4 Ways to really make your family #1

Are you lying when you say your family is the most important thing to you? Probably not. However your actions do speak louder than words. Even though you say your family is the most important thing to you, for many people, the time and energy you spend at work, says work is #1. Work-life balance leans precariously to the work side all too often.

I used to put work first
Looking back over my years as a leader in an organization, I spent many late nights and weekends at the office. Additionally, you would have usually found me at my kitchen table on alternating Sunday afternoons working on payroll. The truth was, if I weren’t at work physically, my mind would be there. I wasn't always the best role model for wellness in the work place.

I still struggle to balance my time and energy
Although family has always been my #1 value, I haven’t always demonstrated that it was. I won’t lie to you; even today I have to work hard at not letting work slip into the #1 time and energy space of my life.
When a deadline is looming or someone pushes me to do something, it's easy to find myself putting my best self into work, leaving very little left for the rest of my life.

I am not alone
Among desires such as freedom, honesty, health and success, family is cited as one of the top 5 most important things on many people’s lists of what are key priorities in their lives. Like me, you probably very much want to spend time with your family. You want them to be a higher priority than work. You want to be able to focus on quality time with your family.  Yet strangely, my actions, and perhaps yours, often show otherwise.

Many of us struggle to find the time and energy to put family first
The problem is, by the time you get home most days you have very little energy left for your family. You often say, “as soon as I get through this busy time…” or “I’m putting the time in now so that we will have time later”. The problem is, later never comes.

When you are with your family, it's not quality time
You run the kids to their extracurricular activities while you finish phone calls. You quickly check emails while you try to get supper on the table. You glance up from the computer as you talk to your kids about their schoolwork. As you wind down your night, you check your emails, in bed, beside your spouse, who incidentally may be doing the same thing. Is this the quality family time that you envisioned? My guess is not so much!

Take an honest look back, is it quality time?
Look back. Can you honestly say over the last 6 months that you feel you met your vision of how much quality time you would like to focus on with your family? If you can answer yes to that, congratulations! My assumption is that you are the minority. Most of us look back over the last 6 months, me included, and say, ummm…not quite.

It's time for a change
My goal moving forward is to have more quality time with my family. If you are in that boat too, here are some ways to increase your quality time with your family. 

4 Ways to increase your quality time with your family

1.    Get up earlier

Dragging yourself and your kids out the door in a mad dash to get to work on time does not lend itself to quality moments with your family. Waking 15 minutes to an hour early can minimize the rushed, crazy morning routine.

Yes, this probably requires you to get to bed bit earlier. But what are your really doing in that last hour before you go to be? Mindless numbing on Facebook or watching TV? A good sleep will do you more good to feeling productive the next day. More sleep will not only help you at work, but will give you more energy in your relationships. 


Getting up earlier will allow you time to really give your daughter the hug she needs to set her day right. It will give you an extra few minutes to help your son find his very important dinosaur. That extra few minutes in the morning will also provide time for a lingering kiss with your partner, rather than a running out the door. oops, I almost forgot peck on your spouse's cheek.

2.    Have breakfast with your family

Sitting down each morning, even if for only 5 minutes to eat a bowl of cereal, gives you 5 minutes you didn’t have last week with your family. If you can manage to stay off of your phone, even if your child or spouse hasn’t quite learned that etiquette during the meal, they will sense something different. Prepare in your mind ahead of time something you might want to chat about. No, this isn’t quizzing them to annoyance; it’s merely honest curiosity.

You could ask your spouse, “Hey how did it go with…” following up on something that they’ve been working on and you haven’t had time to talk to them about. With your children you might question them about a class, friend or simply give them some acknowledgment. “I really noticed you’ve been bringing home more homework. Great effort!” Shared meals together are key to relationships as discussed in this great article from The Vanier Institute of the Family.

3.    Make lunch dates with your family

You need more real breaks during your day and here is a great way to increase them. Make a date with your spouse or kids at lunch. Pick your kids up from school or daycare and go for a picnic at the park. You might meet your spouse at your favorite bistro for lunch together. If you have the ability to plan for a bit later lunch, it may be even more peaceful for the two of you. Balance the time with venting about your day if that is what you do with each other as well as some totally non-work related conversations.

4.    Find shared interests that draw you together.

Creating common interests produces opportunities for engagement. When you and your husband both want to make the yard look good, a trip to Home Depot on a Saturday afternoon might be more engaging than paperwork. If you are active for animal rights, a doggy walk to raise money for the local SPCA will be an activity that can automatically pull you in the direction of family time rather than a work focus. Purposefully cultivate these shared interest as a welcome diversion to the work overwhelm.

Nothing is worth more than this day
If you give this day, this time and this energy to work, you can’t get it back to spend with your family. It is gone. It takes concentrated effort to keep bringing your focus back to family when the demands of work are so incredibly strong. It is worth it though, because you already know that your family is #1.

Question: Which of these suggestions will you implement this week and how will you do that? Share your intention below as you will be more likely to follow through if you do. 

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