Nonprofit Women Leaders: You Don’t Have to Burn Out to Prove Your Worth

I was trying to stay composed, but I could feel it in my body.

•    My jaw was tight.
•    My chest was tight.
•    My voice had that sharp, snappy edge I hated. I knew she was thinking to herself… Bitch!

In my head, I was thinking, She’s just being difficult. Why can’t she just do the work?

The Perfectionism Trap: When 100% Feels Like the Only Option

 ​Accreditation was looming, and I had high expectations of myself and others. Therefore, I was pushing for 100%. I needed to get 100%. It was part of what made me who I am.
I was a perfectionist.

And I felt like if one person didn’t do their part, it would all come crashing down.

So I doubled down.

• On the paperwork
• On the pressure
• On being in control

But what I didn’t realize at that moment was that I was already at my limit.

•  I was tired 
•  Overextended 
•  Second-guessing myself at every turn 

Feeling Alone and Out of Control

​I felt very much alone. My manager was miles away—both literally and figuratively.
And while they talked about big-picture excellence (the funder was breathing down our neck), I was just trying to survive the day-to-day.

In the meantime, tensions within the team continued to build. That staff member eventually left, but in the meantime, things got tough.

We became a team I didn’t feel proud of.
There was friction, back-biting, and resentment.

The Wake-Up Call That Changed Everything

​What finally cracked me open was my performance review that year. Staff comments clearly said, in black and white, that I lacked integrity.

Then, the staff filed a grievance against me 

I almost quit! Partly because I feared getting fired and partly because I was at the end of my rope. I couldn’t do this anymore.

In those few weeks, the world felt like it was crashing down on me, and I knew I couldn’t keep leading the way I was.
I wasn’t proud of how I was showing up.
I wasn’t proud of how I was treating people—my staff, my family—and honestly, I wasn’t proud of how I was treating myself.

Rediscovering Integrity and Confidence

That’s when my boss offered me coaching.

For the first time, I stopped trying to prove myself and started getting curious about who I really was as a leader.
I PAUSED more.
I PONDERED—journaling and reflecting on what was really happening.

This inner work helped me clarify my values and how to operationalize them—to make decisions that felt right and align my actions with who I wanted to be.

I learned what integrity actually meant to me—not as a buzzword but in practice.

And I started learning to coach and support my staff instead of snapping at them or doing it all myself.

What I’d Tell My Younger Self (and Maybe You Too)

​If I could go back to that moment at my desk, I wouldn’t give advice. I’d put my hand on that woman’s shoulder.
I’d help her stand up.
And I’d hold her while she sobbed 

Then I’d whisper this:
         You don’t have to prove yourself.
         You don’t have to be perfect.
         You can’t keep leading like this. It’s hurting you, and it’s hurting them.
There is another way.

And I’m telling you that now too 

A Leadership Reset for Nonprofit Women

That’s why I created something new.
I’m inviting a group of nonprofit women leaders to join a 6-week guided book club and read Character Driven Leadership for Women together.
But this isn’t about just reading.
It’s about taking time to reflect on how you’re leading now, who you’re becoming, and how to shift toward leadership that actually feels aligned.

​We’ll meet once a week on Zoom.
You’ll get prompts to help you reflect, tools to apply what you’re learning, and support from me and other women who get what it’s like to lead in this world.

Lead with Confidence, Integrity, and Calm

​This is a leadership reset—a chance to realign with who you are and how you want to show up.

The 6-week intensive starts October 22.
We meet on Wednesdays at 11:30 AM MT from October 22 to November 26.
This is about creating the space to come back to yourself and grow in the ways that matter to you. It’s the opportunity to lead with confidence, integrity, and on your terms.

Join the Book Club
If you feel the pull to slow down, reflect, and realign, I hope you’ll join us.

~ Kathy 🌸
Do the inner work. It’s worth it!
​
P.S.
You don’t have to push through on your own.
You need space to reflect, reset, and lead in a way that feels good.
I’d love to do that work with you.