If I am honest, I can say yes to every one of those!

• Last week I felt the anxiety building in my chest not sure how to get done what I was working on before I had to leave for an appointment.
• My shoulders get tense daily and at times so does my lower back.
• I often feel like I'm gripping way too many things!
• I see warning signs in my health, my marriage and my parenting.

Now you are saying: Well heck Kathy! I thought you had it all together! I guess you can't teach me anything!

Whoa...hold up!

Yes, I can say yes to every one of those and probably will for the rest of my life! That's life! 

Stress, busy times and full scheduled will never go away. 
Nor should they! 

** S T R E S S is not bad **
Only your thoughts make it so. 
It's how you handle the stress of life that is key.

Stress = Meaning
I know, a warm sunny beach sounds good for a little while, but for how long?
I had a conversation recently with a lady who received an early retirement package. Within a few weeks of being home, she's depressed and feeling like she doesn't matter anymore. She lacks meaning. 

Work gives us a reason to get up every day. 

People need us. We have work to do. Busy times and full schedules are signs we are doing meaningful work.

Signs of stress are signals we need to pay attention to
Those signs above (racing heart, tense shoulders and relationship challenges) are signs we need to pay attention too. They are red flags to come back to a better state of balance.

- -> Here is how I took a holistic approach to bring myself back into work-life balance:

• When I was racing to try to get everything done before I had to leave for an appointment, I took a moment to step away from the computer and sit in a chair and take 3 slow deep breaths in and even slower breaths out. I told my body I wasn't in stress mode anymore, brought myself out of tunnel vision (that is what fight/flight mode does to us) and gained clarity and focus to get done what needed doing at that moment. 
  • I practiced self-compassion.

• When my shoulder tension wouldn't go away, I found a way to create a stand-up desk environment for a bit, finding a more ergonomic way to work AND I changed the mantra's in my head.
  • Instead of: OMG I'm dying...I must have something seriously wrong with my neck and shoulders....What if this lasts forever?
  • I changed it to: Kathy everything is ok. Your world is safe, you are fine. Just breath through it. Relax girl, you've got this!
  • I practiced curiosity.

• When I snapped at my husband, I realized my role in it, even though it is soooooooo easy to blame the other person! I took some time to myself, had a nap and then asked him for a hug. We don't have to be perfect. We need to be human. That's all!
  • I practiced forgiveness & humility.

What work-life balance is NOT:
X Work-life balance is not a matter of just setting clearer boundaries. 
X It's not finding a better time management system. 
X Finding work-life balance is not just learning to manage your priorities.

What Work-life balance IS:
√ You find more work-life balance when you have the courage to set clearer boundaries.
√  You find more work-life balance when you have the humility to ask for help.
√ You find more work-life balance when you forgive yourself for messing up and have compassion for yourself as you work hard to excel.

I know this is a process to figure out and make sense of it all. But stay with it, it's worth it!

You know you need to make changes.

But OMG why is it so hard? ?
It’s harder than it needs to be because you may not have the right mindset.

Do you want to get in the right frame of mind? ✅
Join me in this training and you’ll learn what the right frame of mind is and how to get your brain on track!

Watch this video on YOUTUBE

LINKS FROM TODAY’S SESSION
Grab this week’s Guide sheets:

• THE 5 MISTAKES LADIES MAKE WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE THEIR LIFE
• The SURVIVING TO THRIVING CONTINUUM
• Create your THRIVING TARGET

Join the CONFIDENT WOMEN LEADERS COMMUNITY here:

Find MY BOOK -  Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system

• On AMAZON
• On Audible → 
• Listen to it on ITunes

Do you ever feel like you are always playing catch up? 

• Always chasing after your ToDo list.
• Reacting to what happens in a meeting instead of being prepared
• Wishing you’d spend more time de-stressing instead of now feeling burned out?

If you want to set yourself up for success, there are three things you need to do. 

In this training, you’ll learn those three things and be able to apply them immediately to set yourself up for feeling confident!

Once upon a time
Once upon a time, I had a meeting with my administrative support. We were meeting to clarify roles: What was her job and what was mine. Things had gotten a little murky around who was making what decisions. I felt like I was losing control. 

She had started making more and more decisions that were, in my mind, not hers to make. Being young and new to the role, I was feeling threatened. So, I decided to meet with her, put my foot down and set some clear distinctions about who did what. 

Can you guess how that meeting went?

Well, let's put it this way. I still vividly remember it today. 

Within a few minutes, she'd questioned my authority. Or at least I felt like she did. I got defensive. (You know where this is going, don't you?) The conversation became heated. I got angry. And yes, it ended in me yelling at her. The whole office heard, not just the sound of angry voices, but every word I said to her. I totally lost my composure.

I wish I could say that was the only time I've lost control of my emotions and my behavior. Sadly, that's not the case.  In truth, we all struggle to stay composed at times. 


Loss of composure = Shame
Here's the thing. When we lose our composure, do you know what we feel? Shame. Think of times when you might have felt shame:

• Do you ever remember wetting your pants as a child and being mortified? 
• How about being called on in school and not knowing the answer and being ridiculed for it? 
• Did your parents ever tell you that you were a disgrace to your family? 

Can you feel the shame when you think of those scenarios? It's a familiar feeling, isn't it?

Do you feel ashamed when you lose your composure?
Shame is not a feel-good word. But shame is what we often feel when we lose our composure.

• We should have known better. 
• We should not have let it bother us so much.
• We should have been able to control ourselves. 

I want you to know that you can get better at staying composed. You need to increase your emotional intelligence. That's both learning to recognize and then manage your emotions.

A trick to getting out of the shame
Shame storms, as Brene Brown calls them, can send us spiralling out of control! One of Brene's recommendations to deal with shame is to identify your triggers. Knowing what might set you off, can help you play offence instead of defence!

DO THIS: Think about your meeting today. What might trigger you?

My trigger
For me, in that conversation with my administrative support, the trigger was incompetence. At that point in my career, I was new to leadership. I had a serious case of imposter syndrome. 

Here's what I believed:

• I did not think I was old enough to be in a leadership position.
• I was sure I did not have the right education.
• I knew I had zero leadership experience.

I was terrified someone would figure that out and out me. To make matters worse, I knew my administrative support had a direct line to my boss! 

√ If I had known that was my trigger, I could have prepared for it and been able to stay composed!


The 3 step strategy for staying composed!

1. Figure out what might trigger you in today's meeting 
2. Prepare for what you will do when you feel trigger before you go into that meeting!
3. Feel calm, cool and collected in your meeting today! 

If you want to learn a system for identifying triggers and learning how to manage your emotions when you get triggered, you can take training on this in my membership site: The Training Library. There is a specific training called: Staying Composed During Meetings, Conversations & Challenging Times. Find out more here.

You have a job to do. A job I know you love. Don't let your emotions get the better of you and keep you from making your difference in the world! 

You want to feel capable, credible and in control Confident & Competent! Yet some days you find yourself feeling fearful, flawed and foolish! 

​It’s time to get you going down the right path!  This week’s training will plant you firmly in front of the path to confidence and competent leadership!

Watch this video on YouTube

LINKS FROM TODAY’S SESSION
Grab this week’s Guide sheets:

• THE5 MISTAKES LADIES MAKE WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE THEIR LIFE
• The SURVIVING TO THRIVING CONTINUUM
  
• Create your THRIVING TARGET

Join the CONFIDENT WOMEN LEADERS COMMUNITY here:

Find MY BOOK -  Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system

• On AMAZON
• On Audible → 
• Listen to it on ITunes