Brainstorm: A useless and agonizing affair leaders use to torture their employee.

The scenario: Upper management suggests it is time to come up with new ideas.  No one at the top is really open to new ideas, though. It’s an exercise that seems more habit than a real desire for change. Regardless, everyone goes through the motions.

The session starts with an innovative thought tentatively thrown out by a brave soul. The idea is shot down before it has a chance. Another courageous individual tosses their idea into the middle of the room. It lands with a thud as no one willing to attach their ego to it either. Everyone is fearful of the ramifications of speaking up.

As the 2nd idea also is quickly rejected, the remainder of the participants close up. The energy in the room turns sour.  Participants doodle on their paper while the facilitator asks a 2nd and 3rd time for any other ideas. Everyone avoids eye contact. 

The session ends with pretty much the same thing going to happen as it always has and everyone leaves bitter with the whole process. 

Leaders need to find a way to generate new ideas
Whether you have been the one averting your eyes or the one trying to pull teeth from your team to get new ideas, you know the pain of trying to get an open generative dialogue going. Old fashioned brainstorming does not work.  

Learn to ask the right questions
Leaders need to find a different way. That new way is about asking questions. But not just any question. You must as the right kind of question. 

First start with your own reflection time
Spend a bit of time really considering what you want out of the gathering. Your individual reflection time is most effective when you wildly get curious. Questioning invites introspection.  Go within first.

Curiosity is the desire to learn or find out something. 
That means it starts from a place of not knowing. For a leader, it can be uncomfortable to admit we don’t know. It can feel like weakness. 

Admitting you do not know exhibits strength in leadership. 
Opening up to curiosity shows a willingness to grow and develop. Inquisitiveness can lead to uncovering new answers, different techniques, and more effective processes. 

Acting like a 2-year old
Asking the right questions starts with being really curious, just like a two-year-old.

Second, decide on the direction you want to go 
Consider what questions you need to ask the team that will take you in the direction you desire. 

Questions point us in a direction so craft your questions carefully
The question you ask sends you and your team in search of answers. Ensure your question is pointing you in the way of progress or the route you want to go. 

Consider these questions. Notice the you go right away.

1. Why can’t I ever lose weight?
2. What small change could I do in my daily routine to help me stay on track with my weight goals?

Notice the first one brought out that nasty voice in your mind. “Because you keep snacking on nasty crap you idiot.” The wrong kind of question can evoke shame and embarrassment. 

In this situation, the direction you want to go not down the path of feeling like a failure. Preferably you want to move towards successful weight loss. The questions you ask must direct you there. The 2nd question is the one that will do that. 

Next, start with the right questions

I reiterate, it’s important to start with the right questions. This example of different questions sends you in different directions around team building. 

1. What is wrong with this team?
   
2. What parts of this team are working well?

Notice the directions the questions just sent you? 

The first question leads to finger pointing and once again, shame and embarrassment. 
The second has the potential to build up and strengthen what is working.  

Take it one step further and ask this question

1. What would this team need to do to become the strongest team we have? 
   

Again, notice the direction the question sent you in. Rather than moving backward into frustration, the questions send you in a forward motion. 

These 2nd two questions sent you in search of solutions that will take you to your ideal vision of an effective team.

Ask the powerful questions
Asking powerful questions of yourself and within your team can lead to the exploration of territory you have never been to before. This exploration can have you pry open opportunities you didn’t see before. These new opportunities have the potential to make you more efficient, successful and have more fun at work. Are you willing to go there?

Question:
Consider a particularly frustrating challenge you are currently dealing with. What 3 new questions can you ask yourself and/or your team that would invoke new insights taking you in the precise direction you want to be going?

When was the last time you blocked off time in your schedule, simply to think?
 
Never?

Do you just randomly fit thinking in whenever you seem to find the time? More likely, you are similar to most people. That is, you layer thinking over whatever else you are doing? Rather than proactively reflecting, most of us randomly think when our minds settle enough, like in the shower. 

Strong leadership comes when the leader learns from the past. Leaders that appreciate the lessons in their life are better able to apply them and subsequently  have greater success. In order to do that, they must take the conscious time to reflect. 

Insomnia hit me
At 12:30 am, I turned on the lamp in my office, snuggled into my chair with my soft leopard print blanket and pulled out my journal. I had trouble sleeping last night and after an hour of tossing and turning, I ultimately got up to do a bit more reflection rather than jumbled fretting and worrying.

Sleeplessness is telling me something
Insomnia is something that occasionally creeps into my slumber.  I have learned to address it by trying first to push myself to stop worrying. I try to keep bringing myself back to focusing on my breathing. When that doesn’t settle me down, I know to get up and more consciously sort out what is going on inside of me.

I decided to let me thoughts fall onto the paper
Last night as I started to journal my thoughts, they rambled on in crazy tangents and illegible emotional asides. I allowed the messiness both in the grammar and in the cursive. I just let the words tumble out onto the pages releasing thoughts and emotions.

Suddenly I had my awakening moment
When I journal like this, there is usually a turning point for me.  Something finally releases. I have an epiphany, an “ah ha” moment or something becomes clearer. Last night the insight came when I had the urge to reach out to a friend whom I haven’t talked with in a while.

I realized my friend wasn't so helpful
This friend, I knew would console me, give me a little pep talk and then send me on my way. Sounds like a great friend, right? True, if I am only looking to stay right where I am, this friend a great person to have around.  However, she has never really held me accountable to be my full self. She cheers me on, but only to a point. She is afraid to step up and do some really amazing work and consequently she has trouble encouraging others to do the same.

The truth comes out
What was happening for me last night is that I am getting anxious about the launch of the next round of my Women with Grit course. Not only is the course is an updated version of work I’ve done but is taking my work to a whole new level. And that is scary!

What I was doing last night was making a big mess in my head
I was doing this all of this crazy worrying and subconsciously allowing it to hold me back. The thought that triggered me to realize this all was thinking about reaching out to the friend. But not just any friend, I was reaching out to a friend who would help me hold back.

I don't like moving out of my comfort zone
Reflection allowed my to see that my insomnia was an upper limit problem. As soon as I move outside of my comfort zone, stretching my self-perceived limits, I try to get back there fast. We all do it. But reflection helped me to see what I was doing. It also helped me to decide to not do that anymore and to keep moving in the direction of the next level of success for me.

When have you had an epiphany?
Think back to your own ah-ha moments. You have likely have had times when you’ve become aware of when you were doing something that was not getting you where you wanted. It could be that you realized said something that was the catalyst for a nasty argument that could have been alleviated. Here are some other examples of when you may have had a sudden awareness.

• You realize if you’d given your child a heads-up that you were leaving soon there wouldn’t have been quite the messy exit that happened.
  
• You look back on a conversation with a staff and see that you were a bit distracted and that’s probably where the miscommunication came in.
  
• You have an insight about how someone’s expression changed your complete emotional state and suddenly you lost control.
  

Increased awareness makes the difference
Increased awareness like these valuable perceptions can really help you to avoid similar occurrences from striking repeatedly. First, though, you must have the conscious thoughts, then second, you must do something with the wisdom gleaned from contemplation.

But, do you schedule time to become more aware?
The difficulty is that many of us don’t plan time to think. We simply rush through our hurried days without slowing down to consider consequences, implications and lessons learned.

Make reflection part of your daily routine
When you do slow down and make reflection a regular part of your day, you will begin to notice differences in how you feel and how you lead. You will not be beating your head against the same challenge, in the same way, repeatedly

• Although the staff may still cross her arms at the beginning of each staff meeting, you will notice how it triggers your defensiveness. You will be able to say, “This isn’t about me” in your mind. After a couple deep breaths, you’ll remind yourself, “We are all here because we care about the clients.” You’ll then act, instead of react.
• Interruptions will continue to challenge you, but instead of reacting to each one, you will notice which ones pull you and which ones annoy you. You will begin to sense what kinds of boundaries you need to put in place to prioritize which disruptions you will allow through and which ones, will have to wait.

Here are 3 ways to add reflection time to your day

1)    Schedule time to reflect

Schedule 5 minutes to start then work you way up to 20 minutes a day. This might be 10 minutes after lunch and 10 minutes towards the end of your day. Make the meeting with yourself as important as a meeting with anyone else. Put it actually in your day timer or scheduling system.

2)    Pay attention to how your body reacted

Your body knows before you do. Your stomach grumbles before you head says, “I’m hungry”. Your back aches before you mind realizes you need to stretch and your heart swells before you say “I love you”.  Your body is speaking to you. 

The same is true with the challenges we face on a day-to-day basis. Your body stiffened this morning when that certain person walked in. You got a headache shortly after a conversation about a certain topic. You got red in the face when you had to answer that one awkward question. But what did this all mean? And what can you do to prevent it from happening again?

3)    Write your lessons down

Think about what you’ve learned. Become more aware of how your body is connected to thoughts and how those thoughts are connected to your experience. Then write it down. When you write down your lesson, is sinks in more and helps your various learning styles really lock it in. 

Learn your lessons
Your leadership strengthens when you pause to reflect and recognize lessons gifted to you each day. Growth comes when you are aware and active in the application of the lessons learned. Strong leaders grow themselves and their teams in this way. 

Question:
When can you schedule 10 minutes into your schedule that will allow you to think without interruption? 

Are you a believer? 
I mean, do you believe in yourself? 

What you tell yourself about yourself, is 99.9% true. That means if you believe you have the ability, you will. If you don’t believe, it’s game over. 

Your attitude about yourself shows up in your leadership also. If you assume you will have a positive impact on your team, you will. If you think they are going to resist you all the way, then oh honey, are in for a nasty ride!

I didn't think I could blog
A few years ago, I decided to blog. I’d write an article here or there. I started a few different blogs to try and find “my voice.” I wasn’t sure though how successful I’d be at it. Some days I felt like a fraud and wouldn’t blog for weeks. I questioned my ability and let my perfectionism get in the way. I wasn’t very good at blogging for a long while.

About a year ago, things really started changing
As I grew myself, I was watching successful bloggers, I began to also get really clear on the impact I wanted to have on leaders. It was then that I knew. I knew I could be a blogger. I knew I could do this. I believed.

Once I really got that in my head, I got serious about learning
I read lots of other blogs. I watched how they did it. I learned about successful blogging. I did training on writing. I practiced. I got it in my head that I could blog. I just needed to figure out how. So I got busy figuring out the"how" part of blogging. Now, I am a consistent, successful blogger who’s making you think differently about yourself, how you show up in this world and the impact you can have on others. 

I simply decided in my head
I decided I could do it, the same way you can choose something you want to do and just decide that you will do it. It is all in your mind. It is your mindset. It is the belief you have. Your mindset is your attitude about a particular thing. This inner certainty you have about something sets in motion your ability to succeed with it or not. 

The mindsets
There are two mindsets we have. The first is a fixed mindset, the second a growth mindset.

Researcher Carol Dweck describes the difference in mindsets as follows: 

“People with a fixed mindset believe that their traits are just givens. They have a certain amount of brains and talent and nothing can change that. If they have a lot, they’re all set, but if they don’t... So people in this mindset worry about their traits and how adequate they are. They have something to prove to themselves and others.”

“People with a growth mindset, on the other hand, see their qualities as things that can be developed through their dedication and effort. Sure they’re happy if they’re brainy or talented, but that’s just the starting point. They understand that no one has ever accomplished great things—not Mozart, Darwin, or Michael Jordan—without years of passionate practice and learning.”

What are you mastering?
If you remember last week’s blog about the need to spend considerable time mastering something, in fact, 10,000 hours mastering something, you’ll understand the need for a growth mindset. We need to believe we are capable of growing and developing before we will invest the time. 

Are you letting things get you stuck?
But many of us have these beliefs, actually these voices in our head, which keep us fixed or stuck. We don’t seriously believe that we have the capability, so we keep ourselves right where we are at. 

If you are a true leader, you are a learner
Leaders know that the path to success and impact is continual growth. They know that it is about internal development and outward change. Impactful leaders study and watch themselves. They learn about what works, how they tick and are constantly aware of how they are impacting others. Strong leaders require a strong growth mindset. They need to be totally on top of those nagging little voices that might tell them otherwise.

Here at the 3 steps you need to do to develop the growth mindset 

1)    Listen to those voices. 
Get used to hearing yourself talk. Specifically, listen for the declarations that never leave your mouth. It is your thoughts that have the biggest impact on your life. Start to listen to where you tell yourself you can’t do something. Notice when you say you are not good enough or that it will never change. Those are the subtle messages that you need to really notice and get rid of.

2)    Recognize you have a choice
The next important step is realizing you are the only one in your head. Honestly. No one is in there telling you what to think. You are the only one inside your mind. You have a choice. You can keep it going on autopilot, with the voices that knock you down. Instead, you can realize that you have a choice and begin to change the messaging going on. It is up to you. 

3)    Talk back to it with a growth mindset voice
When you choose to take control, it's time to get bossy. Talk back to the Debbie Downer. Tell the pessimistic voice to grow up and see what is possible. Tell Negative Nelly she’s not needed anymore. 

4)    Take growth mindset action
Then step into action. Failures are simply lessons. Setbacks are challenging you to see if you really mean it. You will continue to be faced with tests. But when you notice that it is about learning and growing, you will see the tests with anticipation rather than dread. "Bring it on" becomes the new mantra. Instead of the inner voices beating you up, they are cheering you on. 

You get to choose what is going on in your mind
If you want to be an extraordinary leader and lead a prosperous life, then adopting a growth mindset will get you there quickest. Do let the voices in your mind run your life, just make sure they are the voices that encourage you to keep on growing for the rest of your life. 

If you have been at your job for a while, let’s say about 10 years, you should be an expert. The question is, what have you become an expert at?

• Putting out fires
• Looking for problems to solve
• Dealing with drama and office politics
• Defending yourself
• Surviving

Hmm…maybe not what you had in mind when you took out a student loan.