Be a wise woman leader with these 10 reflective thinking questions

Have you noticed that when your thoughts are swirling around, you're often stuck reliving a memory that didn't feel so good or rehearsing a tragedy in the future? Neither feels good.


OMG, that meeting was awful! I can't believe they said that!

• Then we "re-watch" that particular part of the meeting that caused us so much pain in our minds. It feels gross all over again!

UGH! I don't know how I'm going to handle that call!

• Then we "pre-watch" that particular part of the call that we "know" won't go well. We can see how bad it will go, preparing ourselves for the worst!

Your thought process can provide learning opportunities
Our thoughts don't always need to spiral us into a downward tailspin. When we slow our thinking down, pause, and add an element of mindfulness to our thought process, our thinking can become a learning tool. Following the learning component, we may change our mindset, behaviour or perspectives on what happened or is coming up. 


Sometimes when we slow our thinking down, we are more of a strategic thinker. Other times our more conscious thoughts help us plan or make a decision. Today though, I want to focus on reflective thinking.


First, let's look at different kinds of thinking and roughly categorize them as unconscious (swirling thoughts) and conscious thinking.


Uncounsousious thinking
Worry, anxiety and regret - full of judgment, blame and shame statements
Often polarized or absolute thoughts 

• right / wrong 
• good / bad 
• my way/ their way

Conscious thinking
Strategic thinking - connecting dots, seeing the big picture, looking into the future
Planning - adding action elements
Decision making - critical thinking, decisiveness
Reflective thinking - curiosity, openness and exploration


We often miss the reflective thinking piece that so often would be wise to do before the other kinds of conscious thinking. 


Reflective thinking as a practice
In our sector, practitioners are often taught the skill of reflective practice. The idea behind turning reflective thinking into a practice is specifically for learning opportunities. Experience alone doesn't always teach us what we need to know. 


Developing a practice of reflecting on what happened helps us create meaning from an experience. This new meaning allows us to deepen the learning of an experience and helps us to consider perhaps what we'd like to do differently in the future.


How to be a good reflective thinker
Reflective thinking begins with a question instead of a statement.
Most of the questions we ask ourselves during our reflective thinking time are what questions—a why question often evokes defensiveness. But instead, what questions help us be more curious and ditch the judgment. 


The ultimate goal of reflective thinking is to learn from your leadership experiences. You are considering three main points.

• What happened?
• What did you do?
• What will you do differently next time?

10 Reflective thinking questions to prompt learning
To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: 


To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: 


1) What happened?


2) What body sensations did I experience?

• racing heart
• sweaty palms/pits
• socked in the gut

3) What thoughts were going around my head?

• beliefs
• opinions
• judgements

4) What emotions did I feel as it was happening?


5) Which of my values were triggered during this exchange?


6) What perspective was the other person(s) in?


7) What did I do well in managing that situation?

• What worked?
• What didn't work?
• What did I learn?

8) How would my best self handle a similar situation in the future?


9) What strengths do I need to put to work more often?


10) What will I do differently next time?


When you take time to pause, slow down your thinking and reflect, you'll learn more. That learning will provide insights into how to change your mindset, behaviours or intent, thus leading more authentically and effectively. 



Need more help?
In my membership site, The Training Library, I offer additional training to help you make create reflective thinking practices. 


Here are some you may be interested in checking out:

• Quick Journaling for Effective Leadership
• WEBINAR: Seeing Other Perspectives
• WEBINAR: How to prepare for a tough talk