In a recent coaching session, Annabel said to me, I just pray things will change. I pray "they'" will quit, so I don’t have to deal with them. Then, things can get back to normal.
I took a breath, then gently said:
Perhaps Annabel, instead of praying for someone else to do something, you could pray for help to be a better person, in fact, a better leader.
Annabel was quiet, but I could feel how incredulous she felt
I continued, suggesting that instead of asking for a miracle ⚡️like that person quits, that Annabel instead ask for help, support, guidance, strength, insights, and courage to be more patient, brave, direct, clear, inspiring, or motivating,
Again, Annabel was quiet, but this time, her quietness seemed open to hearing more, so I went on
I reminded her of the lesson we learned early in life, but rarely seem to heed: You can’t change anyone else. You can only change yourself.
Do you rely on hope?
Leaders often hope others will change. And hope alone is pretty useless.
Let me explain.
The dictionary defines hope as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
Is hope one of your top character strengths?
I’ve often suggested to you to complete your Virtues in Action Signature Strengths test. If you have, you may have found, like me, that one of your top character strengths is hope. But let me share their description of hope as a character trait:
Most nonprofits live in crisis management mode
Most days, as a leader, things are less than perfect. Your team probably needs some work. The sector throws curve balls left and right. Clients and customers bring new challenges. As a result, you are left playing whack-a-mole, trying to decide what fire to put out first.
But hoping tomorrow will be a better day, only goes so far.
You must MAKE tomorrow a better day.
You can't hope your way out of crisis mode!
You are probably saying, but Kathy, it’s not like I haven’t tried! True. You’ve probably tried very hard!
Here's what to add to hope:
Here’s the thing though, it might be time to try something different. Instead of fixing your team, solving the problems, putting out fires, dealing with the crisis of the day, it might be time instead to focus on growing you!
Back to Annabel
Annabel’s plea, Dear God, please just fix things🙏🏻is echoed across nonprofits every day! Her hope that things will change gets dampened day after day. And, if she’s not careful, her hope will turn to cynicism, bitterness and she will lose all faith that she can do much more than just survive each day.
I asked Annabel what kind of impact she wanted to have with her staff.
Annabel needs to focus on her growth
Perhaps I suggested that you would need to be a leader who inspired others and motivated them. I went on to talk about the traits of inspiring and motivating leaders such as compassion, patience, courage, fairness, humour, perspective, humility, the ability to self-regulate and to see things from different perspectives.
Annabel sighed. I don’t remember learning any of that in college.
Nope, they typically aren’t taught in your social work class, rehab degree, or when you got your fundraising certification.
That doesn’t mean you can’t learn them.
Do you have these same mistaken beliefs?
Where many leaders get caught up is these 3 mistaken beliefs:
You won’t find the time to work on yourself. You have to make the time
You don’t need to know how you need the willingness to figure out how
Soft skills don’t just count. Soft skills ARE Leadership. Leadership isn’t doing things; Leadership is being the type of person who inspires and motivates people towards a future vision. That’s about the kind of person you are.
Being a strong leader starts with your mindset. It would help if you believed you could grow and learn.
Where many of us are, is stuck with a fixed mindset. I’ll never learn to address conflict. I can’t set boundaries. I’ll never be able to be organized enough to pull agendas together two days before staff meetings.
Your fixed mindset keeps you stuck where you are, hoping, but losing faith.
Remember, you need hope + action. That requires a growth mindset. Instead of being fixed and stuck, a growth mindset inspires you to figure it out.
When you have a growth mindset, you believe that with effort, time and hard work (and hope) that you can learn new skills and ways of being.
Notice your thoughts this week. How often do you say, pray or plea that something outside of you will change? When you do, flip it back to yourself and ask a question like this:
These kinds of questions will help you develop your growth mindset and enjoy impactful leadership. Learn more about how to adopt a growth mindset here
Do you want to enjoy impactful leadership? But do you feel like those two words...enjoy & impactful... often seem to contradict each other?
Do you believe that if you want to be an impactful leader, that you must:
But if you do all that, dang it, you’ll make an impact!!
Ugh - No way!
I'm done with that, and I hope you are too!
I believe with my whole heart that there is a way to have an impact AND to find joy along the way, in fact, moments of contentment, peace and happiness.
In fact, everything I teach you, such as:
I’m on a mission to make that true for as many women as I can reach.
Here are the 3 things I BET you want now!
I believe women should be able to go to work each day where
I bet you want those 3 things too?
Think about it:
1) Do you want to be valued and appreciated at work?
2) Do you want to use your skills and talents, those things that are itching to show up and be used more often?
3) Do you want to have energy left at the end of the day to:
Do you crave a workplace that creates that in your life?
I thought you might say yes!!!
If you want to begin to create this type of work world with me today, raise your hand now. Right there, where you are reading this — Even if it’s only in your imagination! Raise your hand now, and say, I’m in!
I want that for myself and for other women leaders too!
Well then, my dear, let’s make it happen!
How? Well, let me tell you....
FIRST - Believe it’s possible.
If you don't believe it, you can't make miracles happen!
Believe with your whole heart, it's possible!
SECOND - Take responsibility for making it happen.
If you are like most women, you are waiting for
THIRD - Create that for the people around you
Take the lead in your organization to:
Be the leader of the change!
Start today, enjoying impactful leadership!
To begin the change for you, I'm going to teach you the 4 pillars of impactful and enjoyable leadership. It's free for you to tune in Friday at 10:30 MDT. Click here to find the event and make sure you LIKE my Facebook page, so you receive a notification when I go live.
This conversation will be posted with others like it on this page in case you miss it and want to watch the replay.
Here's the thing: You can ENJOY your leadership experience and have an incredible IMPACT on the work you and your organization do. You have to believe it, take responsibility for it and make it happen in your world.
Thanks for being on my team I know WE can do it!
Learn the 4 pillars of impactful and enjoyable leadership so you can make your difference and enjoy the experience
If you’ve got a tough meeting coming up and you want to learn how to feel empowered going into it, you may find Sandra’s story very helpful!
Sandra's schedule today...
Sandra has a meeting today with her boss, and she's been dreading it for a week! She knows that her boss is going to make her feel stupid, small and even scared.
But that's not how the meeting is really going to go down!
Sandra knows that "help" is going to be via her boss, pointing out everything she's done wrong, needs to work on and by her boss highlighting Sandra's weaknesses.
Sandra's mind has been working overtime!
Since Sandra's boss scheduled the meeting, Sandra has been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She has imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach!
It's no wonder Sandra is dreading this meeting!
Do you know what? Sadly, probably most of what Sandra fears will come true!
It's not all bad news, though! In fact....
Do you know what? None of that means Sandra has to believe all of that. Nor does she have to take it all as absolutes, truths or even helpful advice.
Sandra gets to choose what part of what she hears is helpful.
She can choose to pick between the nastiness, the glaring errors and well-intentioned, but still hurtful comments and find out what's valuable in between those comments.
Sandra gets to take back control!
What's more, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her leadership role.
Here's an example of the kinds of messages Sandra's boss might share:
Sandra's mindset, what she thinks, matters most!
MINDSET # 1
If Sandra chooses to see herself as flawed, she will take these kinds of comments to heart. The knot in her stomach will grow to a tightening in her chest as she thinks:
MINDSET #2 (THE BETTER OPTION)
But if Sandra chooses to hear the messages differently, she will PAUSE, take a breath. Then Sandra will PONDER and consider the comments and what else might be true:
Option # 2 helps Sandra see things with a more confident perspective
Sandra then might use curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:
Instead of feeling beaten down, Sandra can run through the Inner Guidance Cycle and feel back in control. She can take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is—Feedback.
How does this help Sandra get rid of the knot in her stomach before the meeting?
Rather than a victim, Sandra becomes response-able!
By knowing she has control of the thoughts, by choosing how to hear messages and by intentionally choosing to not take things personally in the meeting, but rather focus on the content, Sandra will lessen the emotional charge going into the meeting. She becomes response-able!
When Sandra chooses her thoughts, she feels her confidence soar!
And…because I know Sandra has read Mastering Confidence, I know, that she knows, that being confident in a meeting, isn't about what someone else thinks. It's what you believe about yourself that matters.
Sandra is also working on staying composed!
Oh, and because I know Sandra is watched the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library, I know she's prepared and If…then…plan for when she gets triggered. She knows what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure, and she's planned her response and practiced it ahead of time.
If she calls me emotional, I know it will make me feel like crying right there in the meeting. I'll feel threatened, vulnerable and insecure.
So, IF she calls me emotional, THEN, I will take a slow deep breath, even if she's waiting for me to respond. After my deep breath, I'll say: My emotions are powerful guides to my work, and yes, I am working on maintaining my composure and managing my emotions. Thanks for reminding me I still have work to do! (insert smile)
Sandra is going to get a little boost with a Power Pose too!
Because Sandra had a coaching call with me this week, I reminded her what she learned about feeling confident in her body when she read Mastering Confidence. Sandra laughed...Yes, I'll go to the bathroom and power pose for two minutes before the meeting!
Now, the knots have turned to butterflies
Sandra is still nervous, but she is feeling waaaaaay more confident and in control of her responses!
Will you do what Sandra did?
If you want to ditch the knot in your stomach before today's meeting, then you need to get ahold of your thoughts and emotions before you go into the meeting. You need to create a mindset that allows you to take back power, your personal power. When you become response-able...able to respond in a way that makes you feel empowered, you'll be able to handle your meeting with more confidence too!
As always, I'm over here cheering you on! I know you can do it!
Find out more about how to enhance your confidence here.
Was your yesterday crazy? In fact, have the last few weeks been a bit insane? If you are like most women leaders, you were:
Your job is never done. Even when you are away from the office or at home in the evening, it’s hard to shut off, tune it out, or let go.
So, the workload feels heavy, unmanageable and, at times, impossible.
You are left feeling bitter, exhausted and resenting your job!
That sucks, doesn’t it?
But imagine if your job wasn't draining you
Imagine if you felt your workload was more manageable, and you had more than fleeting moments of contentment, peace or joy
If that were the case, your resentment would disappear and you would be leading your impact.
That would be amazing, wouldn’t it?
My bet is that you don’t believe that’s really possible.
Oh, but my dear, it is!
Mother Theresa found joy in Calcutta, serving the poor and destitute with limited resources and long hours.
Anne Frank found joy while she was hiding from the Nazis in a secret apartment for 25 months!!!
Meghan Markel is making her world more joyful despite the restraints of the Monarchy!
You aren’t in Calcutta, hidden away in an apartment cut off from the world or under the thumb of the Queen. Although, it may feel like all of those some days!
BUT, you too can ditch the resentment and find peace, joy and contentment in your days!
Here at the two steps you need to take:
Are you ready? Here is how...
The secret is to PLAN the next 2-3 months!
Your 90-day plan does not have to be a perfect 90 days. It doesn't need to match your company’s first-quarter goals. It could be 45 days or 110 days. The point is that you need to plan in smaller, more manageable segments.
** You stop resenting your job when you start intentionally dealing with the workload and leading your impact! You do that by mindfully setting aside time to plan the next 90ish days.
How planning time for personal development made a difference for these ladies!
Listen to how planning worked for some of my students. These comments come from some of the ladies in the Willpower Essentials study group.
They each made a plan for 8 weeks to carve out time to work through the course and apply it in their leadership. They knew that professional development isn’t a luxury; it’s a must for leaders!
As you read the comments, listen to the role goal setting and planning had in success for the ladies that did the Willpower Essentials course.
Their plans to readjust their schedules allowed them to complete the Willpower Essential course, and as you’ll see, feel more in control, increased energy and focus.
Take notice of how:
They indicate what goals they want to accomplish.
They use the word commit. That is being intentional.
They mention habits they are installing
They note how awareness allows them to get back on track when they slip.
They put appointments into their daytimer to work on personal development!
Notice the successes they found!
These ladies found they were better able to resist distractions, focus and stay composed as they followed through with their plan of completing Willpower Essentials:
Back to you!
It's your turn to plan the next 30-90 days.
1) Decide what you want to accomplish
It could be a course, better work-life balance, more engagement with your team, to finish a project or to develop the courage to address a lingering conflict
2) Sit down and make a plan for how you will work on that in the coming weeks.
Commit to planning the next few weeks, and you'll find the resentment fades and will be replaced with more peace, joy and contentment.
You can find more help with planning here
Have you set work-related goals yet?
Are you starting the new year with new goals and renewed energy and optimism?
How long will that last? Not very long, according to most statistics. Let's see if we can change that for you and keep the momentum going through the entire year!
Have you set work-related goals yet
What are you planning differently at work for 2020?
Leadership goals usually fit into getting better in one or more of these areas:
Sooooooooo, how do you plan to get better at managing it?
"Plan" being the keyword.
The road is paved with good intentions!
Saying it is not enough. Remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It is a plan and then courageous action that will make the change.
Intention and action make the difference
By Jan 2021, you want to see significant changes. But meaningful changes don't happen all at once, and they don't happen overnight.
Change that you can vividly see and feel, happens in tiny, almost unnoticeable, moments. Bit by bit. Step by step. Decision by daily, momentary decision
It is the choices you make today, at this moment,
that will impact what you will be experiencing
in January 2021.
Conscious choices and decisions are instrumental for your success
Today's microscopic, and what may seem inconsequential decisions, sets in motion a series of events. Those events lead to more choices, all of which change how you manage yourself, your role, your people and your impact.
Here are three choices you probably make:
✧ CHOICE POINT: Knowing whether it's better to say yes, you will take on a task or choosing to delegate it,
✧ CHOICE POINT: Choosing when to keep working on your project and when to get up and go touch base with your employee.
✧ CHOICE POINT: Deciding to stay late today or going home on time.
If you have goals around managing your time better, managing your team better, and managing your energy better, having a clear plan will help you make your choices.
Aligned decisions happen when you plan first
You will make decisions more effectively, efficiently, and with increased alignment with your values, more in tune with the person you really are, and what goals you are trying to achieve when you plan first!
See how planning changes how you choose:
Let's look at those three areas again, with a clear plan in place:
✧ PLANNED CHOICE: Scheduling time to identify your team's strengths and their goals for growth this year will help you to be more precise about what you delegate, to whom, and when. Planning how you manage your team's assets will have you make decisive, effective decisions.
Instead of reactionary overwhelm or guilt that you should be doing something, you will be making an informed decision with conscious clarity about what is best for the team and the program.
✧ PLANNED CHOICE: Planning how often you will touch base 1-1 with your staff and then setting up the habit of scheduling the next session with them before this one ends, will ensure that you are managing your team member's development and growth, ensuring they feel valued, respected and cared about!
✧ PLANNED CHOICE: Consciously planning how many evenings each week you are willing to stay late and then setting up a system to track that now, will ensure that each choice you make from now till December 2020 is helping you manage your energy, your workload and the desire to achieve increased work-life balance.
Are you doing these 3 planning steps?
Here's the problem. Without conscious planning with all three of the following components, you will fail.
Did you bring your 2019 bad habits with you?
Without planning, you'll have the same habits of saying yes when you wanted to say no. You'll habitually leave your door open all the time because you want to have an open-door policy. But that will never let you find the time to focus on more significant projects until everyone goes home and therefore you will have the habit of staying late too often!
Did you bring your 2019 unhelpful mindset with you?
Without planning, you will continue to believe that a board member is out to get you. You will always think you will never get ahead. Without a plan, you'll never ditch the attitude of overwhelm, the perspective of doom and gloom or the belief that "this is just the way it is."
Books to help you be successful with your goals this year!
If you grabbed the recommended book list for how to be successful this year, you would have noticed that many of the books relate to habits. In them, you learn about both action habits as well as habits of thinking.
You need to work on both for successful change this year.
Do this: Take time to plan
★ Review what worked and what didn't work last year.
This review will give you clarity for setting goals this year.
★ Set goals for this year
Set clear goals around what you want to achieve, what kind of person you want to be and the impact you want to have.
★ Identify the action habits you need to install to achieve those goals
★ Identify the mindset shift you need to make to become consistent with those habits, be that kind of person and make that impact
Character GOAL: I am growing my leadership capacity this year.
Action GOAL: I will read 5 books on leadership this year.
Action HABIT: I will read 10 minutes each morning before leaving for work.
Mindset HABIT: When I think I don't have enough time, I will remind myself that it is only 10 minutes, and I could do that instead of checking social media or my email.
Do 90-day planning cycles
One more thing, don't do this now as a plan for the entire year.
Try it out for a couple or three months. Create mini-plans throughout the year. We work much better in 60 or 90-day cycles.
That gives us time to plan, practice, review and revise. Shorter periods are more effective, allowing for celebrating successes and course correction where needed.
If you need help to plan your goals, and develop your habits of action and habits of thought join me for this month's webinar: Quarterly Goal Setting & Planning. In this session you will create your 90-day plan to develop your leadership capacity.
It is really not too late to review 2019! I have started, but have not completed mine. I often don't get my completed review done until mid January.
Reviewing last year shouldn't be a rush job. Intentionally reviewing last year will set you firmly on your path for this year
Make reading a part of your 2020 leadership plan!
Ongoing growth and development is a critical component of leadership! You should be reading! Maybe you think you don't have time. Make time! Seriously. Create tiny pockets of time that you can read or listen to a book. It will change both your leadership and your life!
YOUR TURN: What made your list of 2019 books?
Comment below and tell me what books I should put on my 2020 reading list!
Recently, someone asked me: Kathy, don't you ever get down? You are always so positive and full of energy. You show up consistently wherever you go, and you always bring such good vibes. Don't you ever have bad days?
I absolutely do have bad days. Let me rephrase that I have moments that are not very pretty! I have times in my days that are rough. In fact, I have some downright ugly moments!
I have moments where I'm sad.
I have moments where I'm embarrassed, horrified, angry, hurt, revengeful and times when I am raging.
In those moments, I fall apart.
I cry, I sob. I yell. I scream. I growl. I weep.
My heart breaks. It cracks open. And the tears wash over my soul.
Then, I pick myself up, and I begin to heal that wound.
You don't see that, because I don't put it out there!!!
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor says: Take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space. I take her quote to heart!
I'm very aware of the energy I bring to every space,
every moment and every relationship.
It's not that there isn't anyone who doesn't see me at my worst. It's just that I reserved those moments for those few safe people.
My dear husband ❤️ is the one who gets the brunt of it
Sometimes he'll ask me what's wrong, and I'll push him away because I'm not ready to go to that ugly place.
At other times, he doesn't ask. He just opens his arms and pulls me in tight. And I sob, and I sob, and I sob.
Other times, it's my daughter I call.
My friend allows me to share my failures, challenges and frustrations.
Often though, I don't need someone else to help me through it.
Instead, I need to go inside and heal. So I write✏️
Writing allows me to explore what's going on inside of me.
Jotting down what's going on helps me to see what triggered me and why it triggered me. When I scribble thoughts down on paper:
Writing brings sense to the mess.
I find clarity and peace.
And of course, I pray.
I talk with God pretty much all day every day. My faith is my biggest source of strength. Faith is one of my top values. And spirituality is one of my top character strengths.
Without my faith, I struggle.
I know because I did that for many years.
It wasn't until I came back to my faith 🙏that I started to find my way again.
It's not all sunshine and roses!
Life is a hard journey. Add leadership to it, and you've got an incredible weight on your shoulders. If you're not careful, your job and your career will suck your soul right out of you.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
Here's the deal:
You can't shut your soul off. You can't close yourself off and only get done things that you need to get done.
You can't stop yourself from feeling, from crying, from raging, or from loving, caring and connecting.
The way through this crazy mess is
to feel your way through it.
Allow your soul to speak and connect with your heart.
Awaken your spirit.
You do that by experiencing all of the emotions. The good. The bad and the ugly.
Please be careful!
But remember, you are also responsible for the energy you bring.
You don't have a right to dump
your negative energy on others 🙅♀️
Just because something is going on for you doesn't give you the right to spray that crap all over your world like 💩nasty smelling glitter!
You are responsible for what you bring
When you're having a bad day, you are responsible for the energy you bring. But, and this is the part that so many of us miss, you are also responsible for finding time and space to work through whatever is going on for you in a safe way!
Set it aside...but only for now
That means, if you are in a staff meeting, talking to a co-worker or replying to an email, you will need to put whatever is going on inside of you to the side for a moment.
If you are raging inside, you may need to turn down the volume on it until you figure out a way to manage it appropriately.
Don't spread negativity it breeds like a bad germ!
That nasty stuff that is going on inside of you:
But there is a place for it.
And, if you want to be the best damn leader you can be, then make no mistake about it, my dear, you MUST find a time to deal with all of that ugliness inside of you.
You must make space to go to that place that is ugly!
You must go there!
If you want to find happiness in your day and return to loving your leadership role, engaging in your life and feeling alive again, you have to explore the messy stuff. Sorry, but it's just the way it is!
🆘The steps: 1, 2, and 3
To grow, to heal and to be your best self, you must deal with the ugly crap.
I'm here to offer some guidance
This isn’t easy work. It’s taken me years to get here. I’ve also had a ton of help along the way. As I’ve read books, taken training, engaged in coaching, became a coach, listened to a billion podcasts, Ted Talks and YouTube videos, and wrote my way through literally hundreds of journals, I’ve discovered tools, tips and strategies.
🔹For example, you’ve heard me reference The Inner Guidance Cycle that I teach inside of Mastering Confidence. The process of going through that is my primary go-to tool.
🔹Doing the work to truly uncover how to operationalize my values is what I inside of Values Verification.
🔹Growing my understanding of emotional intelligence and expanding my emotional literacy has helped me to maintain my composure. That is what I teach you inside of Emotional Control and many of the webinars that are available to you inside of The Training Library.
🔹To be able to stay with the nasty feelings and explore them even when I’d rather numb out on Netflix takes a thing called willpower. I share with you how to increase yours inside of Willpower Essentials.
Leadership is a lifelong journey of growth and development
But it’s not the sector training that is truly going to grow you to be your best self and lead most powerfully. Conferences, workshops and seminars all have a place in your training budget and your calendar. But they will not replace the time you need to create to be alone and explore the feelings you are experiencing.
Inside of The Training Library, I provide you with a framework along with the guidance and coaching to explore what’s going on inside of you. This framework helps you to find clarity. With that clarity, you discover control, composure and confidence.
But you have to do the heavy lifting.
You must do the inner work.
So to answer the question, yes, I have “bad” days
But I don’t see them as bad. I see them as growth opportunities. It’s not always fun to go there. However, it is with the pain of exploration that I gain the feeling of confidence and the energy that allows me to inspire, motivate and encourage you to be your best self!
Think about that problem that you've had that you keep coming back to again and again. Maybe it's a person on your team that is driving you crazy. It could be a project you're working on that keeps haunting you.
How many times have you've tried to fix it, solve,
or make that problem go away.
But it's still there, isn't it?
Einstein is quoted as saying we can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. Yet, we try to do that all the time!
Let me tell you about Marilyn👩🏻💼and Iva 🙋♀️
Marilyn brought up her problem staff Iva in her latest coaching call with me. As Marilyn told me the challenge with Iva's late paperwork, I was sure this wasn't the first time Marilyn had to address the issue with Iva.
No, it's been an ongoing challenge since I hired her three years ago, Marilyn confirmed. Every time I talk to her, she gets better for a few months, then we are back to the same way before long. I get comments from the funder about late reports, and suddenly, I'm annoyed again. So, I call Iva in and address it once more!
Do you do what Marilyn did?
Here is the thing, my dear, women like us often supervise our staff with the same approach that we parent our children. We remind them, coax them and reprimand them.
We think correction should fix them, right?
That method has already been tried!
Let's be honest. If Iva's parents, teachers and university instructors hadn't yet cured her with scolding, lecturing and chewing her out, what makes us think our version of reprimanding her will?
We need to try something different!
No, as Einstein said, we need a new way of thinking. In fact, we need to pivot our thinking and come up with a whole new perspective.
The problem is our brains don't easily
let us think creatively at work.
Your workspace may be stifling
When you are sitting in the office, at your desk, with the next meeting almost about to start and awareness that someone will be popping their head in the door any second with a new crisis, it's hard to think outside the box
You need to find a way to access the part of your brain
that will let you be innovative.
Here is what Marilyn did:
I gave Marilyn a bit of homework to help her find creative ways to deal with this staffing problem.
Two weeks later, Marilyn was so excited to update me
on how things were going with Iva.
Marilyn's Creative Insights
It wasn't about paperwork being on time, Marylyn had realized. It was an issue of respect. Marilyn knew the expectations of the funder were unrealistic and often a pain in the butt. The other staff had conformed to paperwork deadlines because it was the "right" thing to do.
The problem was Iva's values clash
Iva would always push back on paperwork if it interfered with direct client work. But there was another value that Iva held firmly. Respect.
Identifying the values clash "fixed" the problem
It was when Marylin had a conversation with Iva about how to balance both values in her work, respecting the funder's need for paperwork and valuing her clients, that Iva began to make some subtle shifts in the way she prioritized her work. It was nothing dramatic, but slight enough to appease everyone!
Answering the questions on paper allowed Marilyn to be creative
What Marilyn did, with the homework I gave her, was access her subconscious and her inner wisdom.
👉Marilyn got out of logical thinking for a few minutes and found new insights, ideas and perspectives.
What did Marilyn do?
It wasn't the "Dear Diary" kind of journaling, but free writing, with prompts.
In many ways, it was a memo to herself...
Memo to self:
✏️This is the problem I have:
✏️ Here's what I need to do to fix it:
You can use journaling to find creative solutions too!!!
To solve your most difficult issues, you need to tune into your inner wisdom, intuition and creative thinking.
1) Create 5 minutes of solitude.
2) Pull out a piece of paper and write down the challenge you are faced with and ask yourself how you might fix it.
3) Then, write down new ideas that come to mind quickly.
Need help? Join me for this month's Webinar ⬇️
WEBINAR: Quick Journaling for Effective Leadership! ⭐️
The webinar is now over, but available as a replay inside of The Training Library
This could be your story...
Imagine coming home tomorrow evening, and as you pull into the driveway, you stop and turn off the radio.
You feel a strange sensation coming over you — calm, peaceful, and content.
As you take a slow deep breath, you realize how you feel. It's different than the regular tense, anxious and drained feeling you usually come home with. Even though there are things to do and more going on tonight, you aren't rushing to get into the house,
You feel that time can stand still, just for a moment. Literally, for one minute, you lean back in your seat and enjoy the feeling.
Replaying your day...
Your mind plays back the events of the day. Nothing dramatic. But as you watch yourself going through the motions of the day, you notice something has changed for you in the last few months and that is evident by so much that happened today.
The list of your "good things"
💙There was that conversation that, although it was tough, you are proud of the way you handled.
💜You remember that meeting that you felt sure of yourself. Your confidence wasn't just in your imagination. Others noticed your confidence, too, and the comment you received from a colleague confirmed that after the meeting: You sure know your stuff. I love how you managed to explain it in a way that everyone understood and got on board. That memory brings a smile to your face.
🧡You think about all you accomplished today and noticed how much the little walk at lunch lifted your energy and gave you an increased focus to get through the document you were working on after lunch.
💚And then, you chuckle as you see the three people you made smile on your team when you came out of your office with a spring in your step because you were so pleased with yourself. You couldn't help the mood rubbing off onto those around you.
💖As you head into the house, you realize that you've got the energy to ask your partner about their day, take the dog for a quick walk and make something decent for supper. It feels a bit surreal, and you wonder if you are in a dream.
Nope. No dream!
This is what made this change for you:
⭐️Feeling confident and composed throughout your workday
can lead to feeling content at the end of the day.⭐️
What you think you want
My guess is, that sure, you'd like to be rich, have all the time in the world to yourself and travel around the world. But honestly, that's not true. Not really.
What you really want
What you really want is inner peace and contentment 💯
We aren't looking for a lot.
So why is it so elusive?
The list of your "not so good things"
✖️Because your alarm went off and you fell back asleep. Or maybe you spilled coffee on your blouse. Or both. And you gave yourself shit for being such a klutz.
✖️Then you read that email before you left the house that pissed you off, and you let it fester.
✖️You started thinking about all of the things you knew you'd never get done today, but really need to get done. Your shoulders got tense, and your head started to thump. You mumbled once again: I just wish I had a manageable workload! God, I need an assistant! And your body stayed in stress mode all day
✖️Driving into the office, you reflect on yesterday's conversation with your boss, who once again highlighted everything you've missed without a word about all you've done. And that hurt. You turned that hurt to anger.
✖️You cross paths with the employee that you continue to have a personality conflict with and before you even open your mouth, you know it's not going to end well, so you put up your guard.
✖️And that meeting? You thought about how much everyone else in the room knows, and you felt stupid. So you held back. When someone did ask you a question, you felt tongue-tied and couldn't say anything coherently.
✖️The entire day you were on high alert, fearful about what would blow up next -- feeling foolish and flawed.
You experienced a constant state of inner turmoil😏
What happens is that your thoughts get in your way.
And the outcome isn't pretty!
👎️Instead of confidently addressing the topic at the meeting, you fumble over your words.
👎️Instead of sitting down and getting at that project and feeling very productive, you doubt your skills and waste your time rechecking emails.
👎️Instead of finding a place of alignment with that employee, you highlight the separation and drive the wedge in deeper.
But you can have that dream above! --> Inner Contentment!
To learn how to make that shift from feeling incompetent, incapable and insecure to feeling confident, competent and composed isn't rocket science. No, it's more like brain science.
That transformation can happen for you. Just like it did for Tammy⬇️
You have to do the inner work of learning to manage your thoughts and feelings ⬇️
Tammy's Transformation can be yours too!
Here's what Tammy said after committing to making consistent small changes as she did the "inner work."
I was a mess! I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't face going to work. I was miserable at home, and it was affecting everyone in the house.
I felt like I was at the end of my rope. I was drowning and didn't know how to get back to the surface. It was a scary time for me because I did not know which way to turn or what to do. I felt sad, mad, defeated, disappointed and humiliated all at the same time. It was horrible.
I was disappointed that I hadn't been able to resolve the issues on my own. I didn't want to ask for help, but in my heart, I knew that I needed to if I wanted to get back in the game. Quitting wouldn't have taken care of the real issues.
Through my work with the lessons in The Training Library and my coaching sessions, I became more aware of the part I was playing in my negativity.
Having to explain my feelings and what led to them really made me see that I am the only one who can control me - I control my thoughts and my actions. I cannot control the behaviour of others. I can only control the way I respond and react.
I now have more energy and experience a few laughs throughout my day. I even got back on track with my eating and have been making it to the gym more frequently. What I am most proud of is finding my flow at work. Work certainly isn't perfect, but I feel more authentic and in integrity.
Find contentment by doing the inner work
If you want that shift for you, commit to doing the inner work.
That will help you be in control of your emotions and end the day, feeling confident, composed and content.
Do the inner work - it's worth it!
If you need a system to help you learn to do the inner work, you'll find that in The Training Library
Do you know how you've been dreading that conversation that is coming up?
It's not because of the agenda or the other person that you'd rather avoid.
That's what Sonya thought when she called me for her coaching call
My clients are often dreading an upcoming conversation
Sonya was NOT looking forward to an upcoming meeting with her boss!
Sonya thought the reason she was dreading it was because
I heard a deeper message
As she reiterated the events leading up to today, and I read between the lines, I heard Sonya's unconscious thoughts:
The insights often surprise my clients
As a result, Sonya felt that every day was a struggle. She was tired and tired of being tired. Part of her just wanted out.
I help my ladies (that's what I call my clients) access that deeper message
As I coached Sonya through the Inner Guidance Cycle (IGC) of pause, ponder pivot and proceed, she accessed her inner wisdom. She realized how often her unconscious thoughts were sabotaging her efforts as much as, if not more so, than the day to day work.
My ladies learn to manage their mind chatter so they feel composed
Over time, I taught Sonya to use the IGC consistently to learn to manage her mind chatter. In doing so, she learned to manage her emotions. And you know what that does; It gave her increased emotional intelligence and composure!
It's time for you to learn this too!
Over the next few weeks, I'm going to dive deeper into the IGC so you can use it to manage your thoughts. For now, let me give you a few pointers about mind chatter.
M I N D 🤔C H A T T E R
3 things you need to know for more success
Thoughts. A voice in your head. Monkey brain.
We call it many things, but it's all the same. Mind chatter is the conversation or monologue we are having with ourselves inside our heads.
What you need to know about that mind chatter is this:
1) MIND CHATTER is there:
We all have thoughts; the majority of them are unconscious. It is the thoughts we are oblivious to, which often leads to experiencing our lives in ways we don't want.
If you stopped and paid attention to your thoughts, you might hear your mind repeating similar phrases like a broken record:
The thoughts we have been automatically thinking have been inducing the sense we have of pressure, strain, and anxiety.
What's more, the self-sabotaging remarks we think, wreak havoc on our confidence. The constant onslaught of judgments that reel through our mind does more to challenge our confidence than what other people actually utter.
2) MIND CHATTER rules your life:
What you think about creates your experience of life. Or…what you expect, you get.
In the example above, your unconscious thoughts of overwhelm gave you the experience of feeling incompetent in handling your day.
That draws your attention to notice everything that goes wrong, every second "stolen" from you and each extra task added to your list.
3) You can manage your MIND CHATTER:
When you become more aware of your thoughts, you can choose what you are thinking. Those different thoughts shift your experience.
Once more, using the example above, you could begin to manage your thoughts about your day. Instead of the catastrophic thoughts that you have about your overwhelming day, you can catch yourself going down that path and turn a different way.
By choosing instead to think about your ability to handle things and to be alert for opportunities, you change your experience.
When you become more conscious of your inner thoughts and then shift them, you also find you experience your day differently.
You didn't necessarily change anything going on outside of you. Instead, you shifted your thought about what was going on outside of you.
Shifting your mind chatter leaves you feeling more in control and on top of the priority projects, not everything, but you know that it's the real priorities that matter at the end of the day.
The tools for managing your thoughts:
Watch this video to learn to change your mind chatter
Developing an awareness of your mind chatter helps you to manage it
When you manage your thoughts, you manage your life. It is by handling your inner world that you create the experience in the outer world that you desire.
Make sure to come back next week to learn how to use the Inner Guidance Cycle to manage your thoughts and thus manage your emotions. Doing so will make you feel more competent and in control. Therefore, you'll be leading with composure and confidence!
You've got this, my dear! One step at a time!
Remember, what you need to know about that mind chatter is this: it's there, it rules your life, and you can manage it.
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Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.