If you've said or done something you regret at work lately, this is for you. We've all been there. Losing it is embarrassing! It also doesn't help you gain respect from your employees.
Many times I said something I regretted
Years ago, as I was yelling at my admin support, I was not controlling what I was saying. I'm pretty sure the words just spewed out of my mouth without any conscious thought, preplanning or concern for their impact. The effect was damaging to my relationship. In my early career as a leader, I truly lacked emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is Important for Leaders
Emotional intelligence is the ability to become aware of our emotions and manage our emotions. Both of those are critical in leadership, especially when dealing with challenging situations.
Emotional intelligence, a term coined by Daniel Goldman, is
the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one's emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.
The first key to increasing your Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness
You must be aware of what you are thinking and feeling. A million thoughts are going through our minds at any given moment. Most of those thoughts are unconscious. It is our thoughts that create our emotions and then how we act. We need to get more aware of those thoughts before they hijack our emotions.
Step #1 - Pay attention to your thoughts
Notice when you think someone is not doing something right, doesn't care about their job, or is out to get you. Become more aware when you are critical of yourself or judging someone's motives.
Try naming your feelings.
Step # 2 - Challenge your thoughts
Step #3 – Manage your thoughts
After you become aware of your thoughts, you can choose to change them. When you change your thoughts, you change your emotions.
When you notice that you’re angry because the staff has not done what you thought they should do, you can consciously plan your response rather than simply reacting out of anger.
The first response might be:
Grow your Emotional Intelligence, grow your leadership
When you work on your emotional intelligence, you work on your leadership. When you are better able to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions, the way you lead will change for the better.
Learn more about emotional intelligence in my book Mastering Confidence: Reach Your Leadership Potential by Awakening Your Inner Guidance System. In it, you'll discover a system that you can use in your already busy days, to become more emotionally intelligent and confident!
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Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.