Let me start with a story...

As I sat at my desk, I was fuming. She had done it again! She had tried to undermine my leadership in the meeting, throwing out a comment designed to make me look like I didn't know what I was doing. And what did I do? I shot back. It wasn't one of my finer moments‍ , and I immediately regretted it.

Fast forward a few months, and once again, I was face-to-face with this team member who wasn't happy with the way I was leading. And the truth was, she had a point. We were all stretched thin, struggling to keep up with demands, putting out fires, and trying to meet the needs of our clients. Change was coming, but it was taking time.

When she tried to throw me under the bus this time, I PAUSED and took a deep breath ‍ I had prepared for this moment. I knew it and many others like it would come. During my self-reflection time, I had PONDERED about the type of leader I wanted to be. As a result of that thinking time, I had already decided that when it did, I wanted to respond with a measured, clear response.

So this time, when the pointed comment came, I was ready to respond with intention. I thanked her for her input, validated what she was saying, and clarified where we were in the process of improving support and creating manageable workloads. I kept my cool. And I felt so much better. 
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Right now, you have a choice:

You can keep leading on autopilot—feeling stuck in old patterns, constantly reacting to the chaos, never quite feeling in control.

Or you can choose to lead differently...
... with clarity, intention, and the confidence that comes from knowing you're making the best decisions, aligned with your values and the leader you aspire to be.

 Which choice will you make?

~ Kathy 
Do the inner work. It's worth it!

P. S. If you want to go deeper with a space to practice this work with support, join me inside The Training Library. It's where we take these ideas and make them real in your day-to-day leadership.
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When you lead from a place of constantly trying to meet others' expectations, prove yourself, or avoid mistakes, you lose sight of what truly makes you a strong and confident leader, which is leading with strong character. More on that in a moment.

To get out of the trap, you need to engage in self-reflection. You can use The Infinite Leadership Loop to help you.

​Review the questions and answer the following questions honestly.
​

​A) Whether everyone will be happy with my choice 
B) Proving that I can handle it all on my own 
C) Getting every detail right to avoid mistakes 
​

A) Feel guilty and try to make it up to them 
B) Double down on working harder to prove my worth 
C) Ruminate on where I went wrong and how I could have done it perfectly 
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​A) Everyone around me is happy, and I've avoided disappointing them 
B) I'm seen as the one who gets things done and excels under pressure 
C) My work is flawless and free from mistakes 
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A) Worry that others will be upset with me for asking 
B) Feel uneasy because I believe I should handle it myself 
C) Struggle to let go because I don't trust others to do it the right way 
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​A) Letting someone down 
B) Failing or looking incompetent 
C) Making a mistake or not getting it exactly right 
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​A) Say yes to everything to avoid conflict 
B) Push myself harder, even if I'm exhausted 
C) Get stuck in overanalyzing and delay making a decision 
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​How did you do? Tally up whether you respond most often with (A), (B), or (C). 
Here's what your answers say about your tendencies to please, perform or perfect.
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​You tend to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over your own needs and desires. You want to be liked and accepted, even if it means sacrificing your own values or boundaries.
​

​As overachievers with high expectations, you feel a constant need to prove yourself and put on a facade of competence and capability even when feeling overwhelmed or uncertain. You put immense pressure on yourself to prove your competence, often overworking to maintain an image of capability. 
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In your relentless pursuit of flawlessness, you believe every task, every project, and every decision must be perfect. This can lead to analysis paralysis, procrastination, and a fear of taking risks or making mistakes.
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Remember I said you aren't alone? Let me tell you about a time when I fell deep into the trap of performing, pushing myself to prove I was capable, even as the weight of leadership was pulling me under.  I share this story in Character Driven Leadership.

I had been confidently managing everything on my plate until a large new contract came in. The increased responsibility, travel, staffing, and budget had me scrambling to hold everything together. I felt like Lucy in that old I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt—things moving faster than I could handle, and no way to keep up. 

Because of that:

• I didn't always keep my word.
• I didn't follow through on promises.
• I neglected to listen to people's ideas and input, instead railroading through with my own plans.

​I was so focused on proving that I could handle it all that I lost sight of how my leadership was affecting my team.

The shift was dramatic. My once-trusting team started pulling away.

• They stopped getting behind my ideas.
• Their work performance dropped.
• They lacked enthusiasm when I delegated tasks.
• There was no engagement, just tension, bickering, and whispering that stopped when I walked into the room.

​Eventually, it all culminated in a grievance being filed against me.

I remember the feeling so clearly. I was afraid I would be fired, but I also felt an overwhelming exhaustion and burnout that made me want to quit. I had been trying so hard to hold it all together, but in the process, I had lost the very trust and connection that made leadership meaningful.

It wasn't until I PAUSED and PONDERED, reflecting on what happened, that I realized the truth. I had been performing, not leading. I had been caught in the pressure to prove myself instead of trusting myself. The PIVOT came when I realized that I needed to realign with my values, communicate honestly, and create a sustainable leadership style for both my team and me.
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Here's the truth in a nutshell. No matter where you land, the goal is to shift toward Character Driven Leadership, which is about making values-based decisions and leading authentically.

As a nonprofit leader, do you have any guesses about how many decisions you make in a day? Let's agree that it's a lot Maybe better questions are: ​

• Do you make them decisively, quickly, and effectively?
• How confident are you at making your decisions?
• Are you making value-based decisions?

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Let's be honest, leadership is full of tough decisions, constant changes in priorities as you deal with the next crisis, and moments that test your patience, confidence, and sanity. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, keep up with all the balls you are juggling, you're not the only one! I think every leader I talk to feels that most days. The constant demands of leadership can leave you second-guessing yourself and wondering if you're making the right choices

But here's the truth. Strong, effective leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about knowing what guides your decisions, and that starts with your values.
​

In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I remind us that as pleasers. . .
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"We tend to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over our own needs and desires. We want to be liked and accepted, even if it means sacrificing our own values or boundaries."

And, it doesn't feel good when we sacrifice our values 

Your values define what's important to you and shape the way you lead. They help you:
​- Communicate expectations clearly
- Stay grounded when challenges arise
- Make tough decisions with confidence intact
- Set priorities that align with your leadership goals

Without clear values, you might find yourself constantly reacting, trying to please everyone, or struggling to make decisions. When you know your values, leadership becomes more intentional and fulfilling.
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Let's look at how it works. Imagine you have two spots for a professional development opportunity, but four of your team members want to attend. How do you decide?

• If growth and development is a core value, you might choose those who will bring back knowledge and share it with the team.
• If fairness is a guiding principle, you might rotate opportunities based on who hasn't had training recently.
• If team impact is your focus, you might select individuals in roles that will benefit the organization the most.

There's no perfect answer, but when you make a decision through the lens of your values, you can stand by it with confidence.
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In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I explain how ️ emotional turmoil is often a signal of a misalignment with your values. If you feel frustrated, resentful, or unsettled, pause and ask yourself.

"What value of mine is being tested right now?"
​

If honesty is important to you, even small white lies may irritate you.
If respect matters deeply, being dismissed in a meeting may hit a nerve.
If collaboration is a top value, an "every person for themselves" mindset on your team may cause frustration.

Recognizing these connections helps you manage emotions and respond in a way that aligns with the leader you want to be.
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If you haven't clearly defined your values, here's where to start.
Reflect – Where do you naturally invest your time, energy, and attention? What books, podcasts, or causes draw you in?
Journal – If you could pass on three values to your team or children, what would they be?
Narrow it down – From a list of values, instinctively pick 10, then challenge yourself to choose just three. These are the values that truly drive your leadership.
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In Character Driven Leadership you’ll discover how to lead authentically, impactfully, and with balance through step-by-step guidance in this book, helping you lead in a way that feels good.
If you want to dive into the book now, you can start with the first chapter now!
Here is what Haley Cooper had to say after she read it:

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In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I encourage readers to "follow the steps in this book and you will get on the right track, the track that honours who you are and the work you are here to do, aligns with your values, and feels so much better!" If you want to learn how to do that, grab the first chapter of the book and start your journey to values-based decision-making and leadership.

Knowing and using your values to guide your leadership builds trust, consistency, and confidence. It helps you lead with integrity, stay composed under pressure, and make decisions that FEEL RIGHT, not just in the moment but for the long-term impact you want to create.

~ Kathy 

P.S. Emotional turmoil is often a signal of a misalignment with your values. Please don't try to shut your emotions off. Use them to find alignment! When you do that, you will be able to manage your emotions using them to be a better and happier leader.
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Start reading and start growing as a leader today!

​Ready to Lead with Confidence and Impact?