So, you want out of survival mode. You want to enjoy your job more. You want to feel that you have time to get to the meaningful work, not just the crisis of the day. And of course, you also want to enjoy the rest of your life.

What are you doing to get there?
What are you actively doing to move from survival or a place of tolerating, to that point where most days you feel like you are thriving?

In this blog, you'll learn the 3 things you MUST schedule into your daily agenda if you want to get out of survival mode and move to a place of thriving in both leadership and life!

I will not tell you it's easy to schedule these things in. It's not. It requires courage to stand up for yourself, your beliefs and desires. Become your best self by scheduling in self-care, self-reflection and self-improvement. It will be awkward and uncomfortable at times, but that's ok. We are not in a popularity contest. We are here to make a difference in the lives of others, in our families and communities. To do that, we need to be at our best. Please don't apologize for that!

​We work in a predominantly female sector
The majority of people that are employed in the non-profit sector are women, so my guess is you work with a lot of them. I'm also going to venture a guess that you find them "emotional" and that those displays of emotions get on your nerves. I'm curious who's driving you crazy today? Your administrative support, your boss or the team lead? Maybe it's the whole dang team!

Your mood today plays a big role!
Here's the thing, how you are feeling, your mood, affects how tolerable you are of their behaviour.

• If you are stressed about an upcoming report that is due and slept poorly because you fought with your spouse last night, you may have zero patience left.
• If instead, you are in a good mood, their sarcastic comment may not trigger you. In fact, you may have compassion for them, knowing they've been struggling with their own issues at home.

It's important to remember, is that your mood impacts how their attitude affects you!

​This is what it can look like instead
Coming from a place of compassion and feeling a bit more patience may allow you to address the issue, rather than the person. I am NOT suggesting you let things slide and allow people to be rude, ignorant and disrespectful.

• But waaaaay back when I taught parenting to families, we taught this golden rule: Address the behaviour, not the child. The child isn't bad. But colouring on the wall is not ok.

Instead of taking their comment personally and biting back, we need to address the issue at hand.

If that's not enough
I get it. This is in some ways only a temporary fix. The reality is that ongoing negativity and moods in the office can turn things toxic pretty darn quickly. Here are a couple of more resources for you.

1. If you are a member of The Training Library, I've just added a webinar replay called Gossiping, Hormones and Backstabbing: Leading in Predominantly Female Teams. You'll find it in the webinar section. If you aren't a member of the Training Library and want this and additional training, join here.
2. The second resource is an invite to check out the work I am doing with my colleague at The Magnetic Workplace. Our focus is helping you move your culture from toxic or tolerable to a Magnetic Workplace.

But always, start with you! Take responsibility for YOUR mood! Trust me that will have a ripple effect!

If you are like most women leaders, there is a general unhappiness  with your day-to-day life, but you don’t know how to change it.

• You never get through everything you want in a day, and you feel as if you aren’t getting anywhere
• You are so exhausted by the time you get home, that you can’t enjoy life.
• You feel trapped or stuck and don’t know what to do.

Thus, you moan to your spouse, your girlfriend or your mom. The voice in your head is stuck on "I hate my life!"
​
If this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone! Many women find they are stuck in survival mode. Just getting through their days, tolerating the crap and looking forward to their next vacation to get a break from it all.

It doesn't have to be that way! Keep reading to discover how you can change days and your inner mantra!

The longer story​

MY STORY:
I know that place of stuck all too well. Time-and-time again I have found that I am once again feeling stalled. I realized I’d been working hard, but getting nowhere, except worn out. You know that feeling too right?
 
I learned that instead of staying stuck forever, it was when I paused long enough to realize what was going on that I had some great insights. Through conscious pondering, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get from where I was, to where I wanted to be. This reflection gave me time to think and allowed me to do a little bit of a pivot in a new direction.
 
That slight shift of direction helped me to create a new strategy to accomplish what I was looking for. With that plan in hand, I was able to proceed forward, despite challenges, opposition and with the fear and doubt that are ever present.
 
THE COMPLETE SOLUTION:
​The key to success has always been a plan. It is the deliberate understanding of what I need to do next, and perhaps even after that has gotten me, and can get you too, through the challenges that are inevitably in front of us when we want a different experience of life going forward.
 
A plan is a roadmap that helps you to move from where you are now, to where you want to be. Think of it as your guide that shows you the next step when you get lost or disoriented. Without it, you might just end up going around in circles. Many of us go around-and-around the hamster wheel of life, never really getting anywhere.
 
A plan isn’t just merely saying I don’t want this, but I do want that. A well thought out, and a comprehensive plan includes the steps you need to take and addresses potential challenges and roadblocks that you will face. The truth is, it is going to take time and effort to get to your destination. You will need to work at it step-by-step. To be successful, you need to build a thorough plan. 

AN EXAMPLE:
When I decided to return to school for my degree, it took 8 years and countless hours of study time. I had to stay focused and set my parental guilt aside while my husband handled the kid’s bedtimes and homework. The commitment required a ton of work to overcome inner saboteurs voices that threatened to stop me dead in my tracks.

My plan helped me to focus on what was in front of me. My strategy was to attain my degree slowly and steadily: One course at a time. I strategically planned which courses I was taking and in what order, matching it up with what else was going on in life. I took a couple of semesters off to recharge. I kept the end goal in mind when doubt, fear, and hesitation crept in. I also knew, what chapter I was reading, what paper needed completing and what I needed to do, that evening, and perhaps the next. Both the long-term vision and the daily steps of the plan were crucial to my success.

Here is a quick quiz for you to rank how well you are doing in contributing to your wellbeing.

Do work to do these 5 core elements of well-being?

1. Express Positive emotions.
2. Feeing Engaged in what you are doing.
3. Ensure you are involved in good Relationships.
4. Finding Meaning in what you do.
5. Accomplishing positive things.

If you wish for more wellbeing and happiness, you might want to increase your focus on these components.

​I'll give you some ideas of how to do that below! It starts with Positive Psychology.

3 steps to help you impact your wellbeing!
When you focus on these 5 components, you'll be doing both. Here are the steps for doing that.

.......... √ Be intentional

• You can't do it all. Pick one area to focus on.
  • Perhaps you will choose to work on a specific relationship with someone.
    
    

.......... √ Create a habit of practice

• Change takes time and effort. Pick one small thing and make it a habit that you do.
  • You could start a habit of making eye contact and smiling at this person each time you walk into the office in the morning.
    
    

.......... √ Journal each day

• Documenting, reflecting and measuring is what truly makes a difference.
  • This might be as simple as marking a little check mark at the top of each day in your agenda when you do it. A line through the checkmark might indicate they smiled back at you. At the end of the week, you can notice how often you did it and how effective it was in making them smile. You might also notice what overall effect that has had on your relationship.

Other factors that contribute to your well-being
Tom Rath, whom I mentioned above, wrote not only the Strength's Finder, but also a book called Eat, Move Sleep: How small choices lead to big changes. Tom knows that these are the foundations for being able to do the others: Feel positive emotions, be engaged in what you are doing, have strong relationships, contribute something meaningful in your life and accomplish good things.

Work on the 5 components of PERMA, and you'll be contributing to your well-being!

1. Positive emotions
2. Feeing Engaged
3. Involved in good Relationships
4. Finding Meaning in what you do
5. Accomplishing positive things

We think self-care can only happen AFTER WORK
Self-care is often seen as taking a bath in the evening, going for a massage and of course, trips to warm sunny locations.

Self-care AT WORK looks like this:

• Standing up and stretching
• Grabbing a drink of water
• Going to the bathroom
• Taking a little walk
• Meditating for 5 minutes

🗣Self-care is preached:
Do you have policies about self-care? Maybe you even have a wellness committee. Perhaps your organization has yoga mats with your logo on them. Mine did years ago. We KNOW that self-care is important. But....


❌​Self-care is NOT practiced:
Think about it for a minute. Is it ok to practice self-care in your workplace? Or does it feel weird to do self-care activities?

• Do people look at you funny?
• Do you get the sense that you are seen as spoiling yourself, being lazy or just doing it wrong?
• Do you try to hide your self-care practice?

🚫Self-care may even be taboo!
If you were to take a 10-minute nap at your desk and someone walked in and "caught" you, would you feel as though you had just done something wrong? It shouldn't be that way, should it?


It's up to you to change the culture of your organization!
Women like us crave self-care. It's more than knowing it's important; We want to put it into practice for ourselves and our teams. We want to role model it, encourage others to take care of themselves. We want to let our team know that it's safe to practice self-care, acceptable and even encouraged.


It takes moral courage to change cultures
Last week. I talked about moral courage. That's the courage to do the right thing, even if it is scary, awkward and goes against the grain. Moral courage is knowing what is right and wrong or ethical and then having the courage to act on that awareness. We all know the right thing to do, is to take care of ourselves.


My challenge to you
If you are a woman leader, like most of us, you are ready to change your team.
I challenge you to add self-care into your WORKDAY and to encourage those around you to do the same.
Let me know how it goes!!!


Need some self-care strategies that you can do AT WORK?
This month's training is coming up on Dec 19th. If you want to learn some quick self-care strategies for you and your team, that you can implement quickly, join me here: The 5-Minute Self-Care Strategy for the Swamped Gal!

Take 5 minutes now my dear. Take care of yourself. You are a role model for the next generation. Let's teach them a better way!

p.s. I really do want to know how it goes! Email me and tell me what it's like to role model, teach and make self-care safe in your organization.

If I am honest, I can say yes to every one of those!

• Last week I felt the anxiety building in my chest not sure how to get done what I was working on before I had to leave for an appointment.
• My shoulders get tense daily and at times so does my lower back.
• I often feel like I'm gripping way too many things!
• I see warning signs in my health, my marriage and my parenting.

Now you are saying: Well heck Kathy! I thought you had it all together! I guess you can't teach me anything!

Whoa...hold up!

Yes, I can say yes to every one of those and probably will for the rest of my life! That's life! 

Stress, busy times and full scheduled will never go away. 
Nor should they! 

** S T R E S S is not bad **
Only your thoughts make it so. 
It's how you handle the stress of life that is key.

Stress = Meaning
I know, a warm sunny beach sounds good for a little while, but for how long?
I had a conversation recently with a lady who received an early retirement package. Within a few weeks of being home, she's depressed and feeling like she doesn't matter anymore. She lacks meaning. 

Work gives us a reason to get up every day. 

People need us. We have work to do. Busy times and full schedules are signs we are doing meaningful work.

Signs of stress are signals we need to pay attention to
Those signs above (racing heart, tense shoulders and relationship challenges) are signs we need to pay attention too. They are red flags to come back to a better state of balance.

- -> Here is how I took a holistic approach to bring myself back into work-life balance:

• When I was racing to try to get everything done before I had to leave for an appointment, I took a moment to step away from the computer and sit in a chair and take 3 slow deep breaths in and even slower breaths out. I told my body I wasn't in stress mode anymore, brought myself out of tunnel vision (that is what fight/flight mode does to us) and gained clarity and focus to get done what needed doing at that moment. 
  • I practiced self-compassion.

• When my shoulder tension wouldn't go away, I found a way to create a stand-up desk environment for a bit, finding a more ergonomic way to work AND I changed the mantra's in my head.
  • Instead of: OMG I'm dying...I must have something seriously wrong with my neck and shoulders....What if this lasts forever?
  • I changed it to: Kathy everything is ok. Your world is safe, you are fine. Just breath through it. Relax girl, you've got this!
  • I practiced curiosity.

• When I snapped at my husband, I realized my role in it, even though it is soooooooo easy to blame the other person! I took some time to myself, had a nap and then asked him for a hug. We don't have to be perfect. We need to be human. That's all!
  • I practiced forgiveness & humility.

What work-life balance is NOT:
X Work-life balance is not a matter of just setting clearer boundaries. 
X It's not finding a better time management system. 
X Finding work-life balance is not just learning to manage your priorities.

What Work-life balance IS:
√ You find more work-life balance when you have the courage to set clearer boundaries.
√  You find more work-life balance when you have the humility to ask for help.
√ You find more work-life balance when you forgive yourself for messing up and have compassion for yourself as you work hard to excel.

I know this is a process to figure out and make sense of it all. But stay with it, it's worth it!

Do you hit "Like" when you see a good post? Do you share some that really move you? Me too! I love ones that just stand out in the newsfeed. 

• One about a more compassionate world has me wishfully thinking; If only people would be more compassionate!
• A post about gratitude reminds me to be grateful for my family.
• Seeing someone share a post about big dreams gives me a quick boost of confidence.

I share images like this in my Instagram and Facebook feeds. These images make people feel good. That's why we come to social media - to wash away the pain of the day. ​

Re-read those three comments in italics above again.
Did you notice anything? They all they blame out there....on someone else, the world or a lack of time. We are in victim mode when we see them and feel like we can't have that. That victim mode is why we head back to work, unchanged. 

It's because we have not taken responsibility for change. Instead, we need to see the posts and ask what the message or lesson for ourselves in it:

• How can I be more compassionate to that team member at work who's driving me crazy?
• What am I grateful for about this overwhelming challenge I have to face today?
• What specific steps, even if they are tiny, can I take today towards achieving that goal that I so badly want, but struggle to move forward on?

Take the inspiration and message and the post and turn it back to yourself. Take responsibility for applying what you've learned. Indifferent skimming, scrolling and scanning are no different than numbing yourself out in front of the TV. It's passive. 

Moving into 2018 most of us have a bit of extra energy and enthusiasm to make the new year different, better or somehow different than it was last year. Beware though, that excitement will fade in a few short weeks as New Year’s Resolutions drop by the wayside.
This Facebook Live helps you to learn the 3 strategic steps you need to take now, to keep that energy and excitement alive throughout 2018.

LINKS from today's session

Discover how you can strategically change the direction of your life  with My Blueprint for Change

Join the CONFIDENT WOMEN LEADER'S Group here

Get the GUIDE SHEET:  A Strategic Look Back

Get the GUIDE SHEET:  Create your Powerful Vision

Get the GUIDE SHEET:  The 5 Mistakes Ladies Make When Trying to Change Their Life

Find MY BOOK-  Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system

With your busy schedule you may have read or watched some of these, but missed others. Perhaps you are looking to catch up, are curious or just eager to grow. Either way, I've got you covered. 

These are the top blogs, videos and guide sheets from this year. 

Enjoy!

​Your problem: You ain’t happy!
You’re struggling. Some days are worse than others. You want a way out of the mess. You want to feel more capable of doing your job and more content in life. But, the big question is, how do you discover that?

The solution: You just don’t know, and it’s frustrating!
Perhaps one of the options you’ve considered is coaching. But, you really don’t get what coaching is; you don’t understand it, or you aren’t sure what it’s all about. So, you’ve hesitated to take the next step.

Let me try to clear the fog for you.

​What coaching is not: 
Coaching isn’t therapy or counselling. Both of those may be something that can benefit you as well, either on their own or in conjunction with coaching, but they are different. I am neither a counsellor nor a therapist, so I am providing you with a description of what they offer from the International Coaching Federation (ICF):

• Therapy deals with healing pain, dysfunction, and conflict within an individual or in relationships. The focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past that hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present, improving overall psychological functioning, and dealing with the present in more emotionally healthy ways. 

 
What is coaching?
So what is coaching then? Coaching is a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires you to maximize your personal and professional potential. When I am coaching you, I am asking you a lot of questions. I get you thinking, and usually, in ways, you haven’t been thinking on your own!  You have probably been stuck in a rut, regurgitating the same thoughts over and over. OMG, I don’t know what to do! I can’t figure this out. I just want to enjoy my life!

Coaching is not advice. It's questions
Most often, the questions I ask are pointing you forward. As a coach, I use curiosity to help you explore things that you probably already know, but have avoided, overlooked, or afraid to take on. I might ask you What if you could figure it out, where would you start? I could ask you to describe what your life might look like after achieving joy, happiness, or contentment. That helps you get more precise about the actions you need to take because not everyone is looking for the same thing. Maybe you want to be home at least 3 nights each week to make supper, but someone else wants two vacations south each year. Another lady might focus on being able to deal with her workload or be better at growing a cohesive team. Coaching helps you see your challenges with a new perspective AND create a plan to navigate all the roadblocks between you and your future, step-by-step.


The benefits of hiring a coach
As a coach, I am helping you to reach your full potential both in at work and in your life. Part of that full potential might be that you become more productive or have better time management. You might develop better relationships with your employees or peers. Through coaching, you and your organization could achieve better results. You may find a better balance between work and life or achieve a higher state of health, which subsequently allows you more joy in life. 

Coaching will give you confidence
When you work with me, I’ll help you to feel more confident, and the result is you’ll get out of survival mode, which so many of us live in and you’ll move to thriving in both your leadership and life.

• That might mean you gain the confidence to set better work-life boundaries.
• You may increase your confidence allowing you to tackle difficult conversations and address ongoing issues with your employees or your boss.
• You may gain the courage to take on the new project, go back to school, apply for the new position or start your own business.

I work to awaken whatever has been dying to develop, grow or shine in you, that you’ve been too afraid to show the world. Coaching gives you the confidence to be you!
​
Here is what your peers say about coaching?
​Don’t take my word for it. This is what some of the women I have coached, have said about their coaching experience and the difference it's made in their life:

​How to hire a coach

You may be even more curious now about coaching and are thinking about trying coaching out. To look for a Coach, you can begin with a search on the Internet. There is a multitude of coaching sites available for you to consider. If you have a friend who is using a coach, you may ask that friend for a referral.

You might be concerned about finding a qualified coach, even if you don’t quite know what that means. The best place to ensure you are getting a certified Coach is to use the referral service that the ICF provides. There you will find a list of credentialed coaches to meet your needs.


What are you looking for in a coach?

Finding the right Coach is like finding a pair of shoes that fit really well. Looking pretty is nice, but it’s not going to help you if you are on your feet all day. Your Coach is going to help you get over some of the hills in front of you. You’ll want to find one that feels supportive, encouraging and who will push you a bit to achieve your full potential. Take the time to find the right coach. It will be worth it for both your career and your happiness.

3 Questions to ask a Potential Coach (and 3 more CRITICAL ones you should be asking)
As with anything else you are purchasing, you should do your homework before hiring a Coach. Be sure to ask the following three questions:

• What are your credentials? 
• Can you walk me through your coaching process?
• Do you have any references I can contact?

Your coaching relationship will be so valuable to you if you find the right fit. Hiring the right Coach is serious business,  I've outlined 3 additional questions that you probably wouldn't even think to ask a potential coach. These are the critical questions you want also to be asking to find the right Coach for you. You can get those 3 critical questions here.

Are you ready to sample coaching?
To book a session with me, click here. I'm looking forward to supporting you to both be an impactful leader, and enjoy life! It is possible to do both!