If you are like most women leaders, there is a general unhappiness  with your day-to-day life, but you don’t know how to change it.

• You never get through everything you want in a day, and you feel as if you aren’t getting anywhere
• You are so exhausted by the time you get home, that you can’t enjoy life.
• You feel trapped or stuck and don’t know what to do.

Thus, you moan to your spouse, your girlfriend or your mom. The voice in your head is stuck on "I hate my life!"
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If this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone! Many women find they are stuck in survival mode. Just getting through their days, tolerating the crap and looking forward to their next vacation to get a break from it all.

It doesn't have to be that way! Keep reading to discover how you can change days and your inner mantra!

The longer story​

MY STORY:
I know that place of stuck all too well. Time-and-time again I have found that I am once again feeling stalled. I realized I’d been working hard, but getting nowhere, except worn out. You know that feeling too right?
 
I learned that instead of staying stuck forever, it was when I paused long enough to realize what was going on that I had some great insights. Through conscious pondering, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get from where I was, to where I wanted to be. This reflection gave me time to think and allowed me to do a little bit of a pivot in a new direction.
 
That slight shift of direction helped me to create a new strategy to accomplish what I was looking for. With that plan in hand, I was able to proceed forward, despite challenges, opposition and with the fear and doubt that are ever present.
 
THE COMPLETE SOLUTION:
​The key to success has always been a plan. It is the deliberate understanding of what I need to do next, and perhaps even after that has gotten me, and can get you too, through the challenges that are inevitably in front of us when we want a different experience of life going forward.
 
A plan is a roadmap that helps you to move from where you are now, to where you want to be. Think of it as your guide that shows you the next step when you get lost or disoriented. Without it, you might just end up going around in circles. Many of us go around-and-around the hamster wheel of life, never really getting anywhere.
 
A plan isn’t just merely saying I don’t want this, but I do want that. A well thought out, and a comprehensive plan includes the steps you need to take and addresses potential challenges and roadblocks that you will face. The truth is, it is going to take time and effort to get to your destination. You will need to work at it step-by-step. To be successful, you need to build a thorough plan. 

AN EXAMPLE:
When I decided to return to school for my degree, it took 8 years and countless hours of study time. I had to stay focused and set my parental guilt aside while my husband handled the kid’s bedtimes and homework. The commitment required a ton of work to overcome inner saboteurs voices that threatened to stop me dead in my tracks.

My plan helped me to focus on what was in front of me. My strategy was to attain my degree slowly and steadily: One course at a time. I strategically planned which courses I was taking and in what order, matching it up with what else was going on in life. I took a couple of semesters off to recharge. I kept the end goal in mind when doubt, fear, and hesitation crept in. I also knew, what chapter I was reading, what paper needed completing and what I needed to do, that evening, and perhaps the next. Both the long-term vision and the daily steps of the plan were crucial to my success.

Most people are disengaged 
Did you know that less than 2/3 of the people in most organizations are NOT engaged?

• They are not committed.
• They don't enjoy the work.
• They don't want to be there.

As a leader, most days for me it honestly felt like

• I was dragging my team to staff meetings
• pushing them to get their paperwork done and
• pulling them through accreditation 

I think we can both agree there is something wrong with that statistic and with leaders feeling so frustrated. It needs to be changed! Let's take a look at what it takes to turn that around.

Do you listen to the sermon?
My minister often jokes that we can take a nap during his sermon. Sometimes, I'll be honest, my mind wanders, and I think about all of the other things I could be doing. But more often than not, I tune in and am engaged in what he's saying.

• His booming voice, vivid stories and powerful message draw me in.
• I know, if I have questions after, I can be curious and ask him. He'll take the time to elaborate, engaging me in a conversation to help me understand.
• His time and attention to me lets me know that I matter.
• What's more, the work, our congregation, does together, helps me to know I am part of something bigger than me. Together we contribute meaningfully to our community.

What if workplaces were Magnetic?
When I listen to my minister, he draws me into his message, vision and ideas. Imagine if leaders and organizations were magnetic and pulled people in like that? What if you could be more engaging with your team?


My magnetic experience
I remember one particularly difficult time when my team and I were working on a proposal.

• It was a proposal we passionately wanted.
• It could truly mean significant, positive differences in the way we served our clients and we were super excited about that.
• We had deeply engaging conversations about how we could creatively offer services. It was ok for everyone to be curious and throw out crazy ideas. We knew that those ideas would lead to the solid ones we were looking for.
• Everyone had a part to do on the proposal. It wasn't just me off in a corner writing it. They knew they mattered.

It truly felt magnetic!

I've been working with colleague Bill Scott over the last few years to create organizations that are Magnetic! We've just launched our website: THE MAGNETIC WORKPLACE. If you pop over there, you can grab our tips for engaging your team. Make sure to check out the page Understanding the ​Workplace Continuum where we explain the range of cultures in organizations from toxic to tolerable and then to yes, you guessed it... Magnetic!
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Would this gift annoy you?
The inscription on the mug read: Pessimists Mug on one side. The opposite side had a line indicating "The glass is half empty now."

That mug sat on my bookshelf for a long time. It annoyed the crap out of me each time I looked at it  I DID NOT want to be seen as a pessimist: A person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst or is disposed to be gloomy. The last thing I wanted was to be considered the team party pooper!

I set out to change that.
In my journal a short time later I wrote:

• Sept 27, 2005 - It’s so important to be optimistic instead of pessimistic - I always think of that cup my boss got me - He thought I was a pessimist. NO WAY! I am a realist that looks at things positively. I always pull out how things are and where we could be. I see the big picture, have hopes, dreams and goals. (This was followed by a list of things I was grateful for including a good job and my skills & abilities)

It must have worked because fast forward a couple of years, and that same boss didn't say I was optimistic, but he did write this about me:

• May 2007 - Kathy has worked on her inner self, and I can see this every time I talk with or see Kathy. Her confidence, inner security and calmness shine out from inside her. Kathy radiates her inner assurance to others, and this is a quality that is quite remarkable. 

That note was a gift I could be proud of!

Which way do you see me?
Fast forward a few more years...this week to be precise and our annual awards banquet at Toastmasters. I received an award for “Enduring Optimism” Yeah! THAT is the impact I want to have on others.

None of this happened by accident. I created a plan. I began reading books that helped with my attitude, outlook and view of myself and the world. I took training that helped me see problems from new perspectives. I journaled and started a gratitude practice.

I became Response-ABLE!

• I did not wait for someone else to change, my work world to change or the environment I lived in to change.
• I didn't hope someone would tell me what to do; What course to take, what book to read or what activity to engage in. I sought those out myself.
• I didn't wait for it to be the right time to take that journey of discovery and growth. I jumped in with both feet. Even my boss recognized that. He commented in the note about me: This is not easy when you are a working mom, raising a family and going to school. 

I stopped playing victim to the world around me and my circumstances and took responsibility for my life.

​Why don't you, or so many women, address these issues?
Before I answer that question, let's look at an example of a woman who is no longer staying quiet about injustices faced by her and other women in the fundraising sector.

Last week Elizabeth LeClair courageously wrote an article for CBC News addressing an issue that had been festering in her heart and mind for years. Read the article here:

• Sexual harassment runs rampant in non-profits — and it's time for our #MeToo moment

Why did Elizabeth come forward now?
What changed? What gave her the courage and confidence to do that?

I don't know. But let me take a guess:
Having the courage to address moral issues can be scary and challenging. We see people have moral courage when something shifts for them.

• We step forward when we develop confidence.
• We take action when we engage in conversation with others and realize it's not just us being affected.
• We take courageous action when we are compelled by our powerful values, morals and ethics.
• We grow, develop and mature when we put the time, energy and focus into developing ourselves from the inside out.

Is there something you have been holding back on addressing?
What needs to shift for you? Do you need to develop more confidence, connect with other supportive people, get clear on what your values, morals and ethics are, spend time on personal development or is there something else?


When will you take action to grow yourself,
so that you can address the issues that's been aggravating far too long?

Are you the type that doesn't set goals? Think again!
We all need goals. It is when we have goals and targets that we perform at our best. You know this simply by thinking about how good you are at getting something done at the "11th hour."

• If the funding proposal is due at 3 pm today, you will be nailing your productivity habits.
• If the wedding is 3 weeks away, you will have amazing healthy eating habits.
• If you just had a significant health scare, there is a good chance you'll bump up your habit of gratitude journaling.

And...Do you have a plan to go with your goal?
Targets and goals are critical, but your goals are dead in the water if you don't have a strategic plan for how you will achieve them.
If you don't know that you will head to the gym at 5:30 on Mon - Wed - Fri.,
how do you know you will fit into that dress?

You need an implementation plan...
When the clock strikes 5 pm, I will pack up my stuff, leave the office and head to the gym.


You need a strategy to help you implement your plan
An implementation plan is how you will establish the habit of working out...which performed consistently over time, regardless of your workload or how motivated you feel...is what will allow you to achieve your goal. It's the small daily habits that help you to achieve your goals.

It is the plan and your strategy that will allow you to establish those habits!


Do your goals include becoming a stronger leader?
If your goal is to become a stronger, more confident and capable leader, how will you achieve that goal?

• What will you need to do regularly to make that happen?
• What skills will you need to learn?
• What habits will you need to install?
• What resources (people, books, training, etc.) will you need to help you?

That's your strategic plan. Do you have one?

The book that will help you and me kick butt on our goals this year!
If you have been following my logic here, you realize that one of the things you need to focus on is building good habits. Habits are the bricks that when compounded over time allow you to achieve your goal.

• Going to the gym once doesn't help you be fit.
• Hitting the gym 3-5 times each week over the span of 3 months will.
• Reading a few pages in a book won't make you a more confident leader.
• Establishing the habit of skill development via reading 20 minutes per day will grow your competence and confidence.