YOUR QUESTION:

Kathy, How do I create work-life balance? 

• I tend to find myself spending days immersed in my work, and neglect my family and friends.
• Have you ever gone through anything similar? How do you cope?

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MY ANSWER:
You need to focus on BALANCE rather than BALANCING - Learn how below.

We talk about work-life balance as if it's a static thing: BALANCED.
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But work and life are not static things. They are ever-changing. We need to move with the ebb and flow of work and life, rather than trying to stop the scales of balance dead in the middle. We need to practice BALANCING!

Has your balance ever got out of balance like mine?
As you know, last week, my newest granddaughter Paisley was born. Subsequently, things in my whole life went out a whack. 

To be honest, though, I wanted to resist it. I wanted to re-establish static BALANCE, ASAP!

• I like order. 
• I love my routines. 
• I like to know what to expect. 
• And to be honest, I like to be very much in control of all of that!

I wasn't in control anymore!
Gone was controlling my world, though, especially if I wanted to honour my values.

• I strongly value family.
• I also value excellence.

That means I want to be an excellent mom and grandma. You don't get do-overs of baby's births. There is only one shot!

But here is what I learned last week. Or maybe re-learned. 
The lesson I learned was during challenging times, to move with the chaos of what is happening, rather than trying to stop everything right in the middle.

QUICK PRACTICAL EXERCISE TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "BALANCED" AND "BALANCING":

STEP 1:         Stand on one foot. 
                      Find a point of BALANCED. You can't. You will be moving back and forth if every so slightly BALANCING.

STEP 2:         Still on one foot, lean to one side. Just a tiny bit at first, then so far that you have to put your foot down
                      else, you'll fall over.

STEP 3:         Think, what was the "tipping point?"

Your core strength matters!
Of course, your physical capacity and your core strength will impact how good you are at balancing and when you tip over. The way to get good at BALANCING is to strengthen your muscles, especially those in your core! So it is with balancing work and life.

Your nonphysical core
Your nonphysical core is knowing and understanding how to honour your values in life. Your core in life is about knowing what keeps you in integrity, who your true supports are and what hills you'll die on. It is also about having your fundamentals of wellness down pat.

****Just a little reminder - to strengthen this core of you, you'll need to do the inner work that I'm always reminding you about! 

Lesson from the exercise? You'll never be BALANCED, but always BALANCING.


Last week, I had to practice BALANCING.
In truth, I leaned way over to one side, the family side of my life and I held myself out there for a few days. I reprioritized my schedule.

• Rather than building a course, I was changing diapers.
• Rather than putting on a webinar, I was helping my daughter reposition a lazy nurser.
• Rather than coaching you, I was enjoying watching Paisley's dad whisper in her ear about how much he loved her!

Leaning too far!
But at some point, probably earlier this week, I felt myself leaning too far that way. I felt myself almost tipping over. I'd been there for my daughter and her family. I'd done what was needed but wasn't needed there in that way anymore. And, I'd started to feel the tug of not just work again, but also of my wellness that had got neglected. 

• My focus on healthy eating had slipped.
• I wasn't hitting my 10,000 step goal every day. 
• I was tired and needed some extra rest. 
• I'd missed meditating a few days.

Leaning back the other way
So earlier this week, I started my lean back the other way. It was a bit wobbly at first. When you jerk too quickly, you tend to fall over also. But as the week has progressed, I've found myself shifting back and forth closer to the centre. I feel in more control of my life.
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We are always BALANCING
This back and forth, though is a constant. Writing proposals, working through accreditation, traveling to training and setting up new offices have all pulled me to the work side of work-life balance, frequently in my career. 

When I lacked the strength in my core, was when I tipped too far and fell into the void of never-ending work. Too frequently, this was at the cost of my family and health. Now, I know to come back to my core. Its this understanding and this foundational piece that helped me and will help you, continue to be good at BALANCING!

p.s. Help strengthen your core! Get really clear on your values and how they show up in your life. Here's some help to get you started, validating what's important to you!

YOUR QUESTION:
Kathy, How do I find the time to be the best leader I can be? 

• You have all of these wonderful courses and worksheets, but I struggled to fit it all in.
• What would you suggest I do to find the time to grow myself as a leader?

MY ANSWER BELOW:

What this question says about you:
First, I applaud you for the question 
What that tells me is that you have a desire to be your best self and that you recognize that there's room to grow. That's true for all of us. None of us is perfect. None of us will ever stop growing. 

What that also tells me is that you have a growth mindset. You are willing to put time and effort into growing and developing yourself to be your best self.

• The opposite of that would be a fixed mindset, which says; I'm stuck just as I am.With a fixed mindset, you believe that you can't change, grow or develop. That often leaves you feeling like a victim and acting like a martyr...Not fun!

Instead, you are choosing to be Response-Able...choosing to make a difference in your life — Bravo for you ​

Personal and professional development is your path to success in leadership and life! 

MY ANSWER
Now, how to find the time to do some of the work to grow and develop yourself.

3 places to create time to do the work necessary for growing and developing yourself as a leader

1️⃣ Make use of existing downtime
The best example is all of the times in your life when you are waiting! For example:

• Waiting for your kids to finish their extracurricular activity or while they are at the dentist. 
• Waiting for a meeting to start
• While on transit or driving

2️⃣ Look at current time wasters / time fillers 
Consider changing what you do during some of these times:

• What you could better do with the time you currently spend watching T.V. or scrolling through your favourite social media app.
• How many times do you go back and check the same email without responding?What if you set aside specific times for checking email and specific times for doing your personal development work?
• How much time are you complaining that you don't have time, rehashing what's not working for you and your team or shuffling piles on your desk?

What could you do to be proactive about creating time for growth and development with these time-wasters?

3️⃣ Carve out time
Find 15 minutes 4 times a week here in these spots (That's a whole hour each week!!)

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier one day to journal
2. Make time on a lunch break for 15 minutes of reading
3. Schedule 15 minutes in the evening to watch a video
4. Plan 15 minutes on the weekend to organize your notes, schedule time in for the following week and respond to a question in the online program.

Tada....
YOU just CREATED a whole hour each week to work on developing yourself!
?WHOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! ?

Personal and professional development is your path to success in leadership and life! 

Do this right now.
✅Schedule at least two 15 minutes into your next week to begin the work you need to be your best self!
You'll be thankful you did!

Are you ever about to enter a tough talk and wonder if you've got what it takes to pull it off? 

If you have read the first chapter of my book, you know I have! In one particularly challenging meeting that's hard to forget, I wondered if I was about to upchuck my morning oatmeal...but I digress...​

3 Kinds of Tough Talks!
There are certainly more than 3 kinds of tough talks, but let's look at what might constitute a tough talk.

1. One-to-one meetings that are dealing with performance issues or completing a performance appraisal.
2. Group meetings where you are leading the conversation. These meetings might be tense, charged, or complicated.
3. It might be that the tough meeting you are entering is with someone that you deem more important than you or superior to you. For me, that would have been my boss or my funder. In those kinds of meetings, I might have been asking for a raise, a promotion, or to take a training course that costs a substantial amount or would pull you away from the team.

What makes these talks tough?
What makes these talks tough for you, me, or anyone else? For any talk to be considered "tough," they all have one thing in common.

Do you have any guess what the one thing is that makes talks tough?

The one defining factor is...
The thing that they have in common is that you THINK they are tough. That's it!! Each of us can enter the same meeting, and some of us will think that it's going to be a tough meeting, and some of us will think it will be just fine.

It's time to turn it around
You need to change your perspective if you want to enter your next meeting or talk and not see it as tough.  I am not suggesting you snap your fingers and say, "It's easy peasy!" No. A perspective change is about seeing in a way that is ALSO true.

Want more practice?
Not convinced? No, perhaps not. This work takes practice. But please keep at it. This is why I am always harping about the need to do the inner work. Practice makes progress!

️If you need more help with preparing for upcoming tough talks, I encourage you to check out this webinar inside of The Training Library: Preparing for a Tough Talk: So you can handle it with integrity!