I recently watched the movie Hillbilly Elegy and loved it!

There is a scene where the main character goes to a fancy dinner and steps away to phone his girlfriend to get her help. Over the phone, his girlfriend teaches him a quick strategy to know which forks to use when. 

This scene brought back memories from when I first went to business dinners at upper-end restaurants and had no idea how to order wine or speak certain words on the menu and certainly not which utensil to use.

I didn't fit the "leadership" mold
Recognizing how uncultured I was always brought out in me the feeling that I didn't fit in. It made me feel that I didn't have what it took to be at that leadership level.

I suffered from Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome happens when we think we don't have the capacity, skills or education to do the job we are in. It leads to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. We fear that others will discover we aren't knowable, capable, or equipped to do the job, which leads to feeling like a fraud or imposter. 

Here's the thing, neither of my parents has a high school education, and we farmed. I know differently now, but back then, I felt like that was two strikes against me. The belief partly stems from my Dad's frequent quip about being "just a dumb farmer." That belief unconsciously stayed with me, and as a result, I was undoubtedly always comparing myself to others who were more cultured and had more educated parents.

I didn't have enough of this:
That unconscious pattern of thinking continued in my career. I never felt I had "enough" to fit in. 

• I wasn't old enough
• I didn't have enough education
• I certainly didn't have enough experience or the right experience
• I didn't read up on the news frequently enough.
• I didn't have a rich enough vocabulary.
• My husband didn't have the right kind of job, we didn't drive the right type of vehicle, and we didn't vacation in the right places. 

The list went on. But remember, much of this at the time was unconscious. I just felt that constant feeling of being an outsider because I wasn't "enough." 

Do you have enough to fit the leadership mold?
Here is the thing though, "not-enoughness" strikes us all in various ways and at different times. 
Where do you feel "not-enoughness?"

• You may think you don't have enough experience in a specific sector that you are supervising. 
• Maybe you don't think you have enough financial understanding to manage your budgets.
• Perhaps you think you lack the proper speaking skills, organizational skills or negotiation skills to head that next big discussion. 

Here's how it looks at work
When I would sit at a contract meeting, I often didn't understand the legal mumbo-jumbo on the page in front of me. 

• Feeling: I felt inferior, stupid and uncomfortable. I was embarrassed to admit I didn't get it.
• Thought: I thought I was the only one that didn't understand it.
• Body sensation: If anyone asked me any questions, my heart would race, and I'd get a red face trying to answer.

Have the courageous conversations
In the podcast, Mallory suggests it becomes less intimidating when we talk about what we feel with other people at work. She encourages us to create a workplace culture where it's safe to say what we feel, and as the leader, that starts with you. 

Here's an example
For example, I could have bravely spoken up at that meeting to say, "Hey, you know what, I feel a little foolish for saying this, but I don't understand what this word means, and I don't get what this implies." I bet that others around the table felt the same way and would have been relieved for someone to speak up. 

Strategy # 2
Another strategy Mallory talks about is to get a hold of your thoughts. Self-talk like this wreaks havoc with your confidence:

• I'm so stupid
• I don't know what I'm talking
• I don't know why they put me in this position!

You need to get a hold of these thoughts and reframe them to ease the doubt, increase your confidence and overcome that imposter syndrome feeling. 

More help
When you work through the Inner Guidance Cycle by stopping (pause) to ask yourself what you are thinking and feeling (ponder), you can remind yourself (pivot) that you're not the only one at that moment not understanding the words on the legal document in front of you. That can give you the courage to speak up (proceed) and say what many people in the room are feeling.

To understand and begin using The Inner Guidance Cycle in your leadership and life, grab Mastering Confidence and start working through the self-reflective exercises in it.

For the other two strategies on how to overcome not-enoughness, tune to the podcast with Mallory Erickson here

Are you scared of someone on your board? Maybe not scared. Perhaps they make you very uncomfortable, or for whatever reason, there's tension.

Keep reading. I've got some help coming your way!

Brenda's Board Challenge
In a recent call, Brenda asked for coaching on an upcoming board meeting. Brenda told me that she hated board meetings because one of the board members was nasty to Brenda when she did Brenda's performance appraisal ten years ago. Brenda still remembers she felt attacked by that board member. 

Since then, Brenda doesn't trust the board member and indicates they have a tenuous relationship. Brenda struggles to work with this board member effectively.

Brenda got some coaching
In our coaching conversation, I asked her about that performance appraisal. Brenda indicated the issue on that performance appraisal was something that she wished she'd handled differently. She realized now that she has grown a lot since then.

Brenda accesses her inner wisdom
By utilizing The Inner Guidance Cycle, by coming to coaching to PAUSE and then PONDER, Brenda realized her thoughts were full of an old storyline. 

• Brenda had an old belief: The board member doesn't think I'm competent. 
• Brenda's perspective was: The board member doesn't like me. 
• Brenda's judgement was: I don't trust the board member. 

Brenda also became more aware of her body sensations. Brenda would tense up any time she had to engage with this board member.

Brenda realized she was feeling incompetent and lacked confidence every time she had to talk to that person. 

In the PONDER step of the Inner Guidance System Brenda looked at her thoughts, feelings and body sensations as indicators of what was going on, Brenda increased her self-awareness. 

Brenda's new awareness was that she'd been holding onto old hurts, old stories, and past conflict. Brenda realized that she had not allowed her relationship with her board member to grow and move past that incident 10 years ago.

Brenda found new perspectives
Once Brenda identified the old patterns of thoughts and feelings, we started looking at different perspectives, and Brenda was able to PIVOT 

• I have a lot more skills than I did back then. 
• I am quite capable, competent and effective at my job. 
• I learned a lot from my past mistakes and often handle the situation differently and more effectively now.

Brenda felt lighter and more confident
By the end of our coaching call, Brenda was ready to PROCEED. She had a new mindset around this particular board member.

• Brenda and I prepared talking points so she could go bravely into a conversation about the current challenge feeling increased confidence and certainly lighter without all of that old baggage.

Your turn: Do you avoid someone on your board?
If you've ever avoided board conversations or have a challenging member, you are not alone. My guest on this week's podcast, Heather Terrence, says we all know boards can be a little bit sticky. 

That doesn't mean you should avoid some of those more challenging members or those difficult conversations. In fact, you must address tough conversations!

As Heather says in our podcast, it's your job to liaise between the organization and the board, and thus it's your job to address difficult conversations.

Help to have those Brave Board Conversations!
You can learn more about strategies that Heather suggests to have Brave Board Conversations in this week's podcast. You'll also find that Heather shares a link to her board governance checklist. If you want support with your board, certainly check out the services that Heather offers here.

If you want help working through The Inner Guidance Cycle with a current challenge, review the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle here. For coaching to help you move through the steps, book a call here.

Let it go!
Stop carrying around all that old hurt, pain and frustration! It's not helping you enjoy impactful leadership...nor is it helping you be the best leader you can be! As someone famous says....Let it go!!

You may need to change what you are thinking!
The thing that Divya was missing, and that I am guessing you might be missing is that to achieve a goal, you need to not just look at the outcome you desire and the strategy that you will use to get there but that you will also look at what mindset shifts you need to make.

The Goal: Reduce hours working
The Outcome: Increased work-life balance
The Strategy: To delegate more
The Mindset Shift: Delegating helps not just me, but my managers and our team
​

The Goal: Reduce hours working
The Outcome: Increased work-life balance
The Strategy: To delegate more
The Mindset Shift: Delegating helps not just me, but my managers and our team
Daily Habit: Note where I delegated, thought about delegating or struggled to delegate and what my thought was about that

It's your turn!
Take time to work through your goals for the upcoming quarter. Notice I don't say for the year. A year is a bit long to really do the deep dive work here. You can set annual goals, and you should. But then break them down to how you will work on that goal each quarter.

More Help

1. Set your quarterly goals with the help of this webinar in The Training Library.
2. Become a member of The Training Libary here for ongoing help with your personal and professional development
3. Book a 1-1 coaching call here
4. Listen to this week's podcast: Goal Creation Magic​

Make this year the year to achieve some remarkable leadership goals!
Remeber, there is more to goal setting than just writing a sentence down. Also, strong leaders develop their own personal and professional goals AND work on them! Please don't assume your performance appraisal goals are enough. There are likely more details that need flushing out to help you truly feel more confident, composed and comfortable leading with integrity!

If you need help with that, message me here!