Are you managing all of that with composure? Kara wasn’t!
 
When Kara called yesterday, she was vibrating with anger. As she discharged her furry, I knew her heart was racing, and her blood was hammering through her veins.
 
For several minutes at the beginning of our coaching call, Kara spewed forth a myriad of legit complaints, frustrations and indignations. She had every right to be angry. As I heard the story, I could feel my fury building too!
 
Stress has been rising for everyone. The pressure is building around us and closing in.

• Decisions are being made quickly in some cases.
  • Not quick enough in others.
• Some decisions we agree with.
  • Others we vehemently disagree with.
• The way some people are handling things is just plain wrong.
  • Others have no options, and we can only feel for them as they do what is necessary,

 
You are in the middle of it. It's nuts. Crazy. Saying it is stressful doesn't even cut it. In many cases, it's about life and death. It's about yours and the people around you, livelihood.
 
So, it makes sense that you would be soooooooo angry at times; you are about to explode! But you can't blow. Well, you can, but first, it's not going to be pretty. Second, it's not what those around you need.
They need you to be composed.
 
Another leader I talked to yesterday couldn't stop crying. She was devastated. She feels helpless. Each of us can only do so much. Those that care for the vulnerable sector have to keep going. In other programs, it is clear it is time to cease operations. So clients have no service and employees have no work. The leader, perhaps that's you, feels helpless, hopeless, and crushed.
But your team doesn't need you weeping uncontrollably.

Your team needs you to be composed.
 
And then there is fear. We all feel it. It hangs in every conversation. Fear screams from the grocery stores. Social media reeks of fear.
But your team, your loved ones, don't need you reacting with mad fear.
​
They need you to be composed.
 
Anger
Hopelessness
Fear
 
These are real emotions that you will be feeling now, along with a zillion others. It's not the emotions that are "wrong." It's how you deal with them.
 
You need to be angry.

• However, you need to be mad at the right times and with the right people in the right way.

 
Hopelessness will enter your space again and again. 

• However, you can't hang on to it and spew it to those around you. You need to notice that feeling of hopelessness and then move it along. It's not going to help you or the people who need you.

 
We are in a time of great fear

• However, we are not talking about a fear of public speaking or a fear of addressing a lingering conflict. We fear for our lives, our client's lives, our mothers, children and friends. It's not the fear that is the problem. It's what you do with that fear that is.

 
The question is NOT: How do I shut my emotions off?
The question IS: How do I manage my intense emotions and still maintain my composure during a pandemic?

1) Create a safe time and space to release emotions.
If you don't release it, you will explode or implode. You can not continue to let it build and build.

• Yell in your car.
• Pour it out into a journal.
• Scream when no one is home.
• Go for a run and pump it out of your body.
• Call your coach, mentor, counsellor or therapist.
• Talk to a friend, partner or peer who will let you release it safely.

 
Author Rick Warren suggests that we "vent vertically." Prayer doesn't need to be sweet and kind. Feel free to tell the big guy/gal what you really think! That's part of strong faith. Release it all to God. 
 
When you let off steam, it will take the pressure off and help you to be composed when you need it.
 
2) Take care of yourself
Yes, this is a crazy stressful time. AND more than ever, you need rest, healthy food, sunshine, movement in your body and something to feed your soul. You need to breathe in a way that releases the adrenalin surging through your body. When you use your breath to settle your nerves and calm down your raging emotions, you will be able to respond, rather than react. 
 
Taking care of yourself and using your breath to regulate your emotions will help you to be composed.
 
3) Be honest, but composed
You are angry, feeling hopeless and fearful. It's ok to say that. It's ok to feel that. Pretending to be otherwise will make you feel inauthentic, and the people around you will feel that and lose faith in you. 
Here are some examples of how to be honest:

• I'm angry that we lack resources for our clients because of people's rash actions AND here is the plan for how we will deal with this.
• I feel hopeless, YET know that's not what we all need right now. This is what I am doing to build up our hope and optimism again.
• Yes, I'm afraid. I'M ALSO educating myself and the team. We have activated our crisis management plan and are talking with other agencies in the same situation to figure out how we can navigate this crisis together.

 
If your tears flow or you speak with managed anger or fear, that's ok.
 
That's not a lack of composure. That's anger, hopelessness and fear flowing out of you.
 
When you allow them to leave your chest, heart and head safely, you make room for compassion, hope and courage, which is precisely what you, your team, your loved ones and the world needs more than ever!

Click here to review the 3 steps for dealing with complainers.
 
In that video, I shared a bonus step in that article and want to highlight it today. After you've encouraged the complainer to take responsibility for impacting change, the bonus step was to ask:

• How can I hold you accountable in a way that won't come across as nagging, negative or micromanaging?

 
Remember, it won't work!
Before I jump into that bonus step, I want to remind you that the three steps and the bonus step won't make your employee stop complaining.
 
To make a lasting difference in your employee's behaviour, you need to create a habit of responding in this way  Once won't cut it.
 
To make it work, do this:
To create that habit, you first need to practice this new way of interacting with them. Your practice needs to be what is called deliberate practice. By deliberately practicing new ways of interacting that may feel weird and awkward, you are developing yourself outside of your comfort zone.
 
If your habitual way of responding when someone complains is to sigh, remind them the same thing you told them 10x before and then answer the question for them, they won't change. They won't change, because you haven't changed either!
 
Be patient with the process!
As you learn to hold them accountable for their part of things they can impact, they will learn to take responsibility for changing their situation.
 
But it all takes time.
It also takes a lot of patience - yours!
 
In time, your team members will become more responsible
To grow and change the culture of your team from one where people tend to complain more than they take responsibility, you will need to work at improving your behaviour, individuals behaviours and your team vibe or culture.
 
A powerful way to cultivate that type of change within your team is to create a growth mindset atmosphere. When everyone on your team is committed to self-improvement, growth and development, your team will grow and mature.
 
This will help you avoid a toxic work culture
Too many teams stay stuck in old ways that lead to toxic workplaces if you aren't careful. Ineffective patterns of communication, unproductive meeting styles and inadequate use of resources leave people frustrated. Discontent people lead to complaining, gossiping and will have your good people looking for a new job fast!
 
As the leader, you set the tone in your workplace
To make sure that doesn't happen to you, install a growth mindset culture. That's one where everyone is committed to learning, growing and developing themselves. You are the one to set the tone for that type of workplace culture.
 
Build in accountability
This brings me back to the bonus step when you are dealing with complainers. Not only do you need to ask them what you can do to hold them accountable, but you also need to hold yourself accountable.

• How will you ensure that you keep practicing outside of your comfort zone?
• What will you do to ensure you create a habit of interacting with complainers in this new way?

 
Here is the thing to put on your AGENDA
I'm suggesting using your team meeting agenda to hold everyone, including yourself accountable!
 
Yes, the agenda.
 
The title of this post was "Quick, put this on your agenda." That is because I am encouraging you to put individual growth and development on the agendas of your staff meetings.
 
This will take time. Yes, I am repeating myself!
I also want to caution you that this is a long-range strategy. One that will take a bit of time to implement and will morph as you go. But that is entirely the point.
 
Commit to ongoing growth for you and your team
Leadership is an ongoing growth journey. Commit now to ongoing personal and professional development, deliberate practice and patience. As you do all of that, you will develop your growth mindset and strengthen your leadership capacity.
 
Back to the team meeting agenda strategy:
Get rid of the things on your agenda items that could be an email. When you do, you will make time for cultivating a growth mindset on your team.
 
Here's how to do it
Have everyone give a 1-2 min report out on what they are learning, how they are growing, or what skill they are developing in themselves.

• Use a timer. Seriously!!!!

Keep it short and quick as you do your round table. After, you could have a 3-5 min debrief but also encourage team members to connect outside of the meeting if they have more questions.
 
An example:
You could share these examples when you introduce the concept:

• Sally: I'm working on improving my time management skills, so I am reading Getting Things Done by David Allen. I've learned that I can't keep everything in my head, so I'm working on creating a system to get it out of my head in a safe place I know I will come back to daily.

 

• Jennifer: I'm building my skills as a fundraiser, but don't have a lot of time. I'm looking for fundraising podcasts to listen to when I'm commuting. If anyone has any, please share it with me.

 

• Dean: I'm finding we have clients who are still struggling with their employment. I'm doing an online course that's about supporting clients to find work. I have a few resources from the class that some of you might be interested in using. Feel free to ask me about them after.

 
How does all of this help you practice?
 
Remember, I said this exercise would morph.
 
Start gently
Initially, you may keep your growth updates to safe topics such as you are attending a conference.
 
Then step outside of your comfort zone!
Over time, though, you may become braver. You then may courageously note what you are working on that is more personal development related. When you do this, you'll set the stage for others as your team adopts the growth mindset and builds trust.
 
For example, in time, you might say:

• YOU: I'm working on helping each of you strengthen your critical thinking skills. Rather than solving problems for you, I'll be encouraging you to make more decisions when appropriate. As such, you'll find that more frequently, I'll redirect you when you come to me. I'm asking for your patience with me as we learn this new way of communicating together.

 
It's by using your team's agenda to do updates on personal and professional growth that you'll hold yourself accountable.
 
Ahhhh...making sense now?

In a nutshell:
Leading in a new way takes practice.
Practice takes time.
Practicing over time takes patience.
But it's all sooooo worth it when you have the impact you desire, your team grows, and you all do the work to change that part of the world, that you were meant to change!
 
One final reminder:
Ongoing personal and professional development is your path to success in both leadership and life! #growthmindset
 
To hear more about putting this staff development strategy into action, watch this video.

3 tips for dealing with complainers:
Let me refresh your memory. When someone on your team is complaining, I suggested you try these three things:
 
1) Acknowledge their pain
Genuinely, with compassion and empathy, acknowledge how what they are complaining about is affecting them.
 
2) Ask them about their desired outcome.
Instead of focusing on the problem and whose fault it is, help them to focus on what outcome they want for everyone.
 
3) Ask them what action THEY can take to move towards that outcome.
When they point to someone else, gently bring them back, reminding them that "You can't change others. You can only change yourself." So even if they want someone to take a different action, help them see how they could positively influence someone's behaviour.
 
BONUS STEP: Ask them: How can I hold you accountable in a way that won't come across as nagging, negative or micromanaging?
 
Your response
Some of you replied to me with: That didn't work, Kathy!
 
Others responded with: That worked once, but they keep complaining! If it's not about this, then it's about something else. It is as if they look for something to complain about.
 
Trust me! I hear you. I have those people in my life and on my team too! They can zap my energy if I let them! The key point here (and the one I made last week) is that I can be response-able for the way things impact me.
 
But before I finish that thought, let me go back to my crappy advice.
 
Why my advice didn't work
If my advice didn't work, it's because I forgot to share the second half of the puzzle: What do you do when it redirecting a complainer doesn't work?
 
Of course, it won't work! Here's why:
Let me be completely transparent. Most of the time, what I suggested to you above won't work. At least not initially.
 
You and that team member have created a habitual way of interacting.

• They complain.
• You roll your eyes - maybe only inside your mind
• You answer with sarcasm, appease them, ignore their comment, or do whatever it is you usually do that doesn't change their behaviour.

And the cycle continues.

You have to be patient and consistent
We know change takes time. To elicit a consistent new response from your employee will require repeated different responses for you.
 
If you follow my suggestions, you will be practicing a new way of interacting. The problem is, it's soooooooooo easy to return to the default mode after one or two tries of doing something differently.
 
You can't try once and stop
But, once isn't enough to cut it.

• One salad does not make you a healthy eater.
• One trip to the gym doesn't make you lose weight.
• And it's a good thing we didn't all stop in grade one.

 
Strong Leadership = Continuous growth and development
Leadership is about growth and development. It is a continual exercise of learning, failing and getting back up and practicing again.
 
We won't master new ways of communicating and influencing our team by trying something out once! Mastery comes with practice. A lot of practice! In fact, to master something, science has shown you need to invest 10,000 hours of deliberate practice. That means not practicing something you already know how to do, but practicing something you don't know how to do. That something is often way outside of your comfort zone.
 
It's time for you to respond with practice
So to change your staff's behaviour, you need to change the way you lead. This comes back to being response-able. You can respond to their complaints in a different way. But to entirely overall that relationship (they complain, you roll your eyes…), you'll need to practice responding consistently in a different way.
 
Are you committed to ongoing growth and development?
It's time to practice that! It's about mastering a new way of leading. This takes time and a commitment to ongoing personal and professional development.
 
To get a better handle on where you are and what you need to work on as you move towards mastery, read this article. Then grab the guide sheet to identify where you are on the continuum of apprentice to master. On the page, you will also find two videos to deepen your understanding of the path to becoming a masterful leader.

I'm here to guide you on this journey!
You can do it! I’m here to help you. So as always, if you have any questions or need guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out.
 
Do you need a roadmap to guide your journey?
If you are ready to commit to intentional and consistent growth and development, join The Training Library. Inside pick the courses you need to take to grow your skills. Then systematically work through the lessons, bit by bit! Five minutes here and 15 minutes there, will fast track your journey towards mastery! I'll be there with you every step of the way!
 
Commit, my dear, to being in it for the long haul! Some days will be challenging. Knowing you are growing and expanding your capacity makes those days worthwhile!

• She talks about what she wants but waits for it to happen, and it doesn't.
• She indicates how things could be different, but she blames her current circumstances on others.
• She complains about how things are, yet does nothing to change them. In her mind, it's someone else's fault; someone else needs to do something; someone else is responsible for why her life sucks.

 
Ugh! I want to shake her and say:

• You can change your life!
• You can have a different experience.
• You can do things that will bring about a change to your circumstances.

 
I've tried to help:
I have encouraged her, coached her and given her tons of resources that will help her start turning her life around.
 
However, she won't take it:
Instead of utilizing those resources, she sits in her pity party, belly aching and complaining about others, blaming them and waiting for them to change.
 
You can lead a horse 🐴 to water,
but you can't make them drink.

So….my mantra has become:
I am not going to give up my happy because you can't find your happy!
 
I became responsible for my happiness
I'm taking responsibility for my life and my experiences, even though she chooses not to.

• I've set boundaries around my contact with her.
• I have limited my exposure to her news feed.
• I continue to do the inner work to let go of her drama and toxicity.

 
I also recognize I do the same thing
This experience has been a great reminder to me of where I, too, put myself in that place of complaining and belly aching. What about you? Like me, do you sometimes have your own pity party?

Do you wait as I do?
Women like us are strong, capable and confident, except when we aren't. If you are like most women and like me, there are places we show up full of courage and determination.

• Then, there are other places where we play small, hide, step back into the shadows, avoid people and wait for things to change.

 
We wait, blame and finger point...at least I do
Can you think of any areas in your life where you are doing that?
 
I can! I can see where I wait for someone else to "do it with me" for the money to "do it" for the time to "fit it in" or for the person to get out of my way, so I can "do it."

Let me give you some examples
EXAMPLE # 1
I've spent the last year looking for places that might interview me for podcasts, but have found few that "fit" me. However, the truth is, when I pause and ponder, I see different perspectives and realize that it is just an excuse.

• The truth is, I'm afraid to put my ideas out there.

 
EXAMPLE # 2
Another example is where I've wanted to remodel my daughter's bedroom and turn it into my den. She moved out almost a year ago. But, it wasn't the right time to do the renovations. We didn't have time, and of course, she might move back. Then, I didn't have my husband's help, and it would cost money.

• These are all stories I've made up to put the blame out there because I'm still working through the empty nest feeling.

 
EXAMPLE # 3
Here is another way I've not taken responsibility: There is a person on my team who isn't pulling their weight. They only show up for some meetings. But they are always unprepared. What's more, when you ask them to take on a task, they say they will. But you can bet there is a 90% chance they won't do it, and someone else will have to pick up the pieces.
 
And what have I done about it? Nothing! I complain. I hope they will change. I wait. Waiting leaves me feeling like a victim of their incompetence, their insensitivity to others and their lack of commitment. And that sucks!

• I'm struggling to find the courage to address their performance.

 
When we don't take responsibility, we become victims
When we become victims, we feel powerless. At times, we try to force things, push people and make them do something, so our lives and situations are better. We try to have power over them. That creates more tension and turmoil.
 
We need to take our power back...our inner power!
Instead of feeling like a victim, we need to take our power back. We need to become responsible for what's going on.
 
I call it response-able.
It means we are able to respond.
 
Too often, women like us feel like there is nothing we can do about it. We wait, hope and pray things will change. We moan and groan to whoever will listen (my poor hubby!)
 
But when we take our inner power back, we gain the confidence, courage to become response-able to make changes in our lives, on our teams and in the world.
 
Take control of your thoughts
Our thoughts create our worlds. I can spend time getting angry and frustrated with that individual in my life that is driving me nuts.
Or

• I can take responsibility for my mood. I can remind myself that I'm not going to give up my happy because you can't find yours, and move on to other thoughts.

 
I can feel like there is no place to share my ideas on podcasts that "fit" me.
Or

• I can take responsibility for my thoughts. By believing there are podcasts that fit me, I'll continue to look for them. And, I could create my own podcast …hmm…there's an idea! What do you think? Should I create my own podcast?

 
I can wait for the right time, help etc. to redecorate my daughter's room.
Or

• I can become response-able for making it happen by creating a budget, a timeline to get it done and recruit the help I need.

 
I can wait for that person on my team to change.
Or

• I can do the work to gather the courage to have what could be a difficult conversation with that member on my team. I could become response-able by starting with the One Page Journaling exercise.
  
  

Where do you need to become response-able?
Instead of feeling powerless, become response-able.

• Take responsibility for the situation.
• Take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.
  
  

Became Response-ABLE!

• DO NOT wait for someone else to change.
• DO NOT hope someone will tell you what to do.
• DO NOT wait for it to be the right time.
• DO change your thoughts and behaviours.
• DO decide what you can do.
• DO create the time for it.

 
If you need some help with this  learn more about becoming response-able here. You will also find a worksheet to help you take back your inner power here.
 
In case you haven't figured it out yet you teach your team to take responsibility when you role model it to them :-)

To make those resources even more effective, take a moment to step into Cindy’s kitchen….
 
Imagine a young girl, Cindy is in the kitchen with her grandma, who is teaching Cindy how to bake buns. Cindy hopes to learn how to make buns that the whole family raves about as they do her grandmas.
 
As the older lady hovers over Cindy’s shoulder, she guides Cindy through the process.

• Do you see how you’re measuring cup is heaping with flour? Take your knife and level it off first.
• A good thing to remember is to take your eggs out of the fridge an hour before. Here’s why…
• Let me show you a couple of ways to knead the dough, and you can see which you like better.
• Here is a tip to always remember when you are letting your buns rise…
• This is how you know when the buns are done …

 
Yet, after all that guidance, Cindy’s buns flop!
What the heck!
 
Cindy then...
Go back to that movie in your mind of the scene in the kitchen. Look a little closer at Cindy as she was being taught how to bake. Did you notice she had earplugs in her ears? As her grandma was teaching, mentoring and coaching her, Cindy never heard a word her grandma said! Cindy just did it her way.
If you could get into Cindy’s head, you may have even heard her say: Hurry up, Grandma, I’ve got things to do outside!
 
It’s no wonder Cindy struggled to learn how to bake stellar buns!

Cindy now...
Cindy now leads a team of frontline workers in a small nonprofit. Instead of trying to figure out how to bake buns, Cindy is currently struggling with team meetings.
 
Each go-around, Cindy brings her agenda and stacks of handouts to the meeting. As she works her way through the items, the room is relatively quiet. No one participates. They don’t volunteer ideas or add value to the conversation. Team members don’t offer to help out when she asks for volunteers, so Cindy assigns tasks.
 
When Cindy gets to the sensitive topics, she feels everyone tense up, and Cindy prays that no one will push back today as has happened during the past.
 
Cindy hopes things will change
Each go-around, Cindy goes in, hoping something will be different.

• She prays that the employees will be more motivated to be involved.
• She wishes the team members would be more enthusiastic.
• She longs to have them be way more effective.

 
But nothing changes. After the meeting, Cindy tosses her stack of notes on her desk and lets out a sigh. Another one done. Cindy doesn’t have to worry about team meetings again until the next one.
 
Hope without action is futile!
Here’s the problem, if Cindy wants something different, she needs to do something different.
 
If Cindy desires increased team engagement, buy-in and action, she would need to change something she is doing. Last week, we talked about hoping things change. And we learned that without action, hope is futile. Hope alone won’t make the difference.
 
Are you like Cindy?
Cindy is like many women leaders. They don’t take the time to learn new things. Despite tons of resources, guides, coaches and mentors available to them, many leaders tune the learning opportunities out.
 
I get it...Nonprofits are tough!
Nonprofits are notorious for being crisis-driven. There is always something demanding your attention. If it isn’t a client crisis, it’s team drama, the fundraising event, a shortage of staff, proposal or grant writing, year-end or accreditation time. Stress, busyness and crises never end.
 
2 beliefs that don't help
Therefore, most women leaders believe they don’t have the time to step back and learn how to run better meetings, create more engaged employees, improve team culture or find improved work-life balance.
 
What’s more, they often don’t believe nonprofit specific resources and training are readily available.
 
Let me provide insight on both of those points.
1) You won’t find the time. You need to make time.
What’s more, it won’t take a lot of time, just intentionality.
 
2) There are a plethora of nonprofit resources available.
There is no lack of training, books, courses, blogs, podcasts, trainers, coaches or mentors available to nonprofit leaders. But if the podcast is never listened to or the course never worked on, you won’t learn.
 
If you don’t invest the time (action) to learn and then the energy to practice (more action), all the hope in the world won’t change the outcome of your team meetings.
 
To improve your team meetings, you need to do 3 things:

1) Take responsibility for improving your team meetings.
No more waiting, hoping or blaming.
 
2) Commit to growing yourself.
In this week’s video I talked about how to think your way to thriving. In the video you will learn how to use your growth mindset to organize your learning and growth.
 
3) Add action to your hope.
Start with the resources below.
 
When you commit to ongoing personal and professional development you’ll find more success leading highly engaged and effective teams.
 
Oh, and bonus….you’ll be happier!
 
Do you want to be more focused and intentional about your growth and development? Join me on Feb. 20th for this month's webinar: Develop Your Personalized Curriculum for Leadership Development
 
15 resources to help you run better team meetings 

​Beth Kanter’s Blog

1. Step-by-Step Guide: Nonprofit Strolling Meetings
2. Running Effective Virtual #Nonprofit Meetings: 9 Best Practices for Facilitating Engagement

 
The Small Nonprofit Podcast

1. Better Meetings with Rebecca Sutherns

 
Me on…The Meeting Leadership Podcast

1. How To Control Your Emotions In A Meeting
2. How Leaders Can Remain Calm During Heated Meetings

 
Blogs post on my website

1. How to feel wicked confident running your next staff meeting
2. 5 ways to increase employee engagement in meetings
3. Are you doing your part to inspire those around you?

 
My book

1. Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system

 
Webinars in The Training Library that will help you run better meetings:

1. Staying composed during that next meeting, conversation or event
2. Confidently boost the morale of your team
3. How to deal with OFFICE POLITICS with calm confidence
4. How to preparing for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity
5. Quick journaling for effective leadership

 
Courses in the Training Library that will help you run better meetings

1. Emotional control by expanding your emotional vocabulary

 

I took a breath, then gently said:
Perhaps Annabel, instead of praying for someone else to do something, you could pray for help to be a better person, in fact, a better leader.
 
Annabel was quiet, but I could feel how incredulous she felt
 
I continued, suggesting that instead of asking for a miracle ⚡️like that person quits, that Annabel instead ask for help, support, guidance, strength, insights, and courage to be more patient, brave, direct, clear, inspiring, or motivating,
 
Again, Annabel was quiet, but this time, her quietness seemed open to hearing more, so I went on
 
I reminded her of the lesson we learned early in life, but rarely seem to heed: You can’t change anyone else. You can only change yourself.
 
Do you rely on hope?
​Leaders often hope others will change. And hope alone is pretty useless. 
Let me explain.
 
The dictionary defines hope as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.

• But that definition falls short. Hope also needs action.

 
Is hope one of your top character strengths?
I’ve often suggested to you to complete your Virtues in Action Signature Strengths test. If you have, you may have found, like me, that one of your top character strengths is hope. But let me share their description of hope as a character trait:

• Hope: “I am realistic and also full of optimism about the future, believing in my actions and feeling confident things will turn out well.”
• Realistic + Optimistic + Action oriented + Confident thoughts = Hope

 
Most nonprofits live in crisis management mode
​Most days, as a leader, things are less than perfect. Your team probably needs some work. The sector throws curve balls left and right. Clients and customers bring new challenges. As a result, you are left playing whack-a-mole, trying to decide what fire to put out first.

You can't hope your way out of crisis mode!
You are probably saying, but Kathy, it’s not like I haven’t tried! True. You’ve probably tried very hard!

Here's what to add to hope:
Here’s the thing though, it might be time to try something different. Instead of fixing your team, solving the problems, putting out fires, dealing with the crisis of the day, it might be time instead to focus on growing you!
 
Back to Annabel
Annabel’s plea, Dear God, please just fix things🙏🏻is echoed across nonprofits every day! Her hope that things will change gets dampened day after day. And, if she’s not careful, her hope will turn to cynicism, bitterness and she will lose all faith that she can do much more than just survive each day.
 
I asked Annabel what kind of impact she wanted to have with her staff.

• Annabel said she wanted her staff to do what they were supposed to do, and on time would be nice!
• But more than that, she wanted them to get along, to support each other and be real team players.

When I asked what kind of a leader she would need to be to have that impact, Annabel was a bit stumped.

Annabel needs to focus on her growth
Perhaps I suggested that you would need to be a leader who inspired others and motivated them. I went on to talk about the traits of inspiring and motivating leaders such as compassion, patience, courage, fairness, humour, perspective, humility, the ability to self-regulate and to see things from different perspectives. 
 
Annabel sighed. I don’t remember learning any of that in college. 
 
Nope, they typically aren’t taught in your social work class, rehab degree, or when you got your fundraising certification. 
That doesn’t mean you can’t learn them. 

 Do you have these same mistaken beliefs?
Where many leaders get caught up is these 3 mistaken beliefs:

• I don’t have time!
• I don’t know how!
• Soft skills don’t count.

Those points miss the mark. 
 
You won’t find the time to work on yourself. You have to make the time

• hope + action

 
You don’t need to know how you need the willingness to figure out how

• growth mindset

 
Soft skills don’t just count. Soft skills ARE Leadership. Leadership isn’t doing things; Leadership is being the type of person who inspires and motivates people towards a future vision. That’s about the kind of person you are. 

• your character
  
  

You need to develop a growth mindset
Being a strong leader starts with your mindset. It would help if you believed you could grow and learn. 
 
Where many of us are, is stuck with a fixed mindset. I’ll never learn to address conflict. I can’t set boundaries. I’ll never be able to be organized enough to pull agendas together two days before staff meetings. 
 
Your fixed mindset keeps you stuck where you are, hoping, but losing faith.
 
Remember, you need hope + action. That requires a growth mindset. Instead of being fixed and stuck, a growth mindset inspires you to figure it out. 
 
When you have a growth mindset, you believe that with effort, time and hard work (and hope) that you can learn new skills and ways of being.

• Those that believe with their whole heart that they can learn do learn.
• Those that question their abilities, second guess themselves and doubt they can, will struggle.

 
Do this:
Notice your thoughts this week. How often do you say, pray or plea that something outside of you will change? When you do, flip it back to yourself and ask a question like this:

• In what way am I not being the person I’d like to be here? What can I do to change that?
• What type of person do I need to be to handle this situation with confidence?
• What do I need to learn so that I can inspire the behaviours I want from my team?
• What can I do to expand my thinking?

 
These kinds of questions will help you develop your growth mindset and enjoy impactful leadership. Learn more about how to adopt a growth mindset here

Do you want to enjoy impactful leadership? But do you feel like those two words...enjoy & impactful... often seem to contradict each other?
 
Do you believe that if you want to be an impactful leader, that you must:

• push hard
• work long hours
• sacrifice your life and
• suffer greatly

​But if you do all that, dang it, you’ll make an impact!!

Ugh - No way! 
I'm done with that, and I hope you are too!
 
I believe with my whole heart that there is a way to have an impact AND to find joy along the way, in fact, moments of contentment, peace and happiness. 
 
In fact, everything I teach you, such as:

• Leading in alignment with your values
• Managing your emotions
• Understanding how your willpower plays a critical role in helping you be more productive
• Maintaining your composure and
• Having a sense of wellness in your life.

All come back to help you be both impactful and find joy in what you do.

Here are the 3 things I BET you want now!

I believe women should be able to go to work each day where

1. They are valued and appreciated
2. They get to use their skills and talents every day
3. They come home at the end of their workday with energy left for the rest of their lives.

 
I bet you want those 3 things too?
 
Think about it:

1) Do you want to be valued and appreciated at work?
2) Do you want to use your skills and talents, those things that are itching to show up and be used more often?
3) Do you want to have energy left at the end of the day to:

• Cook a decent meal
• Go to the gym
• Read to your kids
• Work on that craft project
• Go for coffee with a friend
• Have a meaningful conversation with your partner.

To begin the change for you, I'm going to teach you the 4 pillars of impactful and enjoyable leadership. It's free for you to tune in Friday at 10:30 MDT. Click here to find the event and make sure you LIKE my Facebook page, so you receive a notification when I go live.
 
This conversation will be posted with others like it on this page in case you miss it and want to watch the replay.
 
Here's the thing: You can ENJOY your leadership experience and have an incredible IMPACT on the work you and your organization do. You have to believe it, take responsibility for it and make it happen in your world.
 
Thanks for being on my team I know WE can do it!
 
Learn the 4 pillars of impactful and enjoyable leadership so you can make your difference and enjoy the experience

Sandra's schedule today...

Sandra has a meeting today with her boss, and she's been dreading it for a week! She knows that her boss is going to make her feel stupid, small and even scared.

• The meeting is supposed to help Sandra in her role.
• The intention is that it will give her the support, guidance and assistance that Sandra needs to excel.

 
But that's not how the meeting is really going to go down!

Sandra knows that "help" is going to be via her boss, pointing out everything she's done wrong, needs to work on and by her boss highlighting Sandra's weaknesses.

• Rather than feeling empowered, uplifted and motivated to do a better job, Sandra knows she'll feel beaten down.

 
Sandra's mind has been working overtime!

Since Sandra's boss scheduled the meeting, Sandra has been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She has imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach!
 
It's no wonder Sandra is dreading this meeting!

Do you know what? Sadly, probably most of what Sandra fears will come true!

•  Sandra's boss will pick her apart.
• She will identify what Sandra is doing wrong.
• And Sandra's boss will likely be mean about it.

 
It's not all bad news, though! In fact....

Do you know what? None of that means Sandra has to believe all of that. Nor does she have to take it all as absolutes, truths or even helpful advice.
 
Sandra gets to choose what part of what she hears is helpful.

She can choose to pick between the nastiness, the glaring errors and well-intentioned, but still hurtful comments and find out what's valuable in between those comments.
 
Sandra gets to take back control!

What's more, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her leadership role.
 
Here's an example of the kinds of messages Sandra's boss might share:

• You have too much overtime.
• You are not good at managing your time.
• You are always late getting your monthly reports to me.
• Your staff meetings are too long, and you have too many of them. Stop coddling your team.

 
Sandra's mindset, what she thinks, matters most!

MINDSET # 1
If Sandra chooses to see herself as flawed, she will take these kinds of comments to heart. The knot in her stomach will grow to a tightening in her chest as she thinks:

• I don't know how to do all of this work without overtime.
• I've never been good at managing my time.
• I've never been an organized person.
• I'm not leadership material.

 
MINDSET #2 (THE BETTER OPTION)
But if Sandra chooses to hear the messages differently, she will PAUSE, take a breath. Then Sandra will PONDER and consider the comments and what else might be true:

• I've been working hard to do a good job and putting in the extra effort.
• I'm a committed employee.
• I care about my job and my team!
• Yes, the overtime is killing me. I DO want to reduce it! Not because my boss is telling me too, but because I want to figure leadership out and have a life!

 
Option # 2 helps Sandra see things with a more confident perspective
Sandra then might use curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:

• Where can I learn more about time management as a leader?
• What could I be doing differently, delegating or deciding quicker?

Those new thoughts would help her courageously PROCEED back to work with a confident mindset and learn to manage her time a bit better and find more time for the rest of her life!
 
Instead of feeling beaten down, Sandra can run through the Inner Guidance Cycle and feel back in control. She can take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is—Feedback.
 
How does this help Sandra get rid of the knot in her stomach before the meeting?
 
Rather than a victim, Sandra becomes response-able!

By knowing she has control of the thoughts, by choosing how to hear messages and by intentionally choosing to not take things personally in the meeting, but rather focus on the content, Sandra will lessen the emotional charge going into the meeting. She becomes response-able!
 
When Sandra chooses her thoughts, she feels her confidence soar!

And…because I know Sandra has read Mastering Confidence, I know, that she knows, that being confident in a meeting, isn't about what someone else thinks. It's what you believe about yourself that matters.

• Do YOU believe you can learn?
• Do YOU believe you can grow and develop?
• Do YOU believe you have the potential to be an extraordinary leader?

If you believe all of those things, the tone with which your boss shares those messages in that upcoming meeting is less relevant than the content of the messages themselves and what you choose to hear, believe and take action on.
 
Sandra is also working on staying composed!

Oh, and because I know Sandra is watched the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library, I know she's prepared and If…then…plan for when she gets triggered. She knows what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure, and she's planned her response and practiced it ahead of time.
 
If she calls me emotional, I know it will make me feel like crying right there in the meeting. I'll feel threatened, vulnerable and insecure.
So, IF she calls me emotional, THEN, I will take a slow deep breath, even if she's waiting for me to respond. After my deep breath, I'll say: My emotions are powerful guides to my work, and yes, I am working on maintaining my composure and managing my emotions. Thanks for reminding me I still have work to do! (insert smile)
 
Sandra is going to get a little boost with a Power Pose too!

Because Sandra had a coaching call with me this week, I reminded her what she learned about feeling confident in her body when she read Mastering Confidence. Sandra laughed...Yes, I'll go to the bathroom and power pose for two minutes before the meeting!
 
Now, the knots have turned to butterflies

Sandra is still nervous, but she is feeling waaaaaay more confident and in control of her responses!
 
Will you do what Sandra did?

If you want to ditch the knot in your stomach before today's meeting, then you need to get ahold of your thoughts and emotions before you go into the meeting. You need to create a mindset that allows you to take back power, your personal power. When you become response-able...able to respond in a way that makes you feel empowered, you'll be able to handle your meeting with more confidence too!
 
As always, I'm over here cheering you on! I know you can do it!
 
Find out more about how to enhance your confidence here.

Your job is never done. Even when you are away from the office or at home in the evening, it’s hard to shut off, tune it out, or let go.
So, the workload feels heavy, unmanageable and, at times, impossible.
 
You are left feeling bitter, exhausted and resenting your job!

• Gone is the passion you felt for the field years ago.
• Rarely, do you feel excited, eager and enthusiastic about your days.
• Seldom do you have time to stop and acknowledge the difference you and your team are really making in the lives of your clients. ​

The secret is to PLAN the next 2-3 months!
​Your 90-day plan does not have to be a perfect 90 days. It doesn't need to match your company’s first-quarter goals. It could be 45 days or 110 days. The point is that you need to plan in smaller, more manageable segments.
 
** You stop resenting your job when you start intentionally dealing with the workload and leading your impact! You do that by mindfully setting aside time to plan the next 90ish days.
 
How planning time for personal development made a difference for these ladies!
Listen to how planning worked for some of my students. These comments come from some of the ladies in the Willpower Essentials study group.
 
They each made a plan for 8 weeks to carve out time to work through the course and apply it in their leadership. They knew that professional development isn’t a luxury; it’s a must for leaders!
 
As you read the comments, listen to the role goal setting and planning had in success for the ladies that did the Willpower Essentials course.
Their plans to readjust their schedules allowed them to complete the Willpower Essential course, and as you’ll see, feel more in control, increased energy and focus.
 
Take notice of how: 
They indicate what goals they want to accomplish. 
They use the word commit. That is being intentional. 
They mention habits they are installing
They note how awareness allows them to get back on track when they slip.
They put appointments into their daytimer to work on personal development!

• Last week I was caught up with week 1 materials. I am pretty excited about that, and it was what I wanted to accomplish. This week I will get week two exercises done. I am also committing to journalling 3 times this week. This is a habit I used to do regularly but go through periods where I don't do it. I really like journalling my ideas, thoughts and feelings because it is a good outlet, but I want to be more consistent with it.

 

• I was able to finish lesson one. I was going to work on this while I was in my hotel room last week for work, and then I didn't print off any lessons. The first thing I did this morning when I got to my office was print all of the lessons and create a binder with everything in it and put it with my laptop so I can work on it.

 

• I decided I need to schedule it into my daytimer, so I make time for it instead of trying to fit it in.

 

• I planned to do the 2nd lesson at work - when that didn’t work out, the alternate plan was tonight. And now, it’s done!

 
Notice the successes they found! 
These ladies found they were better able to resist distractions, focus and stay composed as they followed through with their plan of completing Willpower Essentials:

• I got sidetracked but worked on how to replenish my willpower after experiencing a drain - suddenly, I am aware that OMG change can be made!

 

• Today, I felt my willpower flagging as we were having system issues all day, but then I remembered to stop and breathe. I also got up from my desk and took a walk. At the end of the day, I was not exhausted or deflated when I went home. YAH

 

• I realized that when I am tired, it takes a lot more to control my thoughts and emotions. This tends to be they time the run away from me, which leads to a higher likeliness that I will reach for the chocolate or go down a rabbit hole of distraction, which in turn makes it harder to focus on what is important in that moment.

 

• I found this unit to be helpful. I like the idea of just breathing and going for short walks. I don't walk enough at work. Once I get to my office, I just work and then I feel tired. On days I get out of the office, I feel energized. After watching this lesson, it makes sense. I am going to start going for short walks around the block at work after I am done my lunch. I also recognize that I need to pack an afternoon snack. At about 3 pm, I am done with work and have no energy. I think the protein snack in the afternoon will help with me have more energy.

Back to you!
It's your turn to plan the next 30-90 days.
1) Decide what you want to accomplish
It could be a course, better work-life balance, more engagement with your team, to finish a project or to develop the courage to address a lingering conflict

2) Sit down and make a plan for how you will work on that in the coming weeks.  

Commit to planning the next few weeks, and you'll find the resentment fades and will be replaced with more peace, joy and contentment.
 
You can find more help with planning here