When Sarah got the text from her boss Derek asking her to come to their office, her stomach dropped.

She had a stinking suspicion that she knew what it was about, and she was worried and, honestly, annoyed.

Her boss had a habit of creating these triangulated messes. Staff would bring him a complaint, and instead of sending them back to deal with it directly with Sarah, making sure staff knew she had the authority, he'd tell the staff he'd "talk to her," and it made things so much more complicated than they needed to be, and Sarah felt like he'd undermined her.
​
As she sat there fuming, Sarah rolled through the events of the last few days in her mind. She'd talked to Diane a couple of days ago about her behaviour at the staff meeting. She was always so negative and dropping sarcastic comments again and again. At one point, when Sarah had had enough, she called her on it. Sarah followed up with Diane afterward and was firm about the need for her behaviour to stop and for her to work on being more of a team player.

She knew Diane wasn't happy. She'd heard the ramblings from other staff, and her admin support whispered to her on her way in that Diane had been in Derek's office.

Sarah pushed herself away from her desk, knowing she may as well get it over with.

After meeting with her boss, Sarah felt deflated. She was questioning if she was cut out for this. Maybe leadership wasn't her thing. Was she too hard on people? Was she the problem? Had she been getting this whole leadership thing wrong?

She wasn't doing leadership wrong. Nobody had taught her how to do it right. She'd been handed a job description, told what meetings to attend and what forms to fill out, but nobody sat her down and taught her how to handle conflict, manage relationships or lead with emotional intelligence. That part she was supposed to figure out on her own.

I know that feeling. Not Sarah's exact situation, but that gut punch when something goes sideways at work and suddenly you're questioning everything. I spent 25 years in the nonprofit sector. I've had hard conversations with my boss. I've had staff go around me. I've sat in meetings wondering if I was the problem.

That's actually why I do this work. Because I've been where you are. And I know how alone it feels. And I don't want you to have to go through it alone.

If you've read this far, I suspect something is off for you at work.

Maybe your situation looks nothing like Sarah's. But I wonder if some of this sounds familiar.

• Your boss yelled at you in front of your team. You stood there, face burning, trying to hold it together while your staff watched. You made it through the rest of the day. But you haven't been able to shake it since.
• Or your performance review blindsided you. You thought things were going okay. Not perfect, but okay. And then you sat across from your supervisor and heard things about yourself you weren't expecting. Now you're replaying every conversation, every decision you've made in the last six months.
• Or a board member called with a staff complaint, and you're still replaying that conversation three days later. You've been trying to raise the bar. Hold people accountable. Do the right thing. And this is what you get for it.
• Or there's no single moment you can point to. Just a slow build. The tension that won't go away. The Sunday night dread. The mornings when you're already exhausted before you even walk through the door.

You don't have to be in a full-blown crisis for this to be hard. Sometimes it's just the weight of it all. The exhaustion, self-doubt or dread. And it sucks to feel that the real you, the one who is caring and capable and actually really good at this work, has gotten buried somewhere under all of it.

And you can't talk to anyone about it. Your staff can't know. Your board can't know. Your colleagues are caught up in their own stuff. So you just keep carrying it.
You're not falling apart. But you're closer to the edge than you'd like to admit.

I get it. I really do. And I'm not just saying that. I've been there!

So what do you do when you're in the middle of it?

Ask yourself this first: Are you actually stopping long enough to deal with it? Or are you just pushing through and hoping it gets better?

Pushing through doesn't work. Trust me, I tried that for years. What does work is having a process to follow because your brain can't think straight in the middle of a crisis. That's why I use The Infinite Leadership Loop with my clients. It gives you a framework to hold onto when everything feels out of control. And it starts with a pause.

I was talking to Sandra earlier this week. Sandra is a manager of a busy, short-staffed program. And, she has a meeting with her boss coming up, and she’s been dreading it for a week.

“Every time I think about it, the knot in my stomach gets tighter,” she told me.

She knows what’s coming. Her boss will point out everything she’s doing wrong, highlight her weaknesses, and Sandra will walk out feeling beaten down instead of supported.

Sandra’s mind has been working overtime, imagining the worst: being fired on the spot, raked over the coals, belittled.

Here’s what I told her: Most of what you fear will probably happen. Your boss will pick you apart. She will be mean about it.

But here’s what you get to control 

You don’t have to believe all of it. You don’t have to take it as the absolute truth. You get to choose which parts are helpful and which are just noise.

To help her make choices that would help her feel more in control, confident, and aligned, I walked Sandra through how to prepare for the meeting using The Infinite Leadership Loop.

First, PAUSE

Before you react to what she says, take a breath. Even if she’s waiting for you to respond.

Then, PONDER

Get clear on what’s actually true vs. what’s just mean delivery.

Her boss will say: “You have too much overtime. You’re not good at managing your time. You’re always late with reports.”

Here’s where Sandra gets to choose how she hears it.

Victim mindset:

I don’t know how to do this work without overtime
I’ve never been good at managing my time
I’m not leadership material

Response-able mindset:

I’ve been working hard and putting in extra effort
I’m committed, and I care about my job
Yes, the overtime is killing me. I want to reduce it - not because my boss is telling me to, but because I want to figure leadership out AND have a life.

PIVOT your thoughts

Shift from “I’m not leadership material” to “I’m learning, and I care about getting better at this.”

Then PROCEED

Get ready to have the conversation, holding onto that truth instead of the mean delivery.

This is the inner work. But it doesn’t stop there.

The PEOPLE part 

This is when Sandra actually walks into that meeting with her boss. She’s done the inner work, so now she can engage with her boss differently. She can listen to the feedback, take what’s useful, and let the rest go. She’s not reacting from a place of feeling small. She’s responding from a place of strength.

By the end of our call, Sandra was still nervous. But instead of feeling like a victim of the conversation, she felt in control of how she’d hear it and what she’d do with it.

The tightness in her stomach had started to ease.

If you’re tired of that knot in your stomach before tough meetings, you might be interested in the 6-week Mastering Confidence Book Club starting March 6, where we work through The Infinite Leadership Loop together.

- You’ll learn how to become response-able.

- How to take back your power.

- How to handle tough conversations without feeling beaten down.

Dates: Fridays 12-1:30 PM Mountain Time on Zoom. March 6 - April 17

Details and registration here: Mastering Confidence Book Club

Join the Book Club

I know what it’s like to dread those meetings. To feel like you’re walking into a conversation where you’ll be torn apart. But you don’t have to keep feeling powerless. You can learn to take back control of how you hear feedback and how you show up. That’s what being response-able means, and you can do it too!

Remember, you don’t have to do leadership alone.  I’m here to help.

~ Kathy 

Do the Inner Work. It’s Worth it!

P.S. If you’re thinking, “I need this book club, but I’m not sure if now is the right time”, trust me, there’s never a perfect time. But there is a right time. And if you’re still taking that knot in your stomach to every tough meeting, that time is now.

P.P.S. Sandra messaged me after her meeting. “It worked,” she said. “I still felt nervous, but I was in control of my emotions and my responses. I didn’t feel small.” That’s what this work does

​It’s a lot right now, isn’t it?

The news. The uncertainty. The weather. The constant pressure to show up for your team, your community, your mission, let alone what’s going on in your personal life! Sometimes, I don’t know about you, but I feel like the world feels like it’s spinning faster than I can keep up with.
​
So, just know, if you’ve been feeling that weight, you’re not alone.

And...Those of us who lead in the nonprofit world are really good at taking care of everyone else. We pour ourselves into our work because we care deeply about the people and causes we serve.

But we’re terrible at extending that same compassion to ourselves.

So if you’re feeling heavy right now, this email is permission to take what you need. Not everything here will be right for you, and that’s okay. Just grab what speaks to where you are.

A lot of us were never taught how to practice self-compassion. We learned to push through, to be strong, to keep going. But self-compassion isn’t weakness. It’s what allows us to keep showing up without burning out.

If you’re being harder on yourself than you’d ever be with someone you care about, I want you to check out Dr. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion. She’s a researcher who’s spent years studying this, and her approach is practical, not woo-woo. I go back to it again and again when I feel off, scared, anxious, overwhelmed or sad.

You can find her work at self-compassion.org. There are free exercises, guided meditations, and resources that can help you shift how you talk to yourself when things feel hard.
​
My biggest takeaway from learning about self-compassion was learning to hug myself. I do it often now. I know, it sounds a little weird, but honestly, sometimes there is no one else around to do it, or who wouldn't give you the hug in the way you need it.

Sometimes the most important leadership work we do is learning to treat ourselves with the same kindness we extend to everyone else.

​Speaking of being hard on ourselves, let’s talk about those conversations you’ve been avoiding.

You know the ones.

• The talk with the employee who is underperforming.
• The board member who keeps overstepping.
• The colleague you need to address, something uncomfy with, but keep putting off because what if it goes sideways?

I just put out a new YouTube video called “Scared to Talk to Your Employee? Try This First.” It walks you through my TIP formula, a simple three-step process to prepare for difficult conversations so you can walk in feeling grounded instead of anxious.
​
And you know me, the video is practical with strategies you can use immediately. And it might help you finally have that conversation you’ve been dreading.

If confidence has been shaky lately, if you’re lying awake at 2 AM questioning every decision, if you’re exhausted from the constant loop of “Am I doing this right?” then this might be for you.

The Mastering Confidence Book Club is a 6-week live program where we work through my book together. But this isn’t just reading and discussing. You’ll get coached on your actual leadership challenges, practice the framework in real-time, and leave with a personal system for rebuilding confidence whenever it wavers.

We start March 6 and meet Fridays from 12:00-1:30 PM Mountain Time for six weeks (with a break for Good Friday, so we run through April 17). I keep the groups intentionally small, so you get real coaching and connection with other women leaders who understand what you’re dealing with.

You can learn more about the Mastering Confidence Book Club and join here

​Here’s something I’m excited about: I’m speaking at the Lead with Heart Summit on April 16, 2026.

This is a virtual gathering for nonprofit leaders who are exhausted from being told to just push through. The whole event is designed around this question: What if leading well didn’t mean sacrificing yourself?

I’ll be talking about “The Myth of After-Hours Wellness: How Real Leaders Restore Themselves AT Work.” Because the truth is, most of us can’t squeeze self-care into the margins of our already packed lives. We need to learn how to weave restoration into how we actually show up during the workday.

You can learn more here - Early bird tickets are on sale now until Feb. 3.

If you’ve been running on empty and trying to figure out how to lead without losing yourself, this might be exactly what you need.

​Sometimes what we need isn’t another workshop or training. Sometimes we need someone to walk alongside us, help us see what we can’t see on our own, and coach us through the specific challenges we’re facing.

If that’s where you are, I have a few coaching opportunities available right now:

This is for you if you’re exhausted from trying to be good at everything.
The CliftonStrengths assessment shows you your natural talents, the things you’re already wired to do well. Then we build goals based on your actual strengths, not what some job description says you should be good at.
We stop trying to fix your weaknesses and start leading from what makes you brilliant.

• $2500 for the assessment + 6 months of coaching (bi-weekly)
• $1300 for the assessment + 3 months of coaching (bi-weekly)

​This is a 360 assessment that shows you how you’re actually showing up as a leader, not how you think you’re showing up. You get feedback from your direct reports, peers, board members, and anyone you work with regularly.

For nonprofit women leaders who are so busy taking care of everyone else, this matters because you often have no idea how your leadership is actually landing.
You get the assessment, a two-hour debrief where we go through your results together, and coaching to set goals and work on them.

• $2000 for the 360 assessment + 3 months of coaching (bi-weekly)
• $3200 for the 360 assessment + 6 months of coaching (bi-weekly)

If you want to explore coaching, you can book a call with me here or hit reply with any questions.

So there it is. Take what you need. Leave what doesn’t fit.
If you’re carrying a lot right now, I hope at least one of these resources helps lighten the load.

You don’t have to do leadership alone.

~ Kathy
Do the Inner Work. It's Worth it!
P.S. You can't lead with integrity when you're running on fumes. You can't show up with composure when you're overwhelmed. I know taking care of yourself feels selfish or impossible sometimes, but it's actually what makes you better at everything else. A better leader. A better partner. A better mom. A better human.

I was sitting in our common area running our team meeting, and everyone had pulled their chairs from their offices into this slightly crowded circle. The U-shaped admin desk sat in the middle, doors open all around us. I wouldn't say it was cozy because it was crowded, but still, it felt comfy enough.

I was about to tell my team something they weren't going to want to hear, though I suspected they knew it was coming.

"I need to let you know about a decision I've made," I said.

"We have to stop working with clients who fall between the cracks. They now need to fit into one of our three programs clearly. I know we've always kind of slid them in because they have nowhere else to go. Our funder says they won't pay for that work anymore, and I can't find a way to make it work."

The room went quiet.

Jacqueline was the first to pipe up. "That really sucks!"

Dan chimed in. "Are you serious? But what about Becca's family?"

"Nope. They're one of the ones we'll have to phase out."

"Ugh," Dan groaned. "I kind of knew that was coming. I get it."

And one by one, they all nodded or acknowledged in some way that they understood the decision I'd made.

Something inside me recognized this moment. Not just what they said, but how it felt. I was delivering news that went against everything we believed in, turning away vulnerable people and clients we loved working with, and I felt confident. Not happy about the decision. No. Confident in how I communicated the decision. Steady. Strong.

Two years before that, I couldn't have handled this 

Two years before that, I was walking up the stairs to a meeting in that big empty office space on the second floor. When I reached the top, I could already see it: two camps. On one side, the people who supported me. On the other side were the three people who were against me. They were whispering!!

The room felt huge with harsh light coming through the big windows, barely any furniture, just some chairs arranged like battle lines.

I started the meeting with easy topics, hoping to get people to like me.

But as soon as I communicated a final decision I'd made, I got challenged. Even though I'd hinted at it for a while and they knew it was coming, there was pushback.

I tried to explain. I tried to defend myself. But nothing I said landed. The people on my side spoke up a little, but mostly they stayed quiet. They didn't want to go up against the ring leader, Tina, on the other side of the room with her arms crossed and her face tight and tense.

Then she said, "I already talked to Bruce. He says we will find another way."

My stomach dropped. Bruce, my boss, hadn't said a word to me about it. And now, in front of everyone, I'd been thrown under the bus. Made to look out of the loop. Powerless!!

When the meeting ended, I walked back downstairs to my office with tears in my eyes. My thoughts started to swirl, and I was convinced my boss was planning to fire me. I felt my credibility slipping, the respect of my team, everything I'd built for years, and my family's financial security. All of it, crumbling.

But between that meeting and the second one, I did something. I got coaching. I learned how to have a real conversation with my boss about why Tina needed to go, and he worked with me to let her go. I took leadership training. I learned what leadership actually means. I learned how to make decisions, how to share hard messages, and how to trust my own judgment. I practiced. I built the skills I'd never been taught.

I became competent. And with competence and practice, I began to feel confident

But in that second meeting, surrounded by my team, Dan had just said they trusted my decision even though they hated it. And everyone around the crowded room had nodded their agreement and support.

Suddenly, in that pause, I realized: I can make hard calls and survive them.

Not everyone had to agree with me. Not everyone had to like the decision. I didn't need to be liked. I needed to be trusted. And standing there, steady and strong in my message, I was.

I wasn't the same person who walked down those stairs with tears in her eyes.

I wasn't the person who felt everything slipping away because one aggressive voice said I was wrong.

I was the leader who could hold the weight of a hard choice and keep moving forward.

I learned something about confidence that nobody had taught me before. Confidence isn't some personality trait you either have or don't. It's built on three specific things:

1. Competence

If you've never been taught how to lead through conflict, make tough calls, or navigate organizational politics, it's hard to know what to do.

You need the actual skills. I had to learn them through coaching, courses, and practice. You can't "confidence" your way through something you don't know how to do.

2. Courage

Once you learn new skills, you have to actually USE them. That takes guts. It means risking failure, looking foolish, and making mistakes in front of people.

I had to practice having hard conversations, setting boundaries, and making decisions people wouldn't like. Each time I did it, it got a little easier.

3. Confident Mindset

Even with skills and practice, if you don't believe you can do it, you won't.

Your thoughts matter. I had to shift from "I'm losing everything" to "I can make hard calls and survive it." That belief is what let me stand in front of my team and deliver bad news without falling apart.

I heard about too many nonprofit leaders walking down the stairs with tears in their eyes.

Smart, capable people who cared deeply about their work but were drowning under the weight of it.

They dealt with the impossible decisions, the competing demands, the constant feeling that one wrong move could cost them everything.

That was me. And I figured out how to stop drowning. That's why I do this work now. So other leaders don't have to feel that way.

You deserve to lead with the kind of confidence that actually holds up when things get hard.

I'm hosting a 6-session book club on Mastering Confidence starting March 6th.

We'll work through the competence-courage-confidence framework together. You'll get practical tools. And you'll be with other nonprofit leaders who understand what it's like to carry this kind of weight.

My job, as I see it, is to help nonprofit leaders stop drowning in work, doubting themselves, and carrying it all alone, so they can lead with confidence, set boundaries, and finally take control of their leadership and life so that they have energy left for the rest of their lives at the end of the day. I'm always here to help you do just that! 


~ Kathy 

Do the Inner Work. It's Worth it!

P.S. More details on the book club coming next week, but if you already know this is for you, grab your copy of Mastering Confidence and register here.