Feeling out of control is a nasty feeling. When we are out of control, we are often reacting to what’s going on:
• The tears are ready to come, and it is soooo NOT the time to cry.
• A sarcastic comment slips out, and we didn’t mean it to.
• We bite someone’s head off…and then regret it.
• Our voice quivers, telling the world how nervous we are.
• That cuss word just tumbled out, when it shouldn’t have!
All of these are examples of losing control. We feel powerless to hold onto our feelings and behaviors. We simply react.
The Blame Game
Many of us blame that reaction on other people around us, or on the situation. Darn Kleenex commercials, they always make me cry. My daughter tells me it’s my fault that she cries. If I cry, it makes her cry.
We do the same in business settings.
• If she hadn’t said that, I wouldn’t feel this.
• If we weren’t so stretched, I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed.
• If it weren’t for the economy, the weather, the crappy office space, the…I wouldn’t be…
Giving Our Power Away
But when we hand over our thoughts and feelings to other people or the bigger “world,” we give our power away. Basically, you are saying, I am not in control of my emotions, or I am not in control of the way I act. It’s that belief that makes you feel powerless. When you feel powerless, you certainly don't feel confident!
Really, it is the rains fault that you feel sad? No. Nor is it your boss’s fault that you feel overwhelmed. I know it sure feels like it. But hear me out for a moment.
Regain Your Sense of Control
When you gain access to what is going on inside of you, you can regain your sense of control and your power. In this blog, I talked about the rain example. We can choose to see rain as a pain in the butt, or a blessing. We can enjoy the sprinkles as we take out our umbrella or grumble and groan at how it’s wrecking our plans. It’s up to us how we see it. In the same way, when we do some work, we can begin to feel grateful for the disgruntled staff member. They are growing our conflict resolution.
Take back your Power with this tool
Here is the tool to gain back that control and increase your confidence. Using the Inner Guidance Cycle, you can shift from giving your control away, to taking your power back.
There are 4 steps to the Inner Guidance Cycle. They are Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed.
Let’s use the example from above to see The Inner Guidance Cycle in action.
The Inner Guidance Cycle in Action
By moving through the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle, Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed, you begin to take back your inner power. Instead of feeling out of control you begin to regain a sense of power. But this time, it is internal power. It isn’t your power over the situation or power over another person. You’ve found your voice. You’ve connected to what is truly important. You found the power from within. That’s the true meaning of being in control. This inner power is your inner confidence.
To be in control of yourself, do the inner work. Connect to your Inner Guidance System. You’ll be glad you did!
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Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.