Take a moment to consider your energy level, mood and ability to focus. How are you doing? This year has added incredible challenges both at work and in our personal. We've been stretched in ways we never knew we could. So many individuals, teams, and organizations have risen to the occasion like troupers! My guess is you are one of them. And I bet you are also tired. I hear that a lot lately. We've done well…but we are tired. I hear you! I am tired too.
As a leader, we not only engage with the rainbow of emotions from our teams (Social Intelligence) we also have our own feelings, moods and emotions that we must manage (Emotional Intelligence). In Emotional Control via Emotional Literacy, I teach you how to understand all of your emotions and that by naming them, you can tame them. That's why it's essential I didn't just jump to gratitude (My # 2 VIA Signature Strength Character Strength) I need to name all of my emotions first: Anger, sadness, worry, anxiety and fear We must name our emotions to tame our emotions!
That gratitude, along with my VIA Signature strengths of Hope and Spirituality, have been lifelines for me. AND….I also get down. ✔️ I cry. ✔️ I hurt. ✔️ I fall apart. Then, I pick myself up and step back into leadership once again. Today I wanted to remind you that you don't always have to be strong, stable and stoic. In fact, you can't. Not if you're going to be at your best. You must create space to feel in a safe environment. How to create a safe space to feel your emotions Go for a drive and scream and cry in your car. Rant into your journal all that is unjust in your life. Get out for a walk and let the anger seep out of you. Lean into a friend or loved one and ask them to hold you. Then, when the wave of hard emotions has passed, perhaps several waves, remind yourself of your strength, determination and capabilities.
Say a little prayer… and step back into the world of leadership. You can do it! I'm here cheering you on, and so are those that need you to be at your best! Don't take so long next time to allow yourself to fall apart. It's ok and in fact, a necessary part of leadership! If you don't create safe spaces to do that, you'll fall apart when it's not helpful for you or your team!
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Hey my dear, What do these examples have in common with you?
Have you hit a bump? The truth is, while sometimes things roll along smoothly, we often hit a bump as leaders, and that bump creates a small or a big, mess in our lives.
How are you approaching your bump? How you get through each of those situations, defines the future of your leadership journey. ✅Your style of communication ✅The resources you reach for ✅The strategies you use to grow The type of person and leader you become are shaped by how you approach each bump along the way. Can you learn anything from how we approached our bumps? Each of us approached our bumps in our own ways.
This is how our approaches shaped us. Do they sound outcomes you want? How each of us approached our bump, has shaped the type of leader we are today.
The question for you today is: What’s your current bump and what’s your approach to dealing with it?
⚠️Leadership is a hard journey⚠️ I don’t want you to go through it alone, in fact... You should NOT have to go through leadership feeling alone and isolated! ❣️You should have friends, mentors, resources and coaches! ❣️You should have a shoulder to cry on and someone to kick your butt into gear when you need to take responsibility for the change. Don't do this! I've coached and mentored hundreds of women and what I see often is this:
Struggle and doubt are part of the leadership journey. Leadership will have tough days. Period. There will be many amazing, insightful, exciting and enjoyable days too. But there will be tough days. It’s how you deal with the tough days, that will shape your leadership character! Create your pit crew: Your pit crew is a list of people that, when you hit a bump, will be there on the side of the road for you!
️DO THIS: Make a list of those people that you can call lean on, or ask for help when you need them.
Hint: It doesn’t need to be a real call. I have on my list, people I’ve taken virtual training with. When I hit a block, I’ll say to myself: What would Simon, Brene, Brian, Joni, Amy, or the Kathy I’m becoming tell me to do? Leadership is full of difficult meetings, tough conversations and challenging moments. But you’ve got this, my dear. You can do this. It just takes a little help from your friends - AKA your pit crew. Kathy Not yet a member of The Training Library? Find out if it's right for you here. Would you like to feel confident that you will be able to maintain your composure in your next meeting or conversation? If you are like most leaders... You have a tough conversation or meeting coming up.
But what you deeply desire is to feel composed. You want to walk away feeling like you didn’t get your panties in a knot; unruffled and clearheaded. What gets in the way of that: Unmanaged thoughts and emotions. That’s the bottom line. When you feel flustered in a meeting when your nerves get the better of you, and you feel anything but composed, it’s because your thoughts and emotions have gone crazy. Your thoughts and emotions are in control of you instead of you being in control of them 🥴
I felt that way too! I know, me too! I spent years worried I was not in control. That left me feeling incompetent, afraid and wondering if I was cut out for a leadership role. Over time, I learned how to regain that feeling of being in control. Being in control of my thoughts and emotions gave me the courage, confidence to lead. Let me show you how, so you can lead your amazing team and make the difference your org can make! So, what exactly is composure? Being composed is when you are in control; in control of your thoughts, emotions and behaviour. Being composed is feeling calm, confident and in control! How do you get more composure? You get control of your thoughts and emotions by training your brain, which will help you become Emotionally Intelligent. 🔸Emotional Intelligence is being able to both recognize and manage your thoughts and your emotions. Training your brain, your thoughts and the subsequent emotions requires willpower. Willpower, or lack of it, will either give you a sense of composure or leave you feeling anything but composed in tough conversations. If you want to find yourself feeling calm, confident & in control in your next meeting, learn to develop your strength of will. 🦉Daniel Goleman defines willpower this way: "Willpower is the ability to consciously regulate what you feel and what you do". Think of any strong, competent and composed leader you know, and I bet they can regulate themselves! The good new is you can also learn to regulate you what think, feel and what you do too! If you want to become a more composed leader, grow your willpower! Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $19.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here What if I told you that your ability to lead with integrity is only as good as the management of your stress? It's true! Consider these questions:
I'm guessing you'd say no to those questions. However, if you are like most leaders self-care, wellness and your health are often put on the side while you put out fires, juggle crisis and focus on just surviving this meeting, just getting through today, or coping with this busy time. Keep reading to learn how you can gain the trust of your team and have them judge you as being a leader with integrity. Leading with Integrity Remember, the #1 thing people are looking for from their leaders is integrity. They want to know that they can trust their leaders. They want to be able to TRUST YOU!
Stress and Integrity When our bodies are under incredible stress, which is pretty much every leader, our bodies shut down many of their functions. Things like empathy, compassion and strategic thinking go out the window. Stress causes us to have tunnel vision, focusing only on the tiger in front of us and not the tribe around us. Stress causes us to be nearsighted.
Nope. It's not possible. What you will be, instead, is what I was when I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of leadership and not taking care of myself; Bitchy, grumpy, exhausted and anything but motivating, inspiring and in integrity! Do this: Take care of yourself, my dear. You must! To be a great leader, who leads with integrity, you need to get solid sleep, eat healthily, move your body, restore your spirit and learn to use your breath to calm your body, mind and soul. It's when you practice self-care, not just at the end of the day, but throughout your work day, that you'll find you can lead with integrity Living and leading with integrity takes some time and effort on your part. You need to get clear on what you believe, what your values are, and what hill's you'll die on. You'll never do that work to get that clarity when you are just barely getting through your days! Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $19.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here YOUR QUESTION: Kathy, How do I create work-life balance?
MY ANSWER: You need to focus on BALANCE rather than BALANCING - Learn how below. We talk about work-life balance as if it's a static thing: BALANCED. But work and life are not static things. They are ever-changing. We need to move with the ebb and flow of work and life, rather than trying to stop the scales of balance dead in the middle. We need to practice BALANCING! Has your balance ever got out of balance like mine? As you know, last week, my newest granddaughter Paisley was born. Subsequently, things in my whole life went out a whack. To be honest, though, I wanted to resist it. I wanted to re-establish static BALANCE, ASAP!
I wasn't in control anymore! Gone was controlling my world, though, especially if I wanted to honour my values.
But here is what I learned last week. Or maybe re-learned. The lesson I learned was during challenging times, to move with the chaos of what is happening, rather than trying to stop everything right in the middle. QUICK PRACTICAL EXERCISE TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "BALANCED" AND "BALANCING": STEP 1: Stand on one foot. Find a point of BALANCED. You can't. You will be moving back and forth if every so slightly BALANCING. STEP 2: Still on one foot, lean to one side. Just a tiny bit at first, then so far that you have to put your foot down else, you'll fall over. STEP 3: Think, what was the "tipping point?" Your core strength matters! Of course, your physical capacity and your core strength will impact how good you are at balancing and when you tip over. The way to get good at BALANCING is to strengthen your muscles, especially those in your core! So it is with balancing work and life. Your nonphysical core Your nonphysical core is knowing and understanding how to honour your values in life. Your core in life is about knowing what keeps you in integrity, who your true supports are and what hills you'll die on. It is also about having your fundamentals of wellness down pat. ****Just a little reminder - to strengthen this core of you, you'll need to do the inner work that I'm always reminding you about! Lesson from the exercise? You'll never be BALANCED, but always BALANCING. Last week, I had to practice BALANCING. In truth, I leaned way over to one side, the family side of my life and I held myself out there for a few days. I reprioritized my schedule.
Leaning too far! But at some point, probably earlier this week, I felt myself leaning too far that way. I felt myself almost tipping over. I'd been there for my daughter and her family. I'd done what was needed but wasn't needed there in that way anymore. And, I'd started to feel the tug of not just work again, but also of my wellness that had got neglected.
Leaning back the other way So earlier this week, I started my lean back the other way. It was a bit wobbly at first. When you jerk too quickly, you tend to fall over also. But as the week has progressed, I've found myself shifting back and forth closer to the centre. I feel in more control of my life. We are always BALANCING This back and forth, though is a constant. Writing proposals, working through accreditation, traveling to training and setting up new offices have all pulled me to the work side of work-life balance, frequently in my career. When I lacked the strength in my core, was when I tipped too far and fell into the void of never-ending work. Too frequently, this was at the cost of my family and health. Now, I know to come back to my core. Its this understanding and this foundational piece that helped me and will help you, continue to be good at BALANCING! p.s. Help strengthen your core! Get really clear on your values and how they show up in your life. Here's some help to get you started, validating what's important to you! Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $19.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here |
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