Kathy's Blog

Take these 2 steps to Master Confidence

30/3/2016

Confidence = Feeling good about yourself and your abilities.

Lacking Confidence = A crappy feeling that makes you want to run away and hide.

Lacking confidence is the #1 thing women tell me that gets in their way of leading well and enjoying the leadership experience. Hesitancy, second-guessing or an outright fear, can shake a lady to the core. Moving back to a feeling of certainty can happen. It takes the movement in 1 or more of the 3 factors of confidence: knowledge, skills and attitude. Let's take a look at your confidence.

Factors that add up to confidence

Knowledge
- Do you know how to do it?
Skill
- Have you done it before?
Attitude
- Do you believe you can do it?

Let’s take, for example, public speaking

Knowledge
Have you participated in any training, read a book or watched a video about what is important to know about effective speaking?

For example, are you aware how important it is to enunciate your words clearly?
Are you versed in the skill of adding strategic pauses in your message?
Have you learned how to use your body gestures to convey your message?

This is all information. Reading it in a book doesn’t make you an excellent speaker. It does, however, point you in the right direction. You still need to apply the theory.

Skills
When have you practiced public speaking?

Is it something you regularly do at work and have the opportunity to develop your skills on a daily or weekly basis?

Perhaps you have joined a community group such as your local Rotary Club or Chamber of Commerce to increase the time to practice.
You may have enrolled in your local Toastmaster’s club.

The question is: Are you speaking in public minimally a few times a month? That is, are you practicing your public speaking skills so that you can improve on them?

Attitude
Do you believe you can be a decent public speaker?
Do you have faith in yourself? Listen to your inner dialogue. What is it saying to you?

I dunno if I can.
I don’t know how.
I’ll never be good at this?

Shifting your mindset to a growth mindset, one that believes with time and effort you can develop skills, helps you to improve your odds. Getting control of your mind messages allows you to change your inner voice. You’ll want to change it to an encouraging one.

I think I can.
I am going to master this.
I just have to keep trying, and I’ll get it.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
Henry Ford

2 Steps to Mastering Your confidence

Step #1
Take a moment to consider where you lack confidence. Identify the particular area you struggling with:

Dealing with conflict
Understanding budgets
Managing my time
Taking on a new role
Writing the report
Leading a team

Step # 2
Review the 3 factors of confidence.
What can you do in each of these areas to help you to boost your confidence?

You might take some training on conflict resolution (knowledge) and ask a friend to role-play (skills) a conversation. You could then start shifting your inner dialogue (attitude) to trusting that you will improve with effort and practice. You may take on online course (knowledge) on understanding Excel and do the practice worksheets (skills) to get a better handle on managing your budgets, or you may ask your company accountant (knowledge) if you could take 30 minutes of their time to help you understand one of the reports better. You could remind yourself (attitude) that you wouldn’t have moved up to the new position if others hadn’t seen something in you.

Increasing your confidence starts with your attitude
When you align your attitude with your desire, you can shift the other two areas. It’s easier to be open to increasing your knowledge and skills when you believe that doing so will make a difference. Watch your thoughts. They are ultimately the key component of your confidence level. Help your mind, by learning and growing. The combination of all three will have you more optimistic about yourself and what you are capable of doing. You will take control of making yourself more confident.

QUESTION:
What will you do today, to get an immediate boost of confidence in one area of your leadership?

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Zigzagging through leadership: Let your values guide you

23/3/2016

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Leadership about taking people forward to the desired destination. Unfortunately, it's not a straight line from where we are today to where we want to go. Most leaders zigzag back and forth, from crisis to crisis, putting out a fire here and dealing with an issue there. If you followed behind them, you’d wonder why they seem to wander to and fro so much.

Navigating the zigs and zags of leadership takes some work
Leaders have to decide when to zig and when to zag. They have to know how far to veer to the left and how far back they need to go in the other direction. To manage the endless choices one has to make, leaders will find it helpful to have guideposts. An essential tools managers can use to navigate along the path towards their vision is to increase their understanding of their own values.

Your deeply held values serve as guideposts
When leaders know what they value, they know what is important; it helps them with ethical decisions. Clarity of values gives them a sense of what hill they will put a considerable effort into and which battles to walk away from. Knowing their values provides a leader with a navigation tool to direct their way.

Let me give you an example
Imagine that two of the staff have an opportunity to go to a conference. Four of the team members indicate they want to attend. Who gets to go?

Is it a popularity contest?
Do you decide on a first-come 1st serve basis?
What will you use to guide your decision?

Here is how knowing your value could help in that decision.

If one of your top values is about growth and development and you like to ensure that your team is up to date on best practices, you will quickly discern that it is not about increasing the knowledge of only one team member. You will want a trickle-down effect for your whole team. You then may carefully choose who will attend based on whom you know will return and disseminate the information to the rest of the team.
Instead, if your top value is fairness or equality, it might be merely seeing whose turn it is to attend training this time around. When you are clear about your values and your team's values, they can help to become the guiding factors in determining who gets to attend.

Values clarity = Emotional clarity
Value identification also helps you to know why you’re feeling the way you are. When you are irritated, annoyed or frustrated, it is usually because something isn’t in line with your values. Emotional turmoil usually means one of your values is being stepped on. If someone tells a white lie and that irks you, it might be that you appreciate honesty. When one of the people in your unit leaves the staff room counters covered in cookie crumbs, and you get annoyed, it’s likely because you value cleanliness and possibly respect. Identifying those personal values helps you have a polite conversation that will allow you to deal skillfully with the situation rather than respond with passive-aggressive sarcasm.

How do you identify your values?
In truth, it often takes some time to nail them down entirely. As well, your values do change over time. As a start, though, increasing your awareness around naming values when you experience them yourself or see them in others is helpful. That heightened awareness gives you perspective on what you find significant. Use that attentiveness in you to guide you in the following three activities that will provide you with clarity on your core values.

3 ways to help you identify your values.

1. Reflection
Reflect on where you are drawn to spend time, energy and resource in your life.
Take some time to look at your life activities both at work and in your personal experiences.

Where do you spend your time? (Family? Church? At the local arena? Reading?)
What do you focus on? (Personal development? Fitness? Cleaning?)
What kind of shows do you watch, books do you read, or podcasts do you listen to? (Self-help? Humor? Law of Attraction? Gardening?)
What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with? (Artistic or creative people? The health gurus? Sporty types? Spiritual souls)

If you value accuracy, you likely spend a lot of time double-checking your work. On the other hand, perhaps the person next to you values expediency and so gets stuff done and moves to the next thing as quickly as they can. If you two are working on a project together, your values might clash.

2. Journalling
Journal answers to these questions:

If I could only leave three values to my children or my staff team, what would they be?
What’s most important for you to instill in others?

3. Narrow it down
Review a list of values and instinctually pick your top ones

Look at this list of values, and first circle your top 10 values.
Then take some time to narrow it down to your top three.

Make identifying and clarify your values a top priority
Identifying your values helps you make tough decisions as you zigzag forward as a leader or manager. Using your values as the guideposts gives you a structure for decision-making. Knowing your values also helps you understand why you're feeling the way you are and gives you words to help sort out conflicts resulting from incongruity. Knowing what's important to you is a huge part of being an effective leader. So take the time to examine your core values that will help guide you along the winding leadership path.

👉 Read this next: Why verifying your values foundational for nonprofit leaders

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Don't know your STRENGTHS? 3 Quick ways to find out

16/3/2016

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Strength-based cultures.
Use your strength more.
Focus on strengths.

We are bombarded with messages to shift the way we do our work to have more of a focus on strengths. And while this is important, many of us missed the mark. We struggle, primarily because we don’t know precisely what our strengths are.

Use of Strengths = Effectiveness + Enjoyment
Here is the thing, though, when you use your strengths, you are much more effective in your work. The deliberate application of your foremost skills, talents and traits has optimal effects on your success as a leader. That makes an incredible difference in how you feel, in your relationship with your team and your organization’s outcomes.

If you have not identified your strengths here are three places you can look.

What's been identified? Consider what you have already been told or what has been identified to you.
1. Past performance appraisals are a good place to start but don’t limit it there. Check out favorite emails, cards or letters you have saved.
2. Next, take a bit to consider where people often ask you for help. They are usually asking you because they know you are good at it.
3. Likewise, where do you like to offer advice or suggestions or assistance? Those are telltale signs of things you are good at and enjoy.
Ask other people what your strengths are. Take a moment have a conversation with some individuals and specifically inquire what they believe to be your strengths. This doesn’t have to be long and involved. In fact, a quick sidebar conversation where you get them to answer without thinking too much often elicits the most curious results.
Utilize online self assessments. Work through a couple of self-assessments to help you identify your strengths. Martin Seligman’s VI Signature Strengths is one good starting place. Another option is Marcus Buckingham Strengths Finder. Both of these tools will give you great insight into what your highest strengths are. Once you have identified your strengths, worked to improve your development of them and use of them.

Growing your strengths - even stronger

Practice exercising your strengths as a form of habit. Make them part of your everyday work. Get good at applying what you’re good at.
Learn more about your strengths. If your strength is the visionary person learn more about how to communicate that to others and how to use it to inspire your team.
Another great way to grow your strength is to teach it to other people. If you are good at gratitude, educate others on the benefits of a gratitude practice. Begin staff meetings with gratitude to set the tone at the start of the meetings.

Make the shift - Feel the shift
When you get clear on your strengths and utilize them more, you’ll begin by finding you are more effective in your work. Even more than that, as you get better at doing the things you are already good at, you’ll see stronger relationships and more enjoyment at work.

Question: What is one of the strengths you already have and use daily?

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3 Habits that will strengthen your leadership

9/3/2016

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Fundamental to successful leadership is the formation of a heightened level of self-awareness. Sadly, too many managers spend more time finger-pointing than spending time doing introspective reflection. It is when you spend time curiously exploring what is going on in our minds and bodies, that we are better able to respond to the intricacies of running an organization.

Getting a sense of who you really are is critical
Self-awareness helps you to explore who you are. Putting your attention on yourself helps you to find clarity on what is critical, meaningful and necessary for you. Further, this inner contemplation facilitates your understanding of why all of that is so dang important. Your insights into your unique traits and your individual personality guide you in being more impactful in your interactions with the world.

Self-awareness and the strong leader

Strong leaders are emotionally intelligent. They understand their emotions and manage those emotions when they show up. That takes self-awareness.
Strong leaders are good communicators. They know when their buttons are being pushed and why. They use that insight to respond to the other person rather than react. That takes self-awareness.
Strong leaders are moving forward with a vision. They know where they are taking their team. That vision comes from taking some time to explore where they want to go. That takes self-awareness.

It's time to explore you
Self-awareness starts by exploring what is going on under the surface. It is often the unconscious that one needs to get more curious about and explore more. This inner exploration takes time and focused attention.

To intentionally be progressively more self-aware, try to instill these three habits.

3 habits to establish to increase your self-awareness

1. Journal Daily
Stop and take time daily to reflect. Go over a situation that happened and write about it. Writing it is an incredibly powerful way to look at the experience more objectively.
To get access to many journaling worksheets check out the free guides here

Write about an event

What did you say and how were you acting?
What did the other person say and do? More importantly, what reaction did their words and actions bring out in you?

2. Name and label some of the feelings you were experiencing
Move from the one umbrella feeling anger, to what caused that anger. We often react to someone angrily, because we feel embarrassed, shamed, humiliated, afraid or jealous.

3. Write about what you want
Next, journal about how you would like to respond to similar situations in the future. Look for your own growth. What are your goals? What are you working on? Journal about the successes you’ve had with them.

2. Set reminders
While journaling is a looking back exercise, we also need to practice getting more aware in the moment. It’s helpful to catch yourself expectantly during the day to check in.
Learn more about this strategy on page 130 of Mastering Confidence

Develop an alert system that prompts you to check in with yourself to see how you are feeling, what you are thinking and how on track you are.

I use alarms on my phone that go off periodically throughout the day to remind me to check in with myself. When they go off, I briefly pause to go inside and ask myself how am I doing. I notice if my shoulders are tense or if my thoughts are stuck on repeat on something that is bugging me. It also reminds me to take a breath and come back to the task at hand.
You could also use sticky notes strategically placed around your office to remind you to check in. One of my clients put notes on the back of the bathroom door to remind her. It could be that you get into the habit of doing it every time you hop into your vehicle to go for lunch. This reminder can be something you do all the time or have a bit of an element of surprise to it.

When that trigger goes off, or you see it, use it as the reminder to you ask yourself the following questions:

What am I feeling right now emotionally?
What thoughts are rolling around in my head?
What is happening in my body viscerally?

Activating your self-awareness in this way reminds you to come back to the present moment and get a sense of what's going on under the surface for you. It allows you to regain conscious control of your emotions and your focus.

3. Practice Mindfulness
Installing a habit of mindful moments in your day grows your mindful muscles. Being able to focus on priorities, conversation and tasks despite environmental distractions and internal narratives take practice. Create a habit of mindfulness activities daily to practice this piece. Here are a couple of options:

Learn more about this in the Breath Magic webinar in The Training Library

Breath Meditation
Sit in a quiet place and focus on your breath for 10 minutes. “Watch” your breath as it comes in and goes out. As you do, feel the rise and fall of your chest or the way the air comes in and out of your nostrils. Don't try to stop thinking. Just notice when your thoughts wander off and when they do, bring them back to your breath. Do this again, and again. You are training your mind to focus on one thing at a time. Make a game of it. It won't be easy at first. Don't judge your effectiveness. Celebrate when you catch your mind wandering and bring it back. You just scored a point when you catch yourself wandering.

Guided Meditation
There are various programs and apps out there that walk you through a meditation experience. Find one that you like and listen to it daily.

Mindfulness during daily activities
Pay attention to your actions when you're washing your hands. Rather than being a million miles away, focus on your hands under the warm water. Smell the scent of the soap. Feel your hands rubbing together. Notice the warmth of the water. Like mindful meditation, mindful activities keep you consciously focused rather than aimlessly thinking random thoughts.

Habits that increase self-awareness = Stronger Leadership
When you install daily habits such as journaling, becoming more aware in the moment and mindfulness, you will increase your self-awareness. This improved understanding of your inner workings will support your leadership development. Knowing and having a better understanding of what is going on for you helps you to manage it and choose how you want to respond. This level of control of your emotions and actions puts you in a much more powerful place to lead and impact your team confidently.

Question for you:
I want to hear what you think. Comment below,

Which of these habits do you want to work on?
How will you do that?

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Take these 2 steps to Master Confidence

Zigzagging through leadership: Let your values guide you

Don't know your STRENGTHS? 3 Quick ways to find out

3 Habits that will strengthen your leadership

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