How nonprofit leaders can lead with courage and confidence
In the last few weeks, we've been diving into the steps of The Inner Guidance Cycle. You may have made some realizations and know it's time to take action, but...
Confident leaders keep moving As you build your leadership confidence, you'll need to continue to move forward despite challenges. That level of confidence comes from mastering your thoughts when things get rough. It's when you dare to make a decision, communicate it and move on. When you learn to master your inner chatter, you'll set boundaries, speak up and open up hard conversations, even though it would be easier not to do those things. The way to move forward, even when it's uncomfortable, is to follow the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle. When you connect to your inner wisdom or Inner Guidance System, managing your thinking is more doable. Thus, taking action is more even when you would rather not but know you should, is more doable. Inner Guidance Cycle To help you manage your thoughts, I've been teaching you to use the Inner Guidance Cycle.
Accessing your inner guide can help
When you follow the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle, the final step is to PROCEED. However, getting back into motion after pausing, pondering and pivoting can often be the hardest step.
Q.Why is taking action the hardest step?
First, you've paused and then pondered
Something has happened, and you know you need to get ahold of your thoughts before they drag you off to the land of doubt, frustration or shutting down. So you PAUSE, step back and become more mindful of what is happening. Pausing allowed you to move to the next step and PONDER. When you ponder, you begin to notice what has been going on around you and inside of you. You examine your thoughts, feelings and body sensations. Reflecting on your inner and outer experiences gives you insights. By pausing and pondering, you are awakening your inner guide or your Inner Guidance System. A little shift now by pivoting your perspective By awakening that Inner Guidance System, you evaluate your thoughts. Insights, ah-has and a willingness to examine thoughts, beliefs and judgements often shift your thoughts, views or opinions. That takes you to step 3 of the Inner Guidance Cycle; PIVOT. Pivoting means seeing things in a different way When you have new perspectives, you often need to change, turn or pivot how you handle things. As a result, you feel prompted to take different actions or respond in a way you usually wouldn't. Alternatively, a new way of seeing things may lead you to inaction where you had previously planned to act. That new action or inaction may contradict what you are used to doing. It may also be far from what those around you are accustomed to expecting from you. That could be uncomfortable for you and them. Think about how it feels to:
Discomfort can be paralyzing Even though you may have gotten to the point where you need to do something differently, doing it differently is a whole different beast! So insert step # 4 - PROCEED. ? AKA - having the courage to proceed. All of the examples above can be very uncomfortable. Discomfort can paralyze us. We freeze, not wanting to go to the next step. So, it feels better to stay right where we are. It does until you look at what staying here means. The deception of our comfort zone Staying here, in our comfort zone, isn't really all that comfy. No, it actually sucks. For many of us, our comfort zone means we've given in, blended in or conformed. It feels a bit like defeat! Settling for the mediocre life, the ok job, or the tolerable work environment isn't comfortable. It's painful. And not addressing staff issues, continuing to work way too many hours and being too embarrassed to ask or help are anything but comfortable. Dealing with the pain of the comfort zone The problem is we don't usually deal with the pain of the comfort zone in healthy ways. Instead, we numb the pain and try to pretend it's ok. So we:
Numbing the pain keeps you from experiencing pain in the moment. But the discomfort is still there. We've just masked it. Change is necessary The bigger problem is that you are not reaching your full potential as a leader by staying in your comfort zone. No one ever changed the world by living in their comfort zone. No one ever grew, developed, or achieved anything by numbing the pain and playing safe. Organizations don't make a big difference in the lives of their clients by playing it safe. Instead, change is made when we get out of our comfort zone. Getting back into motion: Proceed The answer... To grow your leadership, enjoy your job, and live a full life, you must move forward instead of continuing to play it safe.
Q: Why is taking action the hardest step?
A: Moving forward moves you to a place of discomfort. Proceed forward. It's time to get back into action and PROCEED by doing the right but uncomfortable thing.
Two strategies to make proceeding easier? Strategy # 1 - Start with courageConfidence begins with courage. To become more confident in yourself, you need to be more courageous. Courage and confidence go hand in hand.
Each time you take a courageous act, your confidence soars. Each time your confidence rises, you feel more courage to try different things. Having courage and confidence gives you the elements to survive and thrive in leadership and life.
?Strategy # 2 - Get the momentum goingAn object at rest stays at rest. Conversely, an object in motion stays in motion. Therefore if you want to move back into action, you have to get the ball rolling.
One way to make this easier is to break it down into tiny steps and identify the first next step, and then proceed by taking that step. For example: You may have realized you DO need to have THAT conversation.
Pause, ponder, pivot and then proceed forward
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As a nonprofit leader, I know you know there isn't only one way to see things. There is no perfect way to handle a challenge. There is not only one description for a person. We live in a world of many perspectives, viewpoints, possibilities and opinions.
But sometimes we forget that when we are in our head! However, applying the truth that there are multiple perspectives to how we tackle leadership can help you be a more confident and effective leader. So let's learn how to pivot your thinking ??
Your Inner Guidance System Via The Inner Guidance Cycle
In the last couple of weeks, I walked you through the first two steps of The Inner Guidance Cycle to help you access your Inner Guidance System. 1 - When you take the first step and PAUSE, you create space to notice what is happening around you and inside you. 2 - The next stage, PONDER, is about getting curious about your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. ? When you observe and connect with your thoughts, feelings and body sensations, you gain access to your inner wisdom or your Inner Guidance System. ? Increased awareness helps you develop confidence, manage your emotions, and much more as a leader. 3 - Today, we are moving on to the third step, PIVOT, which is what to do with what you discover when you've spent some time reflecting. It's time to shift from unconscious to conscious The first two steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle have helped you to turn unconscious thoughts into conscious thoughts. We are usually so unaware of what is going on inside us. Because we have not noticed what's happening inside, we also don't realize how our feelings and thoughts impact our confidence levels, our ability to manage our emotions or how stuck we are in a particular perspective. First, be wary of looping thoughts Being unaware of repetitive looping thoughts such as, "I can't handle this," allows the idea to become an ingrained belief. Becoming aware that we've had the same thought ten times in the last 3 minutes makes it possible to examine the idea more carefully. Conscious thoughts will help you'll start to have insights When we become more mindful of the fact that we repeatedly have this thought, we can inspect it. Is it true? Maybe not. Or, it is partially correct. You can then ask yourself what parts are true. For example, "It is true that I can't handle it all alone."
Awareness helps to shift our thinking. It's time to pivot your thoughts This change in thinking allows us to see the problem and ourselves differently. Rather than the repetitive thought of; "I can't," we pivot to; "With help, I can handle this." Suddenly, the load seems a little lighter and our confidence increases. Turing to new ways of thinking and being Pivoting is turning. It is shifting how we see a person, problem or project. It is changing our perspective. But, the mental shift can do more than just shift our thoughts. Changing our perspective helps us to choose alternate responses, change how we engage with others and sometimes take different actions. Understanding your perspective In Mastering Confidence, I describe our perspective as follows: ? Our perspective is our view or our point of view. It might be our attitude about something or our opinion of someone. Our perspective is the current place we are looking from. It's our vantage point. We see situations, people, and challenges from different vantage points that can change daily, depending on a wide array of things, including how well we slept the night before to an email we just opened. In the same way, we will see situations, people, and challenges much differently, perhaps than a co-worker, boss, or subordinate. So it's important to recognize that there are many different perspectives that we, or anyone else, can have. The challenge arises when we aren't open to how others see things. Equally challenging is when we resist changing the way we see it. Most of us have tunnel vision. We want to see it only our way. We think our way is the best, the right, or the only way. Truthfully, though, our view is only one view of everything. No two people have the same view of anything. Our outlook can change dramatically from one day to the next or in a split second. It all depends on what we are thinking. Pivoting requires us to change our thoughts. How To Pivot To change your thinking, you'll need to examine your thoughts consciously. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help shift your thinking. ❓ Is this thinking getting me to where I want to be? ❓ How else could I look at this problem, person or project? ❓ What is in my way of seeing this differently? ❓ What would move me forward on this? ❓ Where/who could I ask for help? Making Your Pivot Pivoting allows you to get from where you are now, which is often stuck, to where you want to be. Think of it as an intersection. 1 - PAUSE when you get there 2 - Tune in and PONDER for a moment 3 - PIVOT by Looking at the direction you are going. Consider the alternatives.
If you want to be a strong and confident leader, you can't rely on someone else to tell you what to do.
To be socially intelligent and understand what's going on with your team, take action when someone isn't measuring up, or be decisive, you'll need to access your inner wisdom. That's the part of you that knows and guides you, even when the road ahead is bumpy. ? Access your inner wisdom by Pondering You'll find access to your inner wisdom when you PAUSE and then PONDER. Pondering is when you:
PONDERING helps you consider what is going on inside of you! Pondering is the opportunity to tune in and consider the following:
When you ponder, you will connect the dots ✍? When you pause and ponder, you'll start to consider how your thoughts, feelings, and sensations are connected to what is happening outside of you. You'll then be able to use this information to awaken the inner wisdom that can guide you forward. Awakening your Inner Guidance System When you ponder, you get insights from your wise self. Pondering is listening to the inner wisdom of your Inner Guidance System. The insights gained by pondering can support and guide you. ? Accessing your inner wisdom is instrumental in mastering leadership confidence. Step # 1 is to Pause Taking the time to PAUSE and PONDER helps you see things you may have missed in the hustle and bustle of the day. Remember, to access your inner wisdom or Inner Guidance System via pondering, you first need to pause. Repeating the cycle of pausing, pondering, pivoting and proceeding are the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle.
Step # 2 Pondering allows you to see the whole picture
Once you have PAUSED, stepping back, you can move on to this second phase; PONDER. Pondering allows you to notice and observe things you would have risked overlooking without consciously exploring your Inner Guidance System. In addition, pondering enables you to pick up on subtleties during interactions such as: ? Someone said something that left you:
? Perhaps an email you received sent you to:
? Your staff's blunder may have you:
? Your thoughts may be about someone else or the situation
You'll start to get insights from within The awareness of these thoughts, feelings and sensations and how they connect to your world can provide surprising insights. This new understanding of this inner wisdom is your Inner Guidance System in action. Understanding what is happening under the surface can prompt you to shift what you are doing, how you interact with others and, even more importantly, what you say to yourself. Your confidence begins to grow Your inner dialogue contributes to your confidence. Thoughts that empower you, inspire and boost you up will increase your confidence. Changing your thoughts starts with awareness of what you are currently saying to yourself. That is where pondering comes in. It's worth it to pay attention to what is inside When you've taken the time to pause, then start to notice. ? Go within and pay attention for a minute to become more aware of what is happening. ❓What is going on?
❓What am I thinking?
❓What feelings have I been experiencing?
❓What's been happening in my body?
Warning! Don't be judgmental Notice that I did not suggest you judge or criticize your thoughts, feelings or body sensations. This is not the time to beat yourself up. It is not another opportunity to berate yourself for screwing up, missing something, or telling yourself what you feel is wrong. It's simply time to notice. Put a name to it As you ponder, identify those feelings, thoughts and sensations, attaching names or labels to them.
Put your Inner Guidance System to work Pondering is the reflection portion of the Inner Guidance Cycle. It is the gathering and input of data into your Inner Guidance System. Remember, you are assembling the following:
Extra credits for going into detail Over time, when you practice following the Inner Guidance Cycle, you will get better able to pull the pieces apart. You will become aware of the stimulus and the subsequent reaction. In time, rather than reacting, you'll be able to choose a response to what is going on in your life. Consider the following example: ⚪️ The stimulus
⚪️ The thought you have about that stimulus
⚪️ The feeling you had
⚪️ What sensations were happening in your body as a result of the feeling?
⚪️ What reaction did you have as a result of the stimulus, the thought, the feeling, and the sensations?
Pause and then ponder. All of this information gets put into yourInner Guidance System so that it can give you direction. In the next stage, PIVOT, we will learn what to do with the information you have gathered. But, for now, PAUSE and PONDER. Look at what is happening inside you. Increase your awareness of how thoughts are connected to feelings and sensations. This increased awareness alone will evoke your inner wisdom and help you to increase your confidence levels! Grab your copy of Mastering Confidence today and learn to ponder more effectively!
If you are like most leaders, you spend a lot of time running. We go from one meeting to the next with barely any breaks! As a result, we never have time to go to the bathroom, eat our lunch or let everything catch up with us.
The problem is that it is hard to do the work of great leadership when
you don't have time to PAUSE, slow down and tune in.
Effective leaders need time to think, ponder and tune in. However, many resist pausing, stopping, or taking a break despite being overloaded, overworked and overwhelmed.
Most of us say it's because we don't have time to take a break. Yet, pausing is essential to developing confidence and becoming a stronger leader. You can't wait for time to pause. You need to make time for it! Learn to access your Inner Guidance System In this series of blogs, I'm introducing you to the steps in the Inner Guidance Cycle, which gives you access to your Inner Guidance System. Your Inner Guidance System is your inner wisdom. If you've been around for a while, you've heard me talk about the steps often, but it might be a good time for a review. There are four steps in the Inner Guidance Cycle. They are
The first step: PAUSE By taking the first step, PAUSE, you'll start to awaken your Inner Guidance System. It's that wise part of you that helps you to get a hold of your thoughts and then move forward with a conscious response. From reacting to responding Most of us are so stressed that we react to whatever shows up. However, because of our stressed state, we can't think clearly. As a result, we don't take time to choose how we want to respond, engage or the kind of leader we want to be at this moment. Pausing is stopping, pulling back or taking a break. When we PAUSE, our brain and body begin to relax, allowing us to get out of stress mode and think more clearly. Being more relaxed will enable us to respond and make conscious choices instead of reacting to every fire that pops up. Pausing is part of journeys Think for a moment about a road trip. Often when you are travelling, you take breaks. You pull over to the side of the road and stop. That might be a roadside turnout so that you can stretch. You might pause on your trip to stop for fuel. The point is that you can only way to refuel, stretch, or go to the bathroom if you stop. Leaders need pauses too In leadership, when we pause, the pause allows us to become mindful and present to what is happening. Rather than being present, most of us have a ton of racing thoughts whirling about in our heads. Those racing thoughts are usually about a future worry or passed incident that we are still stewing about. Pausing settles your racing thoughts When you pause, you are not in the future or the past but in the present moment. At this moment, you will find access to your Inner Guidance System. When you mindfully tune in to those thoughts, feelings, and sensations, you will find the inner wisdom that helps to guide you forward. You won't always remember to pause when you need to Learning to make pauses a regular part of your routine takes time. Eventually, you may get to the point where there is a trigger that reminds you to pause. That trigger could be when you're feeling:
Those might be signals to go for a little walk, take a deep breath or spend some time trying to figure out why you are so agitated. But often, we ignore those triggers. We push them aside because we have too much work to do. So, for now, don't wait for the trigger. Instead, schedule the time in to pause. You'll need to prompt yourself to take pauses You need to schedule your pauses in. Creating breaks in your schedule will help you to build a habit of pausing. So that you get used to responding to the triggers, it is important to start with establishing a routine of stopping and pausing. Remember, it's this first step of pausing that is going to allow you to awaken your Inner Guidance System. Plan to make these kinds of pauses Look through your day and decide how you can add these types of pauses: ??♀️BODY BREAK - Having a physical break to go to the bathroom, for eating and move your body ? SOUL BREAK - A mindful moment to take a few breaths, meditate or sit in peace ? MIND BREAK - Time for self-reflection. Effective leaders need time to think, ponder and tune in. Self-reflection is the time for leaders to ask themselves:
Scheduling your pauses in It's time to schedule those breaks in. I recommend adding triggers to help you remember to do them, even when busy. ? Block time off in your schedule or day-timer. If you think you'll remember to do it, guess what? You won't. Schedule it in. ?️ Set reminders to notify, encourage and motivate you.
Reminders about WHY you must schedule the pauses in ? Because you will only do it regularly if you schedule it. ? Because even though you mean to, you'll get busy and forget ? Because it takes longer than you think to establish a habit ? Because it tells those around you that you value balance Awaken your Inner Guidance System: Step # 1 - Pause Start accessing your inner wisdom and allowing it to guide you by pausing. By awakening your Inner Guidance System, you will be learning to get control of your thoughts and feelings. That internal control will help you become confident in your leadership abilities, bounce back when adversity hits and be your best self. Begin to awaken that Inner Guidance System by scheduling pauses throughout your day. P.S. If you are ready to dive into all four steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle and use it to boost your confidence, grab Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system If you've been dealt another blow like staff shortages, funding cuts, dealing with disciplinary action, or general overwhelm, you might start to feel negativity wash over you.
You know that negativity can spiral if you don't catch it so you might be wondering:
How can I stay positive? Questing how to stay positive is the theme of my clients this week. They want to know how to stay positive and motivated, and move towards their goals when they feel tired, overwhelmed and challenged. One client is working on a certification process. She is studying for the next level exam. Yet, time is already running away from her. She is quickly becoming stuck in not-enoughness.
Another client is in the process of starting a new program and isn't sure if she can pull it off within the deadline. Self-doubt has crept in and is robbing my client of her confidence. A third client was dealt a nasty blow at work. She's feeling insecure about her future. It's hard not to be negative and sarcastic. "Why bother trying so hard?" The message we hear is to keep our chin up. Social media posts, motivational books and well-meaning peers tell us:
Heck, I preach positivity too. I am constantly working with my clients to help them see the positive, be confident, and believe it is possible. However, how do you do that in the face of so much challenge? The secret isn't to focus on what we are experiencing. It's to focus on what we are thinking. You can learn to focus on the positive It is not what you see that makes up your reality but what you think about what you see. We all experience similar events but react to them differently. Suppose you have a message to call your kids' teacher because of missing assignments.
Think about the thought accompanying each of the above parents' emotions.
Our inner voices are powerful. They impact our emotions and our experiences. The messages we tell ourselves about our events create our reality of the event. Our inner dialogue controls our outer experience.If I tell myself leading my team is hard, I will notice all the hard things I experience daily.
If you tell yourself the day started bad, is getting worse and going to be a gong show, guess what you'll experience?
The secret is getting control of what is going on in your head. You can use The Inner Guidance Cycle to get control of your thoughts. Here's how 👇🏻 1) Pause Step back from what you are doing, take a deep breath, or grab a piece of paper to write on. You'll never shift your thoughts if you stay stuck on the hamster wheel. 2) Ponder Start becoming aware of your inner dialogue. When you are frustrated, unenthusiastic or cynical, start to notice what is happening in your head.
Notice your thoughts. Becoming aware of the constant stream of thoughts helps to manage them. You'll likely notice a running commentary of your day going on in your mind. Most times, it's rambling on, and you aren't controlling what you are thinking. Try consciously listening to your inner dialogue rather than having it run in your subconscious. The more you notice it, the more aware you will become of what you are telling yourself. 3) Pivot Start to shift your thoughts by examining them.
Perhaps you think, "This is the worst thing that could happen." Is it? My guess is it could be worse. Maybe you repeatedly say, "I don't know if I can pull this off." Notice how that allows doubt to creep in. 4) Proceed Once you consciously shift your thoughts to the ones you want to be thinking, you can get back to "work." Shifting thoughts isn't necessarily easy. It takes practice and discipline. For example, changing "I don't know if I can pull this off" to "I can do this" isn't a one-and-done process. However, when you slip back to "I don't know if I can pull this off ...
You can learn more about The Inner Guidance Cycle in Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system Staying positive requires willpower Positivity isn't a magical pill. It's work. It's choosing what you think, what you focus your thoughts on and learning to manage your thoughts. That process all takes willpower. Willpower is also known as self-control or discipline. Using your willpower to train and control your thoughts requires the same energy you would use to resist the donut and stick to your workout schedule. It's also the same energy you use to stick to responding to an email you've been avoiding, staying focused on the annual report despite your cell phone notification calling you or biting your tongue when someone irks you. Willpower is a powerful tool for leaders. It's willpower that helps you stay positive, productive and poised. If you want o learn more about using willpower in your leadership, check out the Willpower Essentials course here. Shifting thoughts is a lifelong process. It's called Inner Work. Learning to choose thoughts, managing thoughts and changing thoughts IS the inner work of a great leader. Do the inner work. It's worth it! |
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