YOUR QUESTION:

Kathy, How do I create work-life balance? 

• I tend to find myself spending days immersed in my work, and neglect my family and friends.
• Have you ever gone through anything similar? How do you cope?

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MY ANSWER:
You need to focus on BALANCE rather than BALANCING - Learn how below.

We talk about work-life balance as if it's a static thing: BALANCED.
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But work and life are not static things. They are ever-changing. We need to move with the ebb and flow of work and life, rather than trying to stop the scales of balance dead in the middle. We need to practice BALANCING!

Has your balance ever got out of balance like mine?
As you know, last week, my newest granddaughter Paisley was born. Subsequently, things in my whole life went out a whack. 

To be honest, though, I wanted to resist it. I wanted to re-establish static BALANCE, ASAP!

• I like order. 
• I love my routines. 
• I like to know what to expect. 
• And to be honest, I like to be very much in control of all of that!

I wasn't in control anymore!
Gone was controlling my world, though, especially if I wanted to honour my values.

• I strongly value family.
• I also value excellence.

That means I want to be an excellent mom and grandma. You don't get do-overs of baby's births. There is only one shot!

But here is what I learned last week. Or maybe re-learned. 
The lesson I learned was during challenging times, to move with the chaos of what is happening, rather than trying to stop everything right in the middle.

QUICK PRACTICAL EXERCISE TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "BALANCED" AND "BALANCING":

STEP 1:         Stand on one foot. 
                      Find a point of BALANCED. You can't. You will be moving back and forth if every so slightly BALANCING.

STEP 2:         Still on one foot, lean to one side. Just a tiny bit at first, then so far that you have to put your foot down
                      else, you'll fall over.

STEP 3:         Think, what was the "tipping point?"

Your core strength matters!
Of course, your physical capacity and your core strength will impact how good you are at balancing and when you tip over. The way to get good at BALANCING is to strengthen your muscles, especially those in your core! So it is with balancing work and life.

Your nonphysical core
Your nonphysical core is knowing and understanding how to honour your values in life. Your core in life is about knowing what keeps you in integrity, who your true supports are and what hills you'll die on. It is also about having your fundamentals of wellness down pat.

****Just a little reminder - to strengthen this core of you, you'll need to do the inner work that I'm always reminding you about! 

Lesson from the exercise? You'll never be BALANCED, but always BALANCING.


Last week, I had to practice BALANCING.
In truth, I leaned way over to one side, the family side of my life and I held myself out there for a few days. I reprioritized my schedule.

• Rather than building a course, I was changing diapers.
• Rather than putting on a webinar, I was helping my daughter reposition a lazy nurser.
• Rather than coaching you, I was enjoying watching Paisley's dad whisper in her ear about how much he loved her!

Leaning too far!
But at some point, probably earlier this week, I felt myself leaning too far that way. I felt myself almost tipping over. I'd been there for my daughter and her family. I'd done what was needed but wasn't needed there in that way anymore. And, I'd started to feel the tug of not just work again, but also of my wellness that had got neglected. 

• My focus on healthy eating had slipped.
• I wasn't hitting my 10,000 step goal every day. 
• I was tired and needed some extra rest. 
• I'd missed meditating a few days.

Leaning back the other way
So earlier this week, I started my lean back the other way. It was a bit wobbly at first. When you jerk too quickly, you tend to fall over also. But as the week has progressed, I've found myself shifting back and forth closer to the centre. I feel in more control of my life.
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We are always BALANCING
This back and forth, though is a constant. Writing proposals, working through accreditation, traveling to training and setting up new offices have all pulled me to the work side of work-life balance, frequently in my career. 

When I lacked the strength in my core, was when I tipped too far and fell into the void of never-ending work. Too frequently, this was at the cost of my family and health. Now, I know to come back to my core. Its this understanding and this foundational piece that helped me and will help you, continue to be good at BALANCING!

p.s. Help strengthen your core! Get really clear on your values and how they show up in your life. Here's some help to get you started, validating what's important to you!

Are you ever about to enter a tough talk and wonder if you've got what it takes to pull it off? 

If you have read the first chapter of my book, you know I have! In one particularly challenging meeting that's hard to forget, I wondered if I was about to upchuck my morning oatmeal...but I digress...​

3 Kinds of Tough Talks!
There are certainly more than 3 kinds of tough talks, but let's look at what might constitute a tough talk.

1. One-to-one meetings that are dealing with performance issues or completing a performance appraisal.
2. Group meetings where you are leading the conversation. These meetings might be tense, charged, or complicated.
3. It might be that the tough meeting you are entering is with someone that you deem more important than you or superior to you. For me, that would have been my boss or my funder. In those kinds of meetings, I might have been asking for a raise, a promotion, or to take a training course that costs a substantial amount or would pull you away from the team.

What makes these talks tough?
What makes these talks tough for you, me, or anyone else? For any talk to be considered "tough," they all have one thing in common.

Do you have any guess what the one thing is that makes talks tough?

The one defining factor is...
The thing that they have in common is that you THINK they are tough. That's it!! Each of us can enter the same meeting, and some of us will think that it's going to be a tough meeting, and some of us will think it will be just fine.

It's time to turn it around
You need to change your perspective if you want to enter your next meeting or talk and not see it as tough.  I am not suggesting you snap your fingers and say, "It's easy peasy!" No. A perspective change is about seeing in a way that is ALSO true.

Want more practice?
Not convinced? No, perhaps not. This work takes practice. But please keep at it. This is why I am always harping about the need to do the inner work. Practice makes progress!

️If you need more help with preparing for upcoming tough talks, I encourage you to check out this webinar inside of The Training Library: Preparing for a Tough Talk: So you can handle it with integrity!