KATHY ARCHER
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How to feel wicked confident running your next staff meeting

30/10/2019

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My coaching client Lyssa called me last week in a tissy. She'd just come out of a staff meeting that hadn't gone well. I'll never be good at running meetings; she moaned! I hate them, and they hate me.

Who hates you? I teased. Your staff or just meetings in general?
Lyssa sighed; Both! 

Lyssa when on: Every time I go into a staff meeting, I feel tense. I know the meeting is going to be strained. Someone is going to get worked up, and it's most often me. I wait for someone to put me on the spot with a pointed question. I just know I'll get defensive. Too often, I've lost my cool and said things I shouldn't have. I then feel stupid and leave the meeting feeling lousy.
I psych myself up before meetings and just pray I will get through them. 
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Lyssa was stuck in survival mode. ​
Lyssa set the bar low. I just want to survive this staff meeting.

But my job as a coach is to help Lyssa (and you) set the bar much higher.
  • What if you didn't just survive staff meetings?
  • What if you and your team had amazing staff meetings that developed relationships as well as your service delivery? 

It's time for Lyssa's Coaching
Let me tell you how I helped Lyssa move in that direction. I started by asking her: What does your agenda for staff meetings look like?

Lyssa shrugged; Probably like any other leader's agenda. First, I go over all of the issues and concerns that I've got to cover. Then we review policy updates from senior management. Finally, I ask if they have anything they want to cover.

🤷‍♀️So you beat them then you bore them and then, after all, that, you bother to ask for their input - Do I have that about right?

Um, laughs Lyssa - Well, I don't think it's quite that bad but yeah, I guess so. So what should I be doing instead?

Lyssa's Backstory
Lyssa had moved into her leadership role from a front-line position. She'd taken some management training since, but never received a "course" on how to run a staff meeting. It's just assumed, she knows how to do it. 

I bet you have a similar backstory
But that's probably not true for most of us. We didn't just wake up one day knowing the SKILLS of how to run a staff meeting. Very few people have the innate ability to know HOW to run a meeting. Those that do have learned how to do that.

Lyssa learns some skills to run an effective staff meeting
It was time for Lyssa to begin to learn more about the skills necessary for running a staff meeting. We spent a few minutes talking about how to structure a routine staff meeting. 
  • We talked about the importance of having the agenda out early so that staff knew what to expect as well as could provide items for the agenda ahead of time.
  • We talked about setting the stage at the beginning of the meeting by having a quick team building activity, a moment of silence, time for gratitude or kudos. I likened it to warming the oven up. You wouldn't put a cake in the oven before it's warmed up. Nor should you broach a touchy subject before everyone has had a chance to connect positively.
  • We talked about the idea of rotating the chairperson role to allow her team the opportunity to practice planning meetings, developing leadership skills and managing conversations — all which are essential skills to grow as you build a succession plan. 
  • Finally, Lyssa took down the link for the Emotional Control course. She knew that to manage her emotions during meetings, she needed to learn how to increase her Emotional Intelligence. 

After a few minutes, Lyssa asked me: Why hasn't anyone ever taught me this stuff before? I said; When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. 

That saying: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear hints that the information has always been there. You just weren't looking for it or prepared to hear it. Ask yourself: Have I ever actually looked for information about how to run a staff meeting effectively? Most of us would say, probably not.

Here is the thing, running a staff meeting with confidence means you need to develop skills to run an effective meeting. But you have to look for those skills!

A growth mindset keeps you looking for your teachers
If you want to know how to run an effective staff meeting, start looking for teachings on that. Where do you learn those skills from? Textbooks, YouTube searches, and watching a mentor are all good places to start.
But you have to look at it from a student mindset. You have to be willing to learn. These are some things to query:
  • What are they doing? 
  • What are they not doing?
  • What framework are they using?
  • How did they prepare?
Questioning these areas will help you to develop your competence.

⭐️Why this matters SO much!⭐️
The #1 fear in women leaders is the fear of not being competent, not measuring up, looking like an idiot, stumbling over your words, failing or making a big mistake! They are afraid of looking incompetent. This fear is an indication of imposter syndrome. 

You can be a CONFIDENT woman leader!
Competence, though, having the skill or ability to do something, is sometimes confused with having the courage to use that skill and feeling confident when you learn to use it well. All three of those "C" words go together.
✔️Competence is having the skills or ability 
✔️Courage is being willing to use those skills even if you are not very good at it and feel afraid.
✔️Confidence is what comes AFTER you've had some experience putting the new skills to use.

3 steps to develop the confidence, competence and courage to run effective staff meetings
To become more effective, competent and confident to run staff meetings, take a look at where you are struggling with a feeling of incompetence. Then do the following three steps
  • First, identify where you struggle and the corresponding skill you would need to develop to increase your competence in that area.
    • i.e. I lack confidence in speaking - I need to develop public speaking skills
  • Then look for where you could learn those skills.
    • i.e. Kathy's always talking about Toastmasters. Maybe I could see if there is a club around close to me.
  • Finally, identify how you can practice that.
  • i.e. Maybe I could go to the Chamber of Commerce meetings monthly and practice speaking. 
Your ongoing commitment to developing you
is your secret to success and happiness!

Competence + Courage = Confidence
Competence is knowing how. 
Courage is doing it even when it feels scary. 
Confidence is experiencing it and realizing you lived through it. 
The next time you find yourself worrying about feeling incompetent, take a deep breath and remind yourself, I'll figure it out. Then, figure it out by learning what skills you need to learn and have the courage to practice them thus, becoming a competent and confident leader! 

Remember, ongoing personal & professional development is your path to confidence. Keep learning my dear and you'll feel better!

Tired of Survival Mode?
Here are the 3 steps to ditching survival mode:
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3 CHEAP Ways to Grow your Leadership Skills

23/10/2019

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If you can't remember the last time you read a book, took a course that wasn't required training for the job, or spent a few minutes reflecting on your personal growth lately, then my dear, it's no wonder you feel crappy half the time!

You feel crappy because you keep going around and around
I'll be honest with you. It sucks being a hamster when you are supposed to be a leader. Yet that's where many leaders are.
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Far too many leaders focus on the same old stuff every day! Round and round you go.
     Sure, you might experience a different flavour of crisis.
     The drama today could sound a bit different.
     Yet, when you look back over the last year or two, does it look the same?
 
Are you trapped?
If you keep experiencing basically the same crisis and dramas every day, that might be because you've become trapped in the same spot. It's like swamp water that doesn't move, and it's why you feel icky.
If you feel icky,
​
perhaps your growth & development has stagnated
Are you living in the past? 
Just like those who still have the 80's hair doo, are you approaching problems with the same mindset and skillset that you learned 10, 20 or 30 years ago? Those old ways are not going to keep you at the forefront of leadership or help you to enjoy life.

Do you want to know what else is causing you grief?
Let me explain something that you may not have considered. If you are like many women leaders, at times, you struggle with imposter syndrome. Instead of feeling competent, capable and confident, you feel:
  • Incapable
  • Insecure &
  • Incompetent
And you hope no one will ever figure out how inadequate you really are.

To get out of imposter syndrome, you need the training to feel competent and thus confident! If you aren't getting the training you need, then you keep feeling like you are incapable, insecure and incompetent.
Ongoing personal & professional development 
​
is your path to confidence
Here's how to get moving 
Strong, confident and capable leaders are those that are continually learning and growing. And let me tell you a little secret, it's by engaging in ongoing personal and professional development that you will find success in leadership and happiness with life.

But you may be hung up here 
Here is the extra challenge. If you are like most women, you are:
  • Waiting for someone to approve your training
  • Hoping to find funds for your development.
  • Wondering how you would fit training into your already busy schedule!

Let me tell you a little secret:
  1. You don't need anyone to approve your training or give you permission. You can take training right now to make you a more confident and happier leader.
  2. You don't need a ton of time. Some of the best training happens in smaller bits. It gives you time to digest and apply it!
  3. It's not costly. You can grow yourself without spending a dime or very little. 

THREE FREE PLACES TO LEARN
  1. Watch my Leadership Excellence series
  2. Watch a playlist of leadership TedTalks
  3. Choose a mini-training session to watch and grab your free guide sheet here

THREE LOW-COST PLACES TO LEARN 
  1. Purchase a library card 
  2. Get an Audible membership  Grab my list of favourite books to listen to here
  3. Subscribe to The Training Library​
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THREE WAYS TO FIT TRAINING IN
  1. Get up 15 minutes earlier and do a bit of journaling
  2. While driving is a great time to listen to an audiobook or shut everything off and do some inner reflection.
  3. Take a lunch break and spend 15 minutes of it watching a video or working through an online course. 
  4. BONUS: Watch a video with your team at a staff meeting or create a time each month for team online learning. The team that learns together stays together. 
 
Remember, effective leaders,
️️️√ Focus on learning and growth.
√ They are continually developing themselves
√ Keep the knowledge flowing through them and onto the people they serve.

DO THIS
  1. Pick one of the options above for either free or low-cost ways to learn.
  2. Choose one of the suggestions to fit it in
  3. Tell us what you did in the Confident Women Leader's Community​​

Remember, ongoing personal & professional development is your path to confidence. If you want help to find low-cost ongoing training, learn more about The Training Library below.
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Don’t get stuck in managing - Add more LEADERSHIP time!

16/10/2019

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Are you a manager or a leader? Here is the simple question to help you see: Are you trying to move things forward, or are you trying to stabilize them?

We need to both manage and lead
Likely you do both but at different times. The challenge is that we get caught in too much managing. We spend most of our time, heads down just trying to survive. More often, and we need to manage less and lead more. 
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​A manager steadies things.
If at that moment, you are trying to stabilize things, keep them in line, and follow procedures, then you are managing. 

Here is what managing looks like:
When you wear the manager’s hat, you are;
      ✔️Managing budgets
     ✔️Setting up work schedules
     ✔️Ensuring people are following their job descriptions
     ✔️Reviewing procedures at a staff meeting
     ✔️Solving the problem of the day
     ✔️Returning emails
     ✔️Attending meetings, we are required to attend

?Managers get stuff done
Managers are maintaining order and consistency. They are keeping things status quo. In essence, they are getting the work done.

?Leaders are moving things forward
Shifting into leadership mode means that instead of maintaining the status quo, leaders are looking to challenge the status quo. You are looking to get out of the steady, sure place and find more movement forward. Leaders focus on change, movement, and growth.
Both Managing and Leading are needed!
Leadership looks like this:
Putting on your leadership hat has you do these activities:
  • Stepping back and looking at the bigger picture
  • Thinking strategically
  • Creating a vision


Leaders develop others and the company
Leaders motivate, inspire, and energized team members to grow and develop to be all they can be. In doing so, this also creates the space for the company to be all it can be. Leaders help individuals and teams to reach their full potential.
Too often we get stuck in managing and forget to lead
Only leading or managing gets you into trouble
When we sit on one side of the other too long, it creates a void. Yes, we need to stabilize for a moment, but we also need to keep moving. 
 ?️Always racing forward can lead to no foundation with which build on. 
 ️.........Only focusing on the future can create chaos, and essentially you spin out of control.
 ?️On the other hand, staying still too long makes us stagnant ?
You need to shift between managing and leading
Leaders need to know how to shift back-and-forth
Leaders need to switch back and forth from their manager hat to their leadership hat. 
?Your strength may be in seeing the future potential of an employee, and so you focus on that during their performance review. You talk to them about their goals and help them decide what training they need to take over the next year. 
?You may also need to have a conversation with them about them being late with paperwork. That conversation manages day-to-day challenges. It also serves to stabilize their work and how that affects the rest of the team.
Don’t get stuck in managing
Add more leadership time
?I CHALLENGE YOU: Work to incorporate more leading in your day-to-day work. When you can set your sights farther down the road, you can look up and gain perspective. 
  • That big-picture view helps you to realize that the urgent email isn’t as urgent as it appears. 
  • It allows you to see where completing this task of the day fits into the overall growth of the program over the next six months. 
  • Focusing on leading gives you a different outlook on what appears to be the biggest challenge you face. It often doesn’t look so imperative when you see it lined up with everything over the next year.
Here are three ways you can be a leader on a day-to-day basis
1) Develop annual goals for yourself and the company
Create a routine that allows you to scan and review your company and individual goals at the beginning of each day.
  • As you take 3 minutes each day to reconnect with the bigger picture, it will help you to align your day’s tasks and actions with that vision.

2) Make a habit of asking yourself: “How does this fit into the bigger picture?”
Imagine being asked to attend a meeting, be on a committee or take on a project. Without stepping back, those things can seem very important at the time. 
  • When you step back and get perspective, it’s easier to see if they are that vital. If you see they aren’t, this simple activity will give you the words to decline such invitations. “That sounds like an exciting opportunity. While I’m tempted to join, it doesn’t line up with the three strategic priorities I have for this year”.

3) Make a point of connecting your current topic with the future vision in most of your conversations with employees.
  • If you are reprimanding someone for being late, remind them of the overall goal to have smoother shift transitions and their role in that.
  • When you are introducing a new policy on training, ask staff to identify how it will help them develop as identified in their individual goals. 
  • When someone comes to you and asks you to solve their current dilemma, focus on their potential by asking: “Remind me again, what skill you are developing in yourself? What can I do to help develop that skill in this situation?” If they are working on approaching staff before things blow up, you might coach them to come up with what to say rather than just telling them what to do.
Practice leading more often
When you demonstrate your leadership more often, you will develop your team to be stronger, more independent and more engaged. In doing so, you will find your organization more cohesive and will advance quicker towards the goals set out in your visioning processes.

I'm sending you lots of positive vibes to practice your leadership capabilities, so you can be your best self!?

Kathy?

p.s. Learn more about leading and managing in this video below ?️
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Do this now to THINK your way to thriving!

10/10/2019

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 I bet you are so done with survival mode, and you want to move to thriving 😀
You are looking for some work-life balance, more success in your career, to be doing fulfilling work and enjoying the people you are working with.
That's not much to ask for, is it?
No, my dear, it's not!
You have every right to have all of those things and what's more…
It is possible!

Keep reading to find out how!!
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Let us start with the question: Why haven't you attained all of that yet?
My guess is that you have not found balance, fulfilment and confidence because your THINKING is tanking your success. 

It's time to learn how to shift your mindset to the mindset that it is actually going to help you get the success you desire!
  • You need to THINK that it is possible to have all of that. 
  • You need to BELIEVE you can learn, grow and find balance. 
  • You need to TRUST you can develop increased confidence and create strong leadership skills.

Yet, my guess is instead, you doubt yourself!
  • You doubt you can do all of that
  • You doubt your team and organization will be there to support you and come alongside you.
Let me show you what I mean
There are 3 reasons why your mindset, or the way you think, is getting in your way. Consider these 3 "truths" and see if they apply to you. 

1) - Hope with no action.
  • Ugh... I wish things would get better.
  • OMG I can't wait for things to get change.
  • I hope that things will be different after we finish this/that etc.


That blind hope alone is not going to change anything. In fact, it will leave things exactly the same way they are.

Hope is the belief that tomorrow will be better than today. But hope alone doesn't change anything. You must take action to make that happen.

❓️ASK YOURSELF: Do I have hope without action?

2)  - Blame without responsibility.
  • I don't have time to do any training. 
  • If only my boss would send me to that course.
  • So and so got the promotion and they didn't even consider me 
That's blame without responsibility.

We spend a lot of time being in victim mode:
  • Nobody cares about me.
  • Nobody ever invests in me. 
  • Poor me was me, nothing's ever going to change. 
  • Nobody ever puts time into developing me and my skills. 
THINKING that way is not going to get you anywhere.
That is blame, finger-pointing, or waiting without taking responsibility.
You need to take responsibility for your growth and development.

❓️ASK YOURSELF: Am I blaming without taking responsibility?

3 - Being random instead of focused
We spend a lot of time taking whatever course shows up on our email. We tend to take the flavour of the month training:
  • Everybody's taking courageous conversations, I better take "Courageous Conversations" too!
That randomness is not going to get you where you want to go.

THINKING that you should take whatever course is available might keep you feeling ok, but my dear, you are settling. THINKING this way keeps you in the tolerating or coping point on the surviving to thriving continuum — Ho hum, mediocre or just ok.

But here is the problem, if you're competing to advance your career, and everybody has that same training, that's not going to make you stand out. Nor is it going to help you develop YOUR gifts, talents and strengths.You need to create your OWN learning curriculum that is going to grow YOU!

❓️ASK YOURSELF: Am I randomly taking whatever training shows up?

If you want to make the changes that you're looking for, 
you need to take responsibility for 
creating your own personal & professional learning plan.
You need to become response-able.

If you didn't get the promotion, you could respond to that feedback. That's feedback. That's just information. I didn't get the promotion. So what is it that you need to do to get the next promotion?
  • I need to develop this skill.
  • I need to have this training under my belt.
  • I need to be able to manage teams a little bit better. 
  • I'm not very good at running staff meetings
What is the skill that you're lacking that is holding you back from getting a promotion? When you ask that question, you are taking responsibility? You are being response able. 

❓️ASK YOURSELF:
  • What am I able to respond to? 
  • Where can I take action? 
  • What can I do?
Maybe it's going and sitting down with your boss and saying, 
Tell me why I didn't get the promotion, what can I do to improve? That's taking responsibility. ​
This kind of THINKING is called a curriculum mindset. 
When you have a curriculum mindset, you are always asking yourself:
  • What are the skills I'm learning?
  • How am I learning these skills?
  • What tools am I using to develop those skills?
  • What am I developing in myself by learning this?

​The 3 components of a Curriculum Mindset

If you want to change your life, I need to get clear on these 3 components: 
  1. GOAL
  2. PATH: 
  3. TOOLS

Curriculum mindset example # 1 
GOAL: Create more work-life balance.
PATH: I need to learn how to set boundaries 
Great, but how are you going to learn to set better boundaries?

You just can't wish that you're going to be better at setting boundaries. You can't just hope that one day you're just going to magically feel more confident and be able to set better boundaries. That is hope with no action. You need tools to help you.

TOOLS: In my mind, if you don't have a binder or book and a pen to write things down, you are not learning strategically. Your tools are:
  • The book you are reading and when you are reading it
  • The course you are taking
  • The practice (i.e. meditation, journaling) that you are doing that is scheduled into your calendar. 
  • It might also be the person you connect with, a coach, mentor or guide. 


Curriculum mindset example # 2
Maybe you want to be able to maintain your composure during tough conversations. But remember, you are not going to become a more emotionally intelligent person by wishing it would happen,

You're certainly not going to become more emotionally intelligent by waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk. That's not going to change you.

You have to become response-able!
Take responsibility by developing your curriculum mindset:
What do I need to learn, and how will I learn it?

GOAL:: Stay composed during tough conversations. 
PATH: Learn more about emotional intelligence and how to control my thoughts and emotions
TOOLS: Watch Kathy's webinar: Saying composed during those tough conversations is to increase your emotional intelligence.

When you create your learning curriculum, things start to change for you.
Your curriculum mindset will get you out of survival mode and moving towards THRIVING!!! 

⭐️MY CHALLENGE TO YOU⭐️
  • Develop a curriculum mindset, 
  • Create your own personal and professional learning plan,
  • Get clear on what your goals are, what your plan is to get there. And then I want you to know what tools you're using.
BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR TOOLS!!!
THINK of it this way: I need to develop my personal and professional learning plan and be strategic about that. 
  • What's my goal? 
  • What's my plan?
  • And what are my tools?
  • Where are my books? 
  • What course am I working through? 
  • Who's helping me?
  • Where does my curriculum show up in my calendar?

🆘 A TOOL TO HELP WITH YOUR LEARNING CURRICULUM
If you need some help with the tools, I've created The Training Library for you!!!! Inside of The Training Library are the courses to help you get out of survival mode. There are courses to build your competence and confidence. I've included webinars for you on emotional intelligence and maintaining your composure.


Don't forget to watch your THINKING!
​Think you can and then take responsibly for making it happen! 
🤗

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I bet you don't know this but OMG you should!

3/10/2019

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I bet you know what you don't want as a woman leader. But do you know what you DO want?
👉️Do you know clearly?
👉️With specificity?
👉️In detail?

I think we can agree you know kind of what you DON'T want:
You know
  • you don't want to feel like you are in survival mode all day every day. 
  • you don't want to feel incompetent, incapable, and out of control anymore.
  • you are so done with doubting yourself, hesitating and holding back.
  • you're tired of being tired 😩
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You probably know generally what you DO want:
✅You want to feel better. 
  • But what does that mean?
  • Happy and joyful? Content?​

✅You want to get stuff done on your to-do list
  • But what does that mean?
  • Complete all 57 things every day?
  • Clear it once a week? 

✅You want to do the work that really matters.
  • But what work are you talking referring to?
  • What work, specifically is that? 

✅You want to be a better leader.
  • But how so?
  • How would you know if you were?
  • What would you be doing differently than now?

✅You want more family time.
  • How much time? When?
  • Daily or just more time on the weekends.
  • Does that include one-to-one time with your spouse or kids?
But are you clear on what you DO want? 
💎CRYSTAL💎CLEAR?? 
An example to make it clear 😊
Let's imagine you're going to purchase a new car.
  • You walk into the showroom, and the salesperson says: What are you looking for?
  • You can't merely answer: A new car.

👉️You need to get 💎CRYSTAL CLEAR💎
  • Do you want a 4-wheel drive, two-door or four?
  • Are you looking for a gas car, diesel or electric?​

The same is true if you are buying a house, looking for an outfit for that special occasion or for that matter, picking a life partner. 
You need an idea of what you want. 
The more specific, the better ✔️
For example:
  • It needs to have lots of legroom in the back seat
  • My daughter's colours are pink and grey, and I want it to complement those colours 
  • I need LOTS of closet space

Back to you and getting out of survival mode:
Let's go back to last week's discussion on survival mode. You know what you don't want. But do you know, specifically, with precision and 💎crystal clarity what you do want? I'm going to suggest it's time you did.
Get really clear on what thriving means for you
You need to get clear on what the other end of the spectrum looks like for you. I call this your thriving target. Take time to create a vision for yourself that precisely includes what you want.
This may example may look similar to your Thriving Target
⭐️I leave the office no later than 6 pm daily.

⭐️I have 1 hour a week to read a book for my leadership development.

⭐️I engage in 1-1 conversations with my four managers about their growth plans monthly.

⭐️I have a least 10 minutes a day to think strategically before I have to manage people, delegate tasks, or deal with things.

⭐️I have a manageable workload. I'm confident in my ability and have a supportive work environment that allows me to delegate some tasks, say no to others and reprioritize when new opportunities arise.
DO THIS to create your thriving target:
  1. Schedule time in your agenda (No, I won't stop nagging you about actually scheduling time in because honestly, if you don't schedule it, chances are, you won't do it!)
  2. Free write about what it looks like for you to thrive in your leadership role. Make sure to focus less on what you don't want and get more and more specific on what you DO want.
  3. Grab this guide Your Thriving Target to go a little deeper into what it looks like for you when you ditch survival mode and begin to thrive more in leadership and life!


There is one little ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ I want to share.
Creating that target won't make it happen. It's only the first step.
You've then got to come back and create a plan and do the work to get there.
  • Doing that work is often uncomfy - Setting boundaries
  • It requires you to focus on something amidst the distractions - Can I just ask you a quick question?
  • Oh and...um ugh...it means you've got to get really good at managing your thoughts and emotions. Because let's be honest. Just saying you are going to leave at 6:00 doesn't take into account the guilt you feel about the project that's due tomorrow, the thoughts about how bad you'll look if you don't complete it on time and the overwhelming urge to "just this one time" stay late.
-That requires you to focus on your self-control, inner discipline or willpower. Yes, there is that willpower word again. 

🆘HERE'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
If you've been thinking working on the Willpower Essentials course but haven't had time to register, start or finish the course, now's the time to do that.
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
  • MEMBERS: If you are a member of The Training Library and want to join in, just reply to this email and say you want to join.
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    Kathy Archer

    Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.
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    ​In my online courses and coaching I teach them inner and outer tools to restore their lost confidence so they can move from surviving to thriving in both leadership and life.

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