 As you go about your day as a nonprofit leader, something may happen, and you may feel your body tighten. For example, your stomach knots up, your chest feels heavy, or your throat tightens or feels dry. Perhaps you overreact or shut down. This physical response may be a sign you may have just got triggered.
We often get triggered when something threatens our values. This response results when we feel something important to us is at risk. Here's how I got triggered this weekend... Let me give you an example. I value order. I like things to be in their place, and I like to have things tidy. However, this weekend I was triggered multiple times by mud on the floor and the result from when someone in my house who didn't think it was a problem not to clean their feet before they came in. (Can you guess who?) We're in the middle of backyard renovations. Unfortunately, with this weekend's rain, my backyard was a mud hole. Each time my husband, the dog, or I came in, a pile of mud and dirt came with us. Because a sense of order is important to me, I would take my shoes off outside, ensure the dog's feet were clean before he came in and immediately sweep up any chunks of mud. This is what triggered me... On the other hand, my husband sees the mess as part of the process, so the mess doesn't bother him. So it's not a problem for him to walk around barefoot outside and come into the house. He values freedom, ease and relaxation. He likes to be barefoot, and walking around in the grass and mud doesn't bother him. The house will get cleaned eventually, so what's the big deal? Which camp are you in?
This is how knowing my trigger helped me Knowing that I'm triggered by disarray helps me manage my emotions and be somewhat humourous about my incessant need to clean. Aware that the tightness in my chest is building, I can manage my frustration with my husband by managing my self-talk, taking some deep breaths or distracting myself with something I enjoy. Jenessa's story.. During a coaching call the other day, my client Jenessa became aware that when others aren't accountable for their actions or in-actions, or their responsibilities etc., she is triggered. Jenessa feels her chest tighten, purses her lips, and sometimes clenches her hands. She laughed at the memory of pounding out a response to a chat message when she was annoyed with someone shirking their responsibility. Does either of these feel familiar to you? Just as...
This is why identifying your triggers is important Identifying triggers is part of working with and understanding our values to help us be more emotionally intelligent and confident in our abilities. When you know what's important to you and what it feels like when that thing (i.e. order, accountability) is being threatened, it's easier to choose a response than react in a way you may regret later. Below you'll find steps to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 5 steps to use your VALUES to be more emotionally intelligent Here is the process to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 1 - Identify your values 2- Get an understanding of what your values mean to you
3 - Determine how your values show up in your life 4 - Pinpoint what's going on when you are aligned with your values or not 5- Get clear on what triggers show up when things in your life aren't in line with your values This deeper understanding of your values helps you to manage your emotions, navigate tough conversations and focus on what matters most when it matters most! One more example... If you are trying to wind down a conversation at a meeting, you may value timeliness or efficiency. Your annoyance with those who are dragging the conversation out is triggering that value. That's why you are:
Conversely, your peer may be
See how that all works together? Need some help? This month inside my membership, I added a worksheet to the Values Verification course, helping members identify their triggers. If this is part of what you need, or the five steps listed above, check out the course here and if you think it would be helpful, join the membership here. When you join The Training Library membership, you'll become confident in your leadership abilities, learn to bounce back when adversity hits, discover how to be your best self and find a place to belong! Becoming emotionally intelligent and confident in our leadership abilities takes time and requires skill development and increased awareness of what makes us tick! To do this, take responsibility for where you are and where you are going by creating your own personal and professional development plan. Intentional development is your path to success in both your leadership and life. Read this next: The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter
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 I bet there are times you wish you could be involved in an engaging leadership experience? Not a one-off course, webinar or conference session, but an experience, over time, that deepens your learning!
In 2012 I did that. For 10 months, about 20 other leaders from around the world and I learned together, online and in person. Four times we met for a week at a time in California. Between those sessions, we met online and had partner projects that required us to meet in person with our partners. It was an incredible experience. It was also one of the most transformative things I've ever done. Not everyone can do something like that, but we can create learning experiences for our teams. Not training per se, but an experience where you learn, grow and develop over time. I am blessed to be working with a large group of nonprofit leaders for nine months to help them become inspiring leaders. Inspiring leaders motivate and engage their teams, so they enjoy their jobs and do meaningful work together. One of the first things I covered with the participants of the Inspiring Leadership group was the four fundamentals of leadership. They are the base for the future of the work we do together. Even though you may not be involved in a group program, you can benefit from these fundamentals and use them over the next several months of your leadership journey. I'll give you a brief overview and share some suggestions that you can do to work on yourself! Then you can create your strategy and plan for growth. The 4 fundamentals of leaders Be yourself As teenagers, we spent a lot of time figuring out our identity, answering the question, who am I? But as we mature, we have spent more time conforming to what's expected of us than who we are and are more focused on; how do I fit in? As such, we've often lost touch with who we are. The first thing I do with individuals or teams is help them identify their strengths, values and morals. Understanding what makes you tick, thrive, and the triggers that make you react is fundamental to inspiring, motivating and engaging others. Suggestion: Take time to consider:
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Develop yourself Ongoing personal and professional development is critical. For example, when I was in the ten-month leadership program, we had a list of required reading, each had a coach, and we learned A LOT about leadership and ourselves. At the end of the course, I committed to continue learning to be a better speaker and joined Toastmasters. I'm still involved! Suggestion: Create your learning plan
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Take care of yourself Taking care of yourself is critical for effective leadership.
Suggestion: Commit to wellness
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Teach others to do the same If you want the best for and out of the people you work with, they need to be themselves, develop themselves and take care of themselves. Teach, role model and mentor these habits to them. Suggestion: Coach your people
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Starting the journey of mastering these fundamentals is critical for you to BECOME confident in your abilities, BOUNCE BACK when adversity hits and BE your best self!  I was working with a client this week, let's call her Divya, to develop her quarterly goals. The Goal: Reduce hours working The Outcome: Increased work-life balance The Strategy: To delegate more It's time to delegate more! Seems simple enough, right? If you have too much to do, give some of it away. We all know that it's not quite that simple, so I asked her what roadblocks might get in the way of that? It's not that easy! Quickly Divya indicated she was worried about overwhelming her staff if she delegated more to them. If that's the case, then she's going to fail at her goal before she even starts. Even though Divya wants to reduce her hours and wants to delegate more, her thoughts will get in the way, and she won't do it. Our beliefs get in the way! Our coaching turned to examine her beliefs. A belief is a thought you keep thinking. In this situation, Divya kept thinking she would overwhelm her staff if she delegated more to them. This assumption had become a habitual way of thinking. When we looked more closely at that perception, Divya realized there was some truth to it, but there was more to the story. A belief is a thought you keep thinking Our beliefs aren't always right! After some coaching, Divya came up with these 4 realizations.
You may need to change what you are thinking! The thing that Divya was missing, and that I am guessing you might be missing is that to achieve a goal, you need to not just look at the outcome you desire and the strategy that you will use to get there but that you will also look at what mindset shifts you need to make. The Goal: Reduce hours working The Outcome: Increased work-life balance The Strategy: To delegate more The Mindset Shift: Delegating helps not just me, but my managers and our team Use the Inner Guidance Cycle to shift your mindset We then worked on operationalizing this goal into a daily habit that would lead to Divya achieving success. Divya realized there was no magical number of things she needed to delegate or even types of things. It was more about being intentional about her workload and the process of delegation. She created a habit to help her proceed through the Inner Guidance Cycle. At the end of the day, Divya will work through the INNER GUIDANCE CYCLE:
The Goal: Reduce hours working
The Outcome: Increased work-life balance The Strategy: To delegate more The Mindset Shift: Delegating helps not just me, but my managers and our team Daily Habit: Note where I delegated, thought about delegating or struggled to delegate and what my thought was about that It's your turn! Take time to work through your goals for the upcoming quarter. Notice I don't say for the year. A year is a bit long to really do the deep dive work here. You can set annual goals, and you should. But then break them down to how you will work on that goal each quarter. More Help
Make this year the year to achieve some remarkable leadership goals! Remeber, there is more to goal setting than just writing a sentence down. Also, strong leaders develop their own personal and professional goals AND work on them! Please don't assume your performance appraisal goals are enough. There are likely more details that need flushing out to help you truly feel more confident, composed and comfortable leading with integrity! If you need help with that, message me here!  Women leaders: It's time to review 2020It's time to take stock Regardless of what's happened, as each year comes to a close, most of us take stock.
You may do some of this reflection in bits and spurts throughout the coming days. That's a good start. Talk to those around you as well. What's been meaningful, hard or joy-filled for them? Set time aside for intentional reflection I also encourage you to do a bit more of a formal review of your year. Without sitting down being intentional about it, you'll miss opportunities to see where and how you've grown. Snippets of reflection may leave you hopping over key lessons or significant moments of happiness, pride, joy and connection. I strongly encourage you to find an hour in the coming days to review 2020. If you can, take out a piece of paper, a journal or a document on your computer. Note key areas you want to review and then take some notes.
Want to dive even deeper? If you are in The Training Library, I just released this month's session: Goodbye 2020. In it, I included a worksheet with several questions to reflect on.
If you aren't in The Training Library, feel free to join now. It's a great time to dive into some of the lessons, worksheets and training to help you put your best self forward in 2021. When you join, you'll get the first two weeks free to check out everything, try out the courses and decide if it's right for you. I'm convinced it will be if you want to have someone on your side available and support you and your leadership growth in the new year. You get the best of my work! The work inside of The Training Library is my passion, my love, and I put my heart into each of the sessions. I want you to excel, transform and live and lead in the most authentic way you can! I am adamant that no one should have to do leadership alone!
Are you ready to make 2021 your year?
Make 2021 the year that you put your personal and professional development a priority. When you do, you'll find that you will begin to really enjoy impactful leadership! Make reading a part of your 2020 leadership plan! Ongoing growth and development is a critical component of leadership! You should be reading! Maybe you think you don't have time. Make time! Seriously. Create tiny pockets of time that you can read or listen to a book. It will change both your leadership and your life!  YOUR TURN: What made your list of 2019 books?
Comment below and tell me what books I should put on my 2020 reading list! I bet you are so done with survival mode, and you want to move to thriving 😀 You are looking for some work-life balance, more success in your career, to be doing fulfilling work and enjoying the people you are working with. That's not much to ask for, is it? No, my dear, it's not! You have every right to have all of those things and what's more… It is possible! Keep reading to find out how!!  Let us start with the question: Why haven't you attained all of that yet? My guess is that you have not found balance, fulfilment and confidence because your THINKING is tanking your success. It's time to learn how to shift your mindset to the mindset that it is actually going to help you get the success you desire!
Yet, my guess is instead, you doubt yourself!
This kind of THINKING is called a curriculum mindset. When you have a curriculum mindset, you are always asking yourself:
Curriculum mindset example # 1 GOAL: Create more work-life balance. PATH: I need to learn how to set boundaries Great, but how are you going to learn to set better boundaries? You just can't wish that you're going to be better at setting boundaries. You can't just hope that one day you're just going to magically feel more confident and be able to set better boundaries. That is hope with no action. You need tools to help you. TOOLS: In my mind, if you don't have a binder or book and a pen to write things down, you are not learning strategically. Your tools are:
Curriculum mindset example # 2 Maybe you want to be able to maintain your composure during tough conversations. But remember, you are not going to become a more emotionally intelligent person by wishing it would happen, You're certainly not going to become more emotionally intelligent by waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk. That's not going to change you. You have to become response-able! Take responsibility by developing your curriculum mindset: What do I need to learn, and how will I learn it? GOAL:: Stay composed during tough conversations. PATH: Learn more about emotional intelligence and how to control my thoughts and emotions TOOLS: Watch Kathy's webinar: Saying composed during those tough conversations is to increase your emotional intelligence. When you create your learning curriculum, things start to change for you. Your curriculum mindset will get you out of survival mode and moving towards THRIVING!!! ⭐️MY CHALLENGE TO YOU⭐️
🆘 A TOOL TO HELP WITH YOUR LEARNING CURRICULUM If you need some help with the tools, I've created The Training Library for you!!!! Inside of The Training Library are the courses to help you get out of survival mode. There are courses to build your competence and confidence. I've included webinars for you on emotional intelligence and maintaining your composure. AND...I'm doing a study group on one of the courses! For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the Willpower Essentials course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
Don't forget to watch your THINKING! Think you can and then take responsibly for making it happen! 🤗 If you are like most women leaders, there is a general unhappiness with your day-to-day life, but you don’t know how to change it.
If this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone! Many women find they are stuck in survival mode. Just getting through their days, tolerating the crap and looking forward to their next vacation to get a break from it all. It doesn't have to be that way! Keep reading to discover how you can change days and your inner mantra!  The short story THE PROBLEM: The problem is, that you are stuck in a rut and don't quite know how to get out. It may not be bad enough to run, but if you are honest with yourself, it's time for a change of some sort. You just don't know how to do it. THE CONSEQUENCE: The consequence of staying trapped can be stagnation, frustration, and bitterness. It can become quite unhealthy for you, your team and your family as the effects spill out around you. Perhaps you’ve already noticed this. Especially, if you, like many, have been bogged down for weeks, months or even years. THE SIMPLE SOLUTION: The solution is to change it. Getting from where you are now to where you want to be is quite simple, right? You just figure out where you want to go and start moving in that direction. It sounds simple perhaps in theory, but we all know, it is not always so easy in real life. At times, getting there can seem downright impossible. The longer story MY STORY: I know that place of stuck all too well. Time-and-time again I have found that I am once again feeling stalled. I realized I’d been working hard, but getting nowhere, except worn out. You know that feeling too right? I learned that instead of staying stuck forever, it was when I paused long enough to realize what was going on that I had some great insights. Through conscious pondering, I was able to figure out what I needed to do to get from where I was, to where I wanted to be. This reflection gave me time to think and allowed me to do a little bit of a pivot in a new direction. That slight shift of direction helped me to create a new strategy to accomplish what I was looking for. With that plan in hand, I was able to proceed forward, despite challenges, opposition and with the fear and doubt that are ever present. THE COMPLETE SOLUTION: The key to success has always been a plan. It is the deliberate understanding of what I need to do next, and perhaps even after that has gotten me, and can get you too, through the challenges that are inevitably in front of us when we want a different experience of life going forward. A plan is a roadmap that helps you to move from where you are now, to where you want to be. Think of it as your guide that shows you the next step when you get lost or disoriented. Without it, you might just end up going around in circles. Many of us go around-and-around the hamster wheel of life, never really getting anywhere. A plan isn’t just merely saying I don’t want this, but I do want that. A well thought out, and a comprehensive plan includes the steps you need to take and addresses potential challenges and roadblocks that you will face. The truth is, it is going to take time and effort to get to your destination. You will need to work at it step-by-step. To be successful, you need to build a thorough plan. AN EXAMPLE: When I decided to return to school for my degree, it took 8 years and countless hours of study time. I had to stay focused and set my parental guilt aside while my husband handled the kid’s bedtimes and homework. The commitment required a ton of work to overcome inner saboteurs voices that threatened to stop me dead in my tracks. My plan helped me to focus on what was in front of me. My strategy was to attain my degree slowly and steadily: One course at a time. I strategically planned which courses I was taking and in what order, matching it up with what else was going on in life. I took a couple of semesters off to recharge. I kept the end goal in mind when doubt, fear, and hesitation crept in. I also knew, what chapter I was reading, what paper needed completing and what I needed to do, that evening, and perhaps the next. Both the long-term vision and the daily steps of the plan were crucial to my success. DEVELOPING YOUR PLAN: Moving from the trapped place of feeling overwhelm, doubt or spinning your wheels to feeling happy, confident and advancing forward each day with purpose, takes effort, time and persistence. It is not easy. The truth is, it can be quite tricky. What makes getting back into motion easier, is one secret ingredient that is often missed. Wishing, hoping and begging will only take you so far. To get the rest of the way, you need that plan. If it’s time for you to jump off of that crazy hamster wheel and move forward, then it’s time for you to develop your plan. DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE HAZARDS:
If you are like many women, you develop a plan to change your life, only to have it all fall apart just a short time later. That’s because you likely made one of the critical mistakes most women make when trying to develop a plan to change their life. I want to make sure you are successful moving forward. To help you out with this, I’ve developed a list of the 5 missteps women make when trying to change their life. I’ve also included the “fix” to those mistakes, so you don’t get caught. To get those 5 mistakes, click here, and I’ll send you the report. Remember, the plan is critical. However, it must be a comprehensive plan to work. Take the time, don’t make these mistakes, and build your plan today! When you do, you’ll find yourself getting unstuck. Instead, you will be moving forward with clarity and purpose. What goals have you set for this year? I'm doing a mini survey to see what kinds of goals women leaders set for themselves both at work and in their personal lives. I'm curious about yours. Message me and share your goals with me. What plan do you have for achieving those goals? Now onto your plan for achieving your goals. Wait...let me back up. You do have goals right? I am not talking about random, vague New Years Resolutions such as I'm going to be healthier this year or I'm going to be a nicer person. I am talking about specific goals.  Are you the type that doesn't set goals? Think again! We all need goals. It is when we have goals and targets that we perform at our best. You know this simply by thinking about how good you are at getting something done at the "11th hour."
And...Do you have a plan to go with your goal? Targets and goals are critical, but your goals are dead in the water if you don't have a strategic plan for how you will achieve them. If you don't know that you will head to the gym at 5:30 on Mon - Wed - Fri., how do you know you will fit into that dress? You need an implementation plan... When the clock strikes 5 pm, I will pack up my stuff, leave the office and head to the gym. You need a strategy to help you implement your plan An implementation plan is how you will establish the habit of working out...which performed consistently over time, regardless of your workload or how motivated you feel...is what will allow you to achieve your goal. It's the small daily habits that help you to achieve your goals. It is the plan and your strategy that will allow you to establish those habits! Do your goals include becoming a stronger leader? If your goal is to become a stronger, more confident and capable leader, how will you achieve that goal?
The book that will help you and me kick butt on our goals this year! If you have been following my logic here, you realize that one of the things you need to focus on is building good habits. Habits are the bricks that when compounded over time allow you to achieve your goal.
I'd love to hear about your goals for 2019 and when you start to read Atomic Habits, let me know how you are applying the ideas!
Here's to an amazing 2019! 🙌🏻 As we move into a new year, many of us are setting goals and trying to figure out how to make them stick. Let’s be honest. They won’t. 80 - 90 % of New Year’s resolutions fail. Do you know why? It’s because you are focused on the goal, not the system you need to achieve those goals. Keep reading to find out how to make sure you are one of the 10% who is successful this year!  The goal of losing weight was the same goal for the lady who did it and the one who didn’t. The difference was that one lady made a HABIT of eating healthy and created a SYSTEM for making sure she exercised several times a week. It has nothing to do with the goal you set. It’s how much you focus on HOW you will reach that goal. It’s all about routines, habits, systems and having the self-discipline to follow through on the routines, habits and system. The first thing you need to look at is WHY you want to achieve this goal. That comes down to your values. If you want to get to inbox zero by the end of each week, that might be because you believe it’s respectful to reply to people within a reasonable time. It could be about efficiency or productivity. It may also be connected to wellness. If you haven’t defined and made sense of what your values mean to you, it’s hard to stick to your goals. Losing weight may be about fitting into that dress before the wedding, it could also be about preventing diabetes that runs in your family.
To help you develop the habits, systems and routines to meet your goals as well as the self-discipline to follow through, I’ve attached some of my favourite books. These will help you get clear and develop that ability to achieve your goals this year! What do you want more of? As we start to contemplate the coming year, set goals and make New Years Resolutions, you've probably thought about more of something. If you want greater success at achieving that this year, try doing the following before the end of the year to get MORE!  What do you want MORE of?
Why do you want more? Perhaps a better question is WHY? Why do you want more of that? Why does that matter that you have more of that? More Health? WHY? If you want to be healthier in 2019, consider for a minute why you want to be healthier.
Your why is connected to your values The reason behind why you want to achieve something is that it's important to you. You value it. You may value your health, your relationship with your kids or your grandchildren or you may value self-compassion and are finding you haven't been too kind to your physical well-being lately. Regardless of what you will set for New Years Resolutions or goals, knowing WHY those are important to you will help you be much more successful. Let me show you how it works: Here are some goals I've had over the last few years.
My top value is Excellence. I used to think that meant good grades and being the best, smartest or quickest. Exploring my values has helped me to understand how the value of excellence shows up in my life and how it can help me to achieve my goals. Here is how I define my value of excellence:
When I have done the work to get clear on my core values, I can then be better able to set goals for 2019 that will stick. What does this mean for you? Here's what you need to do:
If you need help with identifying, defining and clarifying your values, grab the Values Verification course today. Schedule in a couple of hours to work on it in the next few days. Then, use your new understanding of your values to set goals for 2019! Whether you do this on your own, or with the help of the Values Verification course, I'd love to hear how you are using your values to set goals for 2019! Shoot me an email and tell me what you've learned about how to make 2019 goals that stick! I know I'll be looking at where I can excel next...I suspect that will be in The Training Library as I strive to give you my best, so you can be your best in both leadership and in life! DON'T MISS THIS DEAL!
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