Get behind our eyes and find more positivity

Hey Coach Kathy...

"How do I stay positive?"
"How do I motivate myself?"
"How do I keep moving forward when I don’t feel like it?"

This seems to be the theme of my clients this week. The third week in January has caught people off the high of Christmas break and back into the reality of the world.  And it can suck!

How do I stay positive?

How to you stay positive, motivated and moving towards your goals when you feel tired, overwhelmed and challenged is not easy.

One client is working on a certification process for her profession. She is studying for the next level exam. Yet, the time is already running away from her. She is quickly becoming stuck in lack mentality. “I don’t know if I will find time to study. I don’t know if I am smart enough. I don’t know if I have what it takes.”

Another client in the process of building a new business isn’t sure if she can pull it off within her self-imposed deadline. Self-doubt has crept in and is robbing my client of her confidence. 

A third client was dealt a nasty blow at work with an announcement that had left her insecure about her future. It’s hard not to be negative and sarcastic. “Why bother trying so hard?”

The messages we hear tell us to keep our chin up

Look at the Facebook posts. Read motivational books. They tell us:

• Be positive. 
  
• Keep thinking optimistically. 
  
• Things will work out. 

Heck, I preach that all the time. I am constantly working with my clients to see the positive, to be confident and to believe it is possible. However in the face of so much challenge, how do you do that? 

I can be done. The secret is behind your eyes.

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It is not what you see that makes up your reality, but what you think about what you see. We all experience similar events, but react to them differently.  I can wait in line and feel quite mellow. You however, might be anxious waiting in line. 

If you get a call from your kids’s teacher because your teenager has missing assignments and you might feel angry. Someone else might feel embarrassed. A third parent might be grateful for the call. 

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The third parent may have had some concerns and tells themselves when the teacher calls that “Someone is on my side. We can work together to help my child out.”  The embarrassed parent tells themselves “I haven’t done a good job of raising my child.” The angry parent probably has thoughts something like “That little #%Q^”. 

Those inner voices are the most powerful things in our body. They control every one of our experiences. The messages we tell ourselves about our events create our reality of the event. 

Our inner dialogue controls our outer experience

If I tell myself that running my own business is hard,; I will notice all of the hard things that I experience every day.  If I instead tell myself that running my own business will be full of learning opportunities, I will see lessons I have learned.

The secret is getting control of what is going on in your head. 

First – Start become aware of your inner dialogue. 
When you are feeling frustrated, unenthusiastic or cynical, stop yourself and start to notice what was just going on in your head.  “No one cares. It won’t work. It is going to be rough.”

Just notice the thoughts. Get aware that pretty much constantly during your day there are thoughts going on in your mind. It is a running commentary of your day. Most times, it's rambling on and you aren't controlling what is going on.

Listen to your inner dialogue more consciously rather than having it run in your subconscious. The more you notice it, the more aware you will become of what you are telling yourself. 

Next – Get a grip on your thoughts. 
Ask yourself if what you are thinking is really true? Is this the thought you want to be thinking? Perhaps you catch yourself thinking “This is the worst thing that could possibly happen.” Is it? My guess is it could be worse. Maybe you find yourself saying again and again, “I don’t know if I can pull this off.” Notice how that allows doubt to creep in. 

Finally – Shift your thoughts to the ones you want to be thinking; again and again and again. 
This isn’t necessarily easy work. It is a practice. It takes discipline. Changing “I don’t know if I can pull this off” to “I can do this! It is going to take a lot of work, but I know I can pull it off” requires constant vigilance on what is happening behind your eyes. What are you thinking? Are you on track? Nope, then pull yourself back. Be determined. Don’t give up. Stick with this. It is worth it. 

How do you stay positive, motivated and on track? 

You get aware of your runaway thoughts. Then you get in control of your thoughts. 
You are the boss. Now be the boss!