I used to feel powerless in my nonprofit meetings. Here's what changed

I was sitting in our common area running our team meeting, and everyone had pulled their chairs from their offices into this slightly crowded circle. The U-shaped admin desk sat in the middle, doors open all around us. I wouldn't say it was cozy because it was crowded, but still, it felt comfy enough.

I was about to tell my team something they weren't going to want to hear, though I suspected they knew it was coming.

"I need to let you know about a decision I've made," I said.

"We have to stop working with clients who fall between the cracks. They now need to fit into one of our three programs clearly. I know we've always kind of slid them in because they have nowhere else to go. Our funder says they won't pay for that work anymore, and I can't find a way to make it work."

The room went quiet.

Jacqueline was the first to pipe up. "That really sucks!"

Dan chimed in. "Are you serious? But what about Becca's family?"

"Nope. They're one of the ones we'll have to phase out."

"Ugh," Dan groaned. "I kind of knew that was coming. I get it."

And one by one, they all nodded or acknowledged in some way that they understood the decision I'd made.

Something inside me recognized this moment. Not just what they said, but how it felt. I was delivering news that went against everything we believed in, turning away vulnerable people and clients we loved working with, and I felt confident. Not happy about the decision. No. Confident in how I communicated the decision. Steady. Strong.

But two years before that...

Two years before that, I couldn't have handled this 

Two years before that, I was walking up the stairs to a meeting in that big empty office space on the second floor. When I reached the top, I could already see it: two camps. On one side, the people who supported me. On the other side were the three people who were against me. They were whispering!!

The room felt huge with harsh light coming through the big windows, barely any furniture, just some chairs arranged like battle lines.

I started the meeting with easy topics, hoping to get people to like me.

But as soon as I communicated a final decision I'd made, I got challenged. Even though I'd hinted at it for a while and they knew it was coming, there was pushback.

I tried to explain. I tried to defend myself. But nothing I said landed. The people on my side spoke up a little, but mostly they stayed quiet. They didn't want to go up against the ring leader, Tina, on the other side of the room with her arms crossed and her face tight and tense.

Then she said, "I already talked to Bruce. He says we will find another way."

My stomach dropped. Bruce, my boss, hadn't said a word to me about it. And now, in front of everyone, I'd been thrown under the bus. Made to look out of the loop. Powerless!!

When the meeting ended, I walked back downstairs to my office with tears in my eyes. My thoughts started to swirl, and I was convinced my boss was planning to fire me. I felt my credibility slipping, the respect of my team, everything I'd built for years, and my family's financial security. All of it, crumbling.

But between that meeting and the second one, I did something. I got coaching. I learned how to have a real conversation with my boss about why Tina needed to go, and he worked with me to let her go. I took leadership training. I learned what leadership actually means. I learned how to make decisions, how to share hard messages, and how to trust my own judgment. I practiced. I built the skills I'd never been taught.

I became competent. And with competence and practice, I began to feel confident

But in that second meeting, surrounded by my team, Dan had just said they trusted my decision even though they hated it. And everyone around the crowded room had nodded their agreement and support.

Suddenly, in that pause, I realized: I can make hard calls and survive them.

Not everyone had to agree with me. Not everyone had to like the decision. I didn't need to be liked. I needed to be trusted. And standing there, steady and strong in my message, I was.

I wasn't the same person who walked down those stairs with tears in her eyes.

I wasn't the person who felt everything slipping away because one aggressive voice said I was wrong.

I was the leader who could hold the weight of a hard choice and keep moving forward.

What changed between those two meetings?

I learned something about confidence that nobody had taught me before. Confidence isn't some personality trait you either have or don't. It's built on three specific things:

1. Competence

If you've never been taught how to lead through conflict, make tough calls, or navigate organizational politics, it's hard to know what to do.

You need the actual skills. I had to learn them through coaching, courses, and practice. You can't "confidence" your way through something you don't know how to do.

2. Courage

Once you learn new skills, you have to actually USE them. That takes guts. It means risking failure, looking foolish, and making mistakes in front of people.

I had to practice having hard conversations, setting boundaries, and making decisions people wouldn't like. Each time I did it, it got a little easier.

3. Confident Mindset

Even with skills and practice, if you don't believe you can do it, you won't.

Your thoughts matter. I had to shift from "I'm losing everything" to "I can make hard calls and survive it." That belief is what let me stand in front of my team and deliver bad news without falling apart.

You need all three to feel grounded confidence.

This is exactly why I wrote Mastering Confidence

Build your leadership confidence

I heard about too many nonprofit leaders walking down the stairs with tears in their eyes.

Smart, capable people who cared deeply about their work but were drowning under the weight of it.

They dealt with the impossible decisions, the competing demands, the constant feeling that one wrong move could cost them everything.

That was me. And I figured out how to stop drowning. That's why I do this work now. So other leaders don't have to feel that way.

You deserve to lead with the kind of confidence that actually holds up when things get hard.

Ready to build real confidence?

I'm hosting a 6-session book club on Mastering Confidence starting March 6th.

We'll work through the competence-courage-confidence framework together. You'll get practical tools. And you'll be with other nonprofit leaders who understand what it's like to carry this kind of weight.

My job, as I see it, is to help nonprofit leaders stop drowning in work, doubting themselves, and carrying it all alone, so they can lead with confidence, set boundaries, and finally take control of their leadership and life so that they have energy left for the rest of their lives at the end of the day. I'm always here to help you do just that! 


~ Kathy 

Do the Inner Work. It's Worth it!

P.S. More details on the book club coming next week, but if you already know this is for you, grab your copy of Mastering Confidence and register here.