When Sandra came to our coaching call, she was preparing for a meeting with the Executive Director about her performance. Sandra was dreading the meeting. She knew her boss would make her feel stupid, small and even scared.

•  The meeting was supposed to help Sandra in her role.
•  The intention was that it would give her the support, guidance and assistance that Sandra needs to excel.

 
But that's not how Sandra anticipated the meeting was really going to go down!

Ever since Sandra's boss had scheduled the meeting, Sandra had been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach!

It's no wonder Sandra was dreading the meeting! Past meetings had not gone well. Most of what Sandra feared had happened in the past. 

• Sandra's boss would pick at her weaknesses
• They would identify what Sandra is doing wrong.
• How they communicated would be blunt, cold and unfeeling.

​Just because that is how Sandra's ED has communicated in the past does not mean that Sandra has to believe it means she is incompetent or not cut out for leadership.
 
Sandra can choose to pick between the well-intentioned but still hurtful comments and find out what's valuable in between those comments.

​Whether it is this conversation with her boss or another, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her nonprofit leadership role.

If Sandra chose to see herself as flawed, she would take these kinds of comments to heart. Imposter Syndrome would take over, and the knot in her stomach would grow to a tightening in her chest. Sandra could see how her thoughts could snowball:

• I don't know how to do all of this work without overtime.
• I've never been good at managing my time.
• I've never been an organized person.
• I'm not leadership material.

Sandra knew she didn't want to go down that path. ​

I invited Sandra to PAUSE, and take a breath. I asked what might happen if she chose to hear the messages differently. Sandra PONDERed and considered the comments above and then what else might be true:

• I've been working hard to do a good job and putting in the extra effort.
• I'm a committed employee.
• I care about my job and my team!
• Yes, the overtime is killing me. I DO want to reduce it! Not because my boss is telling me to, but because I want to figure leadership out and have a life!

This new perspective allowed her to see herself as competent and always learning and growing.

Sandra then used curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:

• Where can I learn more about time management as a leader?
• What could I be doing differently, delegating or deciding quicker?

Sandra knew she wanted to learn to manage her time better and find more time for the rest of her life! She knew those new thoughts would help her courageously PROCEED into the conversation with her boss with a confident mindset.
 
Instead of feeling beaten down by taking time to move through the Inner Guidance Cycle, Sandra felt back in control. She was ready to take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is—Feedback.

By knowing she has control of her thoughts, choosing how to hear messages and intentionally choosing not to take things personally in the meeting but focus on the content, Sandra lessened the emotional charge going into the meeting.  ​

​I reminded Sandra that feeling confident in a meeting isn't about what someone else says or thinks. Sandra smiled and nodded. She's been reading Mastering Confidence. I know, she said, it's what I believe.

What you believe about yourself is what matters most. I asked Sandra:

• Do YOU believe you can learn?
• Do YOU believe you can grow and develop?
• Do YOU believe you have the potential to be an extraordinary leader?

She wholeheartedly answered yes to each of the questions. 
I reminded Sandra that if she believes those things, the tone with which her boss shares those messages in that meeting is less relevant than the content and what she chooses to hear, believe and take action on.

While feeling more confident, Sandra was still worried about being triggered and losing composure in the meeting. Sandra wanted to prepare to stay composed in her talk with her ED. She'd recently reviewed the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library. She'd learned the power of being prepared for getting triggered with If/Then plans. She asked if I could help her prepare an If/Then plan in case she got triggered.

Sandra already knew what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure. 

• If they call me emotional, I know it will make me feel like crying right there in the meeting. I'll feel threatened, vulnerable and insecure.

We prepared her If/Then plan and she practiced saying her response. 

•  IF she calls me emotional, THEN I will take a slow, deep breath, even if she's waiting for me to respond. After a deep breath, I'll say:
  •  My emotions are powerful guides to my work, and I am working on maintaining my composure and managing my emotions. Thanks for reminding me that I still have work to do!

​Sandra was still nervous but felt way more confident and in control of her responses! She messaged me later and said the meeting was still hard, but she left feeling in control of herself,  her responses and her future.

​​If you are like most leaders, you've been here:

You have a precious break in the day, so you look at your endless to-do list.
All tasks seem important, but you scan the list, looking for the priority items you can knock off in a few minutes. As you glance at each item, you make a mental note:

• I don't have time to do that.
• I still have time for that, so I can do it later.
• I'm waiting for Angela's part. I can't do that.
• That's not even my job. I don't know why I still do it.
• I'm not in the right space to do that.
• I don't even know how to do that.
• Ugh, I hate doing those!​

Your to-do list is like an emotional roller coaster
In the time it takes to scan down the list, your emotions move from overwhelmed to anxious, then annoyed and doubtful, ending with discouraged.

Pushing the to-do list aside, you begin scrolling through your inbox without realizing you've avoided doing anything on the list and, as a result, get further behind and more disheartened 😩

I get it. I've been there many, many times too! In fact, if you are like most leaders, you have a lengthy to-do list that haunts you into the wee hours of the morning and, honestly, will never get done.

But why is it that we will never get through our to-do list?

💥The reason your to-do list will never get done is twofold

REASON # 1
First, it's a disorganized list that is more of a holding place than a completion place.

• Your to-do list is a storage place for everything they should, might, and want to do, but without delineating between the items.
• Your to-do list is a bunch of projects and tasks all jumbled together without any indication of which tasks belong with which projects and in what order.
• Your to-do list is not only your tasks but embedded in between are things others need to do.

REASON # 2
Second, we look at the list as items that need time to be completed, and we blame lack of time as the enemy 😡 ⏰

It's way more complicated than just not enough time.
For example, look at your to-do list and consider:

• Who else is involved in the tasks
• The level of complexity in the tasks
• How confident do you feel about taking on the tasks
• What else is happening around you, such as distractions, projects, clients, what's going on in your personal life, and, of course, world issues
• Your energy level, physical well-being, mental clarity and emotional capacity

 
Without taking all of that into consideration, our to-do list becomes an impossible challenge, and time becomes the enemy. But time is getting a bad rap. ❌ It's not ⏳ time's fault.

The time available to complete tasks is only one small factor in managing our to-do list. There are other things to consider. Below are three steps to help you manage your to-do list with much greater success👇🏻

QUESTION: How do I get done, what matters on my to-do list?
ANSWER: You create order and awareness.

1) First, start by prioritizing your to-do list into some semblance of order
That way, your to-do list can become a tool working for you instead of a threat against you. 

• Use the 3-step weekly planning for leaders who want to get done what matters most

2) Next, let go of inappropriate expectations of your to-do list
You change expectations of your to-do list by shifting your mindset from believing your to-do list is a list of things that need doing to a holding place for projects and tasks.

• David Allen's book Getting Things Done will help you make this mindset shift.

3) Finally, move a few key items to each day's agenda, plan or priorities
When you only have three things to get done each day, you will check them off with greater speed and satisfaction. 

• Use the Eisenhower Matrix to help you prioritize what you should be working on today.

But we are still overlooking something

That covers the tactical side of getting through your to-do list. But there is something bigger that needs addressing.

🐘 The elephant in the room is the emotions you felt when you scanned the list. 

• Jobs you hate doing can make you feel unmotivated, and there is a good chance you'll struggle to get them done. 
• Tasks that you don't know how to do can leave you feeling unsure about where to start, doubtful you'll be able to pull it off and have a way of rearing imposter syndrome. 
• When you know it's someone else's job, not yours, your resentment may get in the way of getting it done.

Your emotions play a big role in productivity
Many of us are unaware of our feelings, let alone how our emotions affect our productivity. We can choose our responses better by slowing down and getting a better awareness of what we are experiencing and how our emotions distract us from getting done what matters most.

If you want more help with this, read this next: Why Your Emotions Are Sabotaging Your Productivity

​

In the last few weeks, we've been diving into the steps of The Inner Guidance Cycle. You may have made some realizations and know it's time to take action, but...

• Having the courage to deal with something differs from knowing you should deal with it.
• Likewise, resolving to address an issue differs from starting a tough conversation.
• And keeping silent when you've decided to let something sort itself out often requires tremendous courage, especially if the risks are high.

Yet taking action, even when it's hard, is the mark of an effective leader. 

Confident leaders keep moving
As you build your leadership confidence, you'll need to continue to move forward despite challenges. That level of confidence comes from mastering your thoughts when things get rough. It's when you dare to make a decision, communicate it and move on. When you learn to master your inner chatter, you'll set boundaries, speak up and open up hard conversations, even though it would be easier not to do those things. The way to move forward, even when it's uncomfortable, is to follow the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle.

When you connect to your inner wisdom or Inner Guidance System, managing your thinking is more doable. Thus, taking action is more even when you would rather not but know you should, is more doable.
Inner Guidance Cycle
​
To help you manage your thoughts, I've been teaching you to use the Inner Guidance Cycle.

Accessing your inner guide can help​
When you follow the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle, the final step is to PROCEED. However, getting back into motion after pausing, pondering and pivoting can often be the hardest step. 

First, you've paused and then pondered
Something has happened, and you know you need to get ahold of your thoughts before they drag you off to the land of doubt, frustration or shutting down. So you PAUSE, step back and become more mindful of what is happening. 


Pausing allowed you to move to the next step and PONDER. When you ponder, you begin to notice what has been going on around you and inside of you. You examine your thoughts, feelings and body sensations. Reflecting on your inner and outer experiences gives you insights. By pausing and pondering, you are awakening your inner guide or your Inner Guidance System.


A little shift now by pivoting your perspective
By awakening that Inner Guidance System, you evaluate your thoughts. Insights, ah-has and a willingness to examine thoughts, beliefs and judgements often shift your thoughts, views or opinions. That takes you to step 3 of the Inner Guidance Cycle; PIVOT. 


​Pivoting means seeing things in a different way
When you have new perspectives, you often need to change, turn or pivot how you handle things. As a result, you feel prompted to take different actions or respond in a way you usually wouldn't. Alternatively, a new way of seeing things may lead you to inaction where you had previously planned to act. 


That new action or inaction may contradict what you are used to doing. It may also be far from what those around you are accustomed to expecting from you. That could be uncomfortable for you and them. Think about how it feels to:

• engage in an awkward conversation
• send the controversial email 
• take the next big step

Discomfort can be paralyzing
Even though you may have gotten to the point where you need to do something differently, doing it differently is a whole different beast! So insert step # 4 - PROCEED.
? ​AKA - having the courage to proceed.


All of the examples above can be very uncomfortable. Discomfort can paralyze us. We freeze, not wanting to go to the next step. So, it feels better to stay right where we are. It does until you look at what staying here means.


The deception of our comfort zone
Staying here, in our comfort zone, isn't really all that comfy. No, it actually sucks. For many of us, our comfort zone means we've given in, blended in or conformed. It feels a bit like defeat! 


Settling for the mediocre life, the ok job, or the tolerable work environment isn't comfortable. It's painful. And not addressing staff issues, continuing to work way too many hours and being too embarrassed to ask or help are anything but comfortable. 


Dealing with the pain of the comfort zone
The problem is we don't usually deal with the pain of the comfort zone in healthy ways. Instead, we numb the pain and try to pretend it's ok. So we:

• ​Stay very busy ?️
• Pop another Advil ?
• Get lost in Netflix ?
• Scroll through Tik Tok ?
• Open another bottle of wine ?

Numbing the pain keeps you from experiencing pain in the moment. But the discomfort is still there.
We've just masked it.


Change is necessary​
The bigger problem is that you are not reaching your full potential as a leader by staying in your comfort zone. No one ever changed the world by living in their comfort zone. No one ever grew, developed, or achieved anything by numbing the pain and playing safe. Organizations don't make a big difference in the lives of their clients by playing it safe. Instead, change is made when we get out of our comfort zone.


​Getting back into motion: Proceed
​The answer...
To grow your leadership, enjoy your job, and live a full life, you must move forward instead of continuing to play it safe.

Proceed forward. 
It's time to get back into action and PROCEED by doing the right but uncomfortable thing. 

• Make the call
• Cut the program
• Set the boundary
• Say you messed up
• Apply for the new job

?​ Strategy # 1 - Start with courageConfidence begins with courage. To become more confident in yourself, you need to be more courageous.

Courage and confidence go hand in hand.

• The more confident you are, the braver you'll be.
• The more often you exercise courage, the more confidence you will feel.

The two feed off each other. It's a loop that spirals upward.

Each time you take a courageous act, your confidence soars.
Each time your confidence rises, you feel more courage to try different things.

Having courage and confidence gives you the elements to survive and thrive in leadership and life.
​

?Strategy # 2 - Get the momentum going​An object at rest stays at rest. Conversely, an object in motion stays in motion. Therefore if you want to move back into action, you have to get the ball rolling.

One way to make this easier is to break it down into tiny steps and identify the first next step, and then proceed by taking that step. For example:
​You may have realized you DO need to have THAT conversation.

• Book the time to have the talk
• You may have made a tough decision, but now you must communicate it.
• Practice writing out what you need to say
• You may have decided you do want to apply for a new job. Now you need to send in your application.
• Set a deadline for yourself for when you will apply by. 

Pause, ponder, pivot and then proceed forward