Do you want to be calm, cool & collected in today's meeting?

Do you have a meeting coming up that is worrying you? Maybe you are not exactly worried about the meeting, but more about your ability to handle the meeting?
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Perhaps you are worried you'll be anything BUT calm, cool and collected in that meeting later today. What you really want is to learn how to stay composed during that meeting.

In this blog, you'll learn a  3 step strategy for staying composed!

Once upon a time
Once upon a time, I had a meeting with my administrative support. We were meeting to clarify roles: What was her job and what was mine. Things had gotten a little murky around who was making what decisions. I felt like I was losing control. 

She had started making more and more decisions that were, in my mind, not hers to make. Being young and new to the role, I was feeling threatened. So, I decided to meet with her, put my foot down and set some clear distinctions about who did what. 

Can you guess how that meeting went?

Well, let's put it this way. I still vividly remember it today. 

Within a few minutes, she'd questioned my authority. Or at least I felt like she did. I got defensive. (You know where this is going, don't you?) The conversation became heated. I got angry. And yes, it ended in me yelling at her. The whole office heard, not just the sound of angry voices, but every word I said to her. I totally lost my composure.

I wish I could say that was the only time I've lost control of my emotions and my behavior. Sadly, that's not the case.  In truth, we all struggle to stay composed at times. 


Loss of composure = Shame
Here's the thing. When we lose our composure, do you know what we feel? Shame. Think of times when you might have felt shame:

• Do you ever remember wetting your pants as a child and being mortified? 
• How about being called on in school and not knowing the answer and being ridiculed for it? 
• Did your parents ever tell you that you were a disgrace to your family? 

Can you feel the shame when you think of those scenarios? It's a familiar feeling, isn't it?

Do you feel ashamed when you lose your composure?
Shame is not a feel-good word. But shame is what we often feel when we lose our composure.

• We should have known better. 
• We should not have let it bother us so much.
• We should have been able to control ourselves. 

I want you to know that you can get better at staying composed. You need to increase your emotional intelligence. That's both learning to recognize and then manage your emotions.

A trick to getting out of the shame
Shame storms, as Brene Brown calls them, can send us spiralling out of control! One of Brene's recommendations to deal with shame is to identify your triggers. Knowing what might set you off, can help you play offence instead of defence!

DO THIS: Think about your meeting today. What might trigger you?

My trigger
For me, in that conversation with my administrative support, the trigger was incompetence. At that point in my career, I was new to leadership. I had a serious case of imposter syndrome. 

Here's what I believed:

• I did not think I was old enough to be in a leadership position.
• I was sure I did not have the right education.
• I knew I had zero leadership experience.

I was terrified someone would figure that out and out me. To make matters worse, I knew my administrative support had a direct line to my boss! 

√ If I had known that was my trigger, I could have prepared for it and been able to stay composed!


The 3 step strategy for staying composed!

1. Figure out what might trigger you in today's meeting 
2. Prepare for what you will do when you feel trigger before you go into that meeting!
3. Feel calm, cool and collected in your meeting today! 

If you want to learn a system for identifying triggers and learning how to manage your emotions when you get triggered, you can take training on this in my membership site: The Training Library. There is a specific training called: Staying Composed During Meetings, Conversations & Challenging Times. Find out more here.

You have a job to do. A job I know you love. Don't let your emotions get the better of you and keep you from making your difference in the world!