If you are in the middle of something and it’s hitting you big time, you’d probably rather not be at work. The dread of this particular challenge is dragging you down. You feel it in your body, and you hear within as your thoughts, that echo around the common theme, “I can’t handle this anymore!”
 
You are feeling incompetent, overwhelmed and perhaps, fear that your credibility is slipping.
 
What if I told you, you can instead, feel more confident right now? In this article, you will learn the one question to ask yourself to remove that self-doubt and instantly feel surer of yourself. 

The diagnosis
If there were such a thing as a Leadership Doctor, they’d diagnose you with failing confidence. The one telltale sign, without the blood work or body scan, would be your negative mind chatter. The doctor could tell what the issue was, as soon as you mentioned to them that your thoughts were full of:

• I don’t know how…
• I can’t handle this…
• I’m not cut out for this…
• I don’t know what to do…
• How will I ever…
• If only…

 
What do you think about yourself?
Confidence is what you tell yourself. Nothing more. If you think you can, you can. If you believe it’s possible, you’ll figure out a way to make it happen. If you trust you will handle it, you’ll handle it. Confidence is a belief in your abilities, of your potential and of your faith that you can learn or figure it out. Confidence is an inner game.
 
Are you worried about what others think about you?
Where many women get stuck is that they wait for something to happen, someone else to do something, say something or offer them a better option. If you doubt, hesitate, hold back, or find you are afraid to say something, it could be because you want the go-ahead from someone else.

• You can do it
• I trust you can
• I believe in you
• I have faith in your abilities.

 
Their opinion won’t make you feel more confident
Sadly, most women leaders rarely hear words of encouragement like that from their boss, their board chair and probably even rarer still from their employees or colleagues. Praise, accolades or encouragement just don’t show up. But here’s the funny thing…even if it did, it still wouldn't make you feel any more confident. Because it doesn’t matter what they think, it only matters what you think!

​Your confidence rises or falls based on what you think about your capabilities
You become more confident when you shift your inner dialogue. When your thoughts rotate around reflections about what you can do, instead of what you can’t, your confidence rises. To feel increased confidence, work to have these kinds of thoughts yourself:

• I can do it
• I trust I can
• I believe in me
• I have faith in my abilities.

 
To feel more confident, tame your inner dialogue
To be a confident leader, you need to be the encouraging voice inside of your head. Instead of the negative mind chatter, you need to:

• Tell yourself you can handle it.
• Trust you can deal effectively with the challenging conversation that is about to ensue.
• Believe you can learn how to set boundaries.
• Have faith that you can gather the skills you need to be an influential leader.  

 
Tame your inner dialogue
Confidence is what you think you can do. The challenge is most of our thoughts are unconscious. Learning to change your inner dialogue takes time. It helps when you develop a system for checking in frequently with your thoughts and adjusting them as necessary. 
 
The proven technique: Install a system to help you manage your thoughts
A system that helps you to pause your thinking and checking in with your thoughts is the first step. Once you pause, take a moment to ponder. Ask yourself if your current thoughts are moving you towards the feeling and outcome you desire. You may find as you reflect that your thoughts are keeping you stuck in feeling incompetent, overwhelmed and lacking creditability.
 
Ask yourself this question to instantly feel more confident
If your thoughts are negative, focused on what’s not working or circling around who needs to say or do something before you can feel sure, try asking this question.
 
To feel more confident right now, what do I need to be thinking?
 
The act of pivoting your thoughts to the future, to confidence instead of lacking confidence changes how you feel.

• I need to be thinking I can handle this.
• I need to trust my skills, resources, and experience
• I need to believe in myself and my team
• I need to have faith that I do have what it takes.

 
When you shift your thoughts, you proceed forward with increased feelings of confidence. You once again feel more capable, because you are thinking about all the experience you have, what you’ve done before and how much you believe in your project.

When you manage your thoughts, you feel more confident
You can overcome self-doubt and feel a surge of confidence by following the system to regain control of your thinking. Every time you are struggling, or you hit a wall, come back to pausing. Stop long enough to reflect (ponder). Ask yourself: To feel more confident right now, what do I need to be thinking? Shift your thoughts (pivot), and take the next action step forward (proceed).
 
2 Immediate Boosts of Confidence
​Sometimes though you need an immediate boost of confidence to handle a tricky situation. You can find 2 immediate confidence boosts here to get you through today’s challenge.

​Your problem: You ain’t happy!
You’re struggling. Some days are worse than others. You want a way out of the mess. You want to feel more capable of doing your job and more content in life. But, the big question is, how do you discover that?

The solution: You just don’t know, and it’s frustrating!
Perhaps one of the options you’ve considered is coaching. But, you really don’t get what coaching is; you don’t understand it, or you aren’t sure what it’s all about. So, you’ve hesitated to take the next step.

Let me try to clear the fog for you.

​What coaching is not: 
Coaching isn’t therapy or counselling. Both of those may be something that can benefit you as well, either on their own or in conjunction with coaching, but they are different. I am neither a counsellor nor a therapist, so I am providing you with a description of what they offer from the International Coaching Federation (ICF):

• Therapy deals with healing pain, dysfunction, and conflict within an individual or in relationships. The focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past that hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present, improving overall psychological functioning, and dealing with the present in more emotionally healthy ways. 

 
What is coaching?
So what is coaching then? Coaching is a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires you to maximize your personal and professional potential. When I am coaching you, I am asking you a lot of questions. I get you thinking, and usually, in ways, you haven’t been thinking on your own!  You have probably been stuck in a rut, regurgitating the same thoughts over and over. OMG, I don’t know what to do! I can’t figure this out. I just want to enjoy my life!

Coaching is not advice. It's questions
Most often, the questions I ask are pointing you forward. As a coach, I use curiosity to help you explore things that you probably already know, but have avoided, overlooked, or afraid to take on. I might ask you What if you could figure it out, where would you start? I could ask you to describe what your life might look like after achieving joy, happiness, or contentment. That helps you get more precise about the actions you need to take because not everyone is looking for the same thing. Maybe you want to be home at least 3 nights each week to make supper, but someone else wants two vacations south each year. Another lady might focus on being able to deal with her workload or be better at growing a cohesive team. Coaching helps you see your challenges with a new perspective AND create a plan to navigate all the roadblocks between you and your future, step-by-step.


The benefits of hiring a coach
As a coach, I am helping you to reach your full potential both in at work and in your life. Part of that full potential might be that you become more productive or have better time management. You might develop better relationships with your employees or peers. Through coaching, you and your organization could achieve better results. You may find a better balance between work and life or achieve a higher state of health, which subsequently allows you more joy in life. 

Coaching will give you confidence
When you work with me, I’ll help you to feel more confident, and the result is you’ll get out of survival mode, which so many of us live in and you’ll move to thriving in both your leadership and life.

• That might mean you gain the confidence to set better work-life boundaries.
• You may increase your confidence allowing you to tackle difficult conversations and address ongoing issues with your employees or your boss.
• You may gain the courage to take on the new project, go back to school, apply for the new position or start your own business.

I work to awaken whatever has been dying to develop, grow or shine in you, that you’ve been too afraid to show the world. Coaching gives you the confidence to be you!
​
Here is what your peers say about coaching?
​Don’t take my word for it. This is what some of the women I have coached, have said about their coaching experience and the difference it's made in their life:

​How to hire a coach

You may be even more curious now about coaching and are thinking about trying coaching out. To look for a Coach, you can begin with a search on the Internet. There is a multitude of coaching sites available for you to consider. If you have a friend who is using a coach, you may ask that friend for a referral.

You might be concerned about finding a qualified coach, even if you don’t quite know what that means. The best place to ensure you are getting a certified Coach is to use the referral service that the ICF provides. There you will find a list of credentialed coaches to meet your needs.


What are you looking for in a coach?

Finding the right Coach is like finding a pair of shoes that fit really well. Looking pretty is nice, but it’s not going to help you if you are on your feet all day. Your Coach is going to help you get over some of the hills in front of you. You’ll want to find one that feels supportive, encouraging and who will push you a bit to achieve your full potential. Take the time to find the right coach. It will be worth it for both your career and your happiness.

3 Questions to ask a Potential Coach (and 3 more CRITICAL ones you should be asking)
As with anything else you are purchasing, you should do your homework before hiring a Coach. Be sure to ask the following three questions:

• What are your credentials? 
• Can you walk me through your coaching process?
• Do you have any references I can contact?

Your coaching relationship will be so valuable to you if you find the right fit. Hiring the right Coach is serious business,  I've outlined 3 additional questions that you probably wouldn't even think to ask a potential coach. These are the critical questions you want also to be asking to find the right Coach for you. You can get those 3 critical questions here.

Are you ready to sample coaching?
To book a session with me, click here. I'm looking forward to supporting you to both be an impactful leader, and enjoy life! It is possible to do both!

​Leadership could be summed up by saying personal growth.
​OMG, think of all the things you’ve learned since you started supervising, managing or leading. I’m not talking about spreadsheets, reports, and contracts. You have learned soooo much about yourself, what makes people tick, unwritten rules of meetings and when to speak and when to hold your tongue. 

The learning twist in leadership positions
​When you advance into a leadership position, you suddenly must understand more than the mechanics of the job. You are no longer concerned with the intricacies of frontline work. You now have to discover how to get people to work together, how to motivate them and how to navigate the ongoing drama between co-workers. Now that everyone’s eyes are always on you, you need to figure out how to be calm and composed even when you feel like freaking out, falling apart or running away.
 
That learning for you is all personal growth.
 
A different kind of learning is required
As you work to develop your leadership skills and competencies, much of what you are doing requires you to look inside of you.

• You must challenge your assumptions and beliefs.
• You need to get clear on your values.
• You must learn to change how you talk to others, the words you use and the attitude you have.
• You need to figure out how to understand and manage your own emotions and be aware of the moods and feelings of your team members. 

Phew! That’s a lot!
 
How to fit the learning in
The question is how the heck do you do that in the midst of your busy schedule? Most leaders don’t have the time or the luxury to go back to school in the middle of their career.
 
The truth is, the most effective, influential and successful leaders have added learning in by becoming voracious readers.

Yes, they read books. Lots of books.

​On a regular basis, you will find leaders reading on an airplane, in their office, before they go to bed or first thing in the morning. They put reading into their schedule and make it a part of their life. 

More about Audible Memberships
You are probably wondering what Audible is. Audible is an Amazon company that provides the audio version of books. Audible is a monthly subscription service that allows you to listen to audiobooks at a highly discounted cost. You can download books right to your phone, tablet, or computer.
 
Each month you’re given one credit, which you can use to buy any item in their catalog regardless of their respective cost, rating, or length. The membership costs you $14.99 Canadian each month. You can end your subscription at any time, so really there is no risk! And, your first book is free!
 
Learn More About AUDIBLE Here
 
What should you read?
To help you out I wanted to give you a sneak peek into my library. If you want to know what I’ve been reading and rereading grab this guide and get my 20 favorite leadership books. In it, you will find the Audible links to each of the books starting with my very first suggestion Mastering Confidence. When you use this link to Audible, you will get it for free!
 
You can also purchase books on iTunes. Here’s the Mastering Confidence Link to the iTunes version.
 
Leaders are Readers
Remember, leaders are learners. Most leaders find the best way to learn is by reading books. Leaders are readers. Figure out how to add minimally 10 minutes of reading to your days and see your leadership success, impact and enjoyment skyrocket!

​Get your first Audible book free here!