KATHY ARCHER
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You need to do these 5 steps soon for leadership confidence & composure

23/6/2022

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As you go about your day as a nonprofit leader, something may happen, and you may feel your body tighten. For example, your stomach knots up, your chest feels heavy, or your throat tightens or feels dry. Perhaps you overreact or shut down. This physical response may be a sign you may have just got triggered.
 
We often get triggered when something threatens our values. This response results when we feel something important to us is at risk.


Here's how I got triggered this weekend...
Let me give you an example. I value order. I like things to be in their place, and I like to have things tidy. However, this weekend I was triggered multiple times by mud on the floor and the result from when someone in my house who didn't think it was a problem not to clean their feet before they came in. (Can you guess who?)

We're in the middle of backyard renovations. Unfortunately, with this weekend's rain, my backyard was a mud hole. Each time my husband, the dog, or I came in, a pile of mud and dirt came with us. Because a sense of order is important to me, I would take my shoes off outside, ensure the dog's feet were clean before he came in and immediately sweep up any chunks of mud.


This is what triggered me...
On the other hand, my husband sees the mess as part of the process, so the mess doesn't bother him. So it's not a problem for him to walk around barefoot outside and come into the house. He values freedom, ease and relaxation. He likes to be barefoot, and walking around in the grass and mud doesn't bother him. The house will get cleaned eventually, so what's the big deal? 


Which camp are you in?
  • The mess triggers me 
  • My constant need to clean triggers him 
  • Likely, depending on which side of the fence you're on, you'll feel triggered by one of our perspectives.


This is how knowing my trigger helped me
Knowing that I'm triggered by disarray helps me manage my emotions and be somewhat humourous about my incessant need to clean. Aware that the tightness in my chest is building, I can manage my frustration with my husband by managing my self-talk, taking some deep breaths or distracting myself with something I enjoy. 


Jenessa's story..
During a coaching call the other day, my client Jenessa became aware that when others aren't accountable for their actions or in-actions, or their responsibilities etc., she is triggered. Jenessa feels her chest tighten, purses her lips, and sometimes clenches her hands. She laughed at the memory of pounding out a response to a chat message when she was annoyed with someone shirking their responsibility. 


Does either of these feel familiar to you?
Just as...
  • Disarray or messes triggers my value (need for) order and cleanliness.
  • Jenessa found that when someone weasels out of their responsibilities, deflects blame or dodges accountability, she becomes annoyed and irritated. 


This is why identifying your triggers is important
Identifying triggers is part of working with and understanding our values to help us be more emotionally intelligent and confident in our abilities. When you know what's important to you and what it feels like when that thing (i.e. order, accountability) is being threatened, it's easier to choose a response than react in a way you may regret later. 

Below you'll find steps to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary.



5 steps to use your VALUES to be more emotionally intelligent 

Here is the process to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary.

1 - Identify your values

2- Get an understanding of what your values mean to you
  • create a list of word strings
  • define your value with a sentence or paragraph

3 - Determine how your values show up in your life

4 - Pinpoint what's going on when you are aligned with your values or not

5- Get clear on what triggers show up when things in your life aren't in line with your values
 
This deeper understanding of your values helps you to manage your emotions, navigate tough conversations and focus on what matters most when it matters most!


One more example...
If you are trying to wind down a conversation at a meeting, you may value timeliness or efficiency. Your annoyance with those who are dragging the conversation out is triggering that value.

That's why you are:
  • Sighing
  • Internally rolling your eyes 
  • You may even send a private chat to your colleague about how the other person is dragging this on. 

Conversely, your peer may be
  • Looking to engage others - they may value contribution
  • Ensuring they have lots of ideas - they may value creativity
  • Trying to get that one person who never talks just finally to speak up - they may value inclusion

See how that all works together?

Need some help?
This month inside my membership, I added a worksheet to the Values Verification course, helping members identify their triggers. If this is part of what you need, or the five steps listed above, check out the course here and if you think it would be helpful, join the membership here.

When you join The Training Library membership, you'll become confident in your leadership abilities, learn to bounce back when adversity hits, discover how to be your best self and find a place to belong!
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Becoming emotionally intelligent and confident in our leadership abilities takes time and requires skill development and increased awareness of what makes us tick! To do this, take responsibility for where you are and where you are going by creating your own personal and professional development plan. Intentional development is your path to success in both your leadership and life. 

Read this next:
The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter
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Mega resources to help you better LEARN how to LEAD your nonprofit team

16/6/2022

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I bet there are times you wish you could be involved in an engaging leadership experience? Not a one-off course, webinar or conference session, but an experience, over time, that deepens your learning!

In 2012 I did that. For 10 months, about 20 other leaders from around the world and I learned together, online and in person. Four times we met for a week at a time in California. Between those sessions, we met online and had partner projects that required us to meet in person with our partners. It was an incredible experience. It was also one of the most transformative things I've ever done. 

Not everyone can do something like that, but we can create learning experiences for our teams. Not training per se, but an experience where you learn, grow and develop over time.  

I am blessed to be working with a large group of nonprofit leaders for nine months to help them become inspiring leaders. Inspiring leaders motivate and engage their teams, so they enjoy their jobs and do meaningful work together. 

One of the first things I covered with the participants of the Inspiring Leadership group was the four fundamentals of leadership. They are the base for the future of the work we do together.

Even though you may not be involved in a group program, you can benefit from these fundamentals and use them over the next several months of your leadership journey. I'll give you a brief overview and share some suggestions that you can do to work on yourself! Then you can create your strategy and plan for growth.


The 4 fundamentals of leaders

Be yourself
As teenagers, we spent a lot of time figuring out our identity, answering the question, who am I? But as we mature, we have spent more time conforming to what's expected of us than who we are and are more focused on; how do I fit in? As such, we've often lost touch with who we are.

The first thing I do with individuals or teams is help them identify their strengths, values and morals. Understanding what makes you tick, thrive, and the triggers that make you react is fundamental to inspiring, motivating and engaging others. 

 Suggestion: Take time to consider:
  • What are your strengths?
  • What are your values?
  • What is morally and ethically right for you?

Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members: 
  • COURSE: Values Verification: Validating What's Important to You
  • COURSE: Understanding your VIA Signature Strengths
  • COURSE: Understanding your VIA Signature Strengths

 Develop yourself
Ongoing personal and professional development is critical. For example, when I was in the ten-month leadership program, we had a list of required reading, each had a coach, and we learned A LOT about leadership and ourselves. At the end of the course, I committed to continue learning to be a better speaker and joined Toastmasters. I'm still involved!

 Suggestion: Create your learning plan
  • What will you learn?
  • How / where will you learn it from?
  • How will you practice what you are learning?

Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members: 
  • COURSE: My Training and Growth Annual Analysis
  • WEBINAR: Create Your Quarterly Goal Setting & Planning Strategy!
  • WEBINAR: Develop your personalized curriculum for Leadership Development

 Take care of yourself 
Taking care of yourself is critical for effective leadership.
  • You can't be composed when you are hangry. 
  • You won't be focused when you haven't stood up in 3 hours. 
  • You can't be decisive on 4 hours of sleep. 
When you don't take care of yourself, your body won't be able to endure the demands of leadership.

 Suggestion: Commit to wellness
  • Start with micro-moments of wellness
  • Create wellness habits
  • Focus on balancing, not balanced

Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members: 
  • COURSE: Wellness AT Work
  • COURSE: Bouncing Back from Leadership Adversities
  • WEBINAR: The 5-Minute Self-Care Strategy for the Swamped Gal


Teach others to do the same
If you want the best for and out of the people you work with, they need to be themselves, develop themselves and take care of themselves. Teach, role model and mentor these habits to them. 
 
 Suggestion: Coach your people
  • Ask them about their strengths, values, and ethical approaches. 
  • Infused learning and growth conversations into regular supervision
  • Ask them about what they need to do to be at their best and help them apply that 

Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members: 
  • Course: Staff Supervision That Transforms
  • WEBINAR: Creating Comfortable Coaching Conversations
  • WEBINAR: Team Morale: Confidently boost the mood of your team!​

Starting the journey of mastering these fundamentals is critical for you to BECOME confident in your abilities, BOUNCE BACK when adversity hits and BE your best self!
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Are your microdecisions painting the right picture of your leadership?

15/6/2022

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Someone lied to me the other day. It was a lie to cover up a lie. I knew it right away. I'm not sure that they knew it, though. Maybe not consciously. I think it's a habit for them.

Regardless of whether they knew or not that they lied to me, their habit of lying caused me to lose another measure of trust in them. 

Trust, one of the foundations of leadership, is built by leaders' decisions, one decision at a time. Each decision builds on the other, solidifying how much someone feels you are trustworthy. However, how much someone trusts you can come crashing down, broken by one seemingly small decision.

Many of our decisions in leadership and life are unconscious, and this is where problems can begin. No, we can't think about every little choice and decision we make. However, as leaders, we need to be more consciously aware of how we make decisions, small and big. Furthermore, we need to be much more aware of the unconscious habits we make around certain types of decisions. 

Your decisions paint a portrait of who you are. Each decision is a brush stroke of your character. Your character is who you are, not what you do. It's how people talk about you. Your character is your reputation or what they think about you. 

For example, we may speak in awe of certain women's characteristics:
  • She is so reliable. 
  • I love her honesty.
  • What grace she has!
  • That is a woman of integrity.
  • Such determination and persistence.
  • I appreciate her ability to be decisive. 
  • She has a clear head on her shoulders.


Then at times, we cringe at other character traits that some women exude:
  • She's so cold. 
  • She's so picky.
  • I can't trust her.  
  • She's condescending and demeaning.
  • That woman would cut off her leg if it meant she could save a buck!

So you see, your reputation or character matters!

Back to the person who lied to me. The thing is, I know this person will add other lies to the painting regularly. As such, I see them as a liar. Don't get me wrong. These are not always big lies. But, often, the lies I am talking about are:
  • Things like neglecting to share specific details of a story.
  • Fudged timelines of events.
  • Embellishments of a story. 

It makes me wonder when they lie about these little things, what big things will they also lie about?

But, it's not only lying. How about racist humour?

I know someone else who makes comments about certain races, genders, religions or personalities but always minimizes their supposed intended impact with a joke, a chuckle or a caveat that they are not biassed or prejudiced. Oh, but the picture they are painting, by choosing to say these things in the first place, tells a different story to my eyes.

These are more dramatic examples of how we shape our character. However, think now about the much more subtle decisions you make all day long and how they may affect how others view you as their leader. 
  • When you answer every phone call, text, or chat within minutes, you paint a picture of someone who is readily available and perhaps, who needs to be informed all the time, a bit controlling.
  • When someone comes to you with a problem, and you solve the problem for them, you paint the picture of someone knowledgeable, intelligent and a good problem solver. But, unfortunately, you may also paint a picture of someone who doesn't trust other people to solve their own problems. 
  •  When you tell people it's OK to chat and visit at work because it's good to build relationships, but you rarely join in, you may paint a picture of someone who doesn't believe those social times are valuable or not beneath upper management. 

These unconscious, small decisions often paint a picture of the type of leader you are. The point is to choose the image you're painting. To do that requires you to be more conscious of your decision-making, especially your micro-decisions. Micro-decisions are made all day long and are rarely seen as decisions because they are often more like habits. But make no doubt about it, you can choose differently. 

Consider these examples of micro-decisions:
  • Picking your phone up several times during the conversation to check your notifications, email or social media.
    • or choosing to leave your phone in the other room or in your pocket 
  • Rolling your eyes when someone complains again about something that's been discussed multiple times.
    •  or taking a deep breath before you respond to a triggering comment
  • Snapping a little more aggressively than you meant to at someone 
    • or grabbing some food to refuel yourself before you get hangry
  • Meaning to respond to just one more email before you leave for the day, but then deal with one more and another and another.
    • or closing your computer at the time, you said you were leaving
  • Creating a list of things that need "addressed" before going into staff supervision 
    • or reminding yourself of your employee's strengths before going to have a conversation with them and how you can use those strengths to develop their competence
  • Keeping your head down, praying no one will talk to you when you walk down the hall to your office
    • or smiling and making eye contact with people when you walk down the hall, responding to bids for your attention with "I don't have time to chat about that now. Can we do it at 2 pm? I'll have 15 minutes then."

Micro decisions shape your character, paint a picture of who you are and tell others the type of leader you are.


Three steps to becoming more conscious of your microdecisions and making better ones!

1) Pick a short period each day for a week.
30 - 60 minutes is good enough. It could be a meeting, 1-1 conversation, or when you are working at your computer. 

2) Remind yourself to do self-reflection for 1 minute after the time
  • Set a timer to go off at the end of that time
  • Create a reminder in your calendar to notify you

3) Make a note of any micro-decisions you made during that period
On a piece of paper, in your notebook or on an electronic note, make one of your micro-decisions.
Each time you do this over the week, come up with at least 3 per period and look for new ones each time you do the minute of self-reflection.

Each time you do this, you'll become more and more conscious of the micro-decisions you are painting. Take some time to consider if these micro-decisions are painting the picture of the type of leader you want to be. If not, what will you need to do to become more conscious about these micro-decisions, and how will you change them?

Our decisions shape us and shape others' views of us. 
Are your decisions matching what you want that view to be?


What to read next:
​How to worry less about what you DO and plan more for who you are BEING
Nonprofit Leaders | 10 important questions you must ask before your next decision
Should you care more about what your nonprofit employees think about you?


Podcasts to listen to:
Episode # 16 - Discerning Before Deciding - Here's How
Episode # 32 - Three questions to help you make better decisions
Episode # 58 - Learn a decisive decision making hack and how to use it - For women leaders


Most women leaders in nonprofits have never received training on HOW to make decisions decisively, yet decisiveness is a crucial competency of leaders. To feel confident in making decisions, you need to know how to make decisions! If you want to learn the three-step process to make decisions quickly and efficiently with your integrity intact, click here.


When you cancel your regularly scheduled supervision with someone, do you tell them it's because you have another more important meeting, you are exhausted, or because you can't stomach the conversation you'll have with them? 
Which one is closest to the truth? ​
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Training For Women Nonprofit Leaders - How to Attain Leadership Mastery

3/6/2022

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​Have you seen it? It's new. A fresh, new look for The Training Library, a membership site which provides training and support to women leaders in nonprofits so they can master their leadership! 

The logo's pencil symbolizes the self-reflective worksheets in each course to help you be more productive, inspire your staff, and feel good about your work and the life you lead!

What's really new? The word mastering!

Keep reading to learn why the tagline, mastering leadership, is so essential for you!

A little bit of the back story...I've wanted to design a new logo for The Training Library for a while now but couldn't figure out the tagline. Finally, after some work with my coach, some soul-searching and late-night insights, the word mastering emerged.

You may notice a theme here—my book Mastering Confidence and The Training Library—Mastering Leadership.  
 
Why the word mastering?

Let's first talk about why I created The Training Library. If you don't know what The Training Library is, let me tell you. 




↙️ Your Pathways to Mastery ↘️


A huge thank you to all who commented, voted and gave me suggestions on the new logo for The Training Library - MUCH APPRECIATED!


Why I created The Training Library 

I often wanted to teach my coaching clients a particular aspect of what they were learning; however, we didn't have the time during our coaching calls. Alternately, I would spend time teaching it, but then we didn't have time to get into how to integrate it into their life and leadership. 

What I needed was the ability to both teach and coach. But it wasn't just about me. 


What you need...

Let's be honest; it would help if you had bite-sized chunks of learning that are affordable, easily accessible, and on various leadership topics. But we don't all need the same training simultaneously. You may not have the same challenge that your peer has today, but you might need the information she needs today a month from now.

Hence, I created a library of training, tools and resources to help you develop your leadership. But honestly, it's not just a library. 


What doesn't work for you...
You can read a book, watch a TED talk, or attend a course and get much of the information I teach inside The Training Library. So why isn't it as simple as that? 
  • First, you may not have the time. 
  • Second, you may not be interested in learning that way. 
  • Third, you may have already tried that, and it didn't work.
You've been missing the ability to integrate your learning in a way that works for you, and with the limited time, money and support you have available to you.


What might work better for you...

The beauty of The Training Library is not the information you get in the courses I teach you. Instead, the ongoing integration of that information into your leadership and life is what makes the difference.

This integration happens when you use the worksheets, complete the journal prompts, establish the habits and create the systems that I guide you through to apply the information you learn. 


This is why you want to master leadership...

The mastery of the skills makes all the difference in your life. The process of working towards mastery is what moves you:
  • from surviving to thriving ✔️
  • from feeling like an imposter to feeling confident ✔️
  • from hating your job to finding fulfilment in your job ✔️
  • from feeling like a failure to bouncing back after adversity hits ✔️


True mastery is choosing the same thing every time. 
  • Regardless if you have time, a master decides to take the time to do a micro-moment of wellness before they go into that tough conversation, knowing full well it will help them maintain their composure.
  • Even though their inbox is overflowing, the phone is reminding them of the three text messages they have yet to get to, and another meeting starts in 2 minutes, a master chooses to take a moment to be intentional about who they want to be in that meeting and the impact they want to have.
  • A master chooses, again and again, to carve out time each week to plan their week, rather than just doing it IF they have the time.
True mastery is choosing the same thing every time. The Training Library helps you create that consistency of choice.


By the way, it's a continuous journey!

And one little secret that all the good masters know is that you'll never get there. Just like in Pacman, when you hit one level, another emerges. When you figure something out, life or leadership throws you another curveball. And just when you get your barrings in leadership, life knocks you down, or vice versa. 

This challenge of the continuous state of change and flux is where The Training Library community comes in. Unfortunately, leadership can be a very lonely place. The higher up the hierarchy you climb, the fewer people by your side and often an even smaller list of those that you trust or should be trusting.


So, who do you talk to?
  • when you've had enough
  • when you are frustrated with the person above you or 
  • when you are wondering if it's time to move on? 
Not having anyone leaves you floundering and even more unstable.


It's time to find your place to belong!

Masters don't get to the top by themselves. They have a group of people they train with. They have leaders, peers and mentors. 
Masters practice outside of the arena.
Before they need them, masters build their skills in the safety of the dojo. 


Where are you training?
> With who?
> Do you have a routine, systems and habits for learning, practicing and then integrating all that you have learned about how to lead with confidence, integrity and impact?
> If not, where will you get that?
Perhaps you'll choose The Training Library.


So what's new?
Just a logo. Just a tagline. Nothing spectacular. 


But what is spectacular is that this may be just the reminder you need to see your leadership training and growth journey differently.


  1. If you are wondering where you land on the journey from apprentice to master, check out this free worksheet. 
  2. And if you are ready to work on mastering your leadership, join The Training Library here.


A gentle reminder to do the inner work!

The inner work that I speak about often is the work of reflection, journaling, practicing, strategizing and making the hard but right decisions because you know in your heart that it's right. That's the work you can get help with inside The Training Library. 


Mastering your confidence begins with creating a plan to move from Apprentice to Master. Take time to complete this guide to understand what you need to do to start the journey of mastering your confidence.
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4 practical resources to help you deal with this week's pain and sorrow!

26/5/2022

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Some days are hard

Sometimes many days in a row are hard. 

Just a few days ago, my husband and I attended the funeral of a colleague of his and a father of three daughters, two of which are friends with our girls. That's the second of my one daughter's school friends that have lost their fathers in the last month. 

Yesterday I learned that a colleague of mine lost her adult son, the father of my colleague's grandchildren. 

On a coaching call this week, I spoke with a client who had just lost their father-in-law and, within a day, found out that their mother may only have a few days left to live. 

On social media and in conversations, I listen to stories of the ongoing war and the rising costs of everything. I hear references to so many "isms," inequities, injustices and downright stupidity.

This week there was mass destruction in a storm that ravished eastern Canada and many deaths. 

And there was another school shooting this week.

My heart aches—the tears flow. I wonder why. I sob

What do I say to you this week? How do I create hope and optimism for you? What words can I offer that can make any difference? I don't know the answer to that. 

What I can tell you is how I make my way through it. If what I do can offer you any hope, I offer it to you also.

One fundamental belief I live by is that I can't change anything other than myself.

I wish I could impact everyone, but I can't touch everyone in the world. But I believe that the way I positively impact others through any connection I have can have a ripple across the globe.

I remind myself my purpose here on earth is to bring the light.

So after reading the latest news this morning and feeling my heart drop once again, I had a choice to make. I could go down the social media rabbit hole and get angry, scared and depressed, or move through the pain and shift my energy.

So I played Let the Light In and, through my tears, reminded myself that I must do that.

What's interesting, though, is that letting the light in with you or for myself is not just shifting our focus to the positive. Instead, before we can move to the light, the positive or the joy, we must stay in the dark for just a little bit longer. We need to stay where we are and experience this hurt, pain and sorrow before we can let it go.

I was coaching a client this week, and through her tears, we talked about how lonely Leadership can be. When coaching another client, we talked about the anger and frustration with the organization she works with. In a third coaching conversation, we stayed with my client's irritation long enough to name it and identify the trigger. 

We stayed in the dark, the yucky and uncomfortableness, each time, rather than hop over it.

I learned a long time ago that numbing out pain, hurt and darkness does not work. Numbing out the "bad" emotions also numbs joy, contentment, inner peace, and happiness. We need to experience the full range of our feelings to experience the full range of our emotions. Otherwise, we feel more flatlined, which does not feel good either. 

To let my light in and let my light shine and help you do the same, I must crumble to my knees in moments like this and fall apart. I must pray through my tears as I feel my heart breaking wide open. It is only when I experience those cracks that I can then allow the light to shine in

When I can feel the whole range of emotions, what hurts like hell, can I then experience what feels so good!

Last week I went for a walk and crossed paths with a young boy walking home from school. We had a little chat. The conversation was nothing crazy, nothing miraculous. We talked about his day at school, where we lived, and who we knew in common. Yet, when I walked away from that moment, I realized I felt immense joy. I'm sure my heart was glowing. Such a simple, ordinary, inconsequential encounter had such a profound impact.

But, here's the thing, I can't feel that joy without feeling today's deep sorrow and pain. 

I can't feel the softness of my granddaughter leaning into me for a hug and telling me she loves me, and stay there just a little longer, soaking in love, contentment and pure bliss, if I hadn't cried in sorrow earlier in the day.

I can experience the awe of an eagle soaring over our family picnic for several moments, lost in his freedom, ease and grace, and feel that wash over my body, calming me and bringing me peace. I can feel that because I also let tears fall when I read another news story of loss, devastation and hate feeling just as profoundly in that moment, at the bottom of the arc.

If you're interested in my advice about dealing with all that is "wrong" with the world, it is this: Feel the full range of your emotions. 

Let yourself experience whatever you're experiencing. 
  • Create the space to go there.
  • Give yourself the time to experience it. 
  • If need be, create a safety net around your pain.

Life and leadership are about ups and downs. There's no way around that. If you don't want to get stuck in the mundane, the rat race, the flatline of feelings ebb and flow with everything. 

Here are 4 resources to help you
LeAnne Rimes - Chant Album
Spotify
Apple Music
This is my go-to album when I need to feel — Feel joy, sorrow or just feel whatever I can not name.


Atlas of the Heart - Brene Brown
A reference book for 87 emotions
I come back to it repeatedly to understand, feel, and make a bit more sense of what I am feeling. 

Unlocking Us Podcast Episode Atlas of the Heart, Audience Q&A, Part 1 of 2 with Brené Brown, Ashley Brown Ruiz, & Barrett Guillen
At minute 20, they answer a listener's question on compassion fatigue and secondary trauma

It's easy to think that we have compassion and empathy for the world around us, but we are often creating secondary trauma in ourselves, which is not helpful either. 

Brene's answer to this question helped me understand why I felt so incredibly distraught after the funeral I attended on Saturday. I had gone into secondary trauma, imagining what would happen if my husband died and how our kids and I would cope. I was reliving the experience, having climbed over the metaphorical fence as Brene talks about. 

Note, Brene references the Sandy Hook shooting :-(


Permission to Feel - Marc Brackett
While the subtitle is Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive, the book is full of learning for adults. Mark provides tools to help develop your emotional intelligence, including his RULER framework and Mood Meter. I use these with clients frequently. 

I won't tell you that it's easy, but this is the only way I know how. 

Feel free to show your other strategies with me so that we may all learn together how to navigate this world we live in. 

I am sending you much love, hugs and light today!
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Should you care more about what your nonprofit employees think about you?

26/5/2022

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Do you care what other people think about you?

Do you sometimes wonder what your employees think about you? Do you care?

If you're human, the answer is probably yes. We all care what people think about us. And the truth is we all want to be liked. To be liked or selected means we belong. And belonging is the very basis of survival.

We've learned: Don't worry what others think about you
Yet we've been taught not to worry about what other people think about us, that we put too much weight on what other people think about us. Instead, we are encouraged just to do our own thing. 

That belief is wrong in leadership
But in leadership, you should be worried about what people think about you. Not necessarily as a popularity contest or worry so much that people like you, but instead, that your team members respect you.

If you want to have loyal employees and create a culture that welcomes those employees and keeps them around long term, what people think about you matters.

What others think about your leadership matters in this way
What people think about you is your reputation or your character. It's how people define you.
  • She's an honest leader.
  • I don't trust her
  • She's always there to answer questions.
  • You never get a straight answer from her.
  • She takes way too long to make a decision.
  • When the shit hits the fan, she's nowhere to be found.
  • She's always the one pitching in to the very end.

Each of these comments defines your reputation. And your reputation matters. 


How people define you matters - here's why
When I completed my Hogan certification (I'm certified to deliver and interpret this personality assessment), I learned about defining our personality in two different ways.

The first part of your personality is your identity. Your identity is the part that you know from the inside. This is how we think about ourselves and want others to see us. 
 
Your view
The problem is our view of ourselves is not always reflected in our behaviours. How we see ourselves is rarely how others see us. It's simply the story you tell yourself and others about you. 
 
The observer's view
Your reputation, on the other hand, is the observer's view. It is based on your behaviours. Your reputation reflects how others observe and evaluate your behaviour after repeated interactions.


Who's view matters more?
You might wonder, which matters more, your identity or your reputation? Well, people hire us, fire us and marry us for a reputation. They loan us money, support us, and become loyal employees based on our reputation. 
 
As Robert Hogan says, "The you you know is hardly worth knowing."
He asserts that it's peer descriptions of our behaviour that predict our reputation and thus our success. 


How to create your reputation
How do you create the reputation you desire? One decision at a time.
  • Will I intentionally choose my mood before I head to the office, or will I show up grumpy and let it wash over everyone else?
  • Do I continue sorting through my inbox, or will I choose to head down the hall and connect with a few people in the coffee room?
  • Do I choose to plan how I will interact in that corrective conversation, or just show up and wing it?


You develop your reputation consciously
Each time you turn these decisions into conscious choices, you shape how you show up, what people think about you, and thus your reputation. Remember, your reputation plays a huge role in shaping your organizational culture; therefore, it's pertinent that you think about it!


3 strategies for shaping your reputation
How to help others think about you ... in the way you want them to think about you.


1) Make decisions about your behaviour more consciously.
  • Create daily time in your calendar to intentionally make some decisions.
  • Ensure you're clear on your values, ethics, and morals, individually and organizationally and bring that to this timeframe
  • Create a decision-making framework so that you have something that guides your decision-making process, such as these 10 questions to ask before you make your next big decision.


2) Create feedback loops
Ask people what they think about you! How will you know if you don't ask?


Create INFORMAL structures in your everyday leadership to get this feedback. 
  • For example, some of my students have added a section to their running supervision agenda for this feedback. That way, you can talk about what employees think about how you are providing leadership at each interaction. 


Create FORMAL structures to get regular feedback from stakeholders you care about, perhaps your employees, peers and community stakeholders. 
  • Many of my coaching clients complete The Leadership Circle profile 360 as a way to get that feedback formally and be able to debrief the results with me. This comprehensive feedback helps create strategies to shape your behaviour and, thus, reputation.
​

3) Engage in self-reflective practices
By developing a practice of reflecting on what happened, you begin to create meaning from your leadership experiences. This new meaning allows you to deepen the learning of an experience and helps you consider perhaps what you'd like to do differently in the future. This article provides you with 10 reflective thinking questions.


You might also find these podcast episodes helpful in developing a self-reflective thinking practice.
  • Episode # 28 - Why self-reflective practice is a MUST for women leaders!
  • Episode # 29 - Two Self-Reflective Practice Tools for women leaders
  • Episode # 30 - How to make time for self-reflection


Here's why all of this matters so much
When you start to intentionally create space to make decisions and make choices to help people describe you and define you the way you want, you'll shape your reputation. As a result, your reputation or character will play a more intentional role in shaping the organizational culture in the way you want. That way, you will be leading a stronger, more engaged, and loyal team that continues to do the incredible work you all choose to do every day. ​
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Are you THINKING about how to create a positive workplace culture?

12/5/2022

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Do you believe your thinking can shape the culture of your workplace?

I know it can from experience! If you want to learn how to use your thinking to create a more optimal team culture, keep reading!!!

Your thinking CAN shape the culture or the feel of your workplace
Often, we leave the culture of our team up to chance and rarely consciously think about our role in shaping it. 

The culture is how it feels when you walk into a team meeting, one of the residences, and even how you feel when you get an email from someone. The unwritten rules of a team play a role in defining the team's culture. For example, what happens when someone is late for a meeting? 
  • Does the response to the person who is late, depend on who shows up late? 
  • Is it OK for the boss to be late, but perhaps not other team members?
These unwritten rules shape the workplace culture.


How to define workplace culture:
Every workplace has a specific culture - a feel to it, an impression that it leaves. Your workplace and every other workplace have a certain intangible quality that makes something about it distinct and decidedly different but difficult to define or describe.
You know whether you like it or not, want to be there or run away quickly. ​​


Creating cultures requires cultivation
Culture comes from the word cultivate, meaning to tend to. So, just like the garden, we need to tend to 🌱 the culture of our teams. So often, though, many of us do not care for, grow or nurture the culture of our organizations. We are too busy chasing fires, dealing with crises and solving problems. 


Reacting to problems is often too late to shape the culture
Let's look at what often happens on a team. Things are OK. People are getting along fine. But then you sense that things aren't quite OK. But you don't have time to deal with it, and you hope they'll get OK soon on their own. But they don't! Then one day, things go sideways fast! Something blows up on the team, and we react.


Too many nonprofit leaders don't believe they have the time to...
This crisis-driven mindset in the nonprofit world leaves us constantly feeling overworked, overloaded, and overwhelmed. As a result, we find ourselves one step away from falling apart and living in survival mode. Because of this, we don't believe we have the time to be more intentional about building the culture of our team, and it gets left up to chance. 


We don't think like this daily
Don't get me wrong, most of us have the odd conversation about what type of work environment we want. Perhaps we annually review our mission, vision and goals. If you have that discussion with your team, you may also talk about the type of values your organization espouses to. But do you talk about them again throughout the year? Do you ever consciously THINK about how you do this daily with your team?


We say it...but do we live it?
Consider the following statements I pulled from various nonprofit job postings:
  • We have leaders who support your success.
  • Be a part of this dynamic team.
  • Join this enthusiastic team.
  • We go to work with purpose.
  • We strive for continuous growth and improvement.
  • We view our employees as our strength and vital to our mission.
  • We are a proactive organization. 
  • Become one of our valued front-line Support Workers 
  • Cultivating teamwork is one of our core values.
  • We value trust and authentic communication.


I'm sure organizations do have enthusiastic workers and supportive leaders, and employees are proactive in their work with clients. The problem is that enthusiasm ebbs and flows. Somedays, teams work wonderfully together. Then, the next day, not so much. And valuing trust is very different from behaving in a trustworthy manner. 


Creating workplace culture is not a one-time activity
The "things" listed above are not static. They don't happen once and then never again. They must be etched into the culture of your team through daily actions and regular habits. As the leader, you need to be intentional, conscious and deliberate about how that happens. But how do you do that?


Workplace culture is created over time, with thoughtful daily actions
You MUST create time to think about how you can and will do those things.


As we've explored thinking over the last few weeks, you've learned that it doesn't take a lot of time to:
  • Review these 10 reflective thinking questions 
  • Contemplate a decision with intentionality, 
  • Apply these 3 strategies to help you think more strategically


Thinking shapes your culture positively, when you do it intentionally
These intentional thinking processes help you cultivate the workplace culture you desire.
  • When we think strategically, we will plan for activities that build relationships at team meetings to create that friendly, open and respectful culture.
  • When we plan how to manage our triggers during a conversation, we can stay composed, creating open dialogue and a sense of trustworthiness.
  • When we take time in reflective practice, we identify that we need to spend more time with someone who is not quite reaching their full potential and help them see their strengths.
  • When we consciously decipher the decision we have to make and take the time to make it, we cultivate more decisiveness, which the team needs.


Steps to THINK your way to a positive workplace culture

It's our conscious thinking, instead of unconsciously reacting to everything, that cultivates the culture we desire.

First, take some time to contemplate the culture you wish to create.

Then be strategic about how you will create that type of culture.

Finally, plan the way to develop that daily.

It's conscious thinking that will take you and your team to the next level!


IMPORTANT: After thinking comes the DAILY ACTIONS to create a positive workplace culture

I am guessing by now you may realize that often, the most challenging part of creating the workplace culture you desire is having the courage to take action. Working through your own personal growth journey will let you address the elephant in the room, talk about the hard things, admit failure, ask for help, ditch perfectionism, and so much more.
  • This courage starts with you doing the inner work of leadership. 


Do you want guidance with your leadership?

If you need help with that inner journey, The Training Library will guide you! Each lesson, course and worksheet not only help you identify how to lead and supervise your team but how to do it with your unique personality, traits and style and in a way that aligns with values, ethics and morals. As a result, you'll learn to lead your way and find both success and contentment in leading authentically!
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Be a wise woman leader with these 10 reflective thinking questions

3/5/2022

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Have you noticed that when your thoughts are swirling around, you're often stuck reliving a memory that didn't feel so good or rehearsing a tragedy in the future? Neither feels good.


OMG, that meeting was awful! I can't believe they said that!
  • Then we "re-watch" that particular part of the meeting that caused us so much pain in our minds. It feels gross all over again!
UGH! I don't know how I'm going to handle that call!
  • Then we "pre-watch" that particular part of the call that we "know" won't go well. We can see how bad it will go, preparing ourselves for the worst!


Your thought process can provide learning opportunities
Our thoughts don't always need to spiral us into a downward tailspin. When we slow our thinking down, pause, and add an element of mindfulness to our thought process, our thinking can become a learning tool. Following the learning component, we may change our mindset, behaviour or perspectives on what happened or is coming up. 


Sometimes when we slow our thinking down, we are more of a strategic thinker. Other times our more conscious thoughts help us plan or make a decision. Today though, I want to focus on reflective thinking.


First, let's look at different kinds of thinking and roughly categorize them as unconscious (swirling thoughts) and conscious thinking.


Uncounsousious thinking
Worry, anxiety and regret - full of judgment, blame and shame statements
Often polarized or absolute thoughts 
  • right / wrong 
  • good / bad 
  • my way/ their way


Conscious thinking
Strategic thinking - connecting dots, seeing the big picture, looking into the future
Planning - adding action elements
Decision making - critical thinking, decisiveness
Reflective thinking - curiosity, openness and exploration


We often miss the reflective thinking piece that so often would be wise to do before the other kinds of conscious thinking. 


Reflective thinking as a practice
In our sector, practitioners are often taught the skill of reflective practice. The idea behind turning reflective thinking into a practice is specifically for learning opportunities. Experience alone doesn't always teach us what we need to know. 


Developing a practice of reflecting on what happened helps us create meaning from an experience. This new meaning allows us to deepen the learning of an experience and helps us to consider perhaps what we'd like to do differently in the future.


How to be a good reflective thinker
Reflective thinking begins with a question instead of a statement.
Most of the questions we ask ourselves during our reflective thinking time are what questions—a why question often evokes defensiveness. But instead, what questions help us be more curious and ditch the judgment. 


The ultimate goal of reflective thinking is to learn from your leadership experiences. You are considering three main points.
  • What happened?
  • What did you do?
  • What will you do differently next time?


10 Reflective thinking questions to prompt learning
To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: 


To help you deepen your learning after an experience, take a few moments to journal your answers to the following questions: 


1) What happened?


2) What body sensations did I experience?
  • racing heart
  • sweaty palms/pits
  • socked in the gut


3) What thoughts were going around my head?
  • beliefs
  • opinions
  • judgements


4) What emotions did I feel as it was happening?


5) Which of my values were triggered during this exchange?


6) What perspective was the other person(s) in?


7) What did I do well in managing that situation?
  • What worked?
  • What didn't work?
  • What did I learn?


8) How would my best self handle a similar situation in the future?


9) What strengths do I need to put to work more often?


10) What will I do differently next time?


When you take time to pause, slow down your thinking and reflect, you'll learn more. That learning will provide insights into how to change your mindset, behaviours or intent, thus leading more authentically and effectively. 



Need more help?
In my membership site, The Training Library, I offer additional training to help you make create reflective thinking practices. 


Here are some you may be interested in checking out:
  • Quick Journaling for Effective Leadership
  • WEBINAR: Seeing Other Perspectives
  • WEBINAR: How to prepare for a tough talk
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Don’t get stuck in managing - Add more LEADERSHIP time!

16/10/2019

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Are you a manager or a leader? Here is the simple question to help you see: Are you trying to move things forward, or are you trying to stabilize them?

We need to both manage and lead
Likely you do both but at different times. The challenge is that we get caught in too much managing. We spend most of our time, heads down just trying to survive. More often, and we need to manage less and lead more. 
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​A manager steadies things.
If at that moment, you are trying to stabilize things, keep them in line, and follow procedures, then you are managing. 

Here is what managing looks like:
When you wear the manager’s hat, you are;
      ✔️Managing budgets
     ✔️Setting up work schedules
     ✔️Ensuring people are following their job descriptions
     ✔️Reviewing procedures at a staff meeting
     ✔️Solving the problem of the day
     ✔️Returning emails
     ✔️Attending meetings, we are required to attend

?Managers get stuff done
Managers are maintaining order and consistency. They are keeping things status quo. In essence, they are getting the work done.

?Leaders are moving things forward
Shifting into leadership mode means that instead of maintaining the status quo, leaders are looking to challenge the status quo. You are looking to get out of the steady, sure place and find more movement forward. Leaders focus on change, movement, and growth.
Both Managing and Leading are needed!
Leadership looks like this:
Putting on your leadership hat has you do these activities:
  • Stepping back and looking at the bigger picture
  • Thinking strategically
  • Creating a vision


Leaders develop others and the company
Leaders motivate, inspire, and energized team members to grow and develop to be all they can be. In doing so, this also creates the space for the company to be all it can be. Leaders help individuals and teams to reach their full potential.
Too often we get stuck in managing and forget to lead
Only leading or managing gets you into trouble
When we sit on one side of the other too long, it creates a void. Yes, we need to stabilize for a moment, but we also need to keep moving. 
 ?️Always racing forward can lead to no foundation with which build on. 
 ️.........Only focusing on the future can create chaos, and essentially you spin out of control.
 ?️On the other hand, staying still too long makes us stagnant ?
You need to shift between managing and leading
Leaders need to know how to shift back-and-forth
Leaders need to switch back and forth from their manager hat to their leadership hat. 
?Your strength may be in seeing the future potential of an employee, and so you focus on that during their performance review. You talk to them about their goals and help them decide what training they need to take over the next year. 
?You may also need to have a conversation with them about them being late with paperwork. That conversation manages day-to-day challenges. It also serves to stabilize their work and how that affects the rest of the team.
Don’t get stuck in managing
Add more leadership time
?I CHALLENGE YOU: Work to incorporate more leading in your day-to-day work. When you can set your sights farther down the road, you can look up and gain perspective. 
  • That big-picture view helps you to realize that the urgent email isn’t as urgent as it appears. 
  • It allows you to see where completing this task of the day fits into the overall growth of the program over the next six months. 
  • Focusing on leading gives you a different outlook on what appears to be the biggest challenge you face. It often doesn’t look so imperative when you see it lined up with everything over the next year.
Here are three ways you can be a leader on a day-to-day basis
1) Develop annual goals for yourself and the company
Create a routine that allows you to scan and review your company and individual goals at the beginning of each day.
  • As you take 3 minutes each day to reconnect with the bigger picture, it will help you to align your day’s tasks and actions with that vision.

2) Make a habit of asking yourself: “How does this fit into the bigger picture?”
Imagine being asked to attend a meeting, be on a committee or take on a project. Without stepping back, those things can seem very important at the time. 
  • When you step back and get perspective, it’s easier to see if they are that vital. If you see they aren’t, this simple activity will give you the words to decline such invitations. “That sounds like an exciting opportunity. While I’m tempted to join, it doesn’t line up with the three strategic priorities I have for this year”.

3) Make a point of connecting your current topic with the future vision in most of your conversations with employees.
  • If you are reprimanding someone for being late, remind them of the overall goal to have smoother shift transitions and their role in that.
  • When you are introducing a new policy on training, ask staff to identify how it will help them develop as identified in their individual goals. 
  • When someone comes to you and asks you to solve their current dilemma, focus on their potential by asking: “Remind me again, what skill you are developing in yourself? What can I do to help develop that skill in this situation?” If they are working on approaching staff before things blow up, you might coach them to come up with what to say rather than just telling them what to do.
Practice leading more often
When you demonstrate your leadership more often, you will develop your team to be stronger, more independent and more engaged. In doing so, you will find your organization more cohesive and will advance quicker towards the goals set out in your visioning processes.

I'm sending you lots of positive vibes to practice your leadership capabilities, so you can be your best self!?

Kathy?

p.s. Learn more about leading and managing in this video below ?️
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I bet you don't know this but OMG you should!

3/10/2019

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I bet you know what you don't want as a woman leader. But do you know what you DO want?
👉️Do you know clearly?
👉️With specificity?
👉️In detail?

I think we can agree you know kind of what you DON'T want:
You know
  • you don't want to feel like you are in survival mode all day every day. 
  • you don't want to feel incompetent, incapable, and out of control anymore.
  • you are so done with doubting yourself, hesitating and holding back.
  • you're tired of being tired 😩
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You probably know generally what you DO want:
✅You want to feel better. 
  • But what does that mean?
  • Happy and joyful? Content?​

✅You want to get stuff done on your to-do list
  • But what does that mean?
  • Complete all 57 things every day?
  • Clear it once a week? 

✅You want to do the work that really matters.
  • But what work are you talking referring to?
  • What work, specifically is that? 

✅You want to be a better leader.
  • But how so?
  • How would you know if you were?
  • What would you be doing differently than now?

✅You want more family time.
  • How much time? When?
  • Daily or just more time on the weekends.
  • Does that include one-to-one time with your spouse or kids?
But are you clear on what you DO want? 
💎CRYSTAL💎CLEAR?? 
An example to make it clear 😊
Let's imagine you're going to purchase a new car.
  • You walk into the showroom, and the salesperson says: What are you looking for?
  • You can't merely answer: A new car.

👉️You need to get 💎CRYSTAL CLEAR💎
  • Do you want a 4-wheel drive, two-door or four?
  • Are you looking for a gas car, diesel or electric?​

The same is true if you are buying a house, looking for an outfit for that special occasion or for that matter, picking a life partner. 
You need an idea of what you want. 
The more specific, the better ✔️
For example:
  • It needs to have lots of legroom in the back seat
  • My daughter's colours are pink and grey, and I want it to complement those colours 
  • I need LOTS of closet space

Back to you and getting out of survival mode:
Let's go back to last week's discussion on survival mode. You know what you don't want. But do you know, specifically, with precision and 💎crystal clarity what you do want? I'm going to suggest it's time you did.
Get really clear on what thriving means for you
You need to get clear on what the other end of the spectrum looks like for you. I call this your thriving target. Take time to create a vision for yourself that precisely includes what you want.
This may example may look similar to your Thriving Target
⭐️I leave the office no later than 6 pm daily.

⭐️I have 1 hour a week to read a book for my leadership development.

⭐️I engage in 1-1 conversations with my four managers about their growth plans monthly.

⭐️I have a least 10 minutes a day to think strategically before I have to manage people, delegate tasks, or deal with things.

⭐️I have a manageable workload. I'm confident in my ability and have a supportive work environment that allows me to delegate some tasks, say no to others and reprioritize when new opportunities arise.
DO THIS to create your thriving target:
  1. Schedule time in your agenda (No, I won't stop nagging you about actually scheduling time in because honestly, if you don't schedule it, chances are, you won't do it!)
  2. Free write about what it looks like for you to thrive in your leadership role. Make sure to focus less on what you don't want and get more and more specific on what you DO want.
  3. Grab this guide Your Thriving Target to go a little deeper into what it looks like for you when you ditch survival mode and begin to thrive more in leadership and life!


There is one little ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ I want to share.
Creating that target won't make it happen. It's only the first step.
You've then got to come back and create a plan and do the work to get there.
  • Doing that work is often uncomfy - Setting boundaries
  • It requires you to focus on something amidst the distractions - Can I just ask you a quick question?
  • Oh and...um ugh...it means you've got to get really good at managing your thoughts and emotions. Because let's be honest. Just saying you are going to leave at 6:00 doesn't take into account the guilt you feel about the project that's due tomorrow, the thoughts about how bad you'll look if you don't complete it on time and the overwhelming urge to "just this one time" stay late.
-That requires you to focus on your self-control, inner discipline or willpower. Yes, there is that willpower word again. 

🆘HERE'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
If you've been thinking working on the Willpower Essentials course but haven't had time to register, start or finish the course, now's the time to do that.
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
  • MEMBERS: If you are a member of The Training Library and want to join in, just reply to this email and say you want to join.
  • NON-MEMBERS: If you are not yet a member, you can join now or purchase the course separately.

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    Kathy Archer

    Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.
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    ​In my online courses and coaching I teach them inner and outer tools to restore their lost confidence so they can move from surviving to thriving in both leadership and life.

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