Have you ever had someone in your life that won't change? They want things to turn around in their life, but they refuse to take responsibility for any of those changes. I have one of those people in my life now. She's driving me crazy!
Ugh! I want to shake her and say:
I've tried to help:
I have encouraged her, coached her and given her tons of resources that will help her start turning her life around.
However, she won't take it:
Instead of utilizing those resources, she sits in her pity party, belly aching and complaining about others, blaming them and waiting for them to change.
You can lead a horse 🐴 to water,
but you can't make them drink.
So….my mantra has become:
I am not going to give up my happy because you can't find your happy!
I became responsible for my happiness
I'm taking responsibility for my life and my experiences, even though she chooses not to.
I also recognize I do the same thing
This experience has been a great reminder to me of where I, too, put myself in that place of complaining and belly aching. What about you? Like me, do you sometimes have your own pity party?
Do you wait as I do?
Women like us are strong, capable and confident, except when we aren't. If you are like most women and like me, there are places we show up full of courage and determination.
We wait, blame and finger point...at least I do
Can you think of any areas in your life where you are doing that?
I can! I can see where I wait for someone else to "do it with me" for the money to "do it" for the time to "fit it in" or for the person to get out of my way, so I can "do it."
Let me give you some examples
EXAMPLE # 1
I've spent the last year looking for places that might interview me for podcasts, but have found few that "fit" me. However, the truth is, when I pause and ponder, I see different perspectives and realize that it is just an excuse.
EXAMPLE # 2
Another example is where I've wanted to remodel my daughter's bedroom and turn it into my den. She moved out almost a year ago. But, it wasn't the right time to do the renovations. We didn't have time, and of course, she might move back. Then, I didn't have my husband's help, and it would cost money.
EXAMPLE # 3
Here is another way I've not taken responsibility: There is a person on my team who isn't pulling their weight. They only show up for some meetings. But they are always unprepared. What's more, when you ask them to take on a task, they say they will. But you can bet there is a 90% chance they won't do it, and someone else will have to pick up the pieces.
And what have I done about it? Nothing! I complain. I hope they will change. I wait. Waiting leaves me feeling like a victim of their incompetence, their insensitivity to others and their lack of commitment. And that sucks!
When we don't take responsibility, we become victims
When we become victims, we feel powerless. At times, we try to force things, push people and make them do something, so our lives and situations are better. We try to have power over them. That creates more tension and turmoil.
We need to take our power back...our inner power!
Instead of feeling like a victim, we need to take our power back. We need to become responsible for what's going on.
I call it response-able.
It means we are able to respond.
Too often, women like us feel like there is nothing we can do about it. We wait, hope and pray things will change. We moan and groan to whoever will listen (my poor hubby!)
But when we take our inner power back, we gain the confidence, courage to become response-able to make changes in our lives, on our teams and in the world.
Take control of your thoughts
Our thoughts create our worlds. I can spend time getting angry and frustrated with that individual in my life that is driving me nuts.
I can feel like there is no place to share my ideas on podcasts that "fit" me.
I can wait for the right time, help etc. to redecorate my daughter's room.
I can wait for that person on my team to change.
Instead of feeling powerless, become response-able.
If you need some help with this learn more about becoming response-able here. You will also find a worksheet to help you take back your inner power here.
In case you haven't figured it out yet you teach your team to take responsibility when you role model it to them :-)
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Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.