​You can either move into a leadership position, or you can keep plugging along where you are and maintain some resemblance of balance in life.
But you can’t have both.
It’s either a career or balance. You decide!

Hidden Messages Plague Women
​How many times have you heard that you can't have both? Probably not always outright, but if you read between the lines, it’s there. 

• Oh! You need time off for the kid’s dentist appointment? Sure, we can reschedule that meeting, or perhaps, we will just get someone to cover for you. 
  • The hidden message: If you put your family ahead of work, we’ll just replace you with someone who is more dedicated to the job.
• I need you to work late on this.
  • The hidden message: Especially when this is given as a directive, without questioning if you are able, is that it is obvious it doesn’t matter what else is going on in your life, this is more important.
• You look tired/frazzled/rough! 
  • The hidden message: You really can’t handle the pressure of leadership.

​We do it all
So they don’t have to decide either a career or balance, women try to do it all:

Setting the pace for the day, we open our email before the sleepy crust is out of our eyes.  The speed quickens as we scurry around to get the dog fed and the kids out the door on time. We respond to everyone else’s needs all day jumping from meeting to email to conversation. The race continues into the evening as we dash through errands, supper, laundry and whatever event is scheduled that night. To catch our breath, we decide to unwind in front of the TV. However, we still have our email open, trying in vain, to catch up before the wheel begins to spin again tomorrow. 

Missing the meaningful things
​I know that women leaders spend their days chasing fires and solving everyone else’s problems. At the end of their days, thought, they feel as though they didn’t get anywhere. 

• They missed the conversation with their spouse, kid or employee the wanted to have. 
• They didn’t get the chance to work out, again. 
• They never got to read the book they wanted to start
• Nor did they find the time to check in on their favorite client.
• They didn’t get to the passion project that has been sitting on the side of their desk
• Their to do list isn’t any shorter. If anything, it grew. 
• They didn’t find any burst of energy or enthusiasm or joy. 

Change your tomorrow!
Darn right! Tomorrow is another day. I believe that women can choose to change their tomorrows, given the opportunity, support and information. The catch is they have to decide to make the best of opportunities when they are presented. 
​
Choose a different way
Choosing something different isn’t easy, in fact, it can be painful!

• To say no to the boss or board chair brings its own bag of guilt. 
• Leaving at 5:00 pm when there is still work to do, has a ripple effect into tomorrow. 
• Telling your kid you can’t watch their big game because you will be on the road sets off inner gremlins that can wreck havoc for weeks! 

I know, trust my, I was there. 

Some days, I chose puke
My babysitter Faith was amazing. But that didn’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks, as I drove away after dropping off my vomiting toddler at 5:45 am so I could catch the plane to the city for that “big” meeting. It was a choice I had to make. Barfing child or a conference with the big wigs. That day, I prioritized my commitment to my clients and the work our team was doing. On other days, I elected for scrubbing puke off the coach.

Don't live in default mode
Again and again in my leadership, I was presented with opportunities to make choices. How I made my decisions, was the crux of building the life I wanted. If you want to stop choosing between career or life, you have to get good at making other choices. Living your life in default mode and letting others make the decisions for you, creates frustration, bitterness, and resentment. 

I doesn't have to be either/or
I believe a woman can move into leadership positions and at the same time, find a decent amount of balance in their life. To do this, they need to develop the confidence to make good choices. That confidence is the thing that will help them, do the inner work necessary for compelling leadership. By developing themselves, women develop their character and strengthen their integrity. These are the two fundamental traits needed for credible, competent and effective leadership. They are also the two qualities that help women to lead full and rich live both at work and beyond. ​

How to STAND with CONFIDENCE
Stand with confidence means holding your body in a position that feels more confident. It is expansive and open, meaning you take up a lot of space. ​Although I say stand, the same applies to sitting. Follow these suggestions for confident body posture. 

Learn from the body posture expert
Learn more about how powerful your presence is to those around you, but more importantly to you in Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk or, in Cuddy's book Presence. See what she means by power posing by checking out this image. 

Adjust your posture to increase your confidence
Learn to watch your posture and adjust it when necessary! Holding your body in a power position, one that is expansive, open, taller and takes up more space, changes your body’s chemistry. That releases the hormones that give you confidence. Stand like you can, and you will be able to more confidently deal with the next challenge that comes your way.

Did you miss the other Confidence Hacks?
I've been reviewing 4 Confidence Hacks these last few week so you can increase your confidence. If you missed them, find the links here:

​Imagine a cartoon character standing at the edge of the river of life. As the frames progress, you see her still lingering on the riverbank while everyone else is jumping in. Each sketch shows others diving into school, relationships, and careers.  But this particular little one, however, seems to be stalling, as she waits for something to happen before she takes the plunge. 

What is she waiting for?
As you studied the cartoon, you'd likely realize that she is waiting for something to mysteriously overcome her that will make her feel better, surer or more capable. She is waiting for confidence. But if you look carefully at the other characters, you would see that they got that inner glow after they courageously took their leap. Their confidence grew after they acted like they could handle life.

Are you waiting?
Many of us are like that character in the cartoon. We wait to feel confidence before we do something. 

• When I feel surer of myself, I’ll speak up. 
• When I feel more capable, I’ll deal with that. 
• When I feel confident, I’ll apply for that new position. 

The problem is, we don’t gain confidence by waiting. We gain confidence through action.

​Feeling comes AFTER action, not before.
The shift in the way you feel comes after you take action to illicit that feeling. Consider the following examples:

• The feeling of love comes after the demonstration of love. When I act lovingly towards my husband by reaching out and to hold his hand, my heart swells with love.
• The feeling of friendship comes after the act of being friendly. When I invite a peer out for lunch and get to know her better, I feel our friendship growing.
• The feeling of safety comes after I have taken steps to ensure safety. When I do up my seatbelt, I feel safer as I am drivi

Act with confidence and you'll feel confident
​Just as in the above examples, the feeling of confidence comes after acting with confidence. When you perform with confidence, such as by voicing your opinion at a meeting, you begin to feel more confident to do it more frequently in the future. However, the action comes first. To take that initial response often requires a level of courage. You gain that courage by first, knowing you can, increasing your competence. Then shifting your mindset to believing you can. When you've taken those first two steps, the courage to act comes easier. 

My lack of confidence
I think back to when I started Toastmasters. I hated standing up at the beginning of each meeting to introduce myself. I fumbled over my words, said “um” a zillion times and raced as fast as I could to get it over. I was certainly not confident. 

I acted with confidence and became confident
​The change came over me when I acted as if I was speaking confidently. It was the weekly act of bravely rising and presenting myself to my peers that gave me the feeling of confidence. Each time I did it, I felt better about it. My confidence grew with bold action.

• I dared to fail.
• I risked making an idiot of myself.
• I put myself in a vulnerable place.

As a result, I am a better speaker. I am confident now to introduce myself and to stand in front of a crowd and give a speech. That level of confidence would not have happened if I had stayed seated and said “pass” each time it came to my turn.

Acting with confidence requires leaving your comfort zone
​To act like you can, you will need step outside of your comfort zone. That isn't always easy to do. The following 3 points will serve as reminders about why, despite how hard it might be, you still need to move outside of your comfort zone.

​THE PROBLEM:
​The problem is you are unhappy with your day-to-day life, but you don’t know how to change it.

• You never get through everything you want in a day, you feel as if you aren’t getting anywhere
  
• You are so exhausted by the time you get home, that you can’t enjoy life.
• You feel trapped or stuck and don’t know what to do.
• Thus, you moan to your spouse, your girlfriend or your mom.
  
• The voice in your head is stuck on “I hate my life!”

MY STORY:
I know that place of stuck all too well. Time-and-time again I have found that I am once again feeling stalled. I realize I’ve been working hard, but getting nowhere, except worn out. You know that feeling too right?
 
I learned that instead of staying stuck forever, it was when I paused long enough to realize what was going on that I had some great insights. Through conscious pondering, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get from where I was, to where I wanted to be. Giving myself that time to think allowed me to do a little bit of a pivot in a new direction.
 
That slight shift of direction helped me to create a new strategy to accomplish what I was looking for. With that plan in hand, I was able to proceed forward, despite challenges, opposition and with the fear and doubt that are ever present.
 
THE COMPLETE SOLUTION:
​The key to success has always been a plan. It is the deliberate understanding of what I need to do next, and perhaps even after that has gotten me, and can get you too, through the challenges that are inevitably in front of us when we want a different experience of life going forward.
 
A plan is a roadmap that helps you to move from where you are now, to where you want to be. Think of it as your guide that shows you the next step when you get lost or disoriented. Without it, you might just end up going around in circles. In fact, I believe many of us do that daily. Around-and-around the hamster wheel of life we go, never really getting anywhere.
 
A plan isn’t just simply saying I don’t want this, but I do want that. A well thought out, comprehensive plan includes the steps you need to take and addresses potential challenges and roadblocks that you will face. The truth is, it going to take time and effort to get to your destination. You will need to work at it step-by-step. To be successful, you need to build a thorough plan. 

DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE HAZARDS: 
​If you are like many women, you develop a plan to change your life, only to have it all fall apart just a short time later. That’s because you likely made one of the critical mistakes most women make when trying to develop a plan to change their life.
 
I want to make sure you are successful moving forward. To help you out with this, I’ve developed a list of the 5 mistakes women make when trying to change their life. I’ve also included the “fix” to those mistakes, so you don’t get caught. To get those 5 mistakes, just click here, and I’ll send you the report.
 
Remember, the plan is critical. However, it must be a comprehensive plan to work. Take the time, don’t make these mistakes, and build your plan today! When you do, you’ll find yourself getting unstuck. Instead, you will be moving forward with clarity and purpose. ​​