​Confidence = Feeling good about yourself and your abilities. 

Lacking Confidence = A crappy feeling that makes you want to run away and hide.

Lacking confidence is the #1 thing women tell me that gets in their way of leading well and enjoying the leadership experience. Hesitancy, second-guessing or an outright fear, can shake a lady to the core. Moving back to a feeling of certainty can happen. It takes the movement in 1 or more of the 3 factors of confidence: knowledge, skills and attitude. Let's take a look at your confidence.

​Let’s take, for example, public speaking

Knowledge
Have you participated in any training, read a book or watched a video about what is important to know about effective speaking?

• For example, are you aware how important it is to enunciate your words clearly?
• Are you versed in the skill of adding strategic pauses in your message?
• Have you learned how to use your body gestures to convey your message?

This is all information. Reading it in a book doesn’t make you an excellent speaker. It does, however, point you in the right direction. You still need to apply the theory.

Skills
When have you practiced public speaking?

Is it something you regularly do at work and have the opportunity to develop your skills on a daily or weekly basis?

• Perhaps you have joined a community group such as your local Rotary Club or Chamber of Commerce to increase the time to practice.
• You may have enrolled in your local Toastmaster’s club.

The question is: Are you speaking in public minimally a few times a month? That is, are you practicing your public speaking skills so that you can improve on them?

Attitude
Do you believe you can be a decent public speaker?
Do you have faith in yourself? Listen to your inner dialogue. What is it saying to you?

• I dunno if I can.
• I don’t know how.
• I’ll never be good at this?

Shifting your mindset to a growth mindset, one that believes with time and effort you can develop skills, helps you to improve your odds. Getting control of your mind messages allows you to change your inner voice. You’ll want to change it to an encouraging one.

• I think I can.
  I am going to master this.
  I just have to keep trying, and I’ll get it. 

2 Steps to Mastering Your confidence

Step #1
Take a moment to consider where you lack confidence. Identify the particular area you struggling with:

• Dealing with conflict
• Understanding budgets
• Managing my time
• Taking on a new role
• Writing the report
• Leading a team

Step # 2
Review the 3 factors of confidence.
What can you do in each of these areas to help you to boost your confidence? 

• You might take some training on conflict resolution (knowledge) and ask a friend to role-play (skills) a conversation. You could then start shifting your inner dialogue (attitude) to trusting that you will improve with effort and practice.  You may take on online course (knowledge) on understanding Excel and do the practice worksheets (skills) to get a better handle on managing your budgets, or you may ask your company accountant (knowledge) if you could take 30 minutes of their time to help you understand one of the reports better. You could remind yourself (attitude) that you wouldn’t have moved up to the new position if others hadn’t seen something in you.

​Increasing your confidence starts with your attitude
When you align your attitude with your desire, you can shift the other two areas. It’s easier to be open to increasing your knowledge and skills when you believe that doing so will make a difference. Watch your thoughts. They are ultimately the key component of your confidence level. Help your mind, by learning and growing. The combination of all three will have you more optimistic about yourself and what you are capable of doing. You will take control of making yourself more confident.

QUESTION:
​What will you do today, to get an immediate boost of confidence in one area of your leadership?

​Leadership about taking people forward to the desired destination. Unfortunately, it's not a straight line from where we are today to where we want to go. Most leaders zigzag back and forth, from crisis to crisis, putting out a fire here and dealing with an issue there. If you followed behind them, you’d wonder why they seem to wander to and fro so much. 

​Navigating the zigs and zags of leadership takes some work
Leaders have to decide when to zig and when to zag. They have to know how far to veer to the left and how far back they need to go in the other direction. To manage the endless choices one has to make, leaders will find it helpful to have guideposts. An essential tools managers can use to navigate along the path towards their vision is to increase their understanding of their own values.  

Your deeply held values serve as guideposts
When leaders know what they value, they know what is important; it helps them with ethical decisions. Clarity of values gives them a sense of what hill they will put a considerable effort into and which battles to walk away from. Knowing their values provides a leader with a navigation tool to direct their way.

Let me give you an example
Imagine that two of the staff have an opportunity to go to a conference. Four of the team members indicate they want to attend. Who gets to go?

• Is it a popularity contest?
• Do you decide on a first-come 1st serve basis?
• What will you use to guide your decision?  

Here is how knowing your value could help in that decision.

• If one of your top values is about growth and development and you like to ensure that your team is up to date on best practices, you will quickly discern that it is not about increasing the knowledge of only one team member. You will want a trickle-down effect for your whole team. You then may carefully choose who will attend based on whom you know will return and disseminate the information to the rest of the team.
• Instead, if your top value is fairness or equality, it might be merely seeing whose turn it is to attend training this time around.​ When you are clear about your values and your team's values, they can help to become the guiding factors in determining who gets to attend.

Values clarity = Emotional clarity
​Value identification also helps you to know why you’re feeling the way you are. When you are irritated, annoyed or frustrated, it is usually because something isn’t in line with your values. Emotional turmoil usually means one of your values is being stepped on. If someone tells a white lie and that irks you, it might be that you appreciate honesty. When one of the people in your unit leaves the staff room counters covered in cookie crumbs, and you get annoyed, it’s likely because you value cleanliness and possibly respect. Identifying those personal values helps you have a polite conversation that will allow you to deal skillfully with the situation rather than respond with passive-aggressive sarcasm. 

How do you identify your values?
In truth, it often takes some time to nail them down entirely. As well, your values do change over time. As a start, though, increasing your awareness around naming values when you experience them yourself or see them in others is helpful.  That heightened awareness gives you perspective on what you find significant. Use that attentiveness in you to guide you in the following three activities that will provide you with clarity on your core values. 

​3 ways to help you identify your values.

1. Reflection
Reflect on where you are drawn to spend time, energy and resource in your life.
Take some time to look at your life activities both at work and in your personal experiences.  

• Where do you spend your time? (Family? Church? At the local arena? Reading?)
• What do you focus on? (Personal development? Fitness? Cleaning?)
• What kind of shows do you watch, books do you read, or podcasts do you listen to? (Self-help? Humor? Law of Attraction? Gardening?)
• What kind of people do you enjoy spending time with? (Artistic or creative people? The health gurus? Sporty types? Spiritual souls) 

If you value accuracy, you likely spend a lot of time double-checking your work. On the other hand, perhaps the person next to you values expediency and so gets stuff done and moves to the next thing as quickly as they can. If you two are working on a project together, your values might clash. 

2. Journalling
Journal answers to these questions: 

• If I could only leave three values to my children or my staff team, what would they be?
• What’s most important for you to instill in others? 

3. Narrow it down
Review a list of values and instinctually pick your top ones

• Look at this list of values, and first circle your top 10 values.
• Then take some time to narrow it down to your top three. 

​Make identifying and clarify your values a top priority
​Identifying your values helps you make tough decisions as you zigzag forward as a leader or manager. Using your values as the guideposts gives you a structure for decision-making. Knowing your values also helps you understand why you're feeling the way you are and gives you words to help sort out conflicts resulting from incongruity. Knowing what's important to you is a huge part of being an effective leader. So take the time to examine your core values that will help guide you along the winding leadership path.

👉 Read this next: Why verifying your values foundational for nonprofit leaders

• ​Strength-based cultures.
• Use your strength more.
• Focus on strengths.

We are bombarded with messages to shift the way we do our work to have more of a focus on strengths. And while this is important, many of us missed the mark. We struggle, primarily because we don’t know precisely what our strengths are.  

​Use of Strengths = Effectiveness + Enjoyment
Here is the thing, though, when you use your strengths, you are much more effective in your work. The deliberate application of your foremost skills, talents and traits has optimal effects on your success as a leader. That makes an incredible difference in how you feel, in your relationship with your team and your organization’s outcomes.  

​If you have not identified your strengths here are three places you can look.  

1. What's been identified? Consider what you have already been told or what has been identified to you.
   1. Past performance appraisals are a good place to start but don’t limit it there. Check out favorite emails, cards or letters you have saved.
   2. Next, take a bit to consider where people often ask you for help. They are usually asking you because they know you are good at it.
   3. Likewise, where do you like to offer advice or suggestions or assistance? Those are telltale signs of things you are good at and enjoy.  
2. Ask other people what your strengths are. Take a moment have a conversation with some individuals and specifically inquire what they believe to be your strengths. This doesn’t have to be long and involved. In fact, a quick sidebar conversation where you get them to answer without thinking too much often elicits the most curious results. 
3. Utilize online self assessments. Work through a couple of self-assessments to help you identify your strengths. Martin Seligman’s VI Signature Strengths is one good starting place. Another option is Marcus Buckingham Strengths Finder. Both of these tools will give you great insight into what your highest strengths are.  Once you have identified your strengths, worked to improve your development of them and use of them. 

​Make the shift - Feel the shift
When you get clear on your strengths and utilize them more, you’ll begin by finding you are more effective in your work. Even more than that, as you get better at doing the things you are already good at, you’ll see stronger relationships and more enjoyment at work.

Question: What is one of the strengths you already have and use daily?