My coaching client Lyssa called me last week in a tissy. She'd just come out of a staff meeting that hadn't gone well. I'll never be good at running meetings; she moaned! I hate them, and they hate me.

Who hates you? I teased. Your staff or just meetings in general?
Lyssa sighed; Both! 

Lyssa when on: Every time I go into a staff meeting, I feel tense. I know the meeting is going to be strained. Someone is going to get worked up, and it's most often me. I wait for someone to put me on the spot with a pointed question. I just know I'll get defensive. Too often, I've lost my cool and said things I shouldn't have. I then feel stupid and leave the meeting feeling lousy.
I psych myself up before meetings and just pray I will get through them. 

Lyssa set the bar low. I just want to survive this staff meeting.

But my job as a coach is to help Lyssa (and you) set the bar much higher.

• What if you didn't just survive staff meetings?
• What if you and your team had amazing staff meetings that developed relationships as well as your service delivery? 
  
  

It's time for Lyssa's Coaching
Let me tell you how I helped Lyssa move in that direction. I started by asking her: What does your agenda for staff meetings look like?

Lyssa shrugged; Probably like any other leader's agenda. First, I go over all of the issues and concerns that I've got to cover. Then we review policy updates from senior management. Finally, I ask if they have anything they want to cover.

🤷‍♀️So you beat them then you bore them and then, after all, that, you bother to ask for their input - Do I have that about right?

Um, laughs Lyssa - Well, I don't think it's quite that bad but yeah, I guess so. So what should I be doing instead?

Lyssa's Backstory
Lyssa had moved into her leadership role from a front-line position. She'd taken some management training since, but never received a "course" on how to run a staff meeting. It's just assumed, she knows how to do it. 

I bet you have a similar backstory
But that's probably not true for most of us. We didn't just wake up one day knowing the SKILLS of how to run a staff meeting. Very few people have the innate ability to know HOW to run a meeting. Those that do have learned how to do that.

Lyssa learns some skills to run an effective staff meeting
It was time for Lyssa to begin to learn more about the skills necessary for running a staff meeting. We spent a few minutes talking about how to structure a routine staff meeting. 

• We talked about the importance of having the agenda out early so that staff knew what to expect as well as could provide items for the agenda ahead of time.
• We talked about setting the stage at the beginning of the meeting by having a quick team building activity, a moment of silence, time for gratitude or kudos. I likened it to warming the oven up. You wouldn't put a cake in the oven before it's warmed up. Nor should you broach a touchy subject before everyone has had a chance to connect positively.
• We talked about the idea of rotating the chairperson role to allow her team the opportunity to practice planning meetings, developing leadership skills and managing conversations — all which are essential skills to grow as you build a succession plan. 
• Finally, Lyssa took down the link for the Emotional Control course. She knew that to manage her emotions during meetings, she needed to learn how to increase her Emotional Intelligence. 

After a few minutes, Lyssa asked me: Why hasn't anyone ever taught me this stuff before? I said; When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. 

That saying: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear hints that the information has always been there. You just weren't looking for it or prepared to hear it. Ask yourself: Have I ever actually looked for information about how to run a staff meeting effectively? Most of us would say, probably not.

Here is the thing, running a staff meeting with confidence means you need to develop skills to run an effective meeting. But you have to look for those skills!

A growth mindset keeps you looking for your teachers
If you want to know how to run an effective staff meeting, start looking for teachings on that. Where do you learn those skills from? Textbooks, YouTube searches, and watching a mentor are all good places to start.
But you have to look at it from a student mindset. You have to be willing to learn. These are some things to query:

• What are they doing? 
• What are they not doing?
• What framework are they using?
• How did they prepare?

Questioning these areas will help you to develop your competence.

⭐️Why this matters SO much!⭐️
The #1 fear in women leaders is the fear of not being competent, not measuring up, looking like an idiot, stumbling over your words, failing or making a big mistake! They are afraid of looking incompetent. This fear is an indication of imposter syndrome. 

You can be a CONFIDENT woman leader!
Competence, though, having the skill or ability to do something, is sometimes confused with having the courage to use that skill and feeling confident when you learn to use it well. All three of those "C" words go together.
✔️Competence is having the skills or ability 
✔️Courage is being willing to use those skills even if you are not very good at it and feel afraid.
✔️Confidence is what comes AFTER you've had some experience putting the new skills to use.

3 steps to develop the confidence, competence and courage to run effective staff meetings
To become more effective, competent and confident to run staff meetings, take a look at where you are struggling with a feeling of incompetence. Then do the following three steps

• First, identify where you struggle and the corresponding skill you would need to develop to increase your competence in that area.
  • i.e. I lack confidence in speaking - I need to develop public speaking skills
• Then look for where you could learn those skills.
  • i.e. Kathy's always talking about Toastmasters. Maybe I could see if there is a club around close to me.
• Finally, identify how you can practice that.
• i.e. Maybe I could go to the Chamber of Commerce meetings monthly and practice speaking. 

Your ongoing commitment to developing you
is your secret to success and happiness!

Competence + Courage = Confidence
Competence is knowing how. 
Courage is doing it even when it feels scary. 
Confidence is experiencing it and realizing you lived through it. 

Far too many leaders focus on the same old stuff every day! Round and round you go.
     Sure, you might experience a different flavour of crisis.
     The drama today could sound a bit different.
     Yet, when you look back over the last year or two, does it look the same?
 
Are you trapped?
If you keep experiencing basically the same crisis and dramas every day, that might be because you've become trapped in the same spot. It's like swamp water that doesn't move, and it's why you feel icky.

Are you living in the past? 
Just like those who still have the 80's hair doo, are you approaching problems with the same mindset and skillset that you learned 10, 20 or 30 years ago? Those old ways are not going to keep you at the forefront of leadership or help you to enjoy life.

Do you want to know what else is causing you grief?
Let me explain something that you may not have considered. If you are like many women leaders, at times, you struggle with imposter syndrome. Instead of feeling competent, capable and confident, you feel:

• Incapable
• Insecure &
• Incompetent

And you hope no one will ever figure out how inadequate you really are.

To get out of imposter syndrome, you need the training to feel competent and thus confident! If you aren't getting the training you need, then you keep feeling like you are incapable, insecure and incompetent.

Are you a manager or a leader? Here is the simple question to help you see: Are you trying to move things forward, or are you trying to stabilize them?

We need to both manage and lead
Likely you do both but at different times. The challenge is that we get caught in too much managing. We spend most of our time, heads down just trying to survive. More often, and we need to manage less and lead more. 

​A manager steadies things.
If at that moment, you are trying to stabilize things, keep them in line, and follow procedures, then you are managing. 

Here is what managing looks like:
When you wear the manager’s hat, you are;
      ✔️Managing budgets
     ✔️Setting up work schedules
     ✔️Ensuring people are following their job descriptions
     ✔️Reviewing procedures at a staff meeting
     ✔️Solving the problem of the day
     ✔️Returning emails
     ✔️Attending meetings, we are required to attend

?Managers get stuff done
Managers are maintaining order and consistency. They are keeping things status quo. In essence, they are getting the work done.

?Leaders are moving things forward
Shifting into leadership mode means that instead of maintaining the status quo, leaders are looking to challenge the status quo. You are looking to get out of the steady, sure place and find more movement forward. Leaders focus on change, movement, and growth.

Both Managing and Leading are needed!

Leadership looks like this:
Putting on your leadership hat has you do these activities:

• Stepping back and looking at the bigger picture
• Thinking strategically
• Creating a vision

Leaders develop others and the company
Leaders motivate, inspire, and energized team members to grow and develop to be all they can be. In doing so, this also creates the space for the company to be all it can be. Leaders help individuals and teams to reach their full potential.

Too often we get stuck in managing and forget to lead

Only leading or managing gets you into trouble
When we sit on one side of the other too long, it creates a void. Yes, we need to stabilize for a moment, but we also need to keep moving. 
 ?️Always racing forward can lead to no foundation with which build on. 
 ️.........Only focusing on the future can create chaos, and essentially you spin out of control.
 ?️On the other hand, staying still too long makes us stagnant ?

You need to shift between managing and leading

Leaders need to know how to shift back-and-forth
Leaders need to switch back and forth from their manager hat to their leadership hat. 
?Your strength may be in seeing the future potential of an employee, and so you focus on that during their performance review. You talk to them about their goals and help them decide what training they need to take over the next year. 
?You may also need to have a conversation with them about them being late with paperwork. That conversation manages day-to-day challenges. It also serves to stabilize their work and how that affects the rest of the team.

Don’t get stuck in managing
Add more leadership time

?I CHALLENGE YOU: Work to incorporate more leading in your day-to-day work. When you can set your sights farther down the road, you can look up and gain perspective. 

• That big-picture view helps you to realize that the urgent email isn’t as urgent as it appears. 
• It allows you to see where completing this task of the day fits into the overall growth of the program over the next six months. 
• Focusing on leading gives you a different outlook on what appears to be the biggest challenge you face. It often doesn’t look so imperative when you see it lined up with everything over the next year.

Practice leading more often
When you demonstrate your leadership more often, you will develop your team to be stronger, more independent and more engaged. In doing so, you will find your organization more cohesive and will advance quicker towards the goals set out in your visioning processes.

I'm sending you lots of positive vibes to practice your leadership capabilities, so you can be your best self!?

Kathy?

p.s. Learn more about leading and managing in this video below ?️

My guess is that you have yet to find balance, fulfilment and confidence because your THINKING is getting in the way of your success. 

It's time to learn how to shift your mindset to the mindset that is actually going to help you get the success you desire!

• You need to THINK that it is possible to have all of that. 
• You need to BELIEVE you can learn, grow and find balance. 
• You need to TRUST you can develop increased confidence and create strong leadership skills.

​​
Yet, my guess is instead, you doubt yourself!

• You doubt you can do all of that
• You doubt your team and organization will be there to support you and come alongside you.

Let me show you what I mean...

2) Blame without responsibility

• I don't have time to do any training. 
• If only my boss would send me to that course.
• So and so got the promotion and they didn't even consider me. 

That's blame without responsibility.
​
We spend a lot of time being in victim mode:

• Nobody cares about me.
• Nobody ever invests in me. 
• Poor me was me, nothing's ever going to change. 
• Nobody ever puts time into developing me and my skills. 

THINKING that way is not going to get you anywhere.
That is blame, finger-pointing, or waiting without taking responsibility.
You need to take responsibility for your growth and development.

3) Being random instead of focused
We spend a lot of time taking whatever course shows up on our email. We tend to take the flavour of the month training:

• Everybody's taking courageous conversations, I better take "Courageous Conversations" too!

That randomness is not going to get you where you want to go.

THINKING that you should take whatever course is available might keep you feeling ok, but my dear, you are settling. THINKING this way keeps you in the tolerating or coping point on the surviving to thriving continuum — Ho hum, mediocre or just ok.

Find out where you land on the Surviving to Thriving Continuum here

But here is the problem, if you're competing to advance your career, and everybody has that same training, that will not make you stand out. Nor will it help you develop YOUR gifts, talents and strengths. You need to create your OWN learning curriculum that will grow YOU!

If you want to make the changes that you're looking for, you need to take responsibility for creating your own personal & professional learning plan.

You need to become response-able.

If you didn't get the promotion, you could respond to that feedback. That's feedback. That's just information. I didn't get the promotion. So what is it that you need to do to get the next promotion?

• I need to develop this skill.
• I need to have this training under my belt.
• I need to be able to manage teams a little bit better. 
• I'm not very good at running staff meetings.

What is the skill that you're lacking that is holding you back from getting a promotion? When you ask that question, you are taking responsibility? You are being response-able. 

ASK YOURSELF:

• What am I able to respond to? 
• Where can I take action? 
• What can I do?

​
Maybe it's going and sitting down with your boss and saying, 
Tell me why I didn't get the promotion, what can I do to improve? That's taking responsibility. ​

DO THIS to create your thriving target:

1. Schedule time in your agenda (No, I won't stop nagging you about actually scheduling time in because honestly, if you don't schedule it, chances are, you won't do it!)
2. Free write about what it looks like for you to thrive in your leadership role. Make sure to focus less on what you don't want and get more and more specific on what you DO want.
3. Grab this guide Your Thriving Target to go a little deeper into what it looks like for you when you ditch survival mode and begin to thrive more in leadership and life!

There is one little ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ I want to share.
Creating that target won't make it happen. It's only the first step.
You've then got to come back and create a plan and do the work to get there.

• Doing that work is often uncomfy - Setting boundaries
• It requires you to focus on something amidst the distractions - Can I just ask you a quick question?
• Oh and...um ugh...it means you've got to get really good at managing your thoughts and emotions. Because let's be honest. Just saying you are going to leave at 6:00 doesn't take into account the guilt you feel about the project that's due tomorrow, the thoughts about how bad you'll look if you don't complete it on time and the overwhelming urge to "just this one time" stay late.

-That requires you to focus on your self-control, inner discipline or willpower. Yes, there is that willpower word again. 

🆘HERE'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
If you've been thinking working on the Willpower Essentials course but haven't had time to register, start or finish the course, now's the time to do that.
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.

• MEMBERS: If you are a member of The Training Library and want to join in, just reply to this email and say you want to join.
• NON-MEMBERS: If you are not yet a member, you can join now or purchase the course separately.