That question came from a nonprofit leader I coached last year. She wasn't planning to leave tomorrow. But she was thinking about the future, and the uncertainty around it was weighing on her.

I've heard this thought more and more over the last few years in my coaching conversations. I've noticed that many leaders are afraid to speak about it in their organization. And that fear of speaking about it is causing challenges in organizations.

We need to talk about succession planning, not as a formal HR process or a massive document but as a necessary leadership conversation. A conversation that builds hope creates sustainability and helps our sector thrive.

In a recent episode of CharityVillage Connects, I had the opportunity to speak with Mary Barroll from CharityVillage about the very real succession crisis facing nonprofit organizations.

I'm grateful for the conversation because we need to have conversations more often and more openly.

Here's some of what Mary and I discussed and a bit more to help you, whether you're the current leader thinking of stepping away or someone wondering what the future holds for your organization.
​

Too often, no one knows what comes next.

• Boards aren't initiating the conversation.
• Leaders feel unsure of how to bring it up.
• Staff are left in the dark.

The result? A lack of true leadership on the team and in the organization, lost momentum, and talented individuals walked away from roles they might have otherwise stepped into if the path had been clearer and they had felt supported to grow and step into the role.

Succession planning isn't just about choosing a replacement. It's about growing the next leader, helping them build their confidence and capacity. At the same time building confidence in that upcoming leader across the organization. Without it, we risk confusion, instability, and a big mess when something initiates the leader moving on.

• Avoidance from the board – Many boards don't want to "poke the bear," especially if the current leader is also the founder. They aren't sure they can legally ask those questions. Or they wonder if it will give the wrong message to the leader that they aren't wanted anymore.
• Survival mode culture – When we're all trying to keep up with reporting deadlines, funder demands, and program pressures, planning for something five years down the road feels impossible.

And yet, that's exactly why we need to start now.

​Another major gap? We're not developing the right skills.
When someone is promoted from the front line into a leadership role, they're often handed policies, reporting forms, and a few HR documents—and expected to figure the rest out.

But technical tasks are only part of the job.
What new leaders really need to learn are:

• How to motivate and inspire others
• How to manage your emotions (and your team's)
• How to build hope during change and uncertainty
• How to have tough conversations and deal with prickly personalities
• How do you set boundaries when you are a people pleaser, perfectionist, or performer so you don't burn out?

We call them "soft skills," but they're foundational to effective leadership. And in most nonprofits, they're rarely taught.

That lack of preparation leaves new leaders overwhelmed and uncertain, and it reinforces the cycle of burnout and leadership avoidance.
​

Did you know there was a time when I didn't know if I could keep leading?

I felt lost, overwhelmed, and completely out of my comfort zone. Maybe you know that feeling too!

I had just stepped into a senior leadership role. I was managing everything relatively confidently. With things going well, I worked my butt off applying for expanded funding. My team and I were so excited when we got it.

However....

When that large new contract arrived, the increased responsibility, staffing demands, travel, and budget oversight felt hugely overwhelming. I was scrambling to hold things together, feeling like I was on a conveyor belt that just kept speeding up.

Things started to slip. I didn't always keep my word. I pushed my own agenda without truly listening to my team. I was no longer the leader they had once trusted. That year's performance appraisal was like a slap in the face: My staff clearly said, "Kathy lacks integrity." That comment hit hard.
​

Engagement plummeted, and tension rose. There was whispering behind my back, and even a grievance was filed against me. I felt isolated and afraid I might lose my job.

You may feel this way, too. Maybe you've been in a meeting, putting on a brave face, all the while wondering if everyone else can tell that you feel completely lost, ready to fall apart and wondering why you are doing this job anymore but also very stuck!
​

I knew I had a choice: I could quit, or I could do the hard work of rebuilding my leadership from the ground up. I chose the latter.

I started by doing the inner work. I took a step back, paused, and reflected on who I wanted to be as a leader. I got support from a coach who helped me see my blind spots and guided me through the process of realigning my actions with my values.

I used THE INFINITE LEADERSHIP LOOP, the same process I teach in Character Driven Leadership for Women, to help me navigate my way forward. I learned to PAUSE, PONDER, and PIVOT with intention. 

Slowly but surely, as I had the courage to PROCEED into conversations with my PEOPLE, I started to rebuild trust with my team and restore my own confidence.
​

If you've felt like you don't know what you're doing, if you've struggled with imposter syndrome, lack of support, or fear of failing, you're not alone.

We all face moments where we feel off-balance, unsure, or overwhelmed.
But those moments are also choice points. They are opportunities to decide how you want to show up as a leader.

In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I share not just my own story but practical tools to help you:

• PAUSE and recognize when you're in survival mode.
• PONDER your options and choose your response with intention.
• PIVOT from reaction to grounded, values-driven action.
• PROCEED with clarity and confidence, knowing you've aligned your actions with who you want to be as a leader.
• Reconnect with your PEOPLE by listening, showing up with integrity, and creating a culture of trust and open communication.

This is what THE INFINITE LEADERSHIP LOOP is all about. It teaches you to take those difficult moments and use them to build your character, confidence, and leadership impact.
​

Let me start with a story...

As I sat at my desk, I was fuming. She had done it again! She had tried to undermine my leadership in the meeting, throwing out a comment designed to make me look like I didn't know what I was doing. And what did I do? I shot back. It wasn't one of my finer moments‍ , and I immediately regretted it.

Fast forward a few months, and once again, I was face-to-face with this team member who wasn't happy with the way I was leading. And the truth was, she had a point. We were all stretched thin, struggling to keep up with demands, putting out fires, and trying to meet the needs of our clients. Change was coming, but it was taking time.

When she tried to throw me under the bus this time, I PAUSED and took a deep breath ‍ I had prepared for this moment. I knew it and many others like it would come. During my self-reflection time, I had PONDERED about the type of leader I wanted to be. As a result of that thinking time, I had already decided that when it did, I wanted to respond with a measured, clear response.

So this time, when the pointed comment came, I was ready to respond with intention. I thanked her for her input, validated what she was saying, and clarified where we were in the process of improving support and creating manageable workloads. I kept my cool. And I felt so much better. 
​

Right now, you have a choice:

You can keep leading on autopilot—feeling stuck in old patterns, constantly reacting to the chaos, never quite feeling in control.

Or you can choose to lead differently...
... with clarity, intention, and the confidence that comes from knowing you're making the best decisions, aligned with your values and the leader you aspire to be.

 Which choice will you make?

~ Kathy 
Do the inner work. It's worth it!

P. S. If you want to go deeper with a space to practice this work with support, join me inside The Training Library. It's where we take these ideas and make them real in your day-to-day leadership.
​

When you lead from a place of constantly trying to meet others' expectations, prove yourself, or avoid mistakes, you lose sight of what truly makes you a strong and confident leader, which is leading with strong character. More on that in a moment.

To get out of the trap, you need to engage in self-reflection. You can use The Infinite Leadership Loop to help you.

​Review the questions and answer the following questions honestly.
​

​A) Whether everyone will be happy with my choice 
B) Proving that I can handle it all on my own 
C) Getting every detail right to avoid mistakes 
​

A) Feel guilty and try to make it up to them 
B) Double down on working harder to prove my worth 
C) Ruminate on where I went wrong and how I could have done it perfectly 
​

​A) Everyone around me is happy, and I've avoided disappointing them 
B) I'm seen as the one who gets things done and excels under pressure 
C) My work is flawless and free from mistakes 
​

A) Worry that others will be upset with me for asking 
B) Feel uneasy because I believe I should handle it myself 
C) Struggle to let go because I don't trust others to do it the right way 
​

​A) Letting someone down 
B) Failing or looking incompetent 
C) Making a mistake or not getting it exactly right 
​

​A) Say yes to everything to avoid conflict 
B) Push myself harder, even if I'm exhausted 
C) Get stuck in overanalyzing and delay making a decision 
​

​How did you do? Tally up whether you respond most often with (A), (B), or (C). 
Here's what your answers say about your tendencies to please, perform or perfect.
​

​You tend to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over your own needs and desires. You want to be liked and accepted, even if it means sacrificing your own values or boundaries.
​

​As overachievers with high expectations, you feel a constant need to prove yourself and put on a facade of competence and capability even when feeling overwhelmed or uncertain. You put immense pressure on yourself to prove your competence, often overworking to maintain an image of capability. 
​

In your relentless pursuit of flawlessness, you believe every task, every project, and every decision must be perfect. This can lead to analysis paralysis, procrastination, and a fear of taking risks or making mistakes.
​

Remember I said you aren't alone? Let me tell you about a time when I fell deep into the trap of performing, pushing myself to prove I was capable, even as the weight of leadership was pulling me under.  I share this story in Character Driven Leadership.

I had been confidently managing everything on my plate until a large new contract came in. The increased responsibility, travel, staffing, and budget had me scrambling to hold everything together. I felt like Lucy in that old I Love Lucy episode with the conveyor belt—things moving faster than I could handle, and no way to keep up. 

Because of that:

• I didn't always keep my word.
• I didn't follow through on promises.
• I neglected to listen to people's ideas and input, instead railroading through with my own plans.

​I was so focused on proving that I could handle it all that I lost sight of how my leadership was affecting my team.

The shift was dramatic. My once-trusting team started pulling away.

• They stopped getting behind my ideas.
• Their work performance dropped.
• They lacked enthusiasm when I delegated tasks.
• There was no engagement, just tension, bickering, and whispering that stopped when I walked into the room.

​Eventually, it all culminated in a grievance being filed against me.

I remember the feeling so clearly. I was afraid I would be fired, but I also felt an overwhelming exhaustion and burnout that made me want to quit. I had been trying so hard to hold it all together, but in the process, I had lost the very trust and connection that made leadership meaningful.

It wasn't until I PAUSED and PONDERED, reflecting on what happened, that I realized the truth. I had been performing, not leading. I had been caught in the pressure to prove myself instead of trusting myself. The PIVOT came when I realized that I needed to realign with my values, communicate honestly, and create a sustainable leadership style for both my team and me.
​
Here's the truth in a nutshell. No matter where you land, the goal is to shift toward Character Driven Leadership, which is about making values-based decisions and leading authentically.

As a nonprofit leader, do you have any guesses about how many decisions you make in a day? Let's agree that it's a lot Maybe better questions are: ​

• Do you make them decisively, quickly, and effectively?
• How confident are you at making your decisions?
• Are you making value-based decisions?

​

Let's be honest, leadership is full of tough decisions, constant changes in priorities as you deal with the next crisis, and moments that test your patience, confidence, and sanity. If you've ever felt overwhelmed, keep up with all the balls you are juggling, you're not the only one! I think every leader I talk to feels that most days. The constant demands of leadership can leave you second-guessing yourself and wondering if you're making the right choices

But here's the truth. Strong, effective leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about knowing what guides your decisions, and that starts with your values.
​

In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I remind us that as pleasers. . .
​
"We tend to prioritize the needs and expectations of others over our own needs and desires. We want to be liked and accepted, even if it means sacrificing our own values or boundaries."

And, it doesn't feel good when we sacrifice our values 

Your values define what's important to you and shape the way you lead. They help you:
​- Communicate expectations clearly
- Stay grounded when challenges arise
- Make tough decisions with confidence intact
- Set priorities that align with your leadership goals

Without clear values, you might find yourself constantly reacting, trying to please everyone, or struggling to make decisions. When you know your values, leadership becomes more intentional and fulfilling.
​

Let's look at how it works. Imagine you have two spots for a professional development opportunity, but four of your team members want to attend. How do you decide?

• If growth and development is a core value, you might choose those who will bring back knowledge and share it with the team.
• If fairness is a guiding principle, you might rotate opportunities based on who hasn't had training recently.
• If team impact is your focus, you might select individuals in roles that will benefit the organization the most.

There's no perfect answer, but when you make a decision through the lens of your values, you can stand by it with confidence.
​

In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I explain how ️ emotional turmoil is often a signal of a misalignment with your values. If you feel frustrated, resentful, or unsettled, pause and ask yourself.

"What value of mine is being tested right now?"
​

If honesty is important to you, even small white lies may irritate you.
If respect matters deeply, being dismissed in a meeting may hit a nerve.
If collaboration is a top value, an "every person for themselves" mindset on your team may cause frustration.

Recognizing these connections helps you manage emotions and respond in a way that aligns with the leader you want to be.
​

If you haven't clearly defined your values, here's where to start.
Reflect – Where do you naturally invest your time, energy, and attention? What books, podcasts, or causes draw you in?
Journal – If you could pass on three values to your team or children, what would they be?
Narrow it down – From a list of values, instinctively pick 10, then challenge yourself to choose just three. These are the values that truly drive your leadership.
​

In Character Driven Leadership you’ll discover how to lead authentically, impactfully, and with balance through step-by-step guidance in this book, helping you lead in a way that feels good.
If you want to dive into the book now, you can start with the first chapter now!
Here is what Haley Cooper had to say after she read it:

​

In Character Driven Leadership for Women, I encourage readers to "follow the steps in this book and you will get on the right track, the track that honours who you are and the work you are here to do, aligns with your values, and feels so much better!" If you want to learn how to do that, grab the first chapter of the book and start your journey to values-based decision-making and leadership.

Knowing and using your values to guide your leadership builds trust, consistency, and confidence. It helps you lead with integrity, stay composed under pressure, and make decisions that FEEL RIGHT, not just in the moment but for the long-term impact you want to create.

~ Kathy 

P.S. Emotional turmoil is often a signal of a misalignment with your values. Please don't try to shut your emotions off. Use them to find alignment! When you do that, you will be able to manage your emotions using them to be a better and happier leader.
​

Start reading and start growing as a leader today!

​Ready to Lead with Confidence and Impact?