KATHY ARCHER
  • Home
  • Membership
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Coaching
  • Confidence Book
  • About
  • Contact Me
  • Free Worksheets

Competence & Courage and the Connection to Confidence

1/3/2017

0 Comments

 
What is the #1 fear in women leaders? It is the fear of not being competent, not measuring up, looking like an idiot, stumbling over your words, failing or making a big mistake! 

I hear it all the time from my clients: "​I am afraid of looking like I am not competent"
Picture
Imposter Syndrome
​So many of us worry that someone will find out we don’t know how, can’t do it, or are completely inept. It keeps us awake at night and wreaks havoc with our self-esteem. It also tends to get in the way of doing a good job and feeling good about the work you do. We wonder if some day they will expose us for the fraud we are.

The inaccurate use of the word competence
Competence, having the skill or ability to do something, though it is sometimes confused with having the courage to use that skill and feeling confident when you learn to use it well.

You have the skill; You are just afraid to use it
Women worry they aren’t competent. Yet, they likely are very competent in many areas. What they lack is the courage to apply the skills, knowledge or talents. They also wait for confidence to show up before they step out. But the truth is, they all work together. Let me explain. 
  • ​Competence is having the skills or ability 
  • Courage is being willing to use those skills even if you are not very good at it and feel afraid.
  • Confidence is what comes AFTER you’ve had some experience putting the new skill to use.
​My story - A simple example of this:
​Last night I put on a session about work-life balance for a local agency. I show up, pull out my computer and my own projector and start hooking up the two. It took me less than 3 minutes, and I experienced no stress, feeling quite capable. I was able to multitask, chatting with the coordinator of the event while I attached the lines appropriately. 

The back story
Rewind a few years when I first got the projector. I was panicked that I wouldn’t have it set up before the session started, worrying everyone would be sitting their rolling their eyes as they waited. Time-after-time I’d get it set up only to find it was projecting the wrong image. I’d get even more flustered when I went to play a video during the training. It never seemed to work.  I felt inept, hesitant and fearful.
​My growth of competence and confidence
Over the years by courageously working at it, I gained competent and confidence. 

First, I did some research on Mac computers and mirror screens. I gained the knowledge of how to share a different screen on the projector, than the one on my computer as the one I want to see, but don’t want you to see, has “presenter notes.”

Next, I practiced. A lot. Over the years, I have set that projector up what feels like a zillion times. First I’d set it up at home, shining it on my dining room wall to get the hang of it. I brought it to Toastmasters trying it out on a safe crowd. I showed up early at events, courageously asked the Tech support at conferences for help and determinedly figured it out.

Finally, I felt the confidence increase. Now, even when something goes wrong, I don’t get thrown. I slow down, become more mindful and walk myself through the process. 
It started with competence; learning how.
I then had to be courageous, even if I wasn’t an expert and was a bit scared.
​The confidence followed the practice.
Take a look at where you feel confident
Break those steps down to things you now feel quite confident to do such as perhaps riding a bike, using a cell phone, cooking or managing money. You weren’t always able to do those things confidently. Knowledge, skills, practice and being brave all worked together to give you the feeling of competence (Tweet that) But, what you really have is a feeling of confidence. You had the competence early on, what you lacked was the belief in yourself. That faith in your abilities came with practice.
Your turn
Take a look at where you are struggling with a feeling if incompetence in your current role. First, step back and look at the skills you think you would need to feel that level of competence increase. Then look at where you may already have some of those skills, where you could gain more. Then, identify how you can practice that. Finally, grab ahold of some courage and start practicing. You’ll find the competence and confidence both come in a short while after.


How it might look for you
You may feel incompetent in addressing difficult conversations feeling you lack conflict resolution skills. 


Step back:
Where do you communicate in all facets of your life? With your spouse, children, community board or with the last car dealer you purchased from are examples of potentially daily conflict situations.
  • Where do you do it well? 
  • Where do you struggle? 
  • Where can you learn more?

Practice:
Look for opportunities to practice your current skills and the new ones you learn. 


This is where courage comes into play. You may want to take on a new role on your community board or attend the local Chamber of Commerce meetings. However, you may already have lots of places to practice, without taking on anything new. They key, is to put yourself out there and try it. Don’t sit back and “see what will happen.” Don’t avoid conversations hoping it will go away. Get in there and let it get a bit messy. You will never learn without trying.
Picture
Competence + Courage = Confidence
Competence is knowing how. Courage is doing it even when it feels scary. Confidence is experiencing it and realizing you lived through it. (Tweet that) The next time you find yourself worrying about feeling incompetent, take a deep breath and remind yourself, I’ll figure it out. Then …figure it out!
Picture
Kathy is a leadership coach for women who want to strengthen their leadership & find balance in life. 
She mentors women as they rediscover their purpose, passion, and persistence for life while dealing with office politics, jerk bosses and the challenges of family life. Kathy gives her ladies the hope and inspiration they need along with a kick in the pants to make positive changes in their lives. ​​​​​​​

Discover more in Kathy’s book 
Mastering Confidence: Discover Your Leadership Potential by Awakening Your Inner Guidance System ​​​​​​
Picture
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Join the membership

    Picture

    Listen to the podcasts

    Picture

    Read the book

    Books for Nonprofit leaders
    Available on Amazon


    Kathy Archer

    Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.
    ​
    ​In my online courses and coaching I teach them inner and outer tools to restore their lost confidence so they can move from surviving to thriving in both leadership and life.

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    Categories

    All
    Conflict Resolution
    Courage & Confidence
    Emotional Intelligence
    Employee Development
    Goal Setting
    Health And Wellness
    Leadership
    Mastery
    Mindfulness At Work
    Personal Growth & Development
    Priority Management
    Productivity
    Project Management
    Shifting Perspectives
    Shifting PerspectivesShifting Perspectives
    Supervision

    RSS Feed

Picture

For you:

About Me
​
Join The Training Library membership
Get Coaching
​
Join the Confident Women Leaders Free Community
Free Resources
​Privacy Policy
The Training Library 
Imagine getting the training  you need, when you need it most. Find that in the membership

Join the Membership

Picture

Search the Website


Resources

Mastering Confidence: 
Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system 
Picture
Surviving to Thriving Podcast: Strategies, systems and support to lead with confidence
Picture
  • Home
  • Membership
  • Blog
  • Podcast
  • Coaching
  • Confidence Book
  • About
  • Contact Me
  • Free Worksheets