 Some days are hard
Sometimes many days in a row are hard. Just a few days ago, my husband and I attended the funeral of a colleague of his and a father of three daughters, two of which are friends with our girls. That's the second of my one daughter's school friends that have lost their fathers in the last month. Yesterday I learned that a colleague of mine lost her adult son, the father of my colleague's grandchildren. On a coaching call this week, I spoke with a client who had just lost their father-in-law and, within a day, found out that their mother may only have a few days left to live. On social media and in conversations, I listen to stories of the ongoing war and the rising costs of everything. I hear references to so many "isms," inequities, injustices and downright stupidity. This week there was mass destruction in a storm that ravished eastern Canada and many deaths. And there was another school shooting this week. My heart aches—the tears flow. I wonder why. I sob What do I say to you this week? How do I create hope and optimism for you? What words can I offer that can make any difference? I don't know the answer to that. What I can tell you is how I make my way through it. If what I do can offer you any hope, I offer it to you also. One fundamental belief I live by is that I can't change anything other than myself. I wish I could impact everyone, but I can't touch everyone in the world. But I believe that the way I positively impact others through any connection I have can have a ripple across the globe. I remind myself my purpose here on earth is to bring the light. So after reading the latest news this morning and feeling my heart drop once again, I had a choice to make. I could go down the social media rabbit hole and get angry, scared and depressed, or move through the pain and shift my energy. So I played Let the Light In and, through my tears, reminded myself that I must do that. What's interesting, though, is that letting the light in with you or for myself is not just shifting our focus to the positive. Instead, before we can move to the light, the positive or the joy, we must stay in the dark for just a little bit longer. We need to stay where we are and experience this hurt, pain and sorrow before we can let it go. I was coaching a client this week, and through her tears, we talked about how lonely Leadership can be. When coaching another client, we talked about the anger and frustration with the organization she works with. In a third coaching conversation, we stayed with my client's irritation long enough to name it and identify the trigger. We stayed in the dark, the yucky and uncomfortableness, each time, rather than hop over it. I learned a long time ago that numbing out pain, hurt and darkness does not work. Numbing out the "bad" emotions also numbs joy, contentment, inner peace, and happiness. We need to experience the full range of our feelings to experience the full range of our emotions. Otherwise, we feel more flatlined, which does not feel good either. To let my light in and let my light shine and help you do the same, I must crumble to my knees in moments like this and fall apart. I must pray through my tears as I feel my heart breaking wide open. It is only when I experience those cracks that I can then allow the light to shine in When I can feel the whole range of emotions, what hurts like hell, can I then experience what feels so good! Last week I went for a walk and crossed paths with a young boy walking home from school. We had a little chat. The conversation was nothing crazy, nothing miraculous. We talked about his day at school, where we lived, and who we knew in common. Yet, when I walked away from that moment, I realized I felt immense joy. I'm sure my heart was glowing. Such a simple, ordinary, inconsequential encounter had such a profound impact. But, here's the thing, I can't feel that joy without feeling today's deep sorrow and pain. I can't feel the softness of my granddaughter leaning into me for a hug and telling me she loves me, and stay there just a little longer, soaking in love, contentment and pure bliss, if I hadn't cried in sorrow earlier in the day. I can experience the awe of an eagle soaring over our family picnic for several moments, lost in his freedom, ease and grace, and feel that wash over my body, calming me and bringing me peace. I can feel that because I also let tears fall when I read another news story of loss, devastation and hate feeling just as profoundly in that moment, at the bottom of the arc. If you're interested in my advice about dealing with all that is "wrong" with the world, it is this: Feel the full range of your emotions. Let yourself experience whatever you're experiencing.
Life and leadership are about ups and downs. There's no way around that. If you don't want to get stuck in the mundane, the rat race, the flatline of feelings ebb and flow with everything. Here are 4 resources to help you LeAnne Rimes - Chant Album Spotify Apple Music This is my go-to album when I need to feel — Feel joy, sorrow or just feel whatever I can not name. Atlas of the Heart - Brene Brown A reference book for 87 emotions I come back to it repeatedly to understand, feel, and make a bit more sense of what I am feeling. Unlocking Us Podcast Episode Atlas of the Heart, Audience Q&A, Part 1 of 2 with Brené Brown, Ashley Brown Ruiz, & Barrett Guillen At minute 20, they answer a listener's question on compassion fatigue and secondary trauma It's easy to think that we have compassion and empathy for the world around us, but we are often creating secondary trauma in ourselves, which is not helpful either. Brene's answer to this question helped me understand why I felt so incredibly distraught after the funeral I attended on Saturday. I had gone into secondary trauma, imagining what would happen if my husband died and how our kids and I would cope. I was reliving the experience, having climbed over the metaphorical fence as Brene talks about. Note, Brene references the Sandy Hook shooting :-( Permission to Feel - Marc Brackett While the subtitle is Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive, the book is full of learning for adults. Mark provides tools to help develop your emotional intelligence, including his RULER framework and Mood Meter. I use these with clients frequently. I won't tell you that it's easy, but this is the only way I know how. Feel free to show your other strategies with me so that we may all learn together how to navigate this world we live in. I am sending you much love, hugs and light today!
0 Comments
Do you believe you can have a fulfilling career, be committed to it and have a full life? I think many of us ask that question. We strive for it. We ache for it. Yet, there is a tiny little part of us...or a great big part that doesn't believe it's possible. Every time something happens, and we get swamped, have to travel, we get sick or our kids get sick, or....you fill in the blank...and we lose our sense of balance, we are once again wondering: Will I ever truly find work-life balance? Here's the thing, maybe work-life balance is possible, maybe it isn't, but you will never know if you don't try to find it! Are you ready to try? Keep reading to learn how!  The "facts" We do want "it all!"
The stigma Honestly, it often feels like you are "damned if you do and damned if you don't" If you give too much at work, you are judged as not being there for your family. The reverse is true too. Take too much time off, waver about travel or talk too much about your kids and your commitment to the job can be in question. The desire It's true. Countless studies and online forums have women attest to this. In a recent study from the Ontario Nonprofit Network, women identified flexibility as one thing they were looking for because they were struggling with work-life balance. We desire the freedom to have some flexibility so we can juggle everything a bit easier. The truth The demands in social media and the recommendations in reports are clear; organizations need to provide the right culture, offer flexibility, ensure wage equity and offer fair opportunities for advancement. While these are all critical factors, it's only half of the equation. The other half is you. The truth is you also need to step up confidently.
It takes two to tangle You are fully in the challenge. Rather than being the victim of the circumstances, I encourage you to step forward with hope, optimism and a belief that you can find a way to find more balance. The way - - > Change your mindset Finding a new way starts with the right mindset. Ditch the fixed mindset. That is the one that believes:
Instead, embrace a growth mindset. That is one that believes:
If you need some help finding the mindset that will help you find success, tune in to this training on finding your Success Mindset! The new truth We can change "the world" together. It's not easy. It will take time. But keep this in mind: Someone has to start. We are being offered a hand...it might seem tentative, but it's there. The sector is demanding equity, fairness and flexibility. It's time we do our part to make it happen. Believe with your whole heart, that work-life balance IS possible! p.s. This whole journey starts with believing you can do it. That's confidence, my dear! Make sure to grab your copy of Mastering Confidence and re-read it if need be! Do the free course that goes with the book and then take in extra training here. Master confidence and you'll be well on your way to finding more balance!
How happy are you? Are you content? Do you have moments of peace? Do you feel good? Perhaps you do, but not nearly as often as you’d like to.
If you are like most women leaders, your responsibilities and frantic pace leave you feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, irritated and frustrated. Happy, my guess, doesn’t hit the top of the list very often. But what if it could? 
What would more happiness be like?
What would it be like to feel more of those “good” feelings on a regular basis? As one woman inthis survey put it: “I would go to work at a place I feel valued and appreciated and come home with energy to engage with my family. I’d return to feeling light-hearted which is my natural state.” (Go ahead and do this survey...I'd love your input!) Mmm….. doesn’t that sound splendid? Start with Grit There is a way to find those feelings. You can foster more happiness in your life, even if you are a woman leader with a lot of obligations, commitments, and responsibilities. One way is by developing gritty hope. That starts with growing the personality trait of grit.
Not wimpy hope!
Hope is often misunderstood as luck or fate. “I hope tomorrow will be better” leaves things up to chance. But someone with a gritty personality takes hope one-step further. They will say things like “I resolve to make tomorrow a better day.” To me, that statement is hope on steroids. It’s a gritty hope. Rather than waiting to see what tomorrow will bring, you decided, to make it different. Too many women give up control over their life circumstances Where many frustrated, irritated andoverwhelmed women leaders struggle, is when they give their power away. They get frustrated with their jerk boss, unappreciative staff, slow-moving peers, unsupportive spouse and demanding kids. They lay blame for the experience of their life on other people. “If they would all just smarten up, life would be fine!” If everyone did things as you want them to do, you would be more productive, more relaxed and yes, even happier right? The problem with that mindset is that you wait for that to happen. And wait. And wait some more. While you are waiting, you stew and moan and get even more irritated.
You can't wait for life to happen
But, it doesn’t change, does it? No. People don’t transform into stellar employees, charming bosses, amazing husbands and brilliant children, by us waiting for them to decide to change. Sadly, life is not a fairytale. Take back the reins of your life Instead, you need to cultivate a sense of hope and optimism WHILE taking action. That action isn’t always going to be easy. It will require action that won’t change things overnight. The action that I am talking about must also be purposeful and focused. AND you will need to take action filled with a powerful sense of hope that it will, over time, make a difference. You will have to think differently To take this kind of hopeful action takes a serious mindset shift. From giving up our sense of power, and waiting for it to change, to taking back responsibility for our lives requires us to change our thinking. It means we need to develop a growth mindset; one that believes we can change and grow and develop. We need to train our minds to understand the process of change and growth and embrace the time and effort it takes to see results.
Gritty hope puts you back in control of your life experience
When you develop hope to make your leadership and life better, you move from feeling victimized to feeling in control. You begin to see opportunities, relationships, and experiences in a new way. Your hope helps you to experience more moments of cheerfulness, enjoyment, and peace. Yes, you become happier, when you become grittier. 
Measure and increase your GRIT
Do you want to know how gritty you are? Click here to get the worksheet that will help you discover your Grit Score and create a plan to increase your grittiness. Watch this to learn more about the 4 psychological assets of grit at work. Learn more about developing grit in your leadership and life here. You can either move into a leadership position, or you can keep plugging along where you are and maintain some resemblance of balance in life. But you can’t have both. It’s either a career or balance. You decide!  Hidden Messages Plague Women How many times have you heard that you can't have both? Probably not always outright, but if you read between the lines, it’s there.
We do it all So they don’t have to decide either a career or balance, women try to do it all: Setting the pace for the day, we open our email before the sleepy crust is out of our eyes. The speed quickens as we scurry around to get the dog fed and the kids out the door on time. We respond to everyone else’s needs all day jumping from meeting to email to conversation. The race continues into the evening as we dash through errands, supper, laundry and whatever event is scheduled that night. To catch our breath, we decide to unwind in front of the TV. However, we still have our email open, trying in vain, to catch up before the wheel begins to spin again tomorrow. We are anything, but balanced! Missing the meaningful things I know that women leaders spend their days chasing fires and solving everyone else’s problems. At the end of their days, thought, they feel as though they didn’t get anywhere.
But, there is always tomorrow, right? Change your tomorrow! Darn right! Tomorrow is another day. I believe that women can choose to change their tomorrows, given the opportunity, support and information. The catch is they have to decide to make the best of opportunities when they are presented. Choose a different way Choosing something different isn’t easy, in fact, it can be painful!
Some days, I chose puke My babysitter Faith was amazing. But that didn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, as I drove away after dropping off my vomiting toddler at 5:45 am so I could catch the plane to the city for that “big” meeting. It was a choice I had to make. Barfing child or a conference with the big wigs. That day, I prioritized my commitment to my clients and the work our team was doing. On other days, I elected for scrubbing puke off the coach. Don't live in default mode Again and again in my leadership, I was presented with opportunities to make choices. How I made my decisions, was the crux of building the life I wanted. If you want to stop choosing between career or life, you have to get good at making other choices. Living your life in default mode and letting others make the decisions for you, creates frustration, bitterness, and resentment. Nothing will change if you never choose Marianas Trench I doesn't have to be either/or I believe a woman can move into leadership positions and at the same time, find a decent amount of balance in their life. To do this, they need to develop the confidence to make good choices. That confidence is the thing that will help them, do the inner work necessary for compelling leadership. By developing themselves, women develop their character and strengthen their integrity. These are the two fundamental traits needed for credible, competent and effective leadership. They are also the two qualities that help women to lead full and rich live both at work and beyond.
The 3rd Option I want women leaders to know they don’t have to decide anymore. They have a 3rd option. Women can have both a career as a strong and impactful leader and at the same time, have a level of balance in their lives. I grow courage and confidence in women leaders so they can make good choices. I give them the inner and outer tools to move from just surviving to thriving. Develop your confidence so you can make good choices THE PROBLEM: The problem is you are unhappy with your day-to-day life, but you don’t know how to change it.
 THE CONSEQUENCE: The consequence of staying trapped can be stagnation, frustration, and bitterness. It can become quite unhealthy for you, your team and your family as the effects spill out around you. Perhaps you’ve already noticed this. Especially, if you, like many, have been bogged down for weeks, months or even years. THE SIMPLE SOLUTION: The solution is to change it. Getting from where you are now to where you want to be is quite simple, right? You just figure out where you want to go and start moving in that direction. It sounds simple perhaps in theory, but we all know, it is not always so easy in real life. At times, getting there can seem downright impossible. MY STORY: I know that place of stuck all too well. Time-and-time again I have found that I am once again feeling stalled. I realize I’ve been working hard, but getting nowhere, except worn out. You know that feeling too right? I learned that instead of staying stuck forever, it was when I paused long enough to realize what was going on that I had some great insights. Through conscious pondering, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get from where I was, to where I wanted to be. Giving myself that time to think allowed me to do a little bit of a pivot in a new direction. That slight shift of direction helped me to create a new strategy to accomplish what I was looking for. With that plan in hand, I was able to proceed forward, despite challenges, opposition and with the fear and doubt that are ever present. THE COMPLETE SOLUTION: The key to success has always been a plan. It is the deliberate understanding of what I need to do next, and perhaps even after that has gotten me, and can get you too, through the challenges that are inevitably in front of us when we want a different experience of life going forward. A plan is a roadmap that helps you to move from where you are now, to where you want to be. Think of it as your guide that shows you the next step when you get lost or disoriented. Without it, you might just end up going around in circles. In fact, I believe many of us do that daily. Around-and-around the hamster wheel of life we go, never really getting anywhere. A plan isn’t just simply saying I don’t want this, but I do want that. A well thought out, comprehensive plan includes the steps you need to take and addresses potential challenges and roadblocks that you will face. The truth is, it going to take time and effort to get to your destination. You will need to work at it step-by-step. To be successful, you need to build a thorough plan.
DEVELOPING YOUR PLAN: Moving from the trapped place of overwhelm, doubt or spinning your wheels to feeling happy, confident and advancing forward each day with purpose, takes effort, time and persistence. It is not easy. The truth is, it can be quite difficult. What makes getting back into motion easier, is one secret ingredient that is often missed. Wishing, hoping and begging will only take you so far. To get the rest of the way, you need that plan. If it’s time for you to jump off of that crazy hamster wheel and move forward, then it’s time for you to develop your plan. DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE HAZARDS: If you are like many women, you develop a plan to change your life, only to have it all fall apart just a short time later. That’s because you likely made one of the critical mistakes most women make when trying to develop a plan to change their life. I want to make sure you are successful moving forward. To help you out with this, I’ve developed a list of the 5 mistakes women make when trying to change their life. I’ve also included the “fix” to those mistakes, so you don’t get caught. To get those 5 mistakes, just click here, and I’ll send you the report. Remember, the plan is critical. However, it must be a comprehensive plan to work. Take the time, don’t make these mistakes, and build your plan today! When you do, you’ll find yourself getting unstuck. Instead, you will be moving forward with clarity and purpose. In a recent article from Forbes magazine, women are encouraged to break through the self-made barriers to be themselves and propel themselves forward. A cheer for women everywhere, yet a hard reality to face. Even though we know this, applying these lessons take courage and commitment. Where can women find that?  It's true for most women I’m often reviewing the recesses of my memory looking for a story to tell my audiences. I want to share how I took the lessons learned in my leadership and life experiences and applied them to developing myself. By telling these stories, I want to motivate and inspire women to grow themselves. Sadly, I have many stories to choose from to share. There was a time I was thrown under the bus by my peer, attacked verbally by an employee, and used as a scapegoat by my team when they were unhappy with union negotiations. I was looked over by my boss. I was afraid to apply for next level positions. And yes, I neglected my family more times than I care to remember. The Forbes article I regularly landed in all three categories listed by the Forbes magazine article, which indicates that:
My determination got me through When I look back at my journey, it seemed just when I figured one thing out, there was another encounter to face. I came back, repeatedly facing those battles, determined to figure it out leadership. I was determined to figure out how to lead will and live fully. Your fear is very real Your encounters with fear of failure, family challenges and the feelings you don’t quite measure up are “normal” and very real. The question is how to overcome them. I will give you the 4 “easy” steps to overcoming barriers and finding confidence. The steps, I dare say, are not so easy. It takes courage, time and a deep desire along with immense support. 4 not so easy, steps to overcoming barriers and finding confidence Courage Courage is the ability to face your fears and keep moving. It comes from deep within you. It’s like this flame that burns, heating you up and encouraging you forward. The more you notice it and fan it, the strong it gets. Courage gives you the ability to do things even when you feel like not doing them.
 Time It takes time. There is no more truth than that. The development of confidence doesn’t all happen overnight. It is continued focus and effort over time that will make the difference.
Deep Desire Passion is what heats you up. Think of a truly passionate moment with your lover. Now remember a heated argument. Both are passion. That heat is what gets your adrenaline flowing and gives you the stamina to have wild, passionate sex and to fight for what you believe in. Accessing that passion in your work helps to heat you up also and gets your juices flowing so you can dig deep and stay the course.
Immense Support The only way through life is in relationship with others. We truly don’t do anything alone. My husband has always been the biggest cheerleader in my life and work. I’ve had good friends along the way who have encouraged me and pushed me forward. I would never have made it through my earlier career without two loving babysitters that not only cared for my children but also understood why I dropped them off each morning. They too supported my work.
It's not what happens, it is what you say to yourself about what happened As the article indicated, these are inner demons. All of my fears, doubts, beliefs and insecurities started in my mind. Did my boss overlook me? Perhaps, but it was what I told myself about it that was far more damaging than what he did or didn’t say. Overcome your inner voices The ability to develop confidence and step fully into leading and living starts with getting control over what you say to yourself. Begin with the exercises above.
Take the time to grow your confidence These exercises will help to grow your confidence. That increased confidences will allow you to lead and live, with purpose and passion and peace in your heart.
 Join Kathy October 1, to grow your Confidence & Courage.
Find all the details here. Stop striving for work-life balance. It doesn’t exist. Nor should it. Balance is nothing more than societies way of laying guilt on working women  Cindy was seeing her kids for less than an hour a day She arrived home and had only a brief time with them before she apologetically tucked them into to bed. Each night, she vowed silently to change things. It was the same promise she’d whispered to herself for months. But work needed her. Cindy tried to make up for it on weekends She found herself, however, exhausted and with little patience left. The majority of what she had for energy, focus and compassion were used up in the day-to-day grind at the office. Cindy craved balance. She wanted to divide her time between work and home and not have them interfere with each other. Yet she could never find a way to do that. Work-Life Balance doesn't work That is because there isn’t a way. If you, like Cindy, have wondered how to better juggle everything to find more harmony in your days, you are not alone. Women are tugged at constantly Working women, especially leaders, feel pulled in all directions. It’s not just work and kids. You also know you need to put some attention to your health and well-being. Likely you have some community groups that you feel a responsibility to. Your marriage, parents, and the renovation projects all scream for their share of your priceless time. Dividing things equally is impossible The point is that it is impossible to equally divide your calendar and your energy to each task or area in your life. You can’t spend 1.75 hours with your kids, 8 hours at work and…you get the point. There are weeks that you must work more than 40 hours, in fact, a lot more. Just the same, there are times when your family requires more attention. How do you find more alignment without the guilt? The solution The answer has been presented in The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. They call it counter balancing. There are a couple of key things to know about this strategy. Identify priorities Priories are the things we need to focus on. Everything else needs to be put on the back burner when we are focusing on that priority. This recognizes that we can’t answer the phone, when we are working on a report has been ranked at the top of your list. It also means we shouldn’t be reading emails at the supper table. Prioritizing goes deeper than that In our work days, we chase everyone else’s priorities. Often our own meaningful work never gets done. For example, many indicate relationships are key. Yet, we may plan to talk to an employee for days but never get to that conversation. Prioritizing isn’t about ordering the tasks on our to-do list It is about looking within and determining why we do our work. It is about looking at the bigger picture and having a vision for how to get there. Another great resource on how to do this is the book Essentialism by Greg McKowen. Lean way out Counterbalancing recognizes we can’t always walk along a path that is straight. There is no state of being completely balanced. We are constantly in motion. The approach is to sway back and forth. We will need to lean heavily into work some days. Other times life will draw us strongly into it. Let yourself lean When you allow yourself to lean in or out fully you will find more enjoyment and meaning in what you are doing. Imagine being on a beautiful Caribbean holiday, and checking email. That sucks, right? Now image being on that same beach completely shut off from work and simply soaking up the sun. You would find a more gratifying experience. Stop feeling guilty The same is true in projects at work. If you are feeling guilty about missing supper, you aren’t completely focused on the task at hand. Therefore you won’t be doing your best work and it’s going to take longer. It takes a bit of getting used to Keller and Papasan acknowledge it can be bumpy. When we put our focused attention on a priority, it means we are going to lean away from other things. When you put time and attention towards these priorities, naturally it’s going to take the focus away from other things. This will put things out of balance, which is okay if done so for the right amount of time. Engage in Counterbalancing The key is for the right amount of time. Leaning way out isn’t bad. In addition to a particular work project, perhaps your health and your family are also priorities. If you stay at the office until 6 pm, it’s not the end of the world. Counterbalancing the long day is when you head to the gym after. You further counterbalance when you immerse yourself in reading to your child at bedtime, fully present to him and the story…cell phone in a totally different room. Think of counterbalancing as your umbrella Tightrope walkers carry something the to counterbalance them. They have a weight that pulls them back the other way. Your weight is your other priorities. It might be your health or family. By identifying it as a priority and then giving fully there too, you will find more of the sway back and forth, just as anyone who appears truly balanced is doing. When you are out of balance, ask yourself two questions: 1) Am I currently focusing on my priorities or someone else’s? If you are focusing on someone else’s, can you stop? Yes, you have a job to do. But are you doing someone else’s work because they didn’t do it? Are you chasing stats that you have sent already? Are you solving a problem that staff can solve themselves? Are you having a conversation that, if left alone for a couple of hours might become a non-issue? If so, step back, pivot and move towards your priorities. 2) What can I do that will counterbalance the effort, time and energy put in here, to pull me back towards my other key priorities in life? We each have an internal bucket that only has so much within it. Everything continually dips out of that bucket. Conversations drain us. Work exhausted us. Chasing appointments, kids activities and a mile long to-do list depletes our reserves. What puts back into your bucket? It might be a massage, reading a book, having coffee with a friend or quality time with your family. Do something to put back into your bucket. Counterbalancing can save your life
Getting really good as swaying back and forth will be the trick to being able to "do it all". But you must not get stuck on one side for too long. Know all of your priorities. Ensure that you acknowledge your umbrella there to support you. Rather than the freaking out...I'm gonna lose it soon awkward dance you do, you will find the more controlled and comfortable sway back and forth. And while it may look to the naked eye that you are in balance, you will know you just got really good at counterbalancing. Life-changing homework: Take a moment to write down your top 3 priorities in life and your top 3 priorities at work. Put the list of priorities somewhere that you can see them often. When you are out of balance, look to them to get back on track. Developing solid habits will have you move from frazzled & frantic to focused & flourishing. Habits are the magic trick. They are the secret elixir and habits are the golden ticket. Success in any career or facet of life comes as a result of doing a few things routinely every day. Leadership is no exception.   1) Wake early Early risers know that when they take the time for themselves in the morning, they are more grounded and relaxed as they start their day. It does mean you have to go to bed early and get a solid 7+ hours of sleep. What to do when you wake early? Do things for yourself that you complain you never have time for. Meditate, journal, simply sit quietly and have your coffee. How I do it I wake at 5 am and do the following each morning: weigh myself, drink a large glass of water, shower, do yoga, meditate, read scripture, journal, read, review my goals and eat breakfast. Even on weekends. I may get up an hour later, but that’s it. All of the things I longed to have time for in the past are now done before half the rest of the world even wakes up.  2) Eat breakfast You have heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. But here, is maybe what you didn’t know about breakfast. Willpower is the ability to stay focused on something or avoid other things. Strong willpower requires fuel. The fuel comes from what you eat and gets turned into the stuff inside you that helps your brain to be focused and clear. That clarity is what you really need in leadership. So, eat your breakfast. How I do it I have for years eaten oatmeal every morning. I’ve switched it up recently to an oatmeal pancake (oatmeal, an egg and cinnamon with a tiny bit of water). High in protein, the oatmeal fuels my body to be able to maintain stellar focus to work on what is important.  3) Exercise Our bodies crave movement, yet we sit most of the day. Get in the habit of going for a walk at lunch or when you get home. You might add a trip to the gym 3 times a week. Schedule it in your daytimer. You could also make exercise a regular part of your morning routine, seeing as you are going to get up earlier anyhow! How I do it One of the biggest changes for my confidence as a leader happened when I started lifting weights. Strengthening my body helped me to stand up taller and stronger and gave me an inner feeling that shows up on my presentation. I do 20 minutes of my mini trampoline several times a week as well as regular walking, yoga and yes, weights.  4) Take breaks Habitually taking breaks lets your body, mind and soul relax. Leaders are “on” all the time. Being able to shut off for a few minutes several times a day helps to counterbalance the magnitude of stress leaders are faced with. Go for a walk around the block, step out back and simply watch the birds. Relax. How I do it Each morning, even as I work from home now, I have a break at about 10:30 and eat my yogurt. When I am writing, I use the Pomodoro technique and write for 20 minutes, take a 3-minute break and then do two more sets of 20 minutes. On the breaks, I stretch, look at something other than a computer screen and have a glass of water.  5) Practice gratitude Practicing gratitude allows us to move our vibrational energy into positivity rather than the negative cesspool we spend much of our days. Appreciate what has gone well. Recognize things that worked or that helped you out. How I do it Each morning when I journal, I write down a list of what I am grateful for. I try to emotionally connect to that feeling when I write it down. It has meaning for me, and my body responds positively when I re-engage those feel-good emotions.  6) Write down goals Knowing what you are working on, at work and personally are critical to achieving great things. Yet, many people have no idea what specifically they are focusing on. Writing down your goals, in a place that you can connect to each and every day helps keep them alive and you focused on them. How I do it I went through a process in December/January to help me clearly identify what I wanted to be working on this year. I look at those goals every morning. Once a month I write down how I have progressed on that goal. For example, one of my goals was to have 10 women register for Women with Grit this fall. In the summer, I recorded the behind the scenes work I was doing to get ready to open registration this month.  7) Focus on Priorities Rather than trying to manage time, successful women know they need to manage the important things. In order to do that, you have to know what is important. That starts with knowing your goals as well as having a clear sense of what is standard day-to-day work. From there, getting clear on the top priorities for the day will help you decide what to do and when to do it. How I do it Each morning I write down the 3 things I MUST get done that day. I focus on those three things before I do anything else. Most days, those 3 things are done before 11 am. This also requires I have goals, I review my goals and I keep them up front and center, so I know what my 3 priorities are each day.  8) Ritualize pauses Pauses are those tiny moments that most of us forget to takes throughout our day. By ritualizing them, you can increase their frequency. Take a deep breath before you get out of your car in the morning, after hanging up the phone or when you return from going to the bathroom (you are taking bathroom breaks right??) How I do it I make a habit of taking a deep breath when I notice I'm getting wound up. Whenever I am switching from one activity (writing) to another (social media posting) I stop and take a breath and a stretch. It's not a break, simply a pause.  9) Note daily lessons Each of us is provided with lessons on a regular basis. When we notice them, we learn from them. When we don’t, we get the same lesson again, maybe this time with a little more vigour. Instead of a gentle reminder to eat healthily, we end up at the hospital. Forgetting something once, and not learning from it causes a big mess. Noticing lessons requires you to consciously look at situations, consider what you have learned from them and then apply the lesson learned to change it for the better in the future. How I do it In my daily journaling, I note lessons I learned the previous day. I may realize that answering the phone in the middle of my power writing time threw me off and so the lesson is to ignore the phone. It will heighten my will power the next time the phone rings rather than habitually answering it. Noting daily lessons helps me to develop success habits rather than mediocre habits.  10) Count successes (not failures) We have been programmed to notice lack and scarcity rather than abundance. We notice what we didn’t get done on our to-do lists rather than celebrating what we did. Begin to notice the successes you’ve had. Note the success when staff who was about to pop their head in the door stepped back and kept moving as a result of boundaries you set yesterday. How I do it As I fall asleep most nights, I make a note of all the things I was able to do and accomplish and what worked well. I’ve also at times journaled this in the evening. Noting what I accomplished reminds me of progress on goals rather than only focus on achievement. Question: Adding any or all of these habits will drastically change your success and your happiness levels! What one habit will you work to establish in the next month? Last month I posted 3 blogs and videos all about family that were pretty popular. For easy reference, here they all are.
|
Available on Amazon
Kathy ArcherWomen leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead. Archives
June 2022
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed
Listen to the Podcast
For you: |
My Core Beliefs!I believe every woman should have the opportunity to go to work at a place where she:
My ServicesSearch the Website |
Read Mastering Confidence
|