 Summer is kicking off; for many of us, this means extra reading time. If your reading list and maybe it's lacking in the leadership department. Here are a few suggestions I have for you to add to your summer reading list:
Summer Reading Book Suggestions 📚 Digital Body Language by Erica Dhawan Some of us are still virtual, some hybrid. However, even if you're in the office full time, my guess is many of the meetings you have are virtual. On top of that, much of our communication is often via email, messenger or text. This book helps you understand the body language of digital communication. It's fascinating and beneficial. p.s. the PDF file that comes with the audio version is phenomenal! Find the book here 📚 Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown This book is not a book to read from front to back. Instead, it's a reference book you'll hopefully return to regularly. So take some time to skim through it and dig deeper into the parts that pull you in. This book helps you understand emotions and feelings and expands your emotional vocabulary. Developing your emotional vocabulary is extremely helpful if you want to increase your emotional intelligence and be a more composed and emotionally in control leader. Find the book here 📚 The Five Levels of Attachment by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr You'll recognize the author if you've read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. However, this book is by Don Miguel's son. He goes through how we attach to ideas, thoughts and beliefs. Recognizing how tightly you've grasped your view helps to loosen your grip so that you can see others' points of view, develop new awarenesses and grow yourself. Find the book here 📚 The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy Oh my goodness! No, this is not a leadership book. Today it is rated #1 in Literary Graphic Novels, #4 in Happiness, and #5 in Ethics & Morality But so many life lessons and reminders help put our lives into perspective. I listened to the audio version, which is less than an hour long and beautifully read by the author. I have replayed segments of it when I need those little reminders. Find the book here I thought about doing a book club on this book. So if you read it, let me know if you'd be interested in that. 📚 Think Again by Adam Grant Much of our thinking is unconscious. I'm often encouraging you to be more conscious with your thinking. In this book, you learn ways that thinking can help us and some of how it can get in the way. The ideas open your eyes to how you may want to engage in conversations with different people differently, explore other people's thoughts, get their input and work together. Find the book here 📚 Mastering Confidence by Kathy Archer Yes, I am also recommending my book. In in, I provide you with a framework for managing your thoughts. When your doubt, hesitation, and fear of imposter syndrome get in the way of leading, presenting, engaging in difficult conversations or running a staff meeting, it doesn't feel very good! This framework helps you rein in those thoughts and gives you structure you can return to when your thoughts begin to get the better of you again. Find the book here What books would you add to the list? Comment below so the rest of us can add to our reading list too! There are plenty of ways to brush up on your leadership skills this summer. Picking up one of these six books is a good start and see how a new perspective, idea or strategy can boost your confidence as a leader.
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 As you go about your day as a nonprofit leader, something may happen, and you may feel your body tighten. For example, your stomach knots up, your chest feels heavy, or your throat tightens or feels dry. Perhaps you overreact or shut down. This physical response may be a sign you may have just got triggered.
We often get triggered when something threatens our values. This response results when we feel something important to us is at risk. Here's how I got triggered this weekend... Let me give you an example. I value order. I like things to be in their place, and I like to have things tidy. However, this weekend I was triggered multiple times by mud on the floor and the result from when someone in my house who didn't think it was a problem not to clean their feet before they came in. (Can you guess who?) We're in the middle of backyard renovations. Unfortunately, with this weekend's rain, my backyard was a mud hole. Each time my husband, the dog, or I came in, a pile of mud and dirt came with us. Because a sense of order is important to me, I would take my shoes off outside, ensure the dog's feet were clean before he came in and immediately sweep up any chunks of mud. This is what triggered me... On the other hand, my husband sees the mess as part of the process, so the mess doesn't bother him. So it's not a problem for him to walk around barefoot outside and come into the house. He values freedom, ease and relaxation. He likes to be barefoot, and walking around in the grass and mud doesn't bother him. The house will get cleaned eventually, so what's the big deal? Which camp are you in?
This is how knowing my trigger helped me Knowing that I'm triggered by disarray helps me manage my emotions and be somewhat humourous about my incessant need to clean. Aware that the tightness in my chest is building, I can manage my frustration with my husband by managing my self-talk, taking some deep breaths or distracting myself with something I enjoy. Jenessa's story.. During a coaching call the other day, my client Jenessa became aware that when others aren't accountable for their actions or in-actions, or their responsibilities etc., she is triggered. Jenessa feels her chest tighten, purses her lips, and sometimes clenches her hands. She laughed at the memory of pounding out a response to a chat message when she was annoyed with someone shirking their responsibility. Does either of these feel familiar to you? Just as...
This is why identifying your triggers is important Identifying triggers is part of working with and understanding our values to help us be more emotionally intelligent and confident in our abilities. When you know what's important to you and what it feels like when that thing (i.e. order, accountability) is being threatened, it's easier to choose a response than react in a way you may regret later. Below you'll find steps to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 5 steps to use your VALUES to be more emotionally intelligent Here is the process to help you find the clarity around your value to help you be more intentional instead of reactionary. 1 - Identify your values 2- Get an understanding of what your values mean to you
3 - Determine how your values show up in your life 4 - Pinpoint what's going on when you are aligned with your values or not 5- Get clear on what triggers show up when things in your life aren't in line with your values This deeper understanding of your values helps you to manage your emotions, navigate tough conversations and focus on what matters most when it matters most! One more example... If you are trying to wind down a conversation at a meeting, you may value timeliness or efficiency. Your annoyance with those who are dragging the conversation out is triggering that value. That's why you are:
Conversely, your peer may be
See how that all works together? Need some help? This month inside my membership, I added a worksheet to the Values Verification course, helping members identify their triggers. If this is part of what you need, or the five steps listed above, check out the course here and if you think it would be helpful, join the membership here. When you join The Training Library membership, you'll become confident in your leadership abilities, learn to bounce back when adversity hits, discover how to be your best self and find a place to belong! Becoming emotionally intelligent and confident in our leadership abilities takes time and requires skill development and increased awareness of what makes us tick! To do this, take responsibility for where you are and where you are going by creating your own personal and professional development plan. Intentional development is your path to success in both your leadership and life. Read this next: The 8 most overlooked definitions in leadership and why they matter  I bet there are times you wish you could be involved in an engaging leadership experience? Not a one-off course, webinar or conference session, but an experience, over time, that deepens your learning!
In 2012 I did that. For 10 months, about 20 other leaders from around the world and I learned together, online and in person. Four times we met for a week at a time in California. Between those sessions, we met online and had partner projects that required us to meet in person with our partners. It was an incredible experience. It was also one of the most transformative things I've ever done. Not everyone can do something like that, but we can create learning experiences for our teams. Not training per se, but an experience where you learn, grow and develop over time. I am blessed to be working with a large group of nonprofit leaders for nine months to help them become inspiring leaders. Inspiring leaders motivate and engage their teams, so they enjoy their jobs and do meaningful work together. One of the first things I covered with the participants of the Inspiring Leadership group was the four fundamentals of leadership. They are the base for the future of the work we do together. Even though you may not be involved in a group program, you can benefit from these fundamentals and use them over the next several months of your leadership journey. I'll give you a brief overview and share some suggestions that you can do to work on yourself! Then you can create your strategy and plan for growth. The 4 fundamentals of leaders Be yourself As teenagers, we spent a lot of time figuring out our identity, answering the question, who am I? But as we mature, we have spent more time conforming to what's expected of us than who we are and are more focused on; how do I fit in? As such, we've often lost touch with who we are. The first thing I do with individuals or teams is help them identify their strengths, values and morals. Understanding what makes you tick, thrive, and the triggers that make you react is fundamental to inspiring, motivating and engaging others. Suggestion: Take time to consider:
Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members:
Develop yourself Ongoing personal and professional development is critical. For example, when I was in the ten-month leadership program, we had a list of required reading, each had a coach, and we learned A LOT about leadership and ourselves. At the end of the course, I committed to continue learning to be a better speaker and joined Toastmasters. I'm still involved! Suggestion: Create your learning plan
Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members:
Take care of yourself Taking care of yourself is critical for effective leadership.
Suggestion: Commit to wellness
Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members:
Teach others to do the same If you want the best for and out of the people you work with, they need to be themselves, develop themselves and take care of themselves. Teach, role model and mentor these habits to them. Suggestion: Coach your people
Extra Resources for The Training Library membership members:
Starting the journey of mastering these fundamentals is critical for you to BECOME confident in your abilities, BOUNCE BACK when adversity hits and BE your best self!  As I walked into my office, my administrative support, Wendy, asked me a question. I turned and glared at her. Then, as I turned back and kept on walking, I answered Wendy through my teeth! I certainly didn't have the patience for her BS right now.
Timeout! But....why didn't I have the patience for Wendy at this moment? Was it because she had done something wrong? ** Possibly, but the way I handled it was all on me. Being Bitchy Ok, let me start by saying I do not like that word at all! If you can give me another word that we all know and understand to describe what I mean, please message me and tell me a better word. It's not merely being rude or being cranky it's more than that. And we've all been there. Staff challenges I've had my fair share of staff challenges, and I bet you have too. We have staff that don't get along, stir the pot on the team, mess up with clients, neglect their paperwork, or in general, are somewhat incompetent at their job. And we need to address those issues. How are you addressing the issues?
Instead, you probably want them to say something like, "That was a tough conversation, but I feel like she's supporting me and wants to help me out." What gets in the way? We are women leaders. There is a lot that can get in the way that has nothing to do with the work, the person we are dealing with, the sector or the issue at hand. ▶︎ It might, however, have to do with that time of the month. ▶︎ It might have to do with that time in our life cycle. ▶︎ It could also be that our hormones are off due to our diabetes or thyroid issues. ▶︎It might result from a lack of sleep because our toddler kept us up, we fought with our partner or dealt with night sweats half the night. Hormones, emotions, burnout How you respond to a challenge with your employee is less about the words you use and more about how you deliver that message. Hormones, emotions and burnout all factor in. They are all things you need to be aware of, manage and, yes, at times, workaround. 3 strategies to help you manage your reputation 1) Be mindful of your body, mind and soul
2) Be in control of your schedule so you can adjust when needed based on mood and energy levels.
3) Be honest
We respect vulnerable leaders Most of our nonprofits are full of women, all of whom are likely going through similar emotional, hormonal and energy roller coasters. When you acknowledge where you are at, it makes you seem more human and permits others to do the same. Humour is useful in these kinds of situations if that's a strength of yours, but so is self-compassion, kindness, honesty and bravery. Extra Resources For those of you in The Training Library, here are some resources you might want to check out to help you ditch the bitchiness and lead with confidence!
You are human! Don't forget that Remember, it's not what you do as a leader that counts. It's how you do it. And you are a human being. You have emotions, hormones and a life outside of work that factor into how you lead. Don't forget to take that into account. When you do, you'll ditch survival mode and learn to thrive in both your leadership and your life!  I recently watched the movie Hillbilly Elegy and loved it! There is a scene where the main character goes to a fancy dinner and steps away to phone his girlfriend to get her help. Over the phone, his girlfriend teaches him a quick strategy to know which forks to use when. This scene brought back memories from when I first went to business dinners at upper-end restaurants and had no idea how to order wine or speak certain words on the menu and certainly not which utensil to use. I didn't fit the "leadership" mold Recognizing how uncultured I was always brought out in me the feeling that I didn't fit in. It made me feel that I didn't have what it took to be at that leadership level. I suffered from Imposter Syndrome Imposter Syndrome happens when we think we don't have the capacity, skills or education to do the job we are in. It leads to self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. We fear that others will discover we aren't knowable, capable, or equipped to do the job, which leads to feeling like a fraud or imposter. Here's the thing, neither of my parents has a high school education, and we farmed. I know differently now, but back then, I felt like that was two strikes against me. The belief partly stems from my Dad's frequent quip about being "just a dumb farmer." That belief unconsciously stayed with me, and as a result, I was undoubtedly always comparing myself to others who were more cultured and had more educated parents. I didn't have enough of this: That unconscious pattern of thinking continued in my career. I never felt I had "enough" to fit in.
Do you have enough to fit the leadership mold? Here is the thing though, "not-enoughness" strikes us all in various ways and at different times. Where do you feel "not-enoughness?"
If you aren't careful, that train of thinking will get wreak havoc with your confidence! Overcoming Imposter Syndrome A.K.A that feeling of "Not-Enoughness On this week's podcast, I talk to Malory Erickson about "not-enoughness" in fundraising. Mallory covers four strategies on how to overcome "not-enoughness." The strategies aren't just about fundraising, though. Listen and see how they fit with your role as well! Strategy # 1 The first strategy that Mallory talks about is to embrace your emotions, as I am always encouraging you to as well. We need to name our feelings and identify what body sensations and thoughts go with those emotions. It's the second step of The Inner Guidance Cycle, ponder. PONDER stage of The Inner Guidance Cycle
Here's how it looks at work When I would sit at a contract meeting, I often didn't understand the legal mumbo-jumbo on the page in front of me.
Have the courageous conversations In the podcast, Mallory suggests it becomes less intimidating when we talk about what we feel with other people at work. She encourages us to create a workplace culture where it's safe to say what we feel, and as the leader, that starts with you. Here's an example For example, I could have bravely spoken up at that meeting to say, "Hey, you know what, I feel a little foolish for saying this, but I don't understand what this word means, and I don't get what this implies." I bet that others around the table felt the same way and would have been relieved for someone to speak up. Strategy # 2 Another strategy Mallory talks about is to get a hold of your thoughts. Self-talk like this wreaks havoc with your confidence:
More help When you work through the Inner Guidance Cycle by stopping (pause) to ask yourself what you are thinking and feeling (ponder), you can remind yourself (pivot) that you're not the only one at that moment not understanding the words on the legal document in front of you. That can give you the courage to speak up (proceed) and say what many people in the room are feeling. To understand and begin using The Inner Guidance Cycle in your leadership and life, grab Mastering Confidence and start working through the self-reflective exercises in it. For the other two strategies on how to overcome not-enoughness, tune to the podcast with Mallory Erickson here YOU ARE ENOUGH! You are enough, my dear! Just the way you are! What's more, the world, your organization, your team and your clients need you. They need what you have, what you offer and what you can help them with! Have you ever avoided a tough conversation, that you know you should have? We all have. Unfortunately, when we don't deal with them, they tend to fester and problems get worse. Keep reading to learn how to create a plan to get you through "that" conversation in a way that feels authentic and confident!  Let me start with a story: I have a decision to make today…..ok…let me rephrase that. I’ve made a decision, now I need to communicate it to someone, and I’m not looking forward to it.
❓️Can you relate❓️ Do you have a conversation you need to have with someone and are dreading it? 😩 Having tough conversations takes discipline. You need the self-control to do it, even when your inner self is screaming:
Your inner voice keeps you small! To shush that nattering voice that keeps you lacking the courage to deal with the thing with integrity you need willpower. Willpower is that inner will that will tell all that negativity to be quiet so you can awaken that courageous you that is hiding quietly in the background. Having a tough conversation takes willpower! And here’s the truth: You need to strengthen your willpower so you can handle that tough conversation and get done what matters most!💪 Here's how willpower & tough conversations fit together Let look at the components of willpower as they relate to difficult conversations. Willpower is the ability to: 💥manage your thoughts. 💥manage your emotions. 💥resist urges and distractions 💥focus on what matters most! Imagine being a leader who can keep your thoughts and emotions in check and handle a tough conversation with courage, confidence and integrity!!!🙌 Let's back up a moment Imagine the next tough talk that you have coming up.
My guess is several things could come into play.
Now, let's look at how your willpower, or lack of willpower may come into play. When you think about how you define it as a tough conversation, consider: 🔹What thoughts come up for you? 🔹What emotions are connected to those thoughts? 🔹Where might you allow yourself to be distracted? 🔹What urges do you have about that meeting? 🔹What will be important about focusing during that talk? 👉️Thoughts, feelings, resisting urges and distraction and focusing, all of the components of willpower are all going to play a role in that tough conversation. It will be your inner discipline or willpower that will help you stay engaged in a conversation when you don’t feel like it; You need a plan!!!! 👇️Here's how: The best way to stay authentically and courageously in that uncomfortable conversation is to pre-plan. You need to know ahead of time:
You, my dear, need to have a plan to use your willpower wisely. ✏️Here’s your homework. Identify the next difficult, tough or challenging conversation you have.
🆘Need help? Members of The Training Library can find this WEBINAR: How to prepare for a tough talk so you can handle it with integrity to help you plan your way to confidence! Hey my dear, What do these examples have in common with you?
 Have you hit a bump? The truth is, while sometimes things roll along smoothly, we often hit a bump as leaders, and that bump creates a small or a big, mess in our lives.
How are you approaching your bump? How you get through each of those situations, defines the future of your leadership journey. ✅Your style of communication ✅The resources you reach for ✅The strategies you use to grow The type of person and leader you become are shaped by how you approach each bump along the way. Can you learn anything from how we approached our bumps? Each of us approached our bumps in our own ways.
This is how our approaches shaped us. Do they sound outcomes you want? How each of us approached our bump, has shaped the type of leader we are today.
The question for you today is: What’s your current bump and what’s your approach to dealing with it?
⚠️Leadership is a hard journey⚠️ I don’t want you to go through it alone, in fact... You should NOT have to go through leadership feeling alone and isolated! ❣️You should have friends, mentors, resources and coaches! ❣️You should have a shoulder to cry on and someone to kick your butt into gear when you need to take responsibility for the change. Don't do this! I've coached and mentored hundreds of women and what I see often is this:
Struggle and doubt are part of the leadership journey. Leadership will have tough days. Period. There will be many amazing, insightful, exciting and enjoyable days too. But there will be tough days. It’s how you deal with the tough days, that will shape your leadership character! Create your pit crew: Your pit crew is a list of people that, when you hit a bump, will be there on the side of the road for you!
️DO THIS: Make a list of those people that you can call lean on, or ask for help when you need them.
Hint: It doesn’t need to be a real call. I have on my list, people I’ve taken virtual training with. When I hit a block, I’ll say to myself: What would Simon, Brene, Brian, Joni, Amy, or the Kathy I’m becoming tell me to do? Leadership is full of difficult meetings, tough conversations and challenging moments. But you’ve got this, my dear. You can do this. It just takes a little help from your friends - AKA your pit crew. Kathy 
Here are the two main links: Not yet a member of The Training Library? Find out if it's right for you here. Would you like to feel confident that you will be able to maintain your composure in your next meeting or conversation? If you are like most leaders... You have a tough conversation or meeting coming up.
But what you deeply desire is to feel composed. You want to walk away feeling like you didn’t get your panties in a knot; unruffled and clearheaded.  What gets in the way of that: Unmanaged thoughts and emotions. That’s the bottom line. When you feel flustered in a meeting when your nerves get the better of you, and you feel anything but composed, it’s because your thoughts and emotions have gone crazy. Your thoughts and emotions are in control of you instead of you being in control of them 🥴
I felt that way too! I know, me too! I spent years worried I was not in control. That left me feeling incompetent, afraid and wondering if I was cut out for a leadership role. Over time, I learned how to regain that feeling of being in control. Being in control of my thoughts and emotions gave me the courage, confidence to lead. Let me show you how, so you can lead your amazing team and make the difference your org can make! So, what exactly is composure? Being composed is when you are in control; in control of your thoughts, emotions and behaviour. Being composed is feeling calm, confident and in control! How do you get more composure? You get control of your thoughts and emotions by training your brain, which will help you become Emotionally Intelligent. 🔸Emotional Intelligence is being able to both recognize and manage your thoughts and your emotions. Training your brain, your thoughts and the subsequent emotions requires willpower. Willpower, or lack of it, will either give you a sense of composure or leave you feeling anything but composed in tough conversations. If you want to find yourself feeling calm, confident & in control in your next meeting, learn to develop your strength of will. 🦉Daniel Goleman defines willpower this way: "Willpower is the ability to consciously regulate what you feel and what you do". Think of any strong, competent and composed leader you know, and I bet they can regulate themselves! The good new is you can also learn to regulate you what think, feel and what you do too! If you want to become a more composed leader, grow your willpower! 
Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $24.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here What if I told you that your ability to lead with integrity is only as good as the management of your stress? It's true! Consider these questions:
I'm guessing you'd say no to those questions. However, if you are like most leaders self-care, wellness and your health are often put on the side while you put out fires, juggle crisis and focus on just surviving this meeting, just getting through today, or coping with this busy time. Keep reading to learn how you can gain the trust of your team and have them judge you as being a leader with integrity.  Leading with Integrity Remember, the #1 thing people are looking for from their leaders is integrity. They want to know that they can trust their leaders. They want to be able to TRUST YOU!
Stress and Integrity When our bodies are under incredible stress, which is pretty much every leader, our bodies shut down many of their functions. Things like empathy, compassion and strategic thinking go out the window. Stress causes us to have tunnel vision, focusing only on the tiger in front of us and not the tribe around us. Stress causes us to be nearsighted.
Nope. It's not possible. What you will be, instead, is what I was when I was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of leadership and not taking care of myself; Bitchy, grumpy, exhausted and anything but motivating, inspiring and in integrity! Do this: Take care of yourself, my dear. You must! To be a great leader, who leads with integrity, you need to get solid sleep, eat healthily, move your body, restore your spirit and learn to use your breath to calm your body, mind and soul. It's when you practice self-care, not just at the end of the day, but throughout your work day, that you'll find you can lead with integrity Living and leading with integrity takes some time and effort on your part. You need to get clear on what you believe, what your values are, and what hill's you'll die on. You'll never do that work to get that clarity when you are just barely getting through your days! 
Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $24.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here Do you ever find yourself about to enter a tough talk and wonder if you've got what it takes to pull it off? If you have read the first chapter of my book, you know I have! One particularly challenging meeting, that's hard to forget, I wondered if I was about to upchuck my morning oatmeal...but I digress... ️If you are really curious to hear the whole story, you can listen to the first part of my book for free here! If you struggle with tough talks and want to learn how to prepare for them, keep reading!  3 Kinds of Tough Talks! There are certainly more than 3 kinds of tough talks, but let's look at what might constitute a tough talk.
What makes these talks tough? What makes these talks tough for you or me or anyone for that matter? For any talk to be considered "tough," they all have one thing in common. Do you have any guess what the one thing is that makes talks tough? The one defining factor is... The thing that they have in common is that you THINK they are tough. That's it!! Each of us can enter the same meeting, and some of us will think that it's going to be a tough meeting and some of us will think it will be just fine. It's your perspective on it that makes any conversation tough It's time to turn it around If you want to enter your next meeting or talk and not see it as tough, you need to change your perspective. I am not suggesting you snap your fingers and say, "It's easy peasy!" No. A perspective change is about seeing in a way that is ALSO true. 3 ways to change your perspective about upcoming talks To change your perspective, do these 3 things:
Want more practice? Not convinced? No, perhaps not. This work takes practice. But please keep at it. This is why I am always harping about the need to do the inner work. Practice makes progress! ️If you need more help with preparing for upcoming tough talks, I encourage you to check out this webinar inside of The Training Library: Preparing for a Tough Talk: So you can handle it with integrity! Here's the bottom line: I believe you can handle tough talks with your confidence intact? Do you? 
Ongoing training to grow women leaders in 🇨🇦 Canada's Nonprofit Organizations. Not a member of The Training Library yet? Join for $24.97 and enjoy a monthly webinar plus a library of courses to support your ongoing personal and professional development that is affordable and easily accessible! Discover the details here |
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Kathy ArcherWomen leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead. Archives
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