Leadership Lessons: 3 strategies for powerful reflection time

When was the last time you blocked off time in your schedule, simply to think?
 
Never?

Do you just randomly fit thinking in whenever you seem to find the time? More likely, you are similar to most people. That is, you layer thinking over whatever else you are doing? Rather than proactively reflecting, most of us randomly think when our minds settle enough, like in the shower. 

Strong leadership comes when the leader learns from the past. Leaders that appreciate the lessons in their life are better able to apply them and subsequently  have greater success. In order to do that, they must take the conscious time to reflect. 

Insomnia hit me
At 12:30 am, I turned on the lamp in my office, snuggled into my chair with my soft leopard print blanket and pulled out my journal. I had trouble sleeping last night and after an hour of tossing and turning, I ultimately got up to do a bit more reflection rather than jumbled fretting and worrying.

Sleeplessness is telling me something
Insomnia is something that occasionally creeps into my slumber.  I have learned to address it by trying first to push myself to stop worrying. I try to keep bringing myself back to focusing on my breathing. When that doesn’t settle me down, I know to get up and more consciously sort out what is going on inside of me.

I decided to let me thoughts fall onto the paper
Last night as I started to journal my thoughts, they rambled on in crazy tangents and illegible emotional asides. I allowed the messiness both in the grammar and in the cursive. I just let the words tumble out onto the pages releasing thoughts and emotions.

Suddenly I had my awakening moment
When I journal like this, there is usually a turning point for me.  Something finally releases. I have an epiphany, an “ah ha” moment or something becomes clearer. Last night the insight came when I had the urge to reach out to a friend whom I haven’t talked with in a while.

I realized my friend wasn't so helpful
This friend, I knew would console me, give me a little pep talk and then send me on my way. Sounds like a great friend, right? True, if I am only looking to stay right where I am, this friend a great person to have around.  However, she has never really held me accountable to be my full self. She cheers me on, but only to a point. She is afraid to step up and do some really amazing work and consequently she has trouble encouraging others to do the same.

The truth comes out
What was happening for me last night is that I am getting anxious about the launch of the next round of my Women with Grit course. Not only is the course is an updated version of work I’ve done but is taking my work to a whole new level. And that is scary!

What I was doing last night was making a big mess in my head
I was doing this all of this crazy worrying and subconsciously allowing it to hold me back. The thought that triggered me to realize this all was thinking about reaching out to the friend. But not just any friend, I was reaching out to a friend who would help me hold back.

I don't like moving out of my comfort zone
Reflection allowed my to see that my insomnia was an upper limit problem. As soon as I move outside of my comfort zone, stretching my self-perceived limits, I try to get back there fast. We all do it. But reflection helped me to see what I was doing. It also helped me to decide to not do that anymore and to keep moving in the direction of the next level of success for me.

When have you had an epiphany?
Think back to your own ah-ha moments. You have likely have had times when you’ve become aware of when you were doing something that was not getting you where you wanted. It could be that you realized said something that was the catalyst for a nasty argument that could have been alleviated. Here are some other examples of when you may have had a sudden awareness.

• You realize if you’d given your child a heads-up that you were leaving soon there wouldn’t have been quite the messy exit that happened.
  
• You look back on a conversation with a staff and see that you were a bit distracted and that’s probably where the miscommunication came in.
  
• You have an insight about how someone’s expression changed your complete emotional state and suddenly you lost control.
  

Increased awareness makes the difference
Increased awareness like these valuable perceptions can really help you to avoid similar occurrences from striking repeatedly. First, though, you must have the conscious thoughts, then second, you must do something with the wisdom gleaned from contemplation.

But, do you schedule time to become more aware?
The difficulty is that many of us don’t plan time to think. We simply rush through our hurried days without slowing down to consider consequences, implications and lessons learned.

Make reflection part of your daily routine
When you do slow down and make reflection a regular part of your day, you will begin to notice differences in how you feel and how you lead. You will not be beating your head against the same challenge, in the same way, repeatedly

• Although the staff may still cross her arms at the beginning of each staff meeting, you will notice how it triggers your defensiveness. You will be able to say, “This isn’t about me” in your mind. After a couple deep breaths, you’ll remind yourself, “We are all here because we care about the clients.” You’ll then act, instead of react.
• Interruptions will continue to challenge you, but instead of reacting to each one, you will notice which ones pull you and which ones annoy you. You will begin to sense what kinds of boundaries you need to put in place to prioritize which disruptions you will allow through and which ones, will have to wait.

Here are 3 ways to add reflection time to your day

1)    Schedule time to reflect

Schedule 5 minutes to start then work you way up to 20 minutes a day. This might be 10 minutes after lunch and 10 minutes towards the end of your day. Make the meeting with yourself as important as a meeting with anyone else. Put it actually in your day timer or scheduling system.

2)    Pay attention to how your body reacted

Your body knows before you do. Your stomach grumbles before you head says, “I’m hungry”. Your back aches before you mind realizes you need to stretch and your heart swells before you say “I love you”.  Your body is speaking to you. 

The same is true with the challenges we face on a day-to-day basis. Your body stiffened this morning when that certain person walked in. You got a headache shortly after a conversation about a certain topic. You got red in the face when you had to answer that one awkward question. But what did this all mean? And what can you do to prevent it from happening again?

3)    Write your lessons down

Think about what you’ve learned. Become more aware of how your body is connected to thoughts and how those thoughts are connected to your experience. Then write it down. When you write down your lesson, is sinks in more and helps your various learning styles really lock it in. 

The awareness: You might realize that you get red in the face when you feel less than enough. Each time you feel you haven’t quite measured up, you feel a sense of shame or inadequacy. 

The lesson:  You realize that you are enough! You recognize that you are putting yourself down and that it isn't helping you feel confident. You know that when you don't feel confident, other's don't feel it either. You know it's time to boost your confidence in these kinds of situations.

The new action: You might then realize that you need to change the thinking then to more supportive thoughts. “Although I don’t have the same education and background as some of the other leaders here, I have a lot to offer that is extremely valuable for the clients we serve”. 

Learn your lessons
Your leadership strengthens when you pause to reflect and recognize lessons gifted to you each day. Growth comes when you are aware and active in the application of the lessons learned. Strong leaders grow themselves and their teams in this way. 

Question:
When can you schedule 10 minutes into your schedule that will allow you to think without interruption?