 If you are like most leaders, you've been here: You have a precious break in the day, so you look at your endless to-do list. All tasks seem important, but you scan the list, looking for the priority items you can knock off in a few minutes. As you glance at each item, you make a mental note:
Your to-do list is like an emotional roller coaster In the time it takes to scan down the list, your emotions move from overwhelmed to anxious, then annoyed and doubtful, ending with discouraged. Pushing the to-do list aside, you begin scrolling through your inbox without realizing you've avoided doing anything on the list and, as a result, get further behind and more disheartened 😩 I get it. I've been there many, many times too! In fact, if you are like most leaders, you have a lengthy to-do list that haunts you into the wee hours of the morning and, honestly, will never get done. But why is it that we will never get through our to-do list? 💥The reason your to-do list will never get done is twofold REASON # 1 First, it's a disorganized list that is more of a holding place than a completion place.
REASON # 2 Second, we look at the list as items that need time to be completed, and we blame lack of time as the enemy 😡 ⏰ It's way more complicated than just not enough time. For example, look at your to-do list and consider:
Without taking all of that into consideration, our to-do list becomes an impossible challenge, and time becomes the enemy. But time is getting a bad rap. ❌ It's not ⏳ time's fault. The time available to complete tasks is only one small factor in managing our to-do list. There are other things to consider. Below are three steps to help you manage your to-do list with much greater success👇🏻 QUESTION: How do I get done, what matters on my to-do list? ANSWER: You create order and awareness. 1) First, start by prioritizing your to-do list into some semblance of order That way, your to-do list can become a tool working for you instead of a threat against you. 2) Next, let go of inappropriate expectations of your to-do list You change expectations of your to-do list by shifting your mindset from believing your to-do list is a list of things that need doing to a holding place for projects and tasks.
3) Finally, move a few key items to each day's agenda, plan or priorities When you only have three things to get done each day, you will check them off with greater speed and satisfaction.
But we are still overlooking something That covers the tactical side of getting through your to-do list. But there is something bigger that needs addressing. 🐘 The elephant in the room is the emotions you felt when you scanned the list.
Your emotions play a big role in productivity Many of us are unaware of our feelings, let alone how our emotions affect our productivity. We can choose our responses better by slowing down and getting a better awareness of what we are experiencing and how our emotions distract us from getting done what matters most. If you want more help with this, read this next: Why Your Emotions Are Sabotaging Your Productivity 
If you've been meaning to
NOW is the time to plan HOW you will do that 👆🏻 growth.
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 As women leaders in nonprofit organizations, you often find yourself needing to navigate a challenging conversation. Whether addressing policy violations or managing performance issues, these discussions tend to evoke much 😩 angst and worry over how they will go.
It's your job to have difficult conversations But having difficult conversations is part of being a leader. The problem is that often when we think about these upcoming exchanges, we're trying to figure out how to have that conversation without thinking about the how. 👈🏻Yes, reread that sentence. As we rehearse an upcoming conversation in our heads, we are trying to figure out WHAT to say rather than HOW to say it. But you are missing a key component of preparations for these conversations We meticulously plan our arguments, gather evidence, and outline our case. To prepare, you:
We think less about HOW we will engage, connect, influence, impact, listen, hear, and understand. Understanding. That's a good place to start. When we engage in a difficult conversation, we seek to be understood rather than to understand. So we gather the information but try to shut off who we are. We want to be DETACHED in tough conversations I often hear women say I'm just going to go in, be clear, non-emotional, or detached. But what they're really doing is going into a conversation with lots of emotions. 😤 😡 😣They are annoyed, irritated, frustrated, and trying to pretend that they're not. Yet, when I ask my clients what happens when they are annoyed, irritated, or frustrated, they tell me things like:
🙈 And although they know they can't hide all these things, they hope the other person doesn't notice. But they are only kidding themselves. Deep down, you know that others probably pick up on it even when you pretend you aren't annoyed, irritated or frustrated. You need to manage your emotions so you can engage in the conversation The truth is emotions will arise during difficult conversations. As much as we might try to conceal them, our nonverbal cues and internal experiences can be telling. Rather than suppressing or denying these emotions, you need to acknowledge and address your emotions to deal with a challenging conversation confidently. 🤔 Before the conversation:
My client experienced an ah ha A client told me she wanted to stop being so passionate in conversations. I asked her how passion shows up during a conversation. When she's passionate, my client said she talks a lot, talks fast and gives lots of details. 🟦 I want to stop being passionate I suggested that instead of shutting the passion off that, she manage the passion and focus on being clear and concise in her message and then pausing, allowing the other person time to soak it and respond. Passion isn't the issue. That is, in fact, what we are looking for👇🏻 🟦 Oh wait...I do want to be passionate If I asked you how you want to feel about your job, you might tell me you want to feel engaged, excited, and eager to be there. Wouldn't you say that's passion? So when the behaviour of someone on your team is negatively impacting a client, why wouldn't you be passionate? ✅ It's how you use that passion that's important. 🟦 Ah, I have to learn to manage my passion When my client realized this, she was very intrigued. She does care deeply about the work she and her team are doing. It's no wonder she's passionate. 🌱 Learning to manage it rather than shutting it off is her place for growth! You need to choose the emotions you want to bring into the conversation When you prepare ahead of time, you'll approach the discussion with greater clarity, empathy, and control, paving the way for a more productive dialogue. Remember, the way we approach the conversation has a profound impact on its outcome. Difficult conversations are more effective when we focus less on content and more on the connection. The best way to do that is to let go of being right and understood and instead become curious and seek to understand. Often, our natural inclination during difficult conversations is to seek to be understood. We aim to get our point across, make our case, and ensure our perspective is acknowledged. However, a shift in mindset is necessary for building strong, trusting relationships with your employees. Instead of solely focusing on being understood, cultivate a genuine curiosity to understand the other person's viewpoint. Doing so creates an environment that encourages openness, empathy, and collaboration. Seven Mantras to Help You Through Tough Conversations 1️⃣ Curiosity is critical
2️⃣ Emotions are everything
3️⃣ Pause before you proceed
4️⃣ Connect before you continue.
5️⃣ Put the relationship before the responsibility
6️⃣ It's not just about the content; it's about the connection
7️⃣ The inner work is the work!
Your focus needs to be on WHO you will be while you are talking about the WHAT When you prepare for difficult conversations, remember that the strength of your connection is the key part. By focusing on the type of person you are in those conversations, you can create a safe space that promotes understanding, collaboration, and growth. Remember, it's not just about the content; it's about the connection. 📗 If you need help, read this: You may want some help to learn to dig deep and focus on how to have a conversation rather than what you will discuss if the conversation takes some work. Fellow coach Michael Bangay, Stanier recently published his latest book, How to Work with Almost Anyone. In it, you will learn five questions for building possible relationships with some of those people you aren't sure you will ever get along with. I highly recommend that you grab it and do the work to focus on how to have conversations, not just the content of the conversations. When you do, it will be incredible peace to help you manage your emotions and increase your emotional intelligence while having those conversations with difficult people. p.s. The inner work IS the work! Where will you start today to grow yourself from the inside out?  Nonprofit leaders and the people who make the organizations hum have a deep desire to impact the world positively. Creating an engaging workplace, or what my colleague and I call a Magnetic Workplace, is essential to have that impact. An engaging workplace exudes magnetic qualities. It is a workplace that fosters growth, openness, belonging, generativity, and creativity among its people. This type of workplace inspires individuals to contribute to something larger than themselves, instilling a sense of purpose and meaning in their work. At a magnetic workplace, employees know that they matter and feel cared for, which creates an environment that draws people in and fills them with energy. I introduced you to The Infinite Leadership Loop to create a Magnetic Workplace. The Infinite Leadership Loop is an infinity loop, is a continuous process of moving back and forth between, on the right-hand side, turning inwards in self-reflection and on the left-hand side, engaging with your team. The loop has the four components of the Inner Guidance Cycle on the right; pause, ponder, pivot and proceed. A 5th point, people, is on the left.  To develop yourself and your team using The Infinite Leadership Loop, you will need to deliberately build a habit of purposefully ebbing and flowing between being self-reflective and engaging with the people around you. To do that, the following four building blocks of The Infinite Leadership Loop will help you.
🟨 Building Block # 1 - Curiosity is Critical The first building block towards a Magnetic Workplace is curiosity. In Magnetic Workplaces, people are openly curious about improving their impactful work, sharing their ideas and collaborating on innovative approaches.
Curiosity allows for reflection, new perspectives, and the courage to act and engage with your team. It helps to create a magnetic work environment that draws people in. When you learn to be more curious, so does your team. TIP to help you be more curious
Creating Comfortable Coaching Conversations 🟨 Building Block # 2 - Inner Work is Imperative Magnetic Workplaces prioritize the inner work of their leaders and their team members by giving them time, space, and freedom to think and reflect. This time for "inner work" allows them to think strategically, make effective decisions and improve their emotional intelligence. In most organizations, leaders and team members are constantly busy, running from one meeting to the next and dealing with crises and fires all day. To create a magnetic work environment, distractions and interruptions must be intentionally reduced, and time must be deliberately created to reflect, process, and resolve issues. Scheduling time to pause, prioritize, and proactively plan a way forward for everyone on the team is essential to improve decision-making and foster an environment of growth and development. TIP to help you make space for more inner work
📚 Resources to Help: The Pause Principle by Kevin Cashman Leadership from the Inside Out by Kevin Cashman 🟨 Building Block # 3 - Vulnerability is Vital Magnetic Workplaces encourage vulnerability because trust is grown by being open, honest and vulnerable with each other. Vulnerability is also critical for you to engage in the inner work of The Inner Guidance Cycle. It's hard to look at what triggered you, why and how you will deal with it differently without being vulnerable with yourself. Start by learning what vulnerability is (courage) and what it isn't (weakness). Then, role model courage and vulnerability. When you do, you'll create more of that sense of trust and the understanding, respect, kindness, and compassion required to develop a magnetic work environment. Tip for learning to be vulnerable Make a list of leaders you admire and what you admire about them. Look at that list for places where they demonstrate vulnerability. Use these as your role models for doing it yourself. Another great place to start is to identify and speak to your values. The Values Verification course in The Training Library helps you put voice and action to the value words you identify. 📚 Resources to Help: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown The Boy, The Mole and The Fox by Charlie Mackesy 🟨 Building Block # 4 - Movement is Mandatory Building a Magnetic Workplace requires movement and growth. These elements are necessary to create and sustain a workplace where team members feel safe to be curious, take time to do the inner work and then do the impactful work that moves their nonprofit forward. Leaders must break out of this pattern of holding on to old ways and resisting change. It's essential for leaders themselves and their people to move outside their comfort zones. Leaders must model this behaviour and create an environment where people feel safe to try, flounder and sometimes fail. Tip for learning to move into action, even when it's scary Move. Get up and move. Go for a walk or move around your office or house. Movement in your body creates movement in your mind; sometimes, that is exactly what we need to move into action with our team. Having a plan also helps you move. When you know the steps, it's easier to take them. To help you with that, try this webinar in The Training Library: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk. 📚 Resources to Help: Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute The Confidence Gap: A Guide to overcoming fear and Self-doubt by Russ Harris Your next steps You must create an engaging workplace to have the positive impact you desire in your workplace. An engaging workplace, also called a Magnetic Workplace, fosters growth, openness, belonging, generativity, and creativity among employees, inspiring them to contribute to something larger than themselves. You'll do that when you put The Infinite Leadership Loop into action. The continuous process of moving back and forth between self-reflection and engaging with the team helps you to process what's going on inside of you so that you can be your best self in your leadership role. Remember though:
 As a Nonprofit Leader, you likely want to build and sustain a team that continues to make a difference. However, finding the time, energy, and focus to make that happen can be challenging. Being overworked, overloaded, and overwhelmed may lead to burnout and keep you in survival mode. Staying stuck in survival mode, if you aren't careful, can taint your workplace energy and create disengaged teams and toxic work environments. But there is another way. Keep reading to discover a model you can use to become a leader who creates an engaged team of difference-makers! What we don't want: Leaders and organizations DO NOT WANT uninvolved, unenthusiastic, uncommitted, and disengaged team members that contribute to a toxic work environment. What we do want: Leaders and organizations DO WANT engaged teams that are involved in, enthusiastic about, and committed to their workplace, which is how Gallup defines engagement. The way forward: For leaders and organizations to increase engagement and build a team of involved, enthusiastic, and committed employees, you need a system, processes and habits of interacting that will help you get there. Let's learn the framework to help you create that way of leading. Your individual path is connected to the organizational path Learning how to move from surviving to thriving as an individual leader is important to understand how you can impact your organizational culture. This blog teaches you how to move along the surviving to thriving continuum. Let me summarize the continuum here. On the left, survival mode is characterized by fear. You are always afraid of falling apart, dropping the ball or losing it emotionally. You are barely hanging on, just getting by or just trying to stay alive. The opposite, thriving mode, is characterized by energy, enthusiasm and engagement. You bloom and flourish as you learn new things, take on engaging projects, and have strong, developed working relationships that allow you to do your work purposefully. Most of us hang out in the middle, coping. Here you are doing more than barely getting by, but you're not feeling so alive that you want to yell from the mountaintops about how much you love your job. This middle ground is where the idea of being on a hampster wheel fits: round and round you go. Surviving, coping and thriving are all places you "live" in individually. They may overlap, though, with your workplace culture and thus your workplace continuum also. So, first, let's review what workplace culture is. Your Workplace Culture Your workplace and every other workplace has a specific culture - a feel to it, an impression it leaves. Each workplace has a certain intangible quality that makes something about it distinct and decidedly different but difficult to define or describe. You know whether you like it or not, want to be there or run away quickly. The Points on a Workplace Continuum My colleague Bill Scott and I developed a workplace culture continuum that stretches from toxic to magnetic. In the middle is the place that most of us are far too familiar with - a tolerable workplace. As you read the following explanations of each of the points on the continuum, we expect you'll know if that "feels" like your workplace or not. Toxic A toxic workplace sucks the energy out of its people. A toxic workplace is characterized by:
A toxic workplace is unhealthy and destroys individuals and team connections. In a TOXIC workplace, employees are actively disengaged. Tolerable A tolerable workplace is not bad enough to leave, not good enough to give it your all. A tolerable workplace is characterized by the following:
In a tolerable workplace, people have tolerated far too much for far too long. In a TOLERABLE workplace, employees are not engaged. Magnetic A Magnetic Workplace draws its people in; they know they matter and feel cared about. A magnetic workplace is characterized by the following:
In a magnetic workplace, people contribute to something bigger than themselves. Magnetic Workplaces draw people to them and fill them with energy! In a MAGNETIC workplace, employees are actively engaged. It's not a static point you are at There are more than three points on a continuum. In fact, there are an infinite number of points. As a result, many of us simultaneously find elements of toxic, tolerable and magnetic experiences in our workplaces. It can shift depending on the day, the day's agenda, your work location, and who you are interacting with. Creating a Magnetic Workplace Imagine being in a workplace where people feel an irresistible pull to be at work because of some strong positive vibe, energy or even magnetism. Bill and I know that's possible because we've seen it happen. When you create magnetic teams with involved, enthusiastic and committed employees, you will lead a magnetic workplace that attracts good employees and keeps them around long-term. So how do you do that? By becoming a thriving leader. Thriving leader to magnetic workplace To become a thriving leader, you've learned to use The Inner Guidance Cycle to take time for self-reflection to be a more intentional leader. But it doesn't end there. You can't "stay in your head" to lead. After thinking, reflecting and sometimes making decisions, you'll need to reengage. Reengaging is about engaging with the people you work with, your community and your family. Thus, another cycle links with The Inner Guidance Cycle creating a new model.  The Infinite Leadership Loop Bill and I developed a model where there a continuous process of moving back and forth between turning inwards in self-reflection and engaging with your team. Both model components use curiosity as fuel for continued learning, resulting in an engaged workplace. I call this model The Infinite Leadership Loop. Think of this model as the infinity loop. The loop, with the 4 components of the Inner Guidance Cycle on the right, pause, ponder, pivot and proceed, and the 5th point, people on the left, demonstrate the ebb and flow between self-reflection and engagement with others. Putting the The Infinite Leadership Loop into action, we move consciously back and forth from our inner thoughts to our external connections. When we do this more consciously, intentionally and deliberately, we move individually from surviving to thriving and our organization from toxic to magnetic. Be an intentional leader Take time today and every day to pause, intentionally going within and ponder and then engage with your people more consciously. The more intention you put into who you are and how you show up, the more authentic you'll feel and the bigger impact you'll have!  Staff recognition and appreciation are important. How important?
Well, let's say essential. When staff recognition hits the mark (according to Gallup), employees are 73% less likely to "always" or "very often" feel burned out.
When staff recognition hits the mark (again, according to Gallup), employees are 56% less likely to be looking or watching for job opportunities.
For employee recognition to be effective, it has to land. In the stats above, Gallup said: When it hits the mark... Sometimes, what we think of as good recognition, isn't landing in the way we intend it to. Let me ask you...
I'm guessing you said yes to at least one of those, so you know what it feels like when recognition doesn't land. It doesn't feel so great. So, how do you make your employee recognition stick? Let's look at 5 considerations that will help! 5 things that can make employee recognition land and feel good to the employee: Timeliness: Recognize the employee after their achievement or contribution as soon as possible so they feel their efforts are valued and appreciated. Hey Sarah, thanks for staying late and helping clean up. It's been a long day for all of us, and I appreciate the extra help! Specificity: Be clear about the specific behaviour, action, or contribution you recognize the employee for, so they understand what they did well and can continue to do so in the future. The way you handled that guardian was impressive, Lindsey. They were argumentative, and I noticed you kept your body posture open. You remained curious and asked lots of questions when it would have been easy to get defensive. As a result, I watched the situation settle down. It was impressive to see you apply the skills you learned in your conflict resolution course. Sincerity: Be genuine in your recognition and communicate your appreciation in a way that feels authentic and heartfelt. There is no example here, but genuineness isn't what you say. It's how you say it. It's a feeling, and you have to feel it before they will feel it! Personalization: Tailor the recognition of the individual's preferences and needs to feel personalized and relevant to them. I so appreciate everyone's contribution to the move of offices. It was a lot of work. So I wanted to give everyone a small token of thanks! Sasha - Get yourself your favourite drink at Starbucks (gift certificate) Beca - I know you are looking for the right thing to put on your office wall. I hope this will help you find that (Gift certificate to Homesense) Ben - I know you used a lot of sticky notes labelling stuff getting moved. Make sure to head to Staples to grab some of your favourite coloured ones. Follow-up: Follow up with the employee to reinforce the behaviour or contribution that was recognized and encourage continued success. You won't know if it landed if you don't ask. Hey Saba, you put extra effort into that preparing for the review. I know I acknowledged that at the staff meeting. I'm curious, though, what's your preferred way to be recognized? Do you like it in public, or would you rather I mention it privately? When staff recognition lands, it sticks. That stickiness makes it linger, feel good and keeps people engaged, around and more vibrant. I want to make sure you learn how to do that! So this month, I'll release a new course in The Training Library called Staff Recognition That Sticks. In Staff Recognition That Sticks, I'll walk you through the employee recognition and engagement connection. It's essential to understand how vital frequent and genuine recognition impacts your employees' engagement. You will also learn how to give timely, specific, sincere, personalized, effective, and sticky recognition and achievement. Finally, you'll discover how to create a culture of recognition where it becomes second nature for everyone to acknowledge and recognize each other.  If you want to feel more competent, capable and sure of yourself in your leadership, you need to increase your self-confidence by learning to manage your thoughts. To bounce back time and time again when the $#!t hits the fan 😩 you need a system that will help you regain your whirling thoughts and, thus, your confidence when you falter. We've been covering that system the last few weeks as you've been learning about pausing, pondering, pivoting and proceeding. Leaders who can navigate the busy, stressful and difficult times AND come out on top rely on something inside of them. Their inner wisdom 🦉provides strength, insight, and stamina, not just to survive but to thrive. Successful and confident leaders access that inner wisdom by consciously tuning in to it. The problem is we aren't taught this stuff Unfortunately, many of us are too busy or have never learned how to tune into our inner wisdom. As new leaders, we learned about scheduling shifts, what forms need filling out and when and how to do cover off. We were not taught what to do when we were uncomfortable addressing something going wrong or how to deal with our emotions during a team meeting when everyone seemed to hate us. And many of us assumed it was something wrong with us. We weren't cut out for leadership, were doing something wrong or alternately blamed it on the crappy staff we had. ❌ None of that was probably true, not completely. We need to learn how to access our inner wisdom What may be more accurate ✅ is that we have yet to learn how to communicate effectively as a leader, what to do with the voices in our head that doubt we can handle it or what to do with the anger when a comment at a staff meeting triggers us. To help us learn that, we need a system to allow us to access our inner wisdom. ☑️ When you are about to enter a tough conversation and want to maintain your composure, your thoughts will help you do that. ☑️ When you struggle to get your work done and feel pulled in many directions, your inner wisdom will help you focus on what matters most when it matters most. ☑️ So you can convince yourself it's ok to walk away from work and find balance with your life. If you want to learn a system to help you tune into your inner wisdom, something you can use anytime and anywhere, then keep reading 👇🏻 It's time to find your internal compass Leaders that learn to tune in and manage their thoughts and emotions develop courage, strength and skills to leave effectively and impactfully by accessing their inner wisdom or The Inner Guidance System. Your Inner Guidance System is your internal navigational structure. Think of your Inner Guidance System as your personal GPS or as a compass 🧭
Know Your Leadership Destination But where are you going? Leadership is about taking people someplace. It is about moving your organization from here to there. That is your vision or destination. The destination could be something like:
Your destination is about who you are becoming More than organizational goals, your direction is about becoming the type of leader you want to be.
The difference when you use your Inner Guidance System 👎🏻 Without tuning in, accessing your inner wisdom and using that internal compass to guide you, sadly, you'll be stuck on completing your to-do list, attending meetings and returning emails instead of being your best self while doing all those things. 👍🏻 But when you tune in and access your inner wisdom, using that internal compass to guide you, you'll be your best self 🙌🏻 when you complete your to-do list, attend meetings and return emails. Follow the steps of your INNER GUIDANCE CYCLE To access your Inner Guidance SYSTEM, follow the steps of the Inner Guidance CYCLE. The four steps, when repeated again and again, help you to make use of your internal wisdom. The steps of the INNER GUIDANCE CYCLE are as follows:
When you do the steps repeatedly, they provide insights that you need to move in the direction you want.  The Inner Guidance Cycle at work:
To begin getting acquainted with your wise inner self, PAUSE and start paying attention to what is happening inside you. Consider or PONDER what thoughts and feelings you have about people, challenges or outcomes you experience.
You'll also notice that those thoughts and feelings may be accompanied by certain sensations in your body, for example:
Your thoughts, feelings and sensations are signs of your Inner Guidance System at work. They are clues🕵️ to what is going on and how to regain your composure and become your best self. Accessing the wisdom inside - An example By tuning into what's happening, you can shift how your thoughts or perspectives about the situation, how you handle it and how you feel about how you handle it. 👉 For example, perhaps you have a tough conversation coming up. When you paused and tuned in (pondered), you may have noticed:
But that isn't the end of The Inner Guidance Cycle 👇🏻 The next step is the PIVOT step. This step is about shifting your perspective. You shift your perspective by getting curious and asking yourself questions. You may ask yourself questions like:
The answers you come up with could be something like:
This new insight helps you move forward or PROCEED
Accessing your inner wisdom via The Inner Guidance Cycle will help you navigate your to-do list and relationships while you manage your emotions and be your best self. To learn more about each step in The Inner Guidance Cycle, dive deeper with this article.  If you've been dealt another blow like staff shortages, funding cuts, dealing with disciplinary action, or general overwhelm, you might start to feel negativity wash over you.
You know that negativity can spiral if you don't catch it so you might be wondering:
How can I stay positive? Questing how to stay positive is the theme of my clients this week. They want to know how to stay positive and motivated, and move towards their goals when they feel tired, overwhelmed and challenged. One client is working on a certification process. She is studying for the next level exam. Yet, time is already running away from her. She is quickly becoming stuck in not-enoughness.
Another client is in the process of starting a new program and isn't sure if she can pull it off within the deadline. Self-doubt has crept in and is robbing my client of her confidence. A third client was dealt a nasty blow at work. She's feeling insecure about her future. It's hard not to be negative and sarcastic. "Why bother trying so hard?" The message we hear is to keep our chin up. Social media posts, motivational books and well-meaning peers tell us:
Heck, I preach positivity too. I am constantly working with my clients to help them see the positive, be confident, and believe it is possible. However, how do you do that in the face of so much challenge? The secret isn't to focus on what we are experiencing. It's to focus on what we are thinking. You can learn to focus on the positive It is not what you see that makes up your reality but what you think about what you see. We all experience similar events but react to them differently. Suppose you have a message to call your kids' teacher because of missing assignments.
Think about the thought accompanying each of the above parents' emotions.
Our inner voices are powerful. They impact our emotions and our experiences. The messages we tell ourselves about our events create our reality of the event. Our inner dialogue controls our outer experience.If I tell myself leading my team is hard, I will notice all the hard things I experience daily.
If you tell yourself the day started bad, is getting worse and going to be a gong show, guess what you'll experience?
The secret is getting control of what is going on in your head. You can use The Inner Guidance Cycle to get control of your thoughts. Here's how 👇🏻 1) Pause Step back from what you are doing, take a deep breath, or grab a piece of paper to write on. You'll never shift your thoughts if you stay stuck on the hamster wheel. 2) Ponder Start becoming aware of your inner dialogue. When you are frustrated, unenthusiastic or cynical, start to notice what is happening in your head.
Notice your thoughts. Becoming aware of the constant stream of thoughts helps to manage them. You'll likely notice a running commentary of your day going on in your mind. Most times, it's rambling on, and you aren't controlling what you are thinking. Try consciously listening to your inner dialogue rather than having it run in your subconscious. The more you notice it, the more aware you will become of what you are telling yourself. 3) Pivot Start to shift your thoughts by examining them.
Perhaps you think, "This is the worst thing that could happen." Is it? My guess is it could be worse. Maybe you repeatedly say, "I don't know if I can pull this off." Notice how that allows doubt to creep in. 4) Proceed Once you consciously shift your thoughts to the ones you want to be thinking, you can get back to "work." Shifting thoughts isn't necessarily easy. It takes practice and discipline. For example, changing "I don't know if I can pull this off" to "I can do this" isn't a one-and-done process. However, when you slip back to "I don't know if I can pull this off ...
You can learn more about The Inner Guidance Cycle in Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system Staying positive requires willpower Positivity isn't a magical pill. It's work. It's choosing what you think, what you focus your thoughts on and learning to manage your thoughts. That process all takes willpower. Willpower is also known as self-control or discipline. Using your willpower to train and control your thoughts requires the same energy you would use to resist the donut and stick to your workout schedule. It's also the same energy you use to stick to responding to an email you've been avoiding, staying focused on the annual report despite your cell phone notification calling you or biting your tongue when someone irks you. Willpower is a powerful tool for leaders. It's willpower that helps you stay positive, productive and poised. If you want o learn more about using willpower in your leadership, check out the Willpower Essentials course here. Shifting thoughts is a lifelong process. It's called Inner Work. Learning to choose thoughts, managing thoughts and changing thoughts IS the inner work of a great leader. Do the inner work. It's worth it!  As a nonprofit leader, you've probably struggled with your emotions during a meeting. And, you know that feeling of being about to lose your composure is not fun! I've been there too, and it sucks!
When we are out of control, we are often reacting to what's going on:
All of these are examples of losing control. In these situations, we feel powerless to hold onto our feelings and behaviours. We simply react. Are You Playing the Blame Game? Many of us blame that reaction on other people around us or the situation. Those darn Kleenex commercials always make me cry. My daughter tells me it's my fault that she cries. If I cry, it makes her cry. We do the same in business settings.
We Give Our Power Away When we hand our thoughts and feelings to other people or the bigger "world," we give our power away. So, in essence, you are saying. I am not in control of my emotions, or I am not in control of the way I act. It's that belief that makes you feel powerless. When you feel powerless, you certainly don't feel confident! Who's fault is it? It's not anyone's fault, but we look to lay blame somewhere. Really, is it the rain's fault that you feel sad? No. Nor is it your boss's fault that you feel overwhelmed. And it's not the employee's fault for questioning something in a staff meeting. I know it sure feels like it. But hear me out for a moment. Regain Your Sense of Control When you gain access to what is going on inside of you, you can regain your sense of control and power. We can see rain as a pain in the butt or a blessing. We can enjoy the sprinkles as we take out our umbrellas or grumble and groan at how it's wrecking our plans. It's up to us how we see it. In the same way, when we do self-reflective work, we can begin to feel grateful for the disgruntled staff member. They are growing our conflict resolution. Take Back Your Power With This Tool Here is the tool to gain back that control and increase your confidence. Using the Inner Guidance Cycle, you can shift from giving your control away to taking your power back. There are 4 steps to the Inner Guidance Cycle: Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed.
Let's use the example from above to see the Inner Guidance Cycle in action. 🛠 The Tool: The Inner Guidance Cycle in Action PAUSE: Stop and take a deep breath. When your boss hands you another task, and you begin to feel overwhelmed, then PAUSE. Often, our first reaction is to direct frustration and anger at our boss. That gives power to them. They are in control of how you feel if you let them be. When a team member asks a pointed question at the staff meeting, you may feel triggered and put on the spot. You know they said it to make you look bad. Your automatic reactionary response is to lash back at them. Before you react, pause! Take a deep breath and begin to tune into yourself. PONDER: Reflect on what is going on inside of you. Take time to check your thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. These are the parts of your Inner Guidance System. Just like a compass, they can guide you. Take time to PONDER and reflect. They help you identify your triggers. 1️⃣ Thoughts: Do you think your boss is a jerk? Perhaps you are wondering how you will ever be able to handle the workload. You might be thinking that you have to do it immediately. But, on the other hand, you could be telling yourself how unfair this is. Do you believe this employee is trying to get you fired? Do you want to squash them, quiet them or put them in their place? Just notice the thoughts. 2️⃣ Feelings: Are you experiencing a sense of overwhelm? Anger? Frustration? Despair? Incompetence? 3️⃣ Body Sensations: These are often the clues that tell you what you are feeling. They help you become smarter about emotions and better able to name and tame them in the future. For example:
Start to reflect on what set you off. You're still PONDERING at this stage. 🤔 What was the trigger? Take time to consider what caused you to react strongly and quickly.
When a team member asks you a question at the staff meeting, and you immediately feel your composure slipping, consider the trigger.
Example of triggers Our triggers are often around "not enoughness."
You may also be triggered by
💭 What mistaken beliefs do I have? "I have to do this now." Do you really?
"I have to do it perfectly." What does good enough look like? What is the real expectation versus my own "perfectionist" expectations? "I can't say no."
"I need to have an answer."
"They are out to get me."
💜 What values are not being honoured here? Perhaps your value of family time is being squashed because you will now have to work late. Maybe you feel that you will have to rush this project or another one now, and that impedes your value of doing good work. Perhaps you are not feeling respected or appreciated. This whole reflection piece in the PONDER stage of the Inner Guidance Cycle serves to awaken new insights. This awareness is what allows you to take back control. As you sift through all of the stuff inside you, you'll see the mess of thoughts, feelings and body sensations begin to settle, and you'll often be left with a clearer picture. It is that clarity that can make you do a bit of a shift in your thoughts and feelings. That is the PIVOT stage. PIVOT: Shifting how you see things When you see things in a new light, you shift your perspective. PIVOTING allows you to head in a different direction. Perhaps instead of feeling out of control and angry with your boss, you take a deep breath and ask if you can have a moment of their time. PROCEEDING back into action When you are proceeding, you are taking your finger off the pause button and PROCEEDING back into motion. You might ask if you can renegotiate the deadline. You might suggest splitting the task between you and another person. You might say no. Any of these actions put you back in control and feel an increase in confidence. By moving through the steps of the Inner Guidance Cycle, Pause, Ponder, Pivot and Proceed, you begin to take back your inner power. Instead of feeling out of control, you begin to regain a sense of power. But this time, it is internal power. It isn't your power over the situation or power over another person. Instead, you've found your voice. You've connected to what is truly important and discovered your strength from within. That's the true meaning of being in control. This inner power is your inner confidence. To be in control of yourself, do the inner work. Connect to your Inner Guidance System. You'll be glad you did!  We've all been to a nonprofit staff meeting where there are items that shouldn't be on the agenda. And often, it makes for a painful and long-drawn-out meeting. We wonder to ourselves or text our colleagues, "Why are we even talking about this?"
Often that's because nonprofit leaders haven't learned what belongs on a staff meeting agenda. Without training on how to run a staff meeting, we are left to follow what our predecessor did. If they did it for so many meetings, it must be the right way, no? Not necessarily. Learning what goes on your staff meeting agenda will help you feel more confident, competent and in control. Ask yourself these questions:
Let's start first with what's on your staff meeting agenda. Your staff meeting agenda should be prepared and provided to those who will be in attendance several days before the meeting. They need to know what to expect. Therefore, they may need to prepare. Additionally, if you are running an engaging and collaborative meeting, your team members may have items to add to the agenda. So what should go on a staff meeting agenda? Here are 10 questions you can ask yourself when you prepare for your next staff meeting Does this belong on your nonprofit team staff meeting agenda? 1) Does everyone need to know it and discuss it? If it is an item that only certain people need to discuss, either put it on a different meeting agenda or put it at the end of their agenda so that those people who the topic is not relevant for can leave early 2) Can it be done as an email update? If you were providing information, an email update might be fine. If you need a discussion around something, you may want to give the email update first so that people have time to prepare before the meeting. It's important to be clear on the agenda item what the agenda item is. It's not information sharing. Instead, the agenda item becomes
3) Is it the right time? Often we start talking about things before we have all the information, knowledge or information, and it can create anxieties, tension and confusion. Or we talk about things that aren't yet resolved, and really people shouldn't be privy to yet. Be cautious and trust your gut when you ask yourself, "Is it the right time to talk about this at this meeting?" Your intuition will know best. 4) What is the point of sharing it? Are you sharing information because it's something employees need to know, because it will help them somehow or because they need to prepare for it? If you can't figure out the point is for sharing it, don't share it. If you do know the point, be clear on what the point is. Please don't assume that everyone knows why you're sharing it. 5) Is everyone there that needs to be included to discuss this item? It's annoying to have a discussion that can't be resolved because the key stakeholder isn't at the meeting. When this happens, we often go around and around, but no one can make a decision or answer a question because the person with that power, authority or knowledge isn't at the meeting. Be sure the key players are at the meeting for that particular item if you put it on the agenda. 6) Do we have time for that discussion? Some discussions take time. When an agenda is crammed full, and we throw a topic in there and expect to brush over it, that often causes frustration for the people in attendance. They won't have time to explore, ask questions, provide suggestions and dig deeper. Brainstorming, for example, cannot be done well in three minutes. If an agenda item needs more time, create a separate meeting for it. 7) Is this the most efficient use of our time? Pulling a team together is costly and takes significant organizational time and resources. So make sure you're using that time and those resources wisely. 8) If this is a sensitive conversation, is it the right time to discuss it? Even though some topics are relevant for everyone, sometimes those conversations are difficult. It's not always the right time to discuss them. That may have to do with what's going on organizationally, in the world, or someone's family. Remember to be sensitive about the topic you put on your agenda. 9) Consider the urgency of the matter. Even though everything may be relevant to the agenda, that doesn't mean it needs to go on the agenda. If it's not an urgent topic and the agenda is already full, hold onto that topic for a future meeting. Give time and attention to the most pressing things, not just for you in the organization but also for your employees. 10) Is this the right place for this agenda item? Lastly, once you've decided that it does go on the agenda, be considerate of where you place it on the agenda. Things that need more discussion and focus should be done earlier on. Additionally, things that need more composure for a difficult conversation should be done earlier. You want to end on a positive, uplifting note. Therefore ensure the last item will make people feel good as they leave the meeting. Running an effective and engaging staff meeting is much easier when you are more conscious and intentional about creating your staff meeting agenda. DO THIS: 1) Schedule a few minutes into your calendar to prepare your agenda. 2) Consider what belongs on your agenda, running potential items through the above list of questions. 3) Feel confident, capable and in control as you run your next team meeting. Preparing is one of the first steps to feeling more confident running a staff meeting. When you prepare your staff meeting with intention, you will feel more confident, and your team will find it much more valuable and engaging.  Jennifer recently came to a coaching call infuriated with her boss. Jennifer was a middle manager and found herself entangled in a triangle of sorts with her boss, herself and her team.
Often her boss would undermine Jennifer in meetings. Without knowing all the facts, he would make a decision and announce it before conferring with Jennifer. By the time we got onto our coaching call, the above scenario had happened numerous times. Jennifer noticed how it triggered her anger and prompted ineffectiveness in the team. The team didn't know whom to believe anymore. It was all a big mess, and Jennifer felt undervalued and unsupported. However, Jennifer hadn't had the courage or understanding of how to address the issue with her boss. Therefore, she'd been avoiding it. Have you ever avoided a tough conversation? We have all done it, but avoiding tough conversations does not resolve them. On the contrary, it only worsens them and often leads to deteriorating your team's effectiveness. Jennifer had realized that. It was why she'd brought the issue as a topic for our coaching call. Jennifer started with why it was important to figure out Through coaching, Jennifer was able to get reconnected to why she needed to engage in this potentially intimidating conversation with her boss. She was passionate about her staff members being supported and wanted them to have solid supervision. In the end, addressing the conflict with her boss would be better for her and her team. Even though it would be difficult, it was worth figuring out. Take the first step to resolve the issue Jennifer realized that in a "perfect" situation, her boss would recognize incongruences in messaging and deal with them himself. However, life isn't perfect. Jennifer knew she needed to be the one to tackle the problem head-on. She did just that. Jennifer took the first step and arranged a time to meet with her boss and then shared her concerns. The result isn't always perfect, but it's a movement forward Now, of course (remember, this isn't a perfect world), he didn't quite see the story like Jennifer. He did, though, become more aware of checking with Jennifer before he issued new standards of practice. As a result, Jennifer felt more confident and sure of herself. By stepping into the difficult conversation, Jennifer discovered she could fight her own battles rather than hoping they would magically disappear. What is the tough conversation you need to have? Perhaps you've found yourself in a similar situation, sandwiched between frontline staff and management. Other times you may have found it is the supervisor who isn't dealing with their team, and you see the mistakes happening. In that place, the tough conversation needs to happen with your subordinate, encouraging them to handle their reports more effectively. It could also be peer-to-peer where your co-worker is stirring the pot, causing havoc on the team. When you realize a storm is brewing and know it's not going away, it is probably time to wrestle the tough conversation yourself. Below find the steps that will assist you in moving through the challenge. Your 3 step plan to help navigate your nonprofit leadership challenge 1) Identify the issue Notice that you may have been avoiding or hiding from the issue. Perhaps you push it away, praying someone else will deal with it. You've probably noticed, unresolved, that the issues continue to rise again and again. Each time you become aware of it, you probably tense up, get a knot in your stomach or feel anxious. By noticing when something is off, you help identify the problem that needs to be dealt with clearly. Jennifer recognized the challenge was when her boss skipped over her role and function and did her job. She would have preferred that here and her boss discuss the issue before communicating them to the team. But instead, she identified the problem as feeling undermined. This step is about getting clear on what precisely your challenge is so that you can communicate it. 2) Take responsibility for moving things forward Stop pushing the problem away and blaming others for not fixing them. Instead, recognize that it is your job as a leader to resolve the issue. No, it may not be your problem but acknowledge that it is your responsibility to lead your team into a more effective, cohesive working environment. That may mean that you need to be the one that grabs the bull by the horns. Jennifer did just this when she initiated a conversation with her boss. 3) Create your plan for dealing with the challenge When you realize the problem is not going to go away and no one else will deal with it, it's time for you to address it. The best way to move through the muck is to be clear about what you will do it.
Dealing with challenging exchanges is not always easy but worth it Even though they are tough, I encourage you to take the initiative to have tough conversations. You will find your confidence and courage increase the more often you tackle them. As a result, your team will be more effective, and you will also discover that you can enjoy your work more. If you need more help planning for your tough conversation, try this. |
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Kathy ArcherWomen leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead. Archives
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