If you want to be a strong and confident leader, you can't rely on someone else to tell you what to do.
To be socially intelligent and understand what's going on with your team, take action when someone isn't measuring up, or be decisive, you'll need to access your inner wisdom. That's the part of you that knows and guides you, even when the road ahead is bumpy. ? Access your inner wisdom by Pondering You'll find access to your inner wisdom when you PAUSE and then PONDER. Pondering is when you:
PONDERING helps you consider what is going on inside of you! Pondering is the opportunity to tune in and consider the following:
When you ponder, you will connect the dots ✍? When you pause and ponder, you'll start to consider how your thoughts, feelings, and sensations are connected to what is happening outside of you. You'll then be able to use this information to awaken the inner wisdom that can guide you forward. Awakening your Inner Guidance System When you ponder, you get insights from your wise self. Pondering is listening to the inner wisdom of your Inner Guidance System. The insights gained by pondering can support and guide you. ? Accessing your inner wisdom is instrumental in mastering leadership confidence. Step # 1 is to Pause Taking the time to PAUSE and PONDER helps you see things you may have missed in the hustle and bustle of the day. Remember, to access your inner wisdom or Inner Guidance System via pondering, you first need to pause. Repeating the cycle of pausing, pondering, pivoting and proceeding are the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle.
Step # 2 Pondering allows you to see the whole picture
Once you have PAUSED, stepping back, you can move on to this second phase; PONDER. Pondering allows you to notice and observe things you would have risked overlooking without consciously exploring your Inner Guidance System. In addition, pondering enables you to pick up on subtleties during interactions such as: ? Someone said something that left you:
? Perhaps an email you received sent you to:
? Your staff's blunder may have you:
? Your thoughts may be about someone else or the situation
You'll start to get insights from within The awareness of these thoughts, feelings and sensations and how they connect to your world can provide surprising insights. This new understanding of this inner wisdom is your Inner Guidance System in action. Understanding what is happening under the surface can prompt you to shift what you are doing, how you interact with others and, even more importantly, what you say to yourself. Your confidence begins to grow Your inner dialogue contributes to your confidence. Thoughts that empower you, inspire and boost you up will increase your confidence. Changing your thoughts starts with awareness of what you are currently saying to yourself. That is where pondering comes in. It's worth it to pay attention to what is inside When you've taken the time to pause, then start to notice. ? Go within and pay attention for a minute to become more aware of what is happening. ❓What is going on?
❓What am I thinking?
❓What feelings have I been experiencing?
❓What's been happening in my body?
Warning! Don't be judgmental Notice that I did not suggest you judge or criticize your thoughts, feelings or body sensations. This is not the time to beat yourself up. It is not another opportunity to berate yourself for screwing up, missing something, or telling yourself what you feel is wrong. It's simply time to notice. Put a name to it As you ponder, identify those feelings, thoughts and sensations, attaching names or labels to them.
Put your Inner Guidance System to work Pondering is the reflection portion of the Inner Guidance Cycle. It is the gathering and input of data into your Inner Guidance System. Remember, you are assembling the following:
Extra credits for going into detail Over time, when you practice following the Inner Guidance Cycle, you will get better able to pull the pieces apart. You will become aware of the stimulus and the subsequent reaction. In time, rather than reacting, you'll be able to choose a response to what is going on in your life. Consider the following example: ⚪️ The stimulus
⚪️ The thought you have about that stimulus
⚪️ The feeling you had
⚪️ What sensations were happening in your body as a result of the feeling?
⚪️ What reaction did you have as a result of the stimulus, the thought, the feeling, and the sensations?
Pause and then ponder. All of this information gets put into yourInner Guidance System so that it can give you direction. In the next stage, PIVOT, we will learn what to do with the information you have gathered. But, for now, PAUSE and PONDER. Look at what is happening inside you. Increase your awareness of how thoughts are connected to feelings and sensations. This increased awareness alone will evoke your inner wisdom and help you to increase your confidence levels! Grab your copy of Mastering Confidence today and learn to ponder more effectively!
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If you are like most leaders, you spend a lot of time running. We go from one meeting to the next with barely any breaks! As a result, we never have time to go to the bathroom, eat our lunch or let everything catch up with us.
The problem is that it is hard to do the work of great leadership when
you don't have time to PAUSE, slow down and tune in.
Effective leaders need time to think, ponder and tune in. However, many resist pausing, stopping, or taking a break despite being overloaded, overworked and overwhelmed.
Most of us say it's because we don't have time to take a break. Yet, pausing is essential to developing confidence and becoming a stronger leader. You can't wait for time to pause. You need to make time for it! Learn to access your Inner Guidance System In this series of blogs, I'm introducing you to the steps in the Inner Guidance Cycle, which gives you access to your Inner Guidance System. Your Inner Guidance System is your inner wisdom. If you've been around for a while, you've heard me talk about the steps often, but it might be a good time for a review. There are four steps in the Inner Guidance Cycle. They are
The first step: PAUSE By taking the first step, PAUSE, you'll start to awaken your Inner Guidance System. It's that wise part of you that helps you to get a hold of your thoughts and then move forward with a conscious response. From reacting to responding Most of us are so stressed that we react to whatever shows up. However, because of our stressed state, we can't think clearly. As a result, we don't take time to choose how we want to respond, engage or the kind of leader we want to be at this moment. Pausing is stopping, pulling back or taking a break. When we PAUSE, our brain and body begin to relax, allowing us to get out of stress mode and think more clearly. Being more relaxed will enable us to respond and make conscious choices instead of reacting to every fire that pops up. Pausing is part of journeys Think for a moment about a road trip. Often when you are travelling, you take breaks. You pull over to the side of the road and stop. That might be a roadside turnout so that you can stretch. You might pause on your trip to stop for fuel. The point is that you can only way to refuel, stretch, or go to the bathroom if you stop. Leaders need pauses too In leadership, when we pause, the pause allows us to become mindful and present to what is happening. Rather than being present, most of us have a ton of racing thoughts whirling about in our heads. Those racing thoughts are usually about a future worry or passed incident that we are still stewing about. Pausing settles your racing thoughts When you pause, you are not in the future or the past but in the present moment. At this moment, you will find access to your Inner Guidance System. When you mindfully tune in to those thoughts, feelings, and sensations, you will find the inner wisdom that helps to guide you forward. You won't always remember to pause when you need to Learning to make pauses a regular part of your routine takes time. Eventually, you may get to the point where there is a trigger that reminds you to pause. That trigger could be when you're feeling:
Those might be signals to go for a little walk, take a deep breath or spend some time trying to figure out why you are so agitated. But often, we ignore those triggers. We push them aside because we have too much work to do. So, for now, don't wait for the trigger. Instead, schedule the time in to pause. You'll need to prompt yourself to take pauses You need to schedule your pauses in. Creating breaks in your schedule will help you to build a habit of pausing. So that you get used to responding to the triggers, it is important to start with establishing a routine of stopping and pausing. Remember, it's this first step of pausing that is going to allow you to awaken your Inner Guidance System. Plan to make these kinds of pauses Look through your day and decide how you can add these types of pauses: ??♀️BODY BREAK - Having a physical break to go to the bathroom, for eating and move your body ? SOUL BREAK - A mindful moment to take a few breaths, meditate or sit in peace ? MIND BREAK - Time for self-reflection. Effective leaders need time to think, ponder and tune in. Self-reflection is the time for leaders to ask themselves:
Scheduling your pauses in It's time to schedule those breaks in. I recommend adding triggers to help you remember to do them, even when busy. ? Block time off in your schedule or day-timer. If you think you'll remember to do it, guess what? You won't. Schedule it in. ?️ Set reminders to notify, encourage and motivate you.
Reminders about WHY you must schedule the pauses in ? Because you will only do it regularly if you schedule it. ? Because even though you mean to, you'll get busy and forget ? Because it takes longer than you think to establish a habit ? Because it tells those around you that you value balance Awaken your Inner Guidance System: Step # 1 - Pause Start accessing your inner wisdom and allowing it to guide you by pausing. By awakening your Inner Guidance System, you will be learning to get control of your thoughts and feelings. That internal control will help you become confident in your leadership abilities, bounce back when adversity hits and be your best self. Begin to awaken that Inner Guidance System by scheduling pauses throughout your day. P.S. If you are ready to dive into all four steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle and use it to boost your confidence, grab Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system If you've been dealt another blow like staff shortages, funding cuts, dealing with disciplinary action, or general overwhelm, you might start to feel negativity wash over you.
You know that negativity can spiral if you don't catch it so you might be wondering:
How can I stay positive? Questing how to stay positive is the theme of my clients this week. They want to know how to stay positive and motivated, and move towards their goals when they feel tired, overwhelmed and challenged. One client is working on a certification process. She is studying for the next level exam. Yet, time is already running away from her. She is quickly becoming stuck in not-enoughness.
Another client is in the process of starting a new program and isn't sure if she can pull it off within the deadline. Self-doubt has crept in and is robbing my client of her confidence. A third client was dealt a nasty blow at work. She's feeling insecure about her future. It's hard not to be negative and sarcastic. "Why bother trying so hard?" The message we hear is to keep our chin up. Social media posts, motivational books and well-meaning peers tell us:
Heck, I preach positivity too. I am constantly working with my clients to help them see the positive, be confident, and believe it is possible. However, how do you do that in the face of so much challenge? The secret isn't to focus on what we are experiencing. It's to focus on what we are thinking. You can learn to focus on the positive It is not what you see that makes up your reality but what you think about what you see. We all experience similar events but react to them differently. Suppose you have a message to call your kids' teacher because of missing assignments.
Think about the thought accompanying each of the above parents' emotions.
Our inner voices are powerful. They impact our emotions and our experiences. The messages we tell ourselves about our events create our reality of the event. Our inner dialogue controls our outer experience.If I tell myself leading my team is hard, I will notice all the hard things I experience daily.
If you tell yourself the day started bad, is getting worse and going to be a gong show, guess what you'll experience?
The secret is getting control of what is going on in your head. You can use The Inner Guidance Cycle to get control of your thoughts. Here's how 👇🏻 1) Pause Step back from what you are doing, take a deep breath, or grab a piece of paper to write on. You'll never shift your thoughts if you stay stuck on the hamster wheel. 2) Ponder Start becoming aware of your inner dialogue. When you are frustrated, unenthusiastic or cynical, start to notice what is happening in your head.
Notice your thoughts. Becoming aware of the constant stream of thoughts helps to manage them. You'll likely notice a running commentary of your day going on in your mind. Most times, it's rambling on, and you aren't controlling what you are thinking. Try consciously listening to your inner dialogue rather than having it run in your subconscious. The more you notice it, the more aware you will become of what you are telling yourself. 3) Pivot Start to shift your thoughts by examining them.
Perhaps you think, "This is the worst thing that could happen." Is it? My guess is it could be worse. Maybe you repeatedly say, "I don't know if I can pull this off." Notice how that allows doubt to creep in. 4) Proceed Once you consciously shift your thoughts to the ones you want to be thinking, you can get back to "work." Shifting thoughts isn't necessarily easy. It takes practice and discipline. For example, changing "I don't know if I can pull this off" to "I can do this" isn't a one-and-done process. However, when you slip back to "I don't know if I can pull this off ...
You can learn more about The Inner Guidance Cycle in Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system Staying positive requires willpower Positivity isn't a magical pill. It's work. It's choosing what you think, what you focus your thoughts on and learning to manage your thoughts. That process all takes willpower. Willpower is also known as self-control or discipline. Using your willpower to train and control your thoughts requires the same energy you would use to resist the donut and stick to your workout schedule. It's also the same energy you use to stick to responding to an email you've been avoiding, staying focused on the annual report despite your cell phone notification calling you or biting your tongue when someone irks you. Willpower is a powerful tool for leaders. It's willpower that helps you stay positive, productive and poised. If you want o learn more about using willpower in your leadership, check out the Willpower Essentials course here. Shifting thoughts is a lifelong process. It's called Inner Work. Learning to choose thoughts, managing thoughts and changing thoughts IS the inner work of a great leader. Do the inner work. It's worth it! Are you a nonprofit leader who loves learning but doesn't have much time? If so, podcasts are a great way to get snack-sized bites of wisdom during times when it's "ok" to multitask. There are many valuable podcasts for nonprofit leaders. If you have a favourite, comment below so we can all learn from each other!
Did you know that I produce a podcast? I do! However, it's been on hold for a few months, but guess what? The latest episode of the podcast is out 👏🏻 It's been seven months since I released the last podcast episode. I certainly did not expect to take that long of a pause. However:
Lessons Learned: The first lesson I learned is that things often take longer than expected. I, of course, thought it would only take a couple of months, but it did take a little bit longer 😉 There are four other lessons I take away from the extended pause that I share in this week's episode of the podcast. 🎙 To hear those four other lessons, tune in here. Catch up on the faves If you are new to my work or have yet to listen to other episodes, below are some that you might be interested in. Podcast Episode Favourites One of my favourite conversations was with Elizabeth Bishop # 45 - How to regain your passion for your nonprofit work One of the top listened-to episodes is Episode # 42 - How to have brave board conversations with Heather Terrence And another favourite of listeners is Episode # 33 - Permission for Ambition with Anna Gordon If you are having a crazy day, try this one: Episode # 26 - Wellness Tips for Overloaded & Overwhelmed Women Leaders The most listened-to series of episodes:
I'd also love to hear what you would like me to share in future podcast episodes.
And in the meantime, happy listening! p.s. Don't forget to share your favourite podcasts below As a nonprofit leader, you've probably struggled with your emotions during a meeting. And, you know that feeling of being about to lose your composure is not fun! I've been there too, and it sucks!
When we are out of control, we are often reacting to what's going on:
All of these are examples of losing control. In these situations, we feel powerless to hold onto our feelings and behaviours. We simply react. Are You Playing the Blame Game? Many of us blame that reaction on other people around us or the situation. Those darn Kleenex commercials always make me cry. My daughter tells me it's my fault that she cries. If I cry, it makes her cry. We do the same in business settings.
We Give Our Power Away When we hand our thoughts and feelings to other people or the bigger "world," we give our power away. So, in essence, you are saying. I am not in control of my emotions, or I am not in control of the way I act. It's that belief that makes you feel powerless. When you feel powerless, you certainly don't feel confident! Who's fault is it? It's not anyone's fault, but we look to lay blame somewhere. Really, is it the rain's fault that you feel sad? No. Nor is it your boss's fault that you feel overwhelmed. And it's not the employee's fault for questioning something in a staff meeting. I know it sure feels like it. But hear me out for a moment. Regain Your Sense of Control When you gain access to what is going on inside of you, you can regain your sense of control and power. We can see rain as a pain in the butt or a blessing. We can enjoy the sprinkles as we take out our umbrellas or grumble and groan at how it's wrecking our plans. It's up to us how we see it. In the same way, when we do self-reflective work, we can begin to feel grateful for the disgruntled staff member. They are growing our conflict resolution. Take Back Your Power With This Tool Here is the tool to gain back that control and increase your confidence. Using the Inner Guidance Cycle, you can shift from giving your control away to taking your power back. There are 4 steps to the Inner Guidance Cycle: Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed.
Let's use the example from above to see the Inner Guidance Cycle in action. 🛠 The Tool: The Inner Guidance Cycle in Action PAUSE: Stop and take a deep breath. When your boss hands you another task, and you begin to feel overwhelmed, then PAUSE. Often, our first reaction is to direct frustration and anger at our boss. That gives power to them. They are in control of how you feel if you let them be. When a team member asks a pointed question at the staff meeting, you may feel triggered and put on the spot. You know they said it to make you look bad. Your automatic reactionary response is to lash back at them. Before you react, pause! Take a deep breath and begin to tune into yourself. PONDER: Reflect on what is going on inside of you. Take time to check your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. These are the parts of your Inner Guidance System. Just like a compass, they can guide you. Take time to PONDER and reflect. They help you identify your triggers. 1️⃣ Thoughts: Do you think your boss is a jerk? Perhaps you are wondering how you will ever be able to handle the workload. You might be thinking that you have to do it immediately. But, on the other hand, you could be telling yourself how unfair this is. Do you believe this employee is trying to get you fired? Do you want to squash them, quiet them or put them in their place? Just notice the thoughts. 2️⃣ Feelings: Are you experiencing a sense of overwhelm? Anger? Frustration? Despair? Incompetence? 3️⃣ Body Sensations: These are often the clues that tell you what you are feeling. They help you become smarter about emotions and better able to name and tame them in the future. For example:
Start to reflect on what set you off. You're still PONDERING at this stage. 🤔 What was the trigger? Take time to consider what caused you to react strongly and quickly.
When a team member asks you a question at the staff meeting, and you immediately feel your composure slipping, consider the trigger.
Example of triggers Our triggers are often around "not enoughness."
You may also be triggered by
💭 What mistaken beliefs do I have? "I have to do this now." Do you really?
"I have to do it perfectly." What does good enough look like? What is the real expectation versus my own "perfectionist" expectations? "I can't say no."
"I need to have an answer."
"They are out to get me."
💜 What values are not being honoured here? Perhaps your value of family time is being squashed because you will now have to work late. Maybe you feel that you will have to rush this project or another one now, and that impedes your value of doing good work. Perhaps you are not feeling respected or appreciated. This whole reflection piece in the PONDER stage of the Inner Guidance Cycle serves to awaken new insights. This awareness is what allows you to take back control. As you sift through all of the stuff inside you, you'll see the mess of thoughts, feelings and body sensations begin to settle, and you'll often be left with a clearer picture. It is that clarity that can make you do a bit of a shift in your thoughts and feelings. That is the PIVOT stage. PIVOT: Shifting how you see things When you see things in a new light, you shift your perspective. PIVOTING allows you to head in a different direction. Perhaps instead of feeling out of control and angry with your boss, you take a deep breath and ask if you can have a moment of their time. PROCEEDING back into action When you are proceeding, you are taking your finger off the pause button and PROCEEDING back into motion. You might ask if you can renegotiate the deadline. You might suggest splitting the task between you and another person. You might say no. Any of these actions put you back in control and feel an increase in confidence. By moving through the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle, Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed, you begin to take back your inner power. Instead of feeling out of control, you begin to regain a sense of power. But this time, it is internal power. It isn't your power over the situation or power over another person. Instead, you've found your voice. You've connected to what is truly important and discovered your strength from within. That's the true meaning of being in control. This inner power is your inner confidence. To be in control of yourself, do the inner work. Connect to your Inner Guidance System. You'll be glad you did! |
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