My coaching client Lyssa called me last week in a tissy. She'd just come out of a staff meeting that hadn't gone well. I'll never be good at running meetings; she moaned! I hate them, and they hate me.
Who hates you? I teased. Your staff or just meetings in general?
Lyssa sighed; Both!
Lyssa when on: Every time I go into a staff meeting, I feel tense. I know the meeting is going to be strained. Someone is going to get worked up, and it's most often me. I wait for someone to put me on the spot with a pointed question. I just know I'll get defensive. Too often, I've lost my cool and said things I shouldn't have. I then feel stupid and leave the meeting feeling lousy.
I psych myself up before meetings and just pray I will get through them.
Lyssa was stuck in survival mode.
Lyssa set the bar low. I just want to survive this staff meeting.
But my job as a coach is to help Lyssa (and you) set the bar much higher.
Let me tell you how I helped Lyssa move in that direction. I started by asking her: What does your agenda for staff meetings look like?
Lyssa shrugged; Probably like any other leader's agenda. First, I go over all of the issues and concerns that I've got to cover. Then we review policy updates from senior management. Finally, I ask if they have anything they want to cover.
🤷♀️So you beat them then you bore them and then, after all, that, you bother to ask for their input - Do I have that about right?
Um, laughs Lyssa - Well, I don't think it's quite that bad but yeah, I guess so. So what should I be doing instead?
Lyssa had moved into her leadership role from a front-line position. She'd taken some management training since, but never received a "course" on how to run a staff meeting. It's just assumed, she knows how to do it.
I bet you have a similar backstory
But that's probably not true for most of us. We didn't just wake up one day knowing the SKILLS of how to run a staff meeting. Very few people have the innate ability to know HOW to run a meeting. Those that do have learned how to do that.
Lyssa learns some skills to run an effective staff meeting
It was time for Lyssa to begin to learn more about the skills necessary for running a staff meeting. We spent a few minutes talking about how to structure a routine staff meeting.
After a few minutes, Lyssa asked me: Why hasn't anyone ever taught me this stuff before? I said; When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
That saying: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear hints that the information has always been there. You just weren't looking for it or prepared to hear it. Ask yourself: Have I ever actually looked for information about how to run a staff meeting effectively? Most of us would say, probably not.
Here is the thing, running a staff meeting with confidence means you need to develop skills to run an effective meeting. But you have to look for those skills!
A growth mindset keeps you looking for your teachers
If you want to know how to run an effective staff meeting, start looking for teachings on that. Where do you learn those skills from? Textbooks, YouTube searches, and watching a mentor are all good places to start.
But you have to look at it from a student mindset. You have to be willing to learn. These are some things to query:
⭐️Why this matters SO much!⭐️
The #1 fear in women leaders is the fear of not being competent, not measuring up, looking like an idiot, stumbling over your words, failing or making a big mistake! They are afraid of looking incompetent. This fear is an indication of imposter syndrome.
You can be a CONFIDENT woman leader!
Competence, though, having the skill or ability to do something, is sometimes confused with having the courage to use that skill and feeling confident when you learn to use it well. All three of those "C" words go together.
✔️Competence is having the skills or ability
✔️Courage is being willing to use those skills even if you are not very good at it and feel afraid.
✔️Confidence is what comes AFTER you've had some experience putting the new skills to use.
3 steps to develop the confidence, competence and courage to run effective staff meetings
To become more effective, competent and confident to run staff meetings, take a look at where you are struggling with a feeling of incompetence. Then do the following three steps
Your ongoing commitment to developing you
is your secret to success and happiness!
Competence + Courage = Confidence
Competence is knowing how.
Courage is doing it even when it feels scary.
Confidence is experiencing it and realizing you lived through it.
The next time you find yourself worrying about feeling incompetent, take a deep breath and remind yourself, I'll figure it out. Then, figure it out by learning what skills you need to learn and have the courage to practice them thus, becoming a competent and confident leader!
Remember, ongoing personal & professional development is your path to confidence. Keep learning my dear and you'll feel better!
Tired of Survival Mode?
Here are the 3 steps to ditching survival mode:
If you can't remember the last time you read a book, took a course that wasn't required training for the job, or spent a few minutes reflecting on your personal growth lately, then my dear, it's no wonder you feel crappy half the time!
You feel crappy because you keep going around and around
I'll be honest with you. It sucks being a hamster when you are supposed to be a leader. Yet that's where many leaders are.
Far too many leaders focus on the same old stuff every day! Round and round you go.
Sure, you might experience a different flavour of crisis.
The drama today could sound a bit different.
Yet, when you look back over the last year or two, does it look the same?
Are you trapped?
If you keep experiencing basically the same crisis and dramas every day, that might be because you've become trapped in the same spot. It's like swamp water that doesn't move, and it's why you feel icky.
If you feel icky,
perhaps your growth & development has stagnated
Are you living in the past?
Just like those who still have the 80's hair doo, are you approaching problems with the same mindset and skillset that you learned 10, 20 or 30 years ago? Those old ways are not going to keep you at the forefront of leadership or help you to enjoy life.
Do you want to know what else is causing you grief?
Let me explain something that you may not have considered. If you are like many women leaders, at times, you struggle with imposter syndrome. Instead of feeling competent, capable and confident, you feel:
To get out of imposter syndrome, you need the training to feel competent and thus confident! If you aren't getting the training you need, then you keep feeling like you are incapable, insecure and incompetent.
Ongoing personal & professional development
is your path to confidence
Here's how to get moving
Strong, confident and capable leaders are those that are continually learning and growing. And let me tell you a little secret, it's by engaging in ongoing personal and professional development that you will find success in leadership and happiness with life.
But you may be hung up here
Here is the extra challenge. If you are like most women, you are:
Let me tell you a little secret:
THREE FREE PLACES TO LEARN
THREE LOW-COST PLACES TO LEARN
THREE WAYS TO FIT TRAINING IN
Remember, effective leaders,
️️️√ Focus on learning and growth.
√ They are continually developing themselves
√ Keep the knowledge flowing through them and onto the people they serve.
Remember, ongoing personal & professional development is your path to confidence. If you want help to find low-cost ongoing training, learn more about The Training Library below.
Are you a manager or a leader? Here is the simple question to help you see: Are you trying to move things forward, or are you trying to stabilize them?
We need to both manage and lead
Likely you do both but at different times. The challenge is that we get caught in too much managing. We spend most of our time, heads down just trying to survive. More often, and we need to manage less and lead more.
A manager steadies things.
If at that moment, you are trying to stabilize things, keep them in line, and follow procedures, then you are managing.
Here is what managing looks like:
When you wear the manager’s hat, you are;
✔️Setting up work schedules
✔️Ensuring people are following their job descriptions
✔️Reviewing procedures at a staff meeting
✔️Solving the problem of the day
✔️Attending meetings, we are required to attend
?Managers get stuff done
Managers are maintaining order and consistency. They are keeping things status quo. In essence, they are getting the work done.
?Leaders are moving things forward
Shifting into leadership mode means that instead of maintaining the status quo, leaders are looking to challenge the status quo. You are looking to get out of the steady, sure place and find more movement forward. Leaders focus on change, movement, and growth.
Both Managing and Leading are needed!
Leadership looks like this:
Putting on your leadership hat has you do these activities:
Leaders develop others and the company
Leaders motivate, inspire, and energized team members to grow and develop to be all they can be. In doing so, this also creates the space for the company to be all it can be. Leaders help individuals and teams to reach their full potential.
Too often we get stuck in managing and forget to lead
Only leading or managing gets you into trouble
When we sit on one side of the other too long, it creates a void. Yes, we need to stabilize for a moment, but we also need to keep moving.
?️Always racing forward can lead to no foundation with which build on.
️.........Only focusing on the future can create chaos, and essentially you spin out of control.
?️On the other hand, staying still too long makes us stagnant ?
You need to shift between managing and leading
Leaders need to know how to shift back-and-forth
Leaders need to switch back and forth from their manager hat to their leadership hat.
?Your strength may be in seeing the future potential of an employee, and so you focus on that during their performance review. You talk to them about their goals and help them decide what training they need to take over the next year.
?You may also need to have a conversation with them about them being late with paperwork. That conversation manages day-to-day challenges. It also serves to stabilize their work and how that affects the rest of the team.
Don’t get stuck in managing
Add more leadership time
?I CHALLENGE YOU: Work to incorporate more leading in your day-to-day work. When you can set your sights farther down the road, you can look up and gain perspective.
Practice leading more often
When you demonstrate your leadership more often, you will develop your team to be stronger, more independent and more engaged. In doing so, you will find your organization more cohesive and will advance quicker towards the goals set out in your visioning processes.
I'm sending you lots of positive vibes to practice your leadership capabilities, so you can be your best self!?
p.s. Learn more about leading and managing in this video below ?️
I bet you are so done with survival mode, and you want to move to thriving 😀
You are looking for some work-life balance, more success in your career, to be doing fulfilling work and enjoying the people you are working with.
That's not much to ask for, is it?
No, my dear, it's not!
You have every right to have all of those things and what's more…
It is possible!
Keep reading to find out how!!
Let us start with the question: Why haven't you attained all of that yet?
My guess is that you have not found balance, fulfilment and confidence because your THINKING is tanking your success.
It's time to learn how to shift your mindset to the mindset that it is actually going to help you get the success you desire!
Yet, my guess is instead, you doubt yourself!
This kind of THINKING is called a curriculum mindset.
When you have a curriculum mindset, you are always asking yourself:
Curriculum mindset example # 1
GOAL: Create more work-life balance.
PATH: I need to learn how to set boundaries
Great, but how are you going to learn to set better boundaries?
You just can't wish that you're going to be better at setting boundaries. You can't just hope that one day you're just going to magically feel more confident and be able to set better boundaries. That is hope with no action. You need tools to help you.
TOOLS: In my mind, if you don't have a binder or book and a pen to write things down, you are not learning strategically. Your tools are:
Curriculum mindset example # 2
Maybe you want to be able to maintain your composure during tough conversations. But remember, you are not going to become a more emotionally intelligent person by wishing it would happen,
You're certainly not going to become more emotionally intelligent by waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk. That's not going to change you.
You have to become response-able!
Take responsibility by developing your curriculum mindset:
What do I need to learn, and how will I learn it?
GOAL:: Stay composed during tough conversations.
PATH: Learn more about emotional intelligence and how to control my thoughts and emotions
TOOLS: Watch Kathy's webinar: Saying composed during those tough conversations is to increase your emotional intelligence.
When you create your learning curriculum, things start to change for you.
Your curriculum mindset will get you out of survival mode and moving towards THRIVING!!!
⭐️MY CHALLENGE TO YOU⭐️
🆘 A TOOL TO HELP WITH YOUR LEARNING CURRICULUM
If you need some help with the tools, I've created The Training Library for you!!!! Inside of The Training Library are the courses to help you get out of survival mode. There are courses to build your competence and confidence. I've included webinars for you on emotional intelligence and maintaining your composure.
AND...I'm doing a study group on one of the courses!
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the Willpower Essentials course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
Don't forget to watch your THINKING!
Think you can and then take responsibly for making it happen! 🤗
I bet you know what you don't want as a woman leader. But do you know what you DO want?
👉️Do you know clearly?
I think we can agree you know kind of what you DON'T want:
But are you clear on what you DO want?
An example to make it clear 😊
Let's imagine you're going to purchase a new car.
👉️You need to get 💎CRYSTAL CLEAR💎
The same is true if you are buying a house, looking for an outfit for that special occasion or for that matter, picking a life partner.
You need an idea of what you want.
The more specific, the better ✔️
Back to you and getting out of survival mode:
Let's go back to last week's discussion on survival mode. You know what you don't want. But do you know, specifically, with precision and 💎crystal clarity what you do want? I'm going to suggest it's time you did.
Get really clear on what thriving means for you
You need to get clear on what the other end of the spectrum looks like for you. I call this your thriving target. Take time to create a vision for yourself that precisely includes what you want.
DO THIS to create your thriving target:
There is one little ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ I want to share.
Creating that target won't make it happen. It's only the first step.
You've then got to come back and create a plan and do the work to get there.
🆘HERE'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
If you've been thinking working on the Willpower Essentials course but haven't had time to register, start or finish the course, now's the time to do that.
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
Available on Amazon
Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.