KATHY ARCHER
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How to manage your emotion and energy when leading your nonprofit

17/2/2021

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As I walked into my office, my administrative support, Wendy, asked me a question. I turned and glared at her. Then, as I turned back and kept on walking, I answered Wendy through my teeth! I certainly didn't have the patience for her BS right now. 

Timeout!
But....why didn't I have the patience for Wendy at this moment? 
Was it because she had done something wrong?

** Possibly, but the way I handled it was all on me.

Being Bitchy
Ok, let me start by saying I do not like that word at all! If you can give me another word that we all know and understand to describe what I mean, please message me and tell me a better word. It's not merely being rude or being cranky it's more than that. And we've all been there.


Staff challenges
I've had my fair share of staff challenges, and I bet you have too. We have staff that don't get along, stir the pot on the team, mess up with clients, neglect their paperwork, or in general, are somewhat incompetent at their job. And we need to address those issues.


How are you addressing the issues?
  • Confidently?
  • Respectfully?
  • With your integrity intact?
The way you handle situations comes back to your character and your reputation. What do you want people to say about you and about the way you dealt with the situation? My guess is you don't want them to leave the interaction, head to her co-worker and say, "Holy smokes, is she ever bitchy today!"

Instead, you probably want them to say something like, "That was a tough conversation, but I feel like she's supporting me and wants to help me out."

What gets in the way?
We are women leaders. There is a lot that can get in the way that has nothing to do with the work, the person we are dealing with, the sector or the issue at hand.

▶︎ It might, however, have to do with that time of the month.
▶︎ It might have to do with that time in our life cycle.

▶︎ It could also be that our hormones are off due to our diabetes or thyroid issues.

▶︎It might result from a lack of sleep because our toddler kept us up, we fought with our partner or dealt with night sweats half the night.

Hormones, emotions, burnout
How you respond to a challenge with your employee is less about the words you use and more about how you deliver that message. Hormones, emotions and burnout all factor in. They are all things you need to be aware of, manage and, yes, at times, workaround. 


3 strategies to help you manage your reputation

1) Be mindful of your body, mind and soul
  • Tune in to your body to see what's really going on.
  • Practice mindfulness

2) Be in control of your schedule so you can adjust when needed based on mood and energy levels.
  • Work at home some days. 
  • Take a break to move your body, have a healthy snack or give yourself a few moments of much-needed solitude
  • Move a talk to the afternoon if you need time to settle your emotions from the night before.

3) Be honest
  • Communicate somethings off
  • Role model vulnerability


We respect vulnerable leaders
Most of our nonprofits are full of women, all of whom are likely going through similar emotional, hormonal and energy roller coasters. When you acknowledge where you are at, it makes you seem more human and permits others to do the same. Humour is useful in these kinds of situations if that's a strength of yours, but so is self-compassion, kindness, honesty and bravery. 


Extra Resources 
For those of you in The Training Library, here are some resources you might want to check out to help you ditch the bitchiness and lead with confidence!
  • WEBINAR: Gossiping, Hormones and Backstabbing: Leading in Predominantly Female Teams
  • WEBINAR: Develop Your Strength of Character
  • WEBINAR: Managing Your Emotions at Work
  • WEBINAR: Staying Composed During Meetings, Conversations & Challenging Times
  • WEBINAR: Breath Magic - Breathe your way to being a calm, composed and in control leader!
  • WEBINAR: How to deal with OFFICE POLITICS with calm confidence
  • WEBINAR: Managing stress on the fly!
  • WEBINAR: The 5-Minute Self-Care Strategy for the Swamped Gal
  • WEBINAR: Thriving Through COVID-19 - Mini Training
  • COURSE: Wellness AT Work


You are human! Don't forget that
Remember, it's not what you do as a leader that counts. It's how you do it. And you are a human being. You have emotions, hormones and a life outside of work that factor into how you lead. Don't forget to take that into account. When you do, you'll ditch survival mode and learn to thrive in both your leadership and your life!
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6 reasons leaders need to practice mindfulness and how to do it quickly!

11/2/2021

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Did you know that practicing mindfulness can make you a better leader?
You bet it can!

Mindfulness helps you to: 
  1. Be Decisive: make better decisions
  2. Have Stamina: endure through long days
  3. Remain Calm: be more relaxed during crises
  4. Be Composed: maintain your cool when triggered by a comment
  5. Focus: able to concentrate instead of feeling frantic and scattered
  6. Prioritize: able to use your judgement to put your attention where it's really needed


AND....Mindfulness helps you to be a compassionate leader: 
Instead of being stiff, bristly and focused only on tasks and results, mindfulness helps you be a warm, caring, compassionate, emotionally and socially intelligent leader. 


You are a caring person!!!
And let's be honest, that's who you are at your core! You are kind, caring and passionate about your work. Sometimes, we just get caught up in the mess of the day, lose contact with that part of ourselves (unmindful) and lose touch with the human side of our leadership capacity.


Mindfulness doesn't necessarily mean meditation
Now that we've confirmed, it might be a good idea to practice mindfulness; my guess is your thoughts immediately go to meditation. While that may be helpful, and I encourage you to try that, you don't have to meditate to practice mindfulness.
How to add moments of mindfulness into your day
This morning I ate my breakfast. That's it. I just ate my breakfast.
  • No music playing
  • No book in my hand
  • No phone beside me
  • No TV, YouTube or training course

I just ate my breakfast

As I ate my breakfast, I was aware of the sounds around me.
  • The fan running in the fireplace
  • The sound of myself breathing
  • My dog snoring down the hall
  • The sound of myself chewing
  • The fridge running
Books on Mindfulness and Leadership
  • Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system 
 
  • Mindful Leadership: The 9 Ways to Self-Awareness, Transforming Yourself, and Inspiring Others
​
  • The Pause Principle: Step Back to Lead Forward​

  • Breathe: The Simple, Revolutionary 14-Day Program to Improve Your Mental and Physical Health
You don't have to live alone to do this!
But you might be saying I can't do that. I have a houseful. True. And when you sit and eat and listen to the sounds in your household, what do you hear?
  • My daughter would hear her roommates fighting 
  • Perhaps you hear the TV on, music or kids bickering 

You might also tune in to what you taste.


Use your senses at any moment to be mindful
Your senses are wonderful ways of bringing you present, being mindful in this moment 👃🏼👂🏻 👋🏻 👀 👅 Even during a meeting, travelling or watching tv, you can practice tuning into your senses.


As I practiced mindfulness this morning, I tasted the cinnamon in my oatmeal, the ground hazelnuts, craisins sprinkled in and the almond milk on top.


Mindfulness is being mindful of this moment...it's that "easy"
Practising mindfulness is simply just that, practising being mindful of whatever is happening around you. 


Are you present or in the past or future?
Instead, most of us let our thoughts pull us back to what happened and regurgitate what went wrong. Alternately, we focus on the future and fret and worry about what is to become. To be mindful is to be in this moment, whatever is going on!


Mindfulness helps you build compassion, care and connection in your nonprofit
In this week's episode of the podcast, Elizabeth Bishop and I talk about love in your nonprofit. By love, we mean compassion, connection and caring. The problem is many of us have lost touch with that part of our leadership capacity. And it shows.
  • We've lost the passion for our work  
  • We don't so much like the people we work with  
  • Sometimes we forget the meaning behind why we do what we do, the outcomes for our clients and the community
You can regain your love for your job, your compassion for the people you work with and reignite that in your team.
More help to build your compassion, kindness and mindfulness 

To help, tune in to my conversation with Elizabeth for tons of ideas, insights and the incentive to practice mindfulness.

For more information on how to use mindfulness to maintain your composure during tough meetings, those of you in The Training Library can watch this webinar.
​
TRY IT: Just for a moment now, tune into your senses. Be present to this moment!
Go make the rest of your day awesome!
Have you lost your passion for your work?
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  • Do you wish you could feel engaged, create an engaged team and enjoy the work you do?

All of that comes from allowing your heart to be involved in your work.
​
Too often, we’ve been told to stop being so emotional. To no be so caring.
We’ve been told we’ll burn ourselves out. ​ But we are burning ourselves out by not caring, not feeling and numbing out.
​
In this episode, Elizabeth and I engage in a dialogue about bringing your heart back into your work!
You’ll learn strategies, mindsets and most importantly, you’ll gain the permission to once again feel the love in the workplace!
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2020 Year End Reflection for Women Leaders

24/12/2020

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Women leaders: It's time to review 2020 

It's time to take stock
Regardless of what's happened, as each year comes to a close, most of us take stock. 
  • What happened that we want to mark in some way? 
  • What do we want to bury and forget? 
  • What lessons can we take with us into the coming year?


You may do some of this reflection in bits and spurts throughout the coming days. That's a good start. Talk to those around you as well. What's been meaningful, hard or joy-filled for them? 


Set time aside for intentional reflection
I also encourage you to do a bit more of a formal review of your year. Without sitting down being intentional about it, you'll miss opportunities to see where and how you've grown. Snippets of reflection may leave you hopping over key lessons or significant moments of happiness, pride, joy and connection.


I strongly encourage you to find an hour in the coming days to review 2020. If you can, take out a piece of paper, a journal or a document on your computer. Note key areas you want to review and then take some notes. ​
Try answering these questions
One of the best ways to review is to ask yourself questions. Try these 3 to start:
  • What were my biggest challenges this year?
  • What were my biggest areas of growth this year?
  • What were the biggest lessons I learned this year?
2020 self reflection exercise
Want to dive even deeper?
If you are in The Training Library, I just released this month's session: Goodbye 2020. In it, I included a worksheet with several questions to reflect on. 
  • Additionally, I provided some insights and training on grief and loss, change and provided some reflections on how to help you process what's still causing you inner turmoil.


If you aren't in The Training Library, feel free to join now. It's a great time to dive into some of the lessons, worksheets and training to help you put your best self forward in 2021.


When you join, you'll get the first two weeks free to check out everything, try out the courses and decide if it's right for you. 
I'm convinced it will be if you want to have someone on your side available and support you and your leadership growth in the new year. 


You get the best of my work!
The work inside of The Training Library is my passion, my love, and I put my heart into each of the sessions. I want you to excel, transform and live and lead in the most authentic way you can! 
I am adamant that no one should have to do leadership alone!
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​I'm on your team!
Are you ready to make 2021 your year?
Make 2021 the year that you put your personal and professional development a priority. When you do, you'll find that you will begin to really enjoy impactful leadership!
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My Favourite Books of 2019

31/12/2019

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Make reading a part of your 2020 leadership plan!

Ongoing growth and development is a critical component of leadership! You should be reading! Maybe you think you don't have time. Make time! Seriously. Create tiny pockets of time that you can read or listen to a book. It will change both your leadership and your life!
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​📚My Favourite BOOKS of 2019 📚
LEADERSHIP
  • Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership With Solitude - Raymond M. Kethledge, Michaell S. Erwin
  • Theory U: Leading From The Future As It Emerges - C. Otto Scharmer
​

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
  • How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life Of The Brain - Lisa Feldman Barrett

 
WILLPOWER
  • The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-control - Walter Mischel

 
GOAL SETTING AND HABITS
  • The Highly Sensitive Person - Elaine N. Aron
  • Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way To Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones - James Clear

 ​
AGING & MENOPAUSE
  • Flash Count Diary: Menopause And The Vindication Of Natural Life - Darcey Steinke

 
SPIRITUALITY
  • Seeker Of Stars - Susan Fish
  • The Shack - WM Paul Young
  • The Bible
​
AND MORE
  • Talking To Strangers: What We Should Know About The People We Don't Know - Malcolm Gladwell
  • The Courage To Be Disliked: How To Free Yourself, Change Your Life And Achieve Real Happiness - Fumitake Koga, Ichiroo Kishimi
  • The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*Ck: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life - Mark Manson
  • A Million Miles In A Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life - Donald Miller
  • The Moment Of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes The World - Melinda Gates
  • Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can't Stop Talking - Susan Cain
 ​
YOUR TURN: What made your list of 2019 books?
​Comment below and tell me what books I should put on my 2020 reading list!
Related articles
Why you need an Audible account right now
3 Strategies to make time for Personal and Professional Development
​
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3 CHEAP Ways to Grow your Leadership Skills

23/10/2019

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If you can't remember the last time you read a book, took a course that wasn't required training for the job, or spent a few minutes reflecting on your personal growth lately, then my dear, it's no wonder you feel crappy half the time!

You feel crappy because you keep going around and around
I'll be honest with you. It sucks being a hamster when you are supposed to be a leader. Yet that's where many leaders are.
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Far too many leaders focus on the same old stuff every day! Round and round you go.
     Sure, you might experience a different flavour of crisis.
     The drama today could sound a bit different.
     Yet, when you look back over the last year or two, does it look the same?
 
Are you trapped?
If you keep experiencing basically the same crisis and dramas every day, that might be because you've become trapped in the same spot. It's like swamp water that doesn't move, and it's why you feel icky.
If you feel icky,
​
perhaps your growth & development has stagnated
Are you living in the past? 
Just like those who still have the 80's hair doo, are you approaching problems with the same mindset and skillset that you learned 10, 20 or 30 years ago? Those old ways are not going to keep you at the forefront of leadership or help you to enjoy life.

Do you want to know what else is causing you grief?
Let me explain something that you may not have considered. If you are like many women leaders, at times, you struggle with imposter syndrome. Instead of feeling competent, capable and confident, you feel:
  • Incapable
  • Insecure &
  • Incompetent
And you hope no one will ever figure out how inadequate you really are.

To get out of imposter syndrome, you need the training to feel competent and thus confident! If you aren't getting the training you need, then you keep feeling like you are incapable, insecure and incompetent.
Ongoing personal & professional development 
​
is your path to confidence
Here's how to get moving 
Strong, confident and capable leaders are those that are continually learning and growing. And let me tell you a little secret, it's by engaging in ongoing personal and professional development that you will find success in leadership and happiness with life.

But you may be hung up here 
Here is the extra challenge. If you are like most women, you are:
  • Waiting for someone to approve your training
  • Hoping to find funds for your development.
  • Wondering how you would fit training into your already busy schedule!

Let me tell you a little secret:
  1. You don't need anyone to approve your training or give you permission. You can take training right now to make you a more confident and happier leader.
  2. You don't need a ton of time. Some of the best training happens in smaller bits. It gives you time to digest and apply it!
  3. It's not costly. You can grow yourself without spending a dime or very little. 

THREE FREE PLACES TO LEARN
  1. Watch my Leadership Excellence series
  2. Watch a playlist of leadership TedTalks
  3. Choose a mini-training session to watch and grab your free guide sheet here

THREE LOW-COST PLACES TO LEARN 
  1. Purchase a library card 
  2. Get an Audible membership  Grab my list of favourite books to listen to here
  3. Subscribe to The Training Library​
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THREE WAYS TO FIT TRAINING IN
  1. Get up 15 minutes earlier and do a bit of journaling
  2. While driving is a great time to listen to an audiobook or shut everything off and do some inner reflection.
  3. Take a lunch break and spend 15 minutes of it watching a video or working through an online course. 
  4. BONUS: Watch a video with your team at a staff meeting or create a time each month for team online learning. The team that learns together stays together. 
 
Remember, effective leaders,
️️️√ Focus on learning and growth.
√ They are continually developing themselves
√ Keep the knowledge flowing through them and onto the people they serve.

DO THIS
  1. Pick one of the options above for either free or low-cost ways to learn.
  2. Choose one of the suggestions to fit it in
  3. Tell us what you did in the Confident Women Leader's Community​​

Remember, ongoing personal & professional development is your path to confidence. If you want help to find low-cost ongoing training, learn more about The Training Library below.
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Do this now to THINK your way to thriving!

10/10/2019

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 I bet you are so done with survival mode, and you want to move to thriving 😀
You are looking for some work-life balance, more success in your career, to be doing fulfilling work and enjoying the people you are working with.
That's not much to ask for, is it?
No, my dear, it's not!
You have every right to have all of those things and what's more…
It is possible!

Keep reading to find out how!!
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Let us start with the question: Why haven't you attained all of that yet?
My guess is that you have not found balance, fulfilment and confidence because your THINKING is tanking your success. 

It's time to learn how to shift your mindset to the mindset that it is actually going to help you get the success you desire!
  • You need to THINK that it is possible to have all of that. 
  • You need to BELIEVE you can learn, grow and find balance. 
  • You need to TRUST you can develop increased confidence and create strong leadership skills.

Yet, my guess is instead, you doubt yourself!
  • You doubt you can do all of that
  • You doubt your team and organization will be there to support you and come alongside you.
Let me show you what I mean
There are 3 reasons why your mindset, or the way you think, is getting in your way. Consider these 3 "truths" and see if they apply to you. 

1) - Hope with no action.
  • Ugh... I wish things would get better.
  • OMG I can't wait for things to get change.
  • I hope that things will be different after we finish this/that etc.


That blind hope alone is not going to change anything. In fact, it will leave things exactly the same way they are.

Hope is the belief that tomorrow will be better than today. But hope alone doesn't change anything. You must take action to make that happen.

❓️ASK YOURSELF: Do I have hope without action?

2)  - Blame without responsibility.
  • I don't have time to do any training. 
  • If only my boss would send me to that course.
  • So and so got the promotion and they didn't even consider me 
That's blame without responsibility.

We spend a lot of time being in victim mode:
  • Nobody cares about me.
  • Nobody ever invests in me. 
  • Poor me was me, nothing's ever going to change. 
  • Nobody ever puts time into developing me and my skills. 
THINKING that way is not going to get you anywhere.
That is blame, finger-pointing, or waiting without taking responsibility.
You need to take responsibility for your growth and development.

❓️ASK YOURSELF: Am I blaming without taking responsibility?

3 - Being random instead of focused
We spend a lot of time taking whatever course shows up on our email. We tend to take the flavour of the month training:
  • Everybody's taking courageous conversations, I better take "Courageous Conversations" too!
That randomness is not going to get you where you want to go.

THINKING that you should take whatever course is available might keep you feeling ok, but my dear, you are settling. THINKING this way keeps you in the tolerating or coping point on the surviving to thriving continuum — Ho hum, mediocre or just ok.

But here is the problem, if you're competing to advance your career, and everybody has that same training, that's not going to make you stand out. Nor is it going to help you develop YOUR gifts, talents and strengths.You need to create your OWN learning curriculum that is going to grow YOU!

❓️ASK YOURSELF: Am I randomly taking whatever training shows up?

If you want to make the changes that you're looking for, 
you need to take responsibility for 
creating your own personal & professional learning plan.
You need to become response-able.

If you didn't get the promotion, you could respond to that feedback. That's feedback. That's just information. I didn't get the promotion. So what is it that you need to do to get the next promotion?
  • I need to develop this skill.
  • I need to have this training under my belt.
  • I need to be able to manage teams a little bit better. 
  • I'm not very good at running staff meetings
What is the skill that you're lacking that is holding you back from getting a promotion? Whe you ask that question, you are taking responsibility? You are being response able. 

❓️ASK YOURSELF:
  • What am I able to respond to? 
  • Where can I take action? 
  • What can I do?
Maybe it's going and sitting down with your boss and saying, 
Tell me why I didn't get the promotion, what can I do to improve? That's taking responsibility. ​
This kind of THINKING is called a curriculum mindset. 
When you have a curriculum mindset, you are always asking yourself:
  • What are the skills I'm learning?
  • How am I learning these skills?
  • What tools am I using to develop those skills?
  • What am I developing in myself by learning this?

​The 3 components of a Curriculum Mindset

If you want to change your life, I need to get clear on these 3 components: 
  1. GOAL
  2. PATH: 
  3. TOOLS

Curriculum mindset example # 1 
GOAL: Create more work-life balance.
PATH: I need to learn how to set boundaries 
Great, but how are you going to learn to set better boundaries?

You just can't wish that you're going to be better at setting boundaries. You can't just hope that one day you're just going to magically feel more confident and be able to set better boundaries. That is hope with no action. You need tools to help you.

TOOLS: In my mind, if you don't have a binder or book and a pen to write things down, you are not learning strategically. Your tools are:
  • The book you are reading and when you are reading it
  • The course you are taking
  • The practice (i.e. meditation, journaling) that you are doing that is scheduled into your calendar. 
  • It might also be the person you connect with, a coach, mentor or guide. 


Curriculum mindset example # 2
Maybe you want to be able to maintain your composure during tough conversations. But remember, you are not going to become a more emotionally intelligent person by wishing it would happen,

You're certainly not going to become more emotionally intelligent by waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk. That's not going to change you.

You have to become response-able!
Take responsibility by developing your curriculum mindset:
What do I need to learn, and how will I learn it?

GOAL:: Stay composed during tough conversations. 
PATH: Learn more about emotional intelligence and how to control my thoughts and emotions
TOOLS: Watch Kathy's webinar: Saying composed during those tough conversations is to increase your emotional intelligence.

When you create your learning curriculum, things start to change for you.
Your curriculum mindset will get you out of survival mode and moving towards THRIVING!!! 

⭐️MY CHALLENGE TO YOU⭐️
  • Develop a curriculum mindset, 
  • Create your own personal and professional learning plan,
  • Get clear on what your goals are, what your plan is to get there. And then I want you to know what tools you're using.
BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR TOOLS!!!
THINK of it this way: I need to develop my personal and professional learning plan and be strategic about that. 
  • What's my goal? 
  • What's my plan?
  • And what are my tools?
  • Where are my books? 
  • What course am I working through? 
  • Who's helping me?
  • Where does my curriculum show up in my calendar?

🆘 A TOOL TO HELP WITH YOUR LEARNING CURRICULUM
If you need some help with the tools, I've created The Training Library for you!!!! Inside of The Training Library are the courses to help you get out of survival mode. There are courses to build your competence and confidence. I've included webinars for you on emotional intelligence and maintaining your composure.

AND...I'm doing a study group on one of the courses!
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the Willpower Essentials course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
  • > MEMBERS: If you are a member of The Training Library and want to join in, just reply to this email and say you want to join.
  • > NON-MEMBERS: If you are not yet a member, you can join now or purchase the course separately.

Don't forget to watch your THINKING!
​Think you can and then take responsibly for making it happen! 
🤗

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Learn how to get out of SURVIVAL MODE

26/9/2019

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Do any of these sound familiar to you:
  • "Just get me through today, please!"
  • Just get me through this meeting!
  • Just get me through this project!
  • Just get me through this trip!
Yup! These phrases are all signs you might be stuck in --> Survival mode!

If you are all too familiar with these phrases and want to change that, keep reading. I am going to show you how to move from just surviving to thriving in both leadership and life!
Want to listen to this article instead?
Click here to listen to this article
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The Surviving to Thriving Continuum
Sadly, far too many women leaders like us regularly recite similar lines like "Just get me through today!" Regardless of the version, each of these mantras is a red flag signalling that you might be in survival mode. We've all been there at some point or another. 

Survival mode becomes a problem when you live there,
rather than visit there.

There will always be busy times. Leaders are constantly involved in the ebb and flow of new projects, shifts in contractual expectations, and annual cycles of budgets, performance reviews, grant proposals or contract renewals. It's the job. There is no way around it.

I am not talking so much about work itself. Instead, I am focusing on your attitude towards the work, how you balance your workload and the impact the work has on you. The effect on you falls on a continuum. Let's first look at opposite ends of the gamut. 

😯Survival Mode:
Survival mode is characterized by fear. You are always afraid of falling apart, dropping the ball or losing it emotionally. You are barely hanging on, just getting by or just trying to stay alive. 

In survival mode, it feels like everything is a battle, and you must suffer through it or endure the storm. You have little energy, are negative, cynical or openly apathetic. Perhaps you've found yourself muttering "Whatever!" a little too frequently.

Those in survival mode tend to feel isolated and alone. It doesn't feel like anyone cares about you or that you have anyone on your team. It often seems like "they" are out to get you.
  • 🙋‍♀️When I was in survival mode, I honestly hated a few people and loathed a couple of others. I always felt like they were ready to throw me under the bus!


This end of the spectrum, survival, is marked by crisis management, putting out fires and only day-to-day sustainability. Lord knows you can't last like this forever. Burnout is knocking on your door.

🌱Thriving Mode:
The thriving mode, on the right end of the continuum, is characterized by passion. You are growing and developing and 💜loving it, despite the challenges. To many, it is an adventure with a purpose. You are blooming and flourishing as you learn new things and take on engaging projects. 

Those in thriving mode tend to feel confident, courageous and resilient.
It isn't that people at this end of the continuum don't encounter challenges; the difference is that they are confident they can handle challenges. 
  • 🙋‍♀️When I moved into the thriving mode, I was eager to go to work, felt like I was doing meaningful work and could say I was stretched, but not to the point of snapping.


This end of the spectrum, thriving, is marked by feelings of being engaged, supported and connected. Leaders in thriving mode feel like they belong to a broader community of support and feel that they are making a positive impact through their work.

It's usually not black or white
Rarely are any of us entirely at one end of the spectrum. We are likely at some point in between. We ebb and flow daily. Depending on where you are, whom you are interacting with, and the day's agenda, you can shoot from one end of the continuum to the other pretty quickly. As such, most of us sit somewhere along the surviving to thriving continuum, moving around various points in the middle.


🔄The Middle – Coping Mode 
In the center of the surviving to thriving continuum is what I call coping mode. You are doing more than barely getting by, but you're not feeling so alive that you want to yell from the mountaintops about how much you love your job. Instead, you go to work and have some good days, lots of so-so days and a few insane days. 

The coping mode can also be thought of as maintaining. You're doing good enough, the best you can or at least less than bad. You exist. 

Some leaders are bored in the middle. There is no challenge, no pull or drive to fully use your skills and talents. Often it's a sign you have been in the same position for longer than you should have been.

I find that in this coping mode, many leaders are tolerating, settling or complying with less than stellar workplace environments, teams, and bosses. Things aren't good, but they are not so bad that you feel urged to rock the boat.
  • 🙋‍♀️When I was in coping mode, I felt emotionally flatlined. I didn't feel a lot of excitement or joy. Instead, it felt more like I was running around the same hamster wheel day-after-day. I had a few friends to connect with that would let me vent but not a ton of support to move the needle forward. 


Coping mode runs the range from short-term stability, meaning you could go on like this for a few months, to a way of life. Sadly many women leaders believe, this is just the way it is, and don't think they can change it. So instead of a period before things move one way or the other, leaders stay in coping mode, for most of their careers.
 
Moving from survival to thriving
The truth is you can move from surviving to coping to thriving at work and in life. You have a choice. You do not have to stay stuck in your current mode forever. For you to move forward along the continuum, there are three key things you need to do.

3 Steps to move you from Surviving to Thriving

1) Recognize where you are on the continuum
Grab this guide. Use it to assess where you land regularly. Awareness is always the first step to change. Seeing it in "black and white" can sometimes provide the catalyst you need to make some changes.

👉️Also, notice where or when you tend to slip into survival mode. Is it a particular time of year? 
  • Do you find yourself in survival mode every time you start a new program or hire a new person? 
  • Do you notice movement towards thriving when you get involved in a particular committee or project that excites you? 
The answers to these questions all increase your awareness and become keys that can be used to move to the right of the continuum. ​
🆘Need help?
Do you want to know where you land on the Surviving to Thriving Continuum?
Click here to get the assessment
2) Get clear on where you want to be - Your target 🎯
Change takes time and effort. You will need to be intentional about making the change. To help you, create goals that you are aiming for. I call this your Thriving Target! 🎯

Thriving is growing and being challenged in a good way. It is about doing meaningful work yet maintaining balance. You will need to get clear on what that looks like specifically for you.

3) Create a plan to move you from surviving to thriving 
To move to the right, to thriving, you will need to create new habits. Your current habits are keeping you stuck. You've likely been sitting at the edge of survival mode for quite a while. You know it well. It's become a way of life. 
  • You have developed damaging habits to cope with lack of sleep, missed meals, and limited time for self and family. 
  • You know how to get the critical things done with a hectic schedule at the office and have a system in place for ensuring you meet everyone's basic needs, but not much more. 
  • You habitually put off reading that book, taking that personal development course or going to that training that you are passionate about because it's just not that important. Oh, but my dear, it is!!! You are worth it. 
To move to thriving at work and in life, you will need to create new habits around self-care, self-reflection and self-improvement.
 Do you want to know where you land on the Surviving to Thriving Continuum? 
Click here to get the assessment
Be gentle but persistent as you develop new habits
This is going to take time and effort. But please don't think you have to do it all alone! I'm on your team. Each week I teach you the daily steps you need to take, and the mindset shifts you need to make so you can increase your competence, feel more confident and THRIVE, in leadership and life!
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Don't avoid "THAT" conversation any longer!

24/9/2019

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Have you ever avoided a tough conversation, that you know you should have? 

We all have. Unfortunately, when we don't deal with them, they tend to fester and problems get worse.

Keep reading to learn how to create a plan to get you through "that" conversation in a way that feels authentic and confident!

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​Let me start with a story:
I have a decision to make today…..ok…let me rephrase that. I’ve made a decision, now I need to communicate it to someone, and I’m not looking forward to it. 
  • I think she’s going to take it the wrong way. 
  • It makes me feel like a big meanie.
  • I have the urge to put it off another week and see if things will fix themselves.
  • Yet, it’s important that I focus on sharing the message authentically and clearly so that I can move on, and so can she. 
Not communicating a decision already made is taking up brainpower, emotional energy and time. I need a plan of how to communicate it and still feel I’ve been honest and genuine.

❓️Can you relate❓️
Do you have a conversation you need to have with someone and are dreading it? 😩

Having tough conversations takes discipline.
You need the self-control to do it, even when your inner self is screaming: 
  • Are you nuts? 
  • This is not going to be pretty! 
  • You’re going to get your head bit off! 
  • They will take it totally the wrong way! 
  • Why don’t you just let someone else deal with it? 
  • Maybe it will just go away. Just avoid them for a few days!

Your inner voice keeps you small!
To shush that nattering voice that keeps you lacking the courage to deal with the thing with integrity you need willpower.

Willpower is that inner will that will tell all that negativity to be quiet so you can awaken that courageous you that is hiding quietly in the background. 

Having a tough conversation takes willpower!
And here’s the truth: You need to strengthen your willpower so you can handle that tough conversation and get done what matters most!💪

Here's how willpower & tough conversations fit together
Let look at the components of willpower as they relate to difficult conversations. Willpower is the ability to:
      💥manage your thoughts.
      💥manage your emotions.
      💥resist urges and distractions
      💥focus on what matters most!

Imagine being a leader who can keep your thoughts and emotions in check and handle a tough conversation with courage, confidence and integrity!!!🙌

Let's back up a moment
Imagine the next tough talk that you have coming up.
  • What makes it a tough talk? 🤔
  • What is it about that conversation that makes you feel queasy, nervous, angry, or worried? ✍️
  • Why is it that you want to cancel it, are dreading it or considering calling in sick that day? ✍️

My guess is several things could come into play.
  • That tough conversation maybe with someone who has a strong personality
  • Perhaps you’ve clashed in the past with this individual
  • Maybe you’re worried that they’re going to be sensitive to the information you share


Now, let's look at how your willpower, or lack of willpower may come into play. When you think about how you define it as a tough conversation, consider:
     🔹What thoughts come up for you?
     🔹What emotions are connected to those thoughts?
     🔹Where might you allow yourself to be distracted?
     🔹What urges do you have about that meeting?
     🔹What will be important about focusing during that talk?

👉️Thoughts, feelings, resisting urges and distraction and focusing, all of the components of willpower are all going to play a role in that tough conversation. It will be your inner discipline or willpower that will help you stay engaged in a conversation when you don’t feel like it; 

You need a plan!!!! 👇️Here's how:
The best way to stay authentically and courageously in that uncomfortable conversation is to pre-plan. You need to know ahead of time:
  • What unhelpful thoughts are unconscious in your mind 
    • i.e. They don’t like me! I’m not skilled at confrontation.
  • What emotions are triggered by those thoughts 
    • i.e. inferiority, doubt, fear
  • What urges may emerge as a result? 
    • i.e.the urge to shut down, tune them out, get defensive or conform, please or condone their behaviour.
  • And what you are going to do about all of that so that you can focus on what matters most in that tough talk:
    • To keep your thoughts positive, optimistic and keep that inner dialogue reminding you that you are capable, courageous and confident.
    • To focus on having the emotional intelligence to manage your emotions.
    • To focus on keeping unhelpful distractions and urges at bay
    • To focus on your relationship, the goals for your organization, this person, as a person

You, my dear, need to have a plan to use your willpower wisely.

✏️Here’s your homework.
Identify the next difficult, tough or challenging conversation you have.
  1. Schedule 15 minutes into your calendar to plan for that upcoming talk.
  2. During your planning time, identify:
    1. ​The thoughts you have about that conversation
    2. What feelings emerge as a result of those thoughts
    3. What urges you might have that won’t be helpful to move that conversation forward
    4. What you need to do to focus during that tough talk so you can feel confident getting through it.
  3. Approach your next conversation knowing even though it still may be tough; you’ll get through it feeling honest, authentic and with your integrity intact! 

🆘Need help?
Members of The Training Library can find this WEBINAR: How to prepare for a tough talk so you can handle it with integrity to help you plan your way to confidence!
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Strategies to Overcome those Small Bumps in Your Leadership Journey

16/9/2019

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Hey my dear,

What do these examples have in common with you?
  • When I was introduced to coaching, I had just had a grievance filed against me by one of my staff
  • When someone recommended that Sasha talk to me, it was because she’d just received a less than glowing performance appraisal
  • When Kristen first called me, she was being bullied by someone in her office.
  • When Paula first reached out, she was overwhelmed with the responsibilities of her new leadership role.
While you may not be experiencing any of those, my guess is at some point in your career, you’ve experienced something similar.
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Have you hit a bump?
The truth is, while sometimes things roll along smoothly, we often hit a bump as leaders, and that bump creates a small or a big, mess in our lives.
  • Conflict 
  • Tension 
  • Drama 
  • Health issues 
  • Relationship issues 
These bumps threaten our security, stability, and our sanity!

How are you approaching your bump?
How you get through each of those situations, defines the future of your leadership journey.  
✅Your style of communication
✅The resources you reach for
✅The strategies you use to grow
The type of person and leader you become are shaped by how you approach each bump along the way.

Can you learn anything from how we approached our bumps?
Each of us approached our bumps in our own ways.
  • I went through coaching.
  • Sasha initially reached for a trusted advisor who then recommended a leadership assessment that I offer.
  • Kristen called me to ask about team training; however, as we began to talk, recognized that was she who needed the support first to deal with how the traumatic impact of what she was going through.
  • Paula read every book she could find and committed to a lifelong journey of personal and professional growth.


This is how our approaches shaped us. Do they sound outcomes you want?
How each of us approached our bump, has  shaped the type of leader we are today.
  • I feel confident to mentor and coach women leaders to be their best while finding balance with life
  • Sasha received a performance appraisal a year later noting how inspiring she is for her team
  • Kristen took time to heal before regaining her strength and composure to lead her team even more powerfully.
  • Paula lifelong journey of personal and professional growth has rubbed off on her leadership team. The shift in focus on growing each member individually has created a cohesive team.


The question for you today is: What’s your current bump and what’s your approach to dealing with it?
  • Are you just hoping it will go away️
  • Are you waiting for someone else to change️
  • Are you praying for someone to magically swoop in and fix it for you️
  • Or are you taking responsibility for yourself, your impact, your growth, and who you are becoming as a leader?​
⚠️Leadership is a hard journey⚠️
I don’t want you to go through it alone, in fact...
You should NOT have to go through leadership
feeling alone and isolated!

❣️You should have friends, mentors, resources and coaches!
❣️You should have a shoulder to cry on and someone to kick your butt into gear when you need to take responsibility for the change.
Don't do this!
I've coached and mentored hundreds of women and what I see often is this:
  • Far too many women struggle on their own, and wonder why they continue to struggle, day after day.
  • Far too many women feel like something’s wrong with them because they don’t measure up can’t handle it, or are experiencing challenges
That’s simply not the truth ️

Struggle and doubt are part of the leadership journey. Leadership will have tough days. Period. There will be many amazing, insightful, exciting and enjoyable days too. But there will be tough days.
It’s how you deal with the tough days, that will shape your leadership character!
​
Create your pit crew:
Your pit crew is a list of people that, when you hit a bump, will be there on the side of the road for you!
  • They will pump up your tire: Giving you inspiration and motivation to go on.
  • They will fuel up your vehicle: Providing wisdom, resources and suggestions to keep you on the right path.
  • They will pat you on the back and point you back onto the track reminding you that you are here, at this job to make a difference. They will wink at you and whisper: Your fans are waiting; even if you can’t see them, they are just around the bend hoping you’ll show up soon!


️DO THIS: Make a list of those people that you can call lean on, or ask for help when you need them. 
  • Tuck that list into your notebook, purse or daytimer. 
  • When you have one of those days, reach out to them for guidance. 

Hint: It doesn’t need to be a real call. I have on my list, people I’ve taken virtual training with. When I hit a block, I’ll say to myself:

                        What would Simon, Brene, Brian, Joni, Amy, or the Kathy I’m becoming tell me to do?


Leadership is full of difficult meetings, tough conversations and challenging moments. But you’ve got this, my dear. You can do this. It just takes a little help from your friends - AKA your pit crew.

Kathy ​
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Become a COMPOSED leader by practicing willpower!

10/9/2019

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Would you like to feel confident that you will be able to maintain your composure in your next meeting or conversation? If you are like most leaders...
​
You have a tough conversation or meeting coming up. 
  • You worry you’ll say something wrong, and everyone will know you're unsure and worse they’ll see it! 
  • You fear they will hear it in your voice, see your hands shaking or wonder if you are about to break down. 

But what you deeply desire is to feel composed. 

You want to walk away feeling like you didn’t get your panties in a knot; unruffled and clearheaded. 
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What gets in the way of that: 

Unmanaged thoughts and emotions. That’s the bottom line. 
When you feel flustered in a meeting when your nerves get the better of you, and you feel anything but composed, it’s because your thoughts and emotions have gone crazy.

​Your thoughts and emotions are in control of you instead of you being in control of them 🥴
Here’s what a lack of composure looks like:
​

🚩 You begin a bit too aggressively, to defend yourself or your point.
🚩Your voice gets shaky, high pitched or louder than necessary.
🚩You point your finger at someone accusingly or bang on the table a little too hard.
🚩You go along with something because you know you’ll get too emotional trying to fight for what you really want. 
🚩You cut people off, shut them down or use sarcasm to quiet them because their comments are triggering something and you can’t quite figure out how to deal with whatever is bubbling up inside of you. ​
I felt that way too!
I know, me too! I spent years worried I was not in control. That left me feeling incompetent, afraid and wondering if I was cut out for a leadership role. Over time, I learned how to regain that feeling of being in control. Being in control of my thoughts and emotions gave me the courage, confidence to lead.

Let me show you how, so you can lead your amazing team and make the difference your org can make!
So, what exactly is composure?
Being composed is when you are in control; in control of your thoughts, emotions and behaviour. Being composed is feeling calm, confident and in control!

How do you get more composure?
You get control of your thoughts and emotions by training your brain, which will help you become Emotionally Intelligent.

🔸Emotional Intelligence is being able to both recognize and manage your thoughts and your emotions. 

Training your brain, your thoughts and the subsequent emotions requires willpower. Willpower, or lack of it, will either give you a sense of composure or leave you feeling anything but composed in tough conversations.
If you want to find yourself feeling calm, confident & in control
in your next meeting, learn to develop your strength of will.

🦉Daniel Goleman defines willpower this way: 
​"Willpower is the ability to consciously regulate what you feel and what you do".


Think of any strong, competent and composed leader you know, and I bet they can regulate themselves! The good new is you can also learn to regulate you what think, feel and what you do too!

If you want to become a more composed leader,
grow your willpower!
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    Kathy Archer

    Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.
    ​In my online courses and coaching I teach them inner and outer tools to restore their lost confidence so they can move from surviving to thriving in both leadership and life.

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