​If you've said or done something you regret at work lately, this is for you. We've all been there. Losing it is embarrassing! It also doesn't help you gain respect from your employees.

Step #1 - Pay attention to your thoughts 
Notice when you think someone is not doing something right, doesn't care about their job, or is out to get you. Become more aware when you are critical of yourself or judging someone's motives. ​

Try naming your feelings. 

• Wow, that just made me feel defensive.
• When he said that I became annoyed.
• The way she said that just made me tense up.

Step #3 – Manage your thoughts
After you become aware of your thoughts, you can choose to change them. When you change your thoughts, you change your emotions. 

When you notice that you’re angry because the staff has not done what you thought they should do, you can consciously plan your response rather than simply reacting out of anger.

The first response might be:

•  Well, that was a dumb thing to do, wasn’t it?

When you manage your emotions, the response might be more like:

• When you do that way, it affects the rest of the team in this way...

Grow your Emotional Intelligence, grow your leadership
When you work on your emotional intelligence, you work on your leadership. When you are better able to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions, the way you lead will change for the better. 

​Learn more about emotional intelligence in my book Mastering Confidence: Reach Your Leadership Potential by Awakening Your Inner Guidance System. In it, you'll discover a system that you can use in your already busy days, to become more emotionally intelligent and confident!

​All of us have done the mindless clicking from our inbox to Facebook, back to our inbox. It’s not Facebook’s fault. We got distracted long before social media existed.
The reason we are clicking away mindlessly is not because we get distracted. It is because we are avoiding something.

I was a master at avoiding
Before the Facebook days, I would water my plants, re-organize binders of information I’d never look at again or chit chat with an employee about the weather, our kids or the latest community gossip. All the time, I had work to do. I was doing other things, simply to avoid the work I didn't want to do.
 
I didn’t want to:
 
•    Complete the dreaded paperwork.
•    Have a conversation with staff about their performance.
•    Write the report, proposal or contract that was on my desk.
 
To get at all of those tasks required a measure of self-control. I had to be disciplined. I needed to exercise my willpower.
 
We need to exercise willpower
Willpower is the age old skill of self-control, restraint, strength, and determination.  Willpower happens in your head. Our mind-chatter tries to get us to avoid pain. That inner dialogue suggests to us, subconsciously, that doing the work will hurt. Our inner voice says, that somehow if we do the task in from of us, it will be painful, hard or troublesome. So instead, that little gremlin inside suggests we scan the newsfeed instead. 
 
We must be determined to stay on task
It takes a level of resolve to push past that and get to work, especially agonizing jobs. To stay on task, get done the important work and leave feeling productive at the end of your day, you must activate your willpower.
 
The research on willpower can help us
There are three parts of willpower according to willpower researcher Kelly McGonigal; I will, I won’t, I want. 

Get clear on the big picture and what's haunting you today
Many people tie the I want element to something grandiose such as, “I want to live a long healthy life”. This is important, but only part of the puzzle. You must also look at what the smaller parts of the I want element to help you when the donut is right in front of you.
 
Instead, when we get really clear about why we want it in the nearer future or in a smaller, more meaningful way, it’s easier to be strong-willed. For example, I might avoid the donut today because I want to fit into that dress next month.

Applying willpower at work
Now let us tie willpower back to day-to-day work. What are you trying to accomplish at work? Let’s look at my examples from earlier.

Practicing willpower makes you happier
When you practice accessing your willpower, you will find you are better able to get through some of your more challenging work. It will engage your inner desires to do important, meaningful, but sometimes difficult tasks. In doing so, you will feel more accomplished and confident. Activation your willpower finds you being more productive and going home at the end of the day, a happier person.

The Voice
These gremlins in our mind have a name. They are called Resistance.
 
Resistance is the voice inside us that keeps us small
It prevents us from doing anything out of the norm. It is working very hard to keep things status quo. Resistance shoves us away from our truly important work. It distracts us from doing the work that will have our strengths and our greatness shine. Resistance prevents us from meeting our potential.

​Instead of working on these things:

• You check your inbox, again.
• You go to get another cup of coffee, careful to avoid the employee you should be talking to.
• You start on the staff meeting agenda because it must be done.

None of those is truly more important than writing the progress report, talking to the staff or composing the email, but you didn’t even notice Resistance sneaking in and keeping things just the way they are. 

​Resistance job is to keep things status quo
 
But status quo means no change. It means you will continue to feel stuck and trapped. Resistance robs you of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. If you don’t change, nothing will change.
 
This is how it looks in your daily work
Resistance shows up as fear, doubt, procrastination, perfectionism, distraction and withdrawal.

Here is what to do
Move through it. Resistance is a self-made wall. It’s the mental block you have created in your mind. Fear is internal. You create doubt. Only you allow yourself to get distracted. It's time to get control of the mind chatter.
 
Step #1 – Increase your AWARENESS of your mind chatter
Listen to what is going on in your mind. It’s the constant dialogue that goes on inside your mind that is an important piece. The thing you must realize is that you can control it. It is up to you to notice and then to talk back.
 
Step # 2 - Identify your VALUES and your GOAL.
Why is it important that you move this barrier or step through this wall? Is it because you are working too many hours and you value your time with your family? Reminding yourself of that goal will help you to pull you through the wall that the voice of Resistance has built.
 
Step # 3 – Persist, PERSIST, Persist
Be determined to move through the wall. Stick with it. Come back to the thing you want, again and again. Sheer will and drive will get you past resistance and moving to what you really want.

Examples of moving through Resistance
 
The Resistant voice: It’s not quite right. I can’t send it yet.
The voice of Confidence: Actually, it’s good enough. It’s my best, and I need to move past this. Hit send now!
 
The Resistant voice: She’s with Cindy. I can’t address the issue now.
The voice of Confidence: So ask her to come to your office. Don’t put this off again. Deal with it now.
 
The resistant voice: I’m worried she’s going to be mad
The voice of Confidence: She might be mad. So? You’d be mad too. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to address it.

Start to pay more attention to the voices in your head. Take control of what you are saying to yourself. Persevere. If you get connected to why you want something, the determined, confident voice will win.