 As you go about your day as a nonprofit leader, something may happen, and you may feel your body tighten. For example, your stomach knots up, your chest feels heavy, or your throat tightens or feels dry. Perhaps you overreact or shut down. This physical response may be a sign you may have just got triggered.
We often get triggered when something threatens our values. This response results when we feel something important to us is at risk. Here's how I got triggered this weekend... Let me give you an example. I value order. I like things to be in their place, and I like to have things tidy. However, this weekend I was triggered multiple times by mud on the floor and the result from when someone in my house who didn't think it was a problem not to clean their feet before they came in. (Can you guess who?) We're in the middle of backyard renovations. Unfortunately, with this weekend's rain, my backyard was a mud hole. Each time my husband, the dog, or I came in, a pile of mud and dirt came with us. Because a sense of order is important to me, I would take my shoes off outside, ensure the dog's feet were clean before he came in and immediately sweep up any chunks of mud. This is what triggered me... On the other hand, my husband sees the mess as part of the process, so the mess doesn't bother him. So it's not a problem for him to walk around barefoot outside and come into the house. He values freedom, ease and relaxation. He likes to be barefoot, and walking around in the grass and mud doesn't bother him. The house will get cleaned eventually, so what's the big deal? Which camp are you in?
This is how knowing my trigger helped me Knowing that I'm triggered by disarray helps me manage my emotions and be somewhat humourous about my incessant need to clean. Aware that the tightness in my chest is building, I can manage my frustration with my husband by managing my self-talk, taking some deep breaths or distracting myself with something I enjoy. Jenessa's story.. During a coaching call the other day, my client Jenessa became aware that when others aren't accountable for their actions or in-actions, or their responsibilities etc., she is triggered. Jenessa feels her chest tighten, purses her lips, and sometimes clenches her hands. She laughed at the memory of pounding out a response to a chat message when she was annoyed with someone shirking their responsibility. Does either of these feel familiar to you? Just as...
This is why identifying your triggers is important Identifying triggers is part of working with and understanding our values to help us be more emotionally intelligent and confident in our abilities. When you know what's important to you and what it feels like when that thing (i.e. order, accountability) is being threatened, it's easier to choose a response than react in a way you may regret later. Below you'll find steps to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 5 steps to use your VALUES to be more emotionally intelligent Here is the process to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 1 - Identify your values 2- Get an understanding of what your values mean to you
3 - Determine how your values show up in your life 4 - Pinpoint what's going on when you are aligned with your values or not 5- Get clear on what triggers show up when things in your life aren't in line with your values This deeper understanding of your values helps you to manage your emotions, navigate tough conversations and focus on what matters most when it matters most! One more example... If you are trying to wind down a conversation at a meeting, you may value timeliness or efficiency. Your annoyance with those who are dragging the conversation out is triggering that value. That's why you are:
Conversely, your peer may be
See how that all works together? Need some help? This month inside my membership, I added a worksheet to the Values Verification course, helping members identify their triggers. If this is part of what you need, or the five steps listed above, check out the course here and if you think it would be helpful, join the membership here. When you join The Training Library membership, you'll become confident in your leadership abilities, learn to bounce back when adversity hits, discover how to be your best self and find a place to belong! Becoming emotionally intelligent and confident in our leadership abilities takes time and requires skill development and increased awareness of what makes us tick! To do this, take responsibility for where you are and where you are going by creating your own personal and professional development plan. Intentional development is your path to success in both your leadership and life. Read this next: The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter
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 I bet there are times you wish you could be involved in an engaging leadership experience? Not a one-off course, webinar or conference session, but an experience, over time, that deepens your learning!
In 2012 I did that. For 10 months, about 20 other leaders from around the world and I learned together, online and in person. Four times we met for a week at a time in California. Between those sessions, we met online and had partner projects that required us to meet in person with our partners. It was an incredible experience. It was also one of the most transformative things I've ever done. Not everyone can do something like that, but we can create learning experiences for our teams. Not training per se, but an experience where you learn, grow and develop over time. I am blessed to be working with a large group of nonprofit leaders for nine months to help them become inspiring leaders. Inspiring leaders motivate and engage their teams, so they enjoy their jobs and do meaningful work together. One of the first things I covered with the participants of the Inspiring Leadership group was the four fundamentals of leadership. They are the base for the future of the work we do together. Even though you may not be involved in a group program, you can benefit from these fundamentals and use them over the next several months of your leadership journey. I'll give you a brief overview and share some suggestions that you can do to work on yourself! Then you can create your strategy and plan for growth. The 4 fundamentals of leaders Be yourself As teenagers, we spent a lot of time figuring out our identity, answering the question, who am I? But as we mature, we have spent more time conforming to what's expected of us than who we are and are more focused on; how do I fit in? As such, we've often lost touch with who we are. The first thing I do with individuals or teams is help them identify their strengths, values and morals. Understanding what makes you tick, thrive, and the triggers that make you react is fundamental to inspiring, motivating and engaging others. Suggestion: Take time to consider:
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Develop yourself Ongoing personal and professional development is critical. For example, when I was in the ten-month leadership program, we had a list of required reading, each had a coach, and we learned A LOT about leadership and ourselves. At the end of the course, I committed to continue learning to be a better speaker and joined Toastmasters. I'm still involved! Suggestion: Create your learning plan
Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members:
Take care of yourself Taking care of yourself is critical for effective leadership.
Suggestion: Commit to wellness
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Teach others to do the same If you want the best for and out of the people you work with, they need to be themselves, develop themselves and take care of themselves. Teach, role model and mentor these habits to them. Suggestion: Coach your people
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Starting the journey of mastering these fundamentals is critical for you to BECOME confident in your abilities, BOUNCE BACK when adversity hits and BE your best self!  Some days are hard
Sometimes many days in a row are hard. Just a few days ago, my husband and I attended the funeral of a colleague of his and a father of three daughters, two of which are friends with our girls. That's the second of my one daughter's school friends that have lost their fathers in the last month. Yesterday I learned that a colleague of mine lost her adult son, the father of my colleague's grandchildren. On a coaching call this week, I spoke with a client who had just lost their father-in-law and, within a day, found out that their mother may only have a few days left to live. On social media and in conversations, I listen to stories of the ongoing war and the rising costs of everything. I hear references to so many "isms," inequities, injustices and downright stupidity. This week there was mass destruction in a storm that ravished eastern Canada and many deaths. And there was another school shooting this week. My heart aches—the tears flow. I wonder why. I sob What do I say to you this week? How do I create hope and optimism for you? What words can I offer that can make any difference? I don't know the answer to that. What I can tell you is how I make my way through it. If what I do can offer you any hope, I offer it to you also. One fundamental belief I live by is that I can't change anything other than myself. I wish I could impact everyone, but I can't touch everyone in the world. But I believe that the way I positively impact others through any connection I have can have a ripple across the globe. I remind myself my purpose here on earth is to bring the light. So after reading the latest news this morning and feeling my heart drop once again, I had a choice to make. I could go down the social media rabbit hole and get angry, scared and depressed, or move through the pain and shift my energy. So I played Let the Light In and, through my tears, reminded myself that I must do that. What's interesting, though, is that letting the light in with you or for myself is not just shifting our focus to the positive. Instead, before we can move to the light, the positive or the joy, we must stay in the dark for just a little bit longer. We need to stay where we are and experience this hurt, pain and sorrow before we can let it go. I was coaching a client this week, and through her tears, we talked about how lonely Leadership can be. When coaching another client, we talked about the anger and frustration with the organization she works with. In a third coaching conversation, we stayed with my client's irritation long enough to name it and identify the trigger. We stayed in the dark, the yucky and uncomfortableness, each time, rather than hop over it. I learned a long time ago that numbing out pain, hurt and darkness does not work. Numbing out the "bad" emotions also numbs joy, contentment, inner peace, and happiness. We need to experience the full range of our feelings to experience the full range of our emotions. Otherwise, we feel more flatlined, which does not feel good either. To let my light in and let my light shine and help you do the same, I must crumble to my knees in moments like this and fall apart. I must pray through my tears as I feel my heart breaking wide open. It is only when I experience those cracks that I can then allow the light to shine in When I can feel the whole range of emotions, what hurts like hell, can I then experience what feels so good! Last week I went for a walk and crossed paths with a young boy walking home from school. We had a little chat. The conversation was nothing crazy, nothing miraculous. We talked about his day at school, where we lived, and who we knew in common. Yet, when I walked away from that moment, I realized I felt immense joy. I'm sure my heart was glowing. Such a simple, ordinary, inconsequential encounter had such a profound impact. But, here's the thing, I can't feel that joy without feeling today's deep sorrow and pain. I can't feel the softness of my granddaughter leaning into me for a hug and telling me she loves me, and stay there just a little longer, soaking in love, contentment and pure bliss, if I hadn't cried in sorrow earlier in the day. I can experience the awe of an eagle soaring over our family picnic for several moments, lost in his freedom, ease and grace, and feel that wash over my body, calming me and bringing me peace. I can feel that because I also let tears fall when I read another news story of loss, devastation and hate feeling just as profoundly in that moment, at the bottom of the arc. If you're interested in my advice about dealing with all that is "wrong" with the world, it is this: Feel the full range of your emotions. Let yourself experience whatever you're experiencing.
Life and leadership are about ups and downs. There's no way around that. If you don't want to get stuck in the mundane, the rat race, the flatline of feelings ebb and flow with everything. Here are 4 resources to help you LeAnne Rimes - Chant Album Spotify Apple Music This is my go-to album when I need to feel — Feel joy, sorrow or just feel whatever I can not name. Atlas of the Heart - Brene Brown A reference book for 87 emotions I come back to it repeatedly to understand, feel, and make a bit more sense of what I am feeling. Unlocking Us Podcast Episode Atlas of the Heart, Audience Q&A, Part 1 of 2 with Brené Brown, Ashley Brown Ruiz, & Barrett Guillen At minute 20, they answer a listener's question on compassion fatigue and secondary trauma It's easy to think that we have compassion and empathy for the world around us, but we are often creating secondary trauma in ourselves, which is not helpful either. Brene's answer to this question helped me understand why I felt so incredibly distraught after the funeral I attended on Saturday. I had gone into secondary trauma, imagining what would happen if my husband died and how our kids and I would cope. I was reliving the experience, having climbed over the metaphorical fence as Brene talks about. Note, Brene references the Sandy Hook shooting :-( Permission to Feel - Marc Brackett While the subtitle is Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive, the book is full of learning for adults. Mark provides tools to help develop your emotional intelligence, including his RULER framework and Mood Meter. I use these with clients frequently. I won't tell you that it's easy, but this is the only way I know how. Feel free to show your other strategies with me so that we may all learn together how to navigate this world we live in. I am sending you much love, hugs and light today!  As I walked into my office, my administrative support, Wendy, asked me a question. I turned and glared at her. Then, as I turned back and kept on walking, I answered Wendy through my teeth! I certainly didn't have the patience for her BS right now.
Timeout! But....why didn't I have the patience for Wendy at this moment? Was it because she had done something wrong? ** Possibly, but the way I handled it was all on me. Being Bitchy Ok, let me start by saying I do not like that word at all! If you can give me another word that we all know and understand to describe what I mean, please message me and tell me a better word. It's not merely being rude or being cranky it's more than that. And we've all been there. Staff challenges I've had my fair share of staff challenges, and I bet you have too. We have staff that don't get along, stir the pot on the team, mess up with clients, neglect their paperwork, or in general, are somewhat incompetent at their job. And we need to address those issues. How are you addressing the issues?
Instead, you probably want them to say something like, "That was a tough conversation, but I feel like she's supporting me and wants to help me out." What gets in the way? We are women leaders. There is a lot that can get in the way that has nothing to do with the work, the person we are dealing with, the sector or the issue at hand. ▶︎ It might, however, have to do with that time of the month. ▶︎ It might have to do with that time in our life cycle. ▶︎ It could also be that our hormones are off due to our diabetes or thyroid issues. ▶︎It might result from a lack of sleep because our toddler kept us up, we fought with our partner or dealt with night sweats half the night. Hormones, emotions, burnout How you respond to a challenge with your employee is less about the words you use and more about how you deliver that message. Hormones, emotions and burnout all factor in. They are all things you need to be aware of, manage and, yes, at times, workaround. 3 strategies to help you manage your reputation 1) Be mindful of your body, mind and soul
2) Be in control of your schedule so you can adjust when needed based on mood and energy levels.
3) Be honest
We respect vulnerable leaders Most of our nonprofits are full of women, all of whom are likely going through similar emotional, hormonal and energy roller coasters. When you acknowledge where you are at, it makes you seem more human and permits others to do the same. Humour is useful in these kinds of situations if that's a strength of yours, but so is self-compassion, kindness, honesty and bravery. Extra Resources For those of you in The Training Library, here are some resources you might want to check out to help you ditch the bitchiness and lead with confidence!
You are human! Don't forget that Remember, it's not what you do as a leader that counts. It's how you do it. And you are a human being. You have emotions, hormones and a life outside of work that factor into how you lead. Don't forget to take that into account. When you do, you'll ditch survival mode and learn to thrive in both your leadership and your life! Take a moment to consider your energy level, mood and ability to focus. How are you doing? This year has added incredible challenges both at work and in our personal. We've been stretched in ways we never knew we could. So many individuals, teams, and organizations have risen to the occasion like troupers! My guess is you are one of them. And I bet you are also tired. I hear that a lot lately. We've done well…but we are tired. I hear you! I am tired too.  Effective leaders know that to be socially intelligent, they need to first take care of their own emotions!
As a leader, we not only engage with the rainbow of emotions from our teams (Social Intelligence) we also have our own feelings, moods and emotions that we must manage (Emotional Intelligence). In Emotional Control via Emotional Literacy, I teach you how to understand all of your emotions and that by naming them, you can tame them. That's why it's essential I didn't just jump to gratitude (My # 2 VIA Signature Strength Character Strength) I need to name all of my emotions first: Anger, sadness, worry, anxiety and fear We must name our emotions to tame our emotions!
That gratitude, along with my VIA Signature strengths of Hope and Spirituality, have been lifelines for me. AND….I also get down. ✔️ I cry. ✔️ I hurt. ✔️ I fall apart. Then, I pick myself up and step back into leadership once again. Today I wanted to remind you that you don't always have to be strong, stable and stoic. In fact, you can't. Not if you're going to be at your best. You must create space to feel in a safe environment. How to create a safe space to feel your emotions Go for a drive and scream and cry in your car. Rant into your journal all that is unjust in your life. Get out for a walk and let the anger seep out of you. Lean into a friend or loved one and ask them to hold you. Then, when the wave of hard emotions has passed, perhaps several waves, remind yourself of your strength, determination and capabilities.
Say a little prayer… and step back into the world of leadership. You can do it! I'm here cheering you on, and so are those that need you to be at your best! Don't take so long next time to allow yourself to fall apart. It's ok and in fact, a necessary part of leadership! If you don't create safe spaces to do that, you'll fall apart when it's not helpful for you or your team! Do any of these sound familiar to you:
If you are all too familiar with these phrases and want to change that, keep reading. I am going to show you how to move from just surviving to thriving in both leadership and life! Want to listen to this article instead? Click here to listen to this article  The Surviving to Thriving Continuum Sadly, far too many women leaders like us regularly recite similar lines like "Just get me through today!" Regardless of the version, each of these mantras is a red flag signalling that you might be in survival mode. We've all been there at some point or another. Survival mode becomes a problem when you live there, rather than visit there. There will always be busy times. Leaders are constantly involved in the ebb and flow of new projects, shifts in contractual expectations, and annual cycles of budgets, performance reviews, grant proposals or contract renewals. It's the job. There is no way around it. I am not talking so much about work itself. Instead, I am focusing on your attitude towards the work, how you balance your workload and the impact the work has on you. The effect on you falls on a continuum. Let's first look at opposite ends of the gamut. 😯Survival Mode: Survival mode is characterized by fear. You are always afraid of falling apart, dropping the ball or losing it emotionally. You are barely hanging on, just getting by or just trying to stay alive. In survival mode, it feels like everything is a battle, and you must suffer through it or endure the storm. You have little energy, are negative, cynical or openly apathetic. Perhaps you've found yourself muttering "Whatever!" a little too frequently. Those in survival mode tend to feel isolated and alone. It doesn't feel like anyone cares about you or that you have anyone on your team. It often seems like "they" are out to get you.
This end of the spectrum, survival, is marked by crisis management, putting out fires and only day-to-day sustainability. Lord knows you can't last like this forever. Burnout is knocking on your door. 🌱Thriving Mode: The thriving mode, on the right end of the continuum, is characterized by passion. You are growing and developing and 💜loving it, despite the challenges. To many, it is an adventure with a purpose. You are blooming and flourishing as you learn new things and take on engaging projects. Those in thriving mode tend to feel confident, courageous and resilient. It isn't that people at this end of the continuum don't encounter challenges; the difference is that they are confident they can handle challenges.
This end of the spectrum, thriving, is marked by feelings of being engaged, supported and connected. Leaders in thriving mode feel like they belong to a broader community of support and feel that they are making a positive impact through their work. It's usually not black or white Rarely are any of us entirely at one end of the spectrum. We are likely at some point in between. We ebb and flow daily. Depending on where you are, whom you are interacting with, and the day's agenda, you can shoot from one end of the continuum to the other pretty quickly. As such, most of us sit somewhere along the surviving to thriving continuum, moving around various points in the middle. 🔄The Middle – Coping Mode In the center of the surviving to thriving continuum is what I call coping mode. You are doing more than barely getting by, but you're not feeling so alive that you want to yell from the mountaintops about how much you love your job. Instead, you go to work and have some good days, lots of so-so days and a few insane days. The coping mode can also be thought of as maintaining. You're doing good enough, the best you can or at least less than bad. You exist. Some leaders are bored in the middle. There is no challenge, no pull or drive to fully use your skills and talents. Often it's a sign you have been in the same position for longer than you should have been. I find that in this coping mode, many leaders are tolerating, settling or complying with less than stellar workplace environments, teams, and bosses. Things aren't good, but they are not so bad that you feel urged to rock the boat.
Coping mode runs the range from short-term stability, meaning you could go on like this for a few months, to a way of life. Sadly many women leaders believe, this is just the way it is, and don't think they can change it. So instead of a period before things move one way or the other, leaders stay in coping mode, for most of their careers. Moving from survival to thriving The truth is you can move from surviving to coping to thriving at work and in life. You have a choice. You do not have to stay stuck in your current mode forever. For you to move forward along the continuum, there are three key things you need to do.
Do you want to know where you land on the Surviving to Thriving Continuum? Click here to get the assessment Be gentle but persistent as you develop new habits
This is going to take time and effort. But please don't think you have to do it all alone! I'm on your team. Each week I teach you the daily steps you need to take, and the mindset shifts you need to make so you can increase your competence, feel more confident and THRIVE, in leadership and life! Hey my dear, What do these examples have in common with you?
 Have you hit a bump? The truth is, while sometimes things roll along smoothly, we often hit a bump as leaders, and that bump creates a small or a big, mess in our lives.
How are you approaching your bump? How you get through each of those situations, defines the future of your leadership journey. ✅Your style of communication ✅The resources you reach for ✅The strategies you use to grow The type of person and leader you become are shaped by how you approach each bump along the way. Can you learn anything from how we approached our bumps? Each of us approached our bumps in our own ways.
This is how our approaches shaped us. Do they sound outcomes you want? How each of us approached our bump, has shaped the type of leader we are today.
The question for you today is: What’s your current bump and what’s your approach to dealing with it?
⚠️Leadership is a hard journey⚠️ I don’t want you to go through it alone, in fact... You should NOT have to go through leadership feeling alone and isolated! ❣️You should have friends, mentors, resources and coaches! ❣️You should have a shoulder to cry on and someone to kick your butt into gear when you need to take responsibility for the change. Don't do this! I've coached and mentored hundreds of women and what I see often is this:
Struggle and doubt are part of the leadership journey. Leadership will have tough days. Period. There will be many amazing, insightful, exciting and enjoyable days too. But there will be tough days. It’s how you deal with the tough days, that will shape your leadership character! Create your pit crew: Your pit crew is a list of people that, when you hit a bump, will be there on the side of the road for you!
️DO THIS: Make a list of those people that you can call lean on, or ask for help when you need them.
Hint: It doesn’t need to be a real call. I have on my list, people I’ve taken virtual training with. When I hit a block, I’ll say to myself: What would Simon, Brene, Brian, Joni, Amy, or the Kathy I’m becoming tell me to do? Leadership is full of difficult meetings, tough conversations and challenging moments. But you’ve got this, my dear. You can do this. It just takes a little help from your friends - AKA your pit crew. Kathy 
Here are the two main links: Not yet a member of The Training Library? Find out if it's right for you here. Would you like to feel confident that you will be able to maintain your composure in your next meeting or conversation? If you are like most leaders... You have a tough conversation or meeting coming up.
But what you deeply desire is to feel composed. You want to walk away feeling like you didn’t get your panties in a knot; unruffled and clearheaded.  What gets in the way of that: Unmanaged thoughts and emotions. That’s the bottom line. When you feel flustered in a meeting when your nerves get the better of you, and you feel anything but composed, it’s because your thoughts and emotions have gone crazy. Your thoughts and emotions are in control of you instead of you being in control of them 🥴
I felt that way too! I know, me too! I spent years worried I was not in control. That left me feeling incompetent, afraid and wondering if I was cut out for a leadership role. Over time, I learned how to regain that feeling of being in control. Being in control of my thoughts and emotions gave me the courage, confidence to lead. Let me show you how, so you can lead your amazing team and make the difference your org can make! So, what exactly is composure? Being composed is when you are in control; in control of your thoughts, emotions and behaviour. Being composed is feeling calm, confident and in control! How do you get more composure? You get control of your thoughts and emotions by training your brain, which will help you become Emotionally Intelligent. 🔸Emotional Intelligence is being able to both recognize and manage your thoughts and your emotions. Training your brain, your thoughts and the subsequent emotions requires willpower. Willpower, or lack of it, will either give you a sense of composure or leave you feeling anything but composed in tough conversations. If you want to find yourself feeling calm, confident & in control in your next meeting, learn to develop your strength of will. 🦉Daniel Goleman defines willpower this way: "Willpower is the ability to consciously regulate what you feel and what you do". Think of any strong, competent and composed leader you know, and I bet they can regulate themselves! The good new is you can also learn to regulate you what think, feel and what you do too! If you want to become a more composed leader, grow your willpower! 
Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $24.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here What if I told you that your ability to lead with integrity is only as good as the management of your stress? It's true! Consider these questions:
I'm guessing you'd say no to those questions. However, if you are like most leaders self-care, wellness and your health are often put on the side while you put out fires, juggle crisis and focus on just surviving this meeting, just getting through today, or coping with this busy time. Keep reading to learn how you can gain the trust of your team and have them judge you as being a leader with integrity.  Leading with Integrity Remember, the #1 thing people are looking for from their leaders is integrity. They want to know that they can trust their leaders. They want to be able to TRUST YOU!
Stress and Integrity When our bodies are under incredible stress, which is pretty much every leader, our bodies shut down many of their functions. Things like empathy, compassion and strategic thinking go out the window. Stress causes us to have tunnel vision, focusing only on the tiger in front of us and not the tribe around us. Stress causes us to be nearsighted.
Nope. It's not possible. What you will be, instead, is what I was when I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of leadership and not taking care of myself; Bitchy, grumpy, exhausted and anything but motivating, inspiring and in integrity! Do this: Take care of yourself, my dear. You must! To be a great leader, who leads with integrity, you need to get solid sleep, eat healthily, move your body, restore your spirit and learn to use your breath to calm your body, mind and soul. It's when you practice self-care, not just at the end of the day, but throughout your work day, that you'll find you can lead with integrity Living and leading with integrity takes some time and effort on your part. You need to get clear on what you believe, what your values are, and what hill's you'll die on. You'll never do that work to get that clarity when you are just barely getting through your days! 
Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $24.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here YOUR QUESTION: Kathy, How do I create work-life balance?
MY ANSWER: You need to focus on BALANCE rather than BALANCING - Learn how below.  We talk about work-life balance as if it's a static thing: BALANCED. But work and life are not static things. They are ever-changing. We need to move with the ebb and flow of work and life, rather than trying to stop the scales of balance dead in the middle. We need to practice BALANCING! Has your balance ever got out of balance like mine? As you know, last week, my newest granddaughter Paisley was born. Subsequently, things in my whole life went out a whack. To be honest, though, I wanted to resist it. I wanted to re-establish static BALANCE, ASAP!
I wasn't in control anymore! Gone was controlling my world, though, especially if I wanted to honour my values.
But here is what I learned last week. Or maybe re-learned. The lesson I learned was during challenging times, to move with the chaos of what is happening, rather than trying to stop everything right in the middle. QUICK PRACTICAL EXERCISE TO UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "BALANCED" AND "BALANCING": STEP 1: Stand on one foot. Find a point of BALANCED. You can't. You will be moving back and forth if every so slightly BALANCING. STEP 2: Still on one foot, lean to one side. Just a tiny bit at first, then so far that you have to put your foot down else, you'll fall over. STEP 3: Think, what was the "tipping point?" Your core strength matters! Of course, your physical capacity and your core strength will impact how good you are at balancing and when you tip over. The way to get good at BALANCING is to strengthen your muscles, especially those in your core! So it is with balancing work and life. Your nonphysical core Your nonphysical core is knowing and understanding how to honour your values in life. Your core in life is about knowing what keeps you in integrity, who your true supports are and what hills you'll die on. It is also about having your fundamentals of wellness down pat. ****Just a little reminder - to strengthen this core of you, you'll need to do the inner work that I'm always reminding you about! Lesson from the exercise? You'll never be BALANCED, but always BALANCING. Last week, I had to practice BALANCING. In truth, I leaned way over to one side, the family side of my life and I held myself out there for a few days. I reprioritized my schedule.
Leaning too far! But at some point, probably earlier this week, I felt myself leaning too far that way. I felt myself almost tipping over. I'd been there for my daughter and her family. I'd done what was needed but wasn't needed there in that way anymore. And, I'd started to feel the tug of not just work again, but also of my wellness that had got neglected.
Leaning back the other way So earlier this week, I started my lean back the other way. It was a bit wobbly at first. When you jerk too quickly, you tend to fall over also. But as the week has progressed, I've found myself shifting back and forth closer to the centre. I feel in more control of my life. We are always BALANCING This back and forth, though is a constant. Writing proposals, working through accreditation, traveling to training and setting up new offices have all pulled me to the work side of work-life balance, frequently in my career. When I lacked the strength in my core, was when I tipped too far and fell into the void of never-ending work. Too frequently, this was at the cost of my family and health. Now, I know to come back to my core. Its this understanding and this foundational piece that helped me and will help you, continue to be good at BALANCING! p.s. Help strengthen your core! Get really clear on your values and how they show up in your life. Here's some help to get you started, validating what's important to you! 
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Kathy ArcherWomen leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead. Archives
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