Create your life by design, not default

You can choose this year to design your life rather than just wait and see how it unfolds.

Too many women leaders live in default mode. Whatever gets thrown at us we take on. It’s not even like we wait to see what will be handed to us. We are so mired in the tasks and meetings right in front of us we don’t even see that we have a choice. 

​You do have a choice
You can design your experience of leadership and life.
It takes a bit of planning, though.
You are worth the time it will take! Trust me!

Don't live in default mode
See, if you don’t plan, you live in default mode
Defaulting to others, to lack of time, or the expectations set for you, means you don’t decide. Your indecision means you give up the ability to create your days and how you want them to be. Put together day-after-day of defaulting to the world, and this is what you will find:

• Overwhelm
• You will simply spend your days putting out fires
• You will feel stuck, stagnant, bored and frustrated
• Most day, you will find yourself tipping precariously on the edge of being totally out of balance

I felt like I was a victim to my circumstances
I look back in my journals and see when I was in default mode. It’s easy to tell. It was when I felt I was the victim. I blamed my mess of a life others, on the job, the sector, society and life in general. I gave up control. 

• “How many days does one person have to go through this?”
• “I can’t wait until this project is over.”
• “If only he would change and see what I need.”
• “What a rough day with Sandy. God, I hope she quits soon!”
• “Why can’t I have my time to unwind and relax? No one ever gives me time!”

Women fit their life around everyone else
In default mode, women wait to see what everyone else around them does. Then women try to fit their needs, wants, wishes and dreams into the tiny cracks in the middle. That is if there are any cracks to be found. Most of us are so busy taking care of the things that need to be done, we don’t find the time for us.

Everyone else will decide your life
The problem is if you keep going down that path, you will never find what you want. It’s been said, if you don’t set goals for yourself, someone else will for you. I bet you have goals set for you by your organization and your boss or board. I bet someone else has decided what you will do, both at work and in your personal life. You follow the beat of the drums around you. It’s time to find your own beat!

Don’t get me wrong. Your organization should have goals. You should have positions specific goals as well.  And, in addition to those goals, you should design your own personal goals, both for in your career and in your life. 

Stop letting everyone else decide. Create your vision
Designing your life means you step back and decide how you want to experience it. It means you chose what you want and then make that happen. That starts with deciding on a vision and then developing goals to reach that vision. 

Take back your power by making choices
​In design mode, you take back control. You take back your power and make choices. You become responsible for the choices and the outcomes of your life. When you do that, you ensure there are time, resources and motivation for you to reach your goals and dreams, whatever those are.

I gained my power back
I can also see in my journals where I took the time to set goals and the shifts it made in my moods and my day-to-day experiences.

• “I feel at peace with my decision not to apply for the director’s position.”
• “I made time for myself tonight.”
• “I am can’t believe how close I am to finishing my degree!”

Your homework:

1. Set aside time to contemplate what you want your life and your leadership to be like this coming year.
2. Make some notes about the feelings you are looking to experience and the things you want to accomplish.

Live life in design mode
Make a choice. Decide to take back control of your life. Start by taking control of your agenda and setting aside time to plan. You’ll be glad you did!

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Kathy is a leadership coach for women who want to strengthen their leadership & find balance in life. 
She mentors women as they rediscover their purpose, passion, and persistence for life while dealing with office politics, jerk bosses and the challenges of family life. Kathy gives her ladies the hope and inspiration they need along with a kick in the pants to make positive changes in their lives. ​​​​​​​

Discover more in Kathy’s book Mastering Confidence: Discover Your Leadership Potential by Awakening Your Inner Guidance System ​​​​​