation.
• What emotions are triggered by those thoughts 
  • i.e. inferiority, doubt, fear
• What urges may emerge as a result? 
  • i.e.the urge to shut down, tune them out, get defensive or conform, please or condone their behaviour.
• And what you are going to do about all of that so that you can focus on what matters most in that tough talk:
  • To keep your thoughts positive, optimistic and keep that inner dialogue reminding you that you are capable, courageous and confident.
  • To focus on having the emotional intelligence to manage your emotions.
  • To focus on keeping unhelpful distractions and urges at bay
  • To focus on your relationship, the goals for your organization, this person, as a person

You, my dear, need to have a plan to use your willpower wisely.

✏️Here’s your homework.
Identify the next difficult, tough or challenging conversation you have.

1. Schedule 15 minutes into your calendar to plan for that upcoming talk.
2. During your planning time, identify:
   1. ​The thoughts you have about that conversation
   2. What feelings emerge as a result of those thoughts
   3. What urges you might have that won’t be helpful to move that conversation forward
   4. What you need to do to focus during that tough talk so you can feel confident getting through it.
3. Approach your next conversation knowing even though it still may be tough; you’ll get through it feeling honest, authentic and with your integrity intact! 

🆘Need help?
Members of The Training Library can find this WEBINAR: How to prepare for a tough talk so you can handle it with integrity to help you plan your way to confidence!

YOUR QUESTION:
Kathy, How do I find the time to be the best leader I can be? 

• You have all of these wonderful courses and worksheets, but I struggled to fit it all in.
• What would you suggest I do to find the time to grow myself as a leader?

MY ANSWER BELOW:

What this question says about you:
First, I applaud you for the question 
What that tells me is that you have a desire to be your best self and that you recognize that there's room to grow. That's true for all of us. None of us is perfect. None of us will ever stop growing. 

What that also tells me is that you have a growth mindset. You are willing to put time and effort into growing and developing yourself to be your best self.

• The opposite of that would be a fixed mindset, which says; I'm stuck just as I am.With a fixed mindset, you believe that you can't change, grow or develop. That often leaves you feeling like a victim and acting like a martyr...Not fun!

Instead, you are choosing to be Response-Able...choosing to make a difference in your life — Bravo for you ​

Personal and professional development is your path to success in leadership and life! 

MY ANSWER
Now, how to find the time to do some of the work to grow and develop yourself.

3 places to create time to do the work necessary for growing and developing yourself as a leader

1️⃣ Make use of existing downtime
The best example is all of the times in your life when you are waiting! For example:

• Waiting for your kids to finish their extracurricular activity or while they are at the dentist. 
• Waiting for a meeting to start
• While on transit or driving

2️⃣ Look at current time wasters / time fillers 
Consider changing what you do during some of these times:

• What you could better do with the time you currently spend watching T.V. or scrolling through your favourite social media app.
• How many times do you go back and check the same email without responding?What if you set aside specific times for checking email and specific times for doing your personal development work?
• How much time are you complaining that you don't have time, rehashing what's not working for you and your team or shuffling piles on your desk?

What could you do to be proactive about creating time for growth and development with these time-wasters?

3️⃣ Carve out time
Find 15 minutes 4 times a week here in these spots (That's a whole hour each week!!)

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier one day to journal
2. Make time on a lunch break for 15 minutes of reading
3. Schedule 15 minutes in the evening to watch a video
4. Plan 15 minutes on the weekend to organize your notes, schedule time in for the following week and respond to a question in the online program.

Tada....
YOU just CREATED a whole hour each week to work on developing yourself!
?WHOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! ?

Personal and professional development is your path to success in leadership and life! 

Do this right now.
✅Schedule at least two 15 minutes into your next week to begin the work you need to be your best self!
You'll be thankful you did!

I'm guessing you have on a pair of heels, dress shoes or casual shoes...at least if you are reading this during your workday. On a typical workday for me, I spend the majority of it in slippers  I switch to runners...then back to slippers.
The exception is when you see me face-to-face at a speaking event, I'm rockin the heels! ​

Sounds cool right! You can do this. It might take some practice, but you can transform the way you engage with your team into an inspiring and motivating conversation that helps your staff grow into their full potential. 

Do you want to get better at coaching your employees?
If you want some more help with this, join me for this month's webinar: Creating Comfortable Coaching Conversations. 

Why are women not rising to the top as equally as men in nonprofits? Because we are not! Here are the statistics in Canada's Nonprofit"

• Women make up approximately 75% of the workforce in our nonprofits organizations
• Yet, women hold only 40% of top leadership positions in our nonprofit organizations

Hmmm, does something about that not quite sit right with you?

What is holding women back?

Charity Village recently is offered a free webinar in which the Ontario Nonprofit Network (ONN) shared key findings from their recent report Decent Work for Women and the 10 solutions ONN is working on. This session was relevant across the country as we all work together to change things.

Change though, won't come from a report. It will come from action. The challenge is, that many women continue to feel oppressed, bullied and lack the confidence to step forward.

We need to take this part into consideration as well:
Before many women are ready to come forward, they need to develop their courage and confidence. For many women, they will do that when they find their authentic leadership style and owning it. ​

​It's about leading with confidence to be ourselves.

We need to become the female role models for the future generation of women leaders
For far too long we've been mentored by men, had male role models and seen bits of success by acting like men leaders, but feeling like frauds. That inner turmoil between who we really are and how we want to lead with how we think we SHOULD lead has cost us our confidence, career advancements and quite frankly, our sanity.

You know I have been a strong advocate of leading aligned with your values, belief, morals and ethics. I've also been known to get on my soapbox more than once about how you need to do the inner work to get there. Well, back up on the box I get....

MY RANT:
Here is the thing, my dear, authentic, compelling, impactful and enjoyable (yes, you can enjoy your role) comes when you are "in character" not out of character. When you are "acting" like someone you are "supposed" to be, you'll continue to find that you feel overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and lack meaning in your work.

• INSTEAD, a leader with strong character leads with authentically with their natural traits, their values and leads with integrity 

I'm so passionate about this that I've devoted this month's webinar to helping you compete authentically with men for the leadership position and respect you desire by learning to lead with your leader character.

Not convinced character is critical for you? Let me ask this:
​
Which list of Character Traits do you aspire to?

Character matters, BIG TIME!

There is one word you should NOT use when you are giving your staff feedback, praise or encouragement. 

You may already have an idea what it is...but what do you use instead?

You’ll learn that, when you watch this FB Live session:

LINKS from today's session

Listen to the beginning of MASTERING CONFIDENCE here

Find your GUIDE SHEET #27 - Create your powerful vision + Chapter from Mastering Confidence

MASTERING CONFIDENCE INTENSIVE - Join the 8-week online program

Join the CONFIDENT WOMEN LEADERS Group here

​You want to enjoy leadership more, find you are making a greater difference, feel happier and more satisfied in life and rid yourself of a bit of the daily turmoil you feel. Doesn’t that pretty much sum up what most leaders are looking for? Perhaps you also want a little more love, a smaller waistline, and an increase in your bank account. That’s not a bad list of desires.
 
Striving for more is a good thing. Yes, we need to be grateful for what we have, but a healthy determination to continue to grow, figure out the next challenge and navigate our way to a greater sense of peace in work and life is really the essence of aging. 

​New insights lead to growth
Learning from our mistakes, failures, and setbacks as well as our achievements, wins and successes happen best when we gain new information that challenges our current way of thinking and behaving. The different material assists us to find fresh ways, adjust our actions or shift our mindsets to get improved results. At other times, the insights we gain affirm we are on the right path. One way to get new ideas to challenge your assumptions, perspectives, and values is to read.

But who has time to read?

Let’s boil it down to some basic truths about leadership, learning, and life.

The Audible Secret
I discovered Audible a few years ago when I was in a program that made reading the forefront. There was no way I could find the time to fit the required reading in. I downloaded the books to Audible and listened my way through them.

What I realized was that I’ve always listened to book. From the Steven Covey 7 Habits of Highly Effective People cassette tapes to the David Allen time management revolution Getting Things Done CD’s boxed set. I’ve been a listener for years and years. I used to borrow audio CD’s from the library to take them on business trips so I could drive and learn. Now, I still borrow some audiobooks from the library, but most often, I use Audible. I think you should too!
 
Let me tell you why you need an Audible account and how easy it is to use.

The Audible Story 
Here is what you need to know about Audible:

• ​Audible is an Amazon company that provides the audio version of books.
  • I recorded myself reading my book Mastering Confidence and published it on Audible. If you want a sneak peek of the first bit of the audio version of my book listen here.
• ​Audible is a monthly subscription service ($14.99/month) that allows you to listen to audiobooks at a highly discounted cost. Consider what any book would cost you to buy in the hardcopy version, most likely more than $15.
• Each month you are given one credit, which you can use to buy any item in their catalogue regardless of their respective cost, rating, or length.
• The membership fee is $14.99 Canadian each month.
• You can end your Audible subscription at any time.
• Your first book is free.

Need some ideas of what books to download? Grab this guide that I made for you with my 20 favourite leadership books to listen to.

There you have it. Grab your Audible membership today. Begin listening to leadership books to grow and develop yourself, a financial book to help you increase your bank account, healthy living authors who will share their wisdom about weight loss and of course, one particular leadership coach who gives you a system to Master your Confidence. That way, you will move from surviving to thriving in both your leadership and your life!

,Do you have a love/hate relationship with your job, your role, your team or your organization?
I sure did! It sucked the life and fun out of me!
Do you want to learn how to lose the loathing love the work? 
On this week's FB Live show I talked about what I did and you can too - to learn to love leadership. Let me give you a bit of an overview here.

I was in a pretty toxic environment
In my book Mastering Confidence, I tell the story of a time when my team was just a wee bit toxic. Ok, honestly, very toxic. At the time, I blamed everyone around me. It was her fault, his fault, and their fault. Certainly, I wasn't the one to blame. As such, I didn't want to go to work. I dreaded it each morning as I got ready and headed into the office. Whenever I could, I avoided certain people, teams, and sites. I loathed my job.

It took a shift in my mindset and some learning to turn that around.. I need to take responsibility for my self, my impact and move from victim to leader. I find that many of the women I work with also struggle in this way.

My client was in a pretty toxic environment
Take Rebecca for example, she came to me a few months into a new promotion. Initially, when she took the role of a supervisor on she loved it. That quickly turned to overwhelm, extreme dislike for her boss and frustration with her team. Rebecca felt like no one listened or cared about the work or her. She found she was turning into an uncaring person, simply focused on the tasks for the day. 

We both need to see things differently
When we started coaching, the first thing I began to do was help Rebecca gain an understanding of herself. She needed to get clear on what her values were. She began to get more connected to her inner guidance system, which helped her recognize what triggered her, her self-talk and take back control of her emotions. It was the same place I started when I turned my team back around from toxic to strong. Once I figured out how important family was to me, honesty and my deep connection to the work we were doing, I quickly realized why I had reacted to so many things that had happened in the preceding months. 

We moved from ourselves to focusing on our team
The next thing I worked with Rebecca on was helping her to see her team as individuals and realize her job was to grow them. She started to see them differently as I'd also began to see my team in a new light. It is always fascinating for me to watch my clients now take the same journey that I did so many years ago. That path is seeing an individual's strengths, identifying their potential and putting a focus on growing them and helping them to realize their full potential. It's an amazing feeling to turn from seeing your staff as "problems to be fixed" to "potential to be drawn out."

We both reconnected to the love of our job
The final thing that helped Rebecca to learn to love her leadership role again was taking her newfound inner growth and her shift in her mindset about her team to the bigger purpose of their work. Why do you do what you do? What difference does your work make to the community you serve? These questions helped me years ago to really find that passion and inner spark again. Rebecca lit up too when she began to find the answers to these questions. 

This is what we did in a nutshell
These three things, are the things you can also do to move from loathing your leadership role to loving your leadership role

1. Grow yourself from the inside out
2. Grow your team members
3. Connect you and your team to your purpose

My final thoughts for you
To move from loathing your leadership role to loving it takes some time. Let's be honest; Leadership is a tough gig! However, these three things, when you put your focus on them, will help you to make that shift more permanent. Grow yourself from the inside out. Focus on seeing the potential in your employees and focus on growing them. Then, take yourself and your team and remind yourselves today and every day...why you do what you do. Trust me, my dear, you will find the love for your work again...as soon as you do!

Want to learn more?
Listen to this week's Facebook Live session to help you make the shift from loathing to loving your job. Don't forget to download this week's guide sheet to help you personally make the shift. Remember, you have to do something with this information, or it won't actually make a change in your life!

If I asked you what your #1 job as a leader is, what would you say?
 
I reckon there are heaps of possible answers.

• Solve problems
• Balance the budget
• Keep everything running smoothly
• Serve the mission and vision of your organization
• Just survive each day

​The 2 Biggies
Those are all important task of a leader. I believe though, with my whole heart, that to do more than just survive, that there 2 critical jobs or skills you must master. They are:

• To grow yourself
• To grow others

 
Leadership Competencies
Over the last few weeks in the Excellence in Leadership series, we have been focusing improving yourself so that you can be an A+ Lady Leader. I’ve asked you to consider the skills you need to work on, to have the impact you desire. These skills hail from The Leadership Circle Profile. This is a 360 tool I use with my Lady Leaders who join the Women with Grit Program.
 
The Leadership Circle measures a set of well-researched competencies that gauge how leaders achieve results, bring out the best in others, lead with vision, enhance their own development, act with integrity, and encourage and improve organizational systems.
 
Relating well to others is critical
This week we are moving on to the set of abilities around Relating to others. Being strong in relating, is all about bringing out the best in people, groups, and organizations.

A leader who is good at relating is

• warm and inviting
• open and respectful
• empathetic and compassionate

 
They see others as

• individuals
• with something to offer
• with a potential not yet reached
• with some needs that they can help that individual with

 
Learn to put your focus on your people
When you are good at relating you intentionally focus on people. You realize that as your people develop so does your team's capacity and thus your team success. Developing your team members goes back to what I stated at the beginning; a critical skill in leadership is the ability to grow others. However, to be good at relating you must accept both yourself and others.
 
You can't only focus on being liked
Some leaders find they struggle with relationships for a couple of reasons. First, they may be focused more on getting along with people, but so much so that it is at the cost of achieving results. If you find yourself here, you may tend to play it safe in relationships, sugarcoat messages and fail to speak up when necessary. You struggle to build effective relationships when it’s all about complying, pleasing and fitting in.

It's not about controlling them either
Alternately you may find yourself less of a pushover, and more controlling, Here you tell others what to do and don't ask for others opinions. You are a take-charge kind of gal who speaks directly and bluntly. You see relationships as a means to an end. You're nice, just to get the job done. If you find yourself in this situation, you might also notice that when you feel challenged and threatened by others, you become defensive. You may discount or ignore negative feedback.You aren't growing your team when you never let them do anything or make any mistakes.
 
Finding the balance
It is a balancing act to achieve high results and relate well others. As such, it takes practice to find that point where you can hold both a commitment to achieving high results and a focus on developing your people. Take the time to learn how to focus on your team members and you'll see them grow, so you can achieve the results.

To grow yourself in the area of relating well to others, focus on the following 5 skills :

Try this language
If you are committed to growing your ability to relate well to your team so that you bring out the best in them, here are some examples of things you may say to them.

• I am curious about your perspective.
• Thanks for your contribution.
• How can I best support you?
• Tell me more...
• How can we improve?
• How are you really?

Do more than just survive leadership
To do more than just survive leadership, remember to focus on both growing yourself and growing others. As you focus on developing strong relationships with your team and using those relationships to bring out the best in them, you'll begin to thrive as a leader. As you blossom, so will your team members and as a result, you'll find your group achieving those high results. 

Want to learn more?
You can learn more here by listening to this session on how you can increase your skills for relating to others.
​​
Then, apply the skills with your team by downloading the guide which will help to bring out the best in your team.