Women leading nonprofit organizations know that leading with authenticity is at the core of effective leadership, or maybe they don't!

In a world where we often feel the need to armour up, put on masks, and present facades, embracing our true selves can be terrifying and also a transformative experience.

In my work, I teach four fundamentals of leadership. Let me cover them quickly here so you can create a plan to lead more effectively and feel good about yourself when you do!​

​True leaders empower those around them to embrace authenticity, continuous growth, and self-care. It starts with you, though. You can only teach it effectively if you do it. But when you do help others to unmask, develop, and care for themselves, it creates an engaged culture of loyal team members.

​Yes, we need to manage them, but inspiring leaders do more than that! Effective leaders learn to motivate, coach and mentor their team members.

​That's the work of Teaching Others to Do the Same.
​

If you want to discover how to excel in leadership, explore how you can strengthen those fundamental strategies in how you lead. 

You'll learn more in the podcast series Invest in Your Leadership Excellence. 

• The first episode in the series is here: Women leaders - Why you need to invest in your personal and professional development. 

LISTEN NOW!
 Remember to subscribe on whichever channel is your favourite so you don't miss all 4 episodes in the series. 

• iTunes
• Spotify
• YouTube

Remember, leadership is not just a position, title or hat you put on when you show up at work each day. 
Leadership is a journey of self-discovery and growth. 
It is a personal growth journey! 

Embrace your authenticity, invest in your development, prioritize self-care, and lead with excellence and in a way that feels good!

Do the inner work! It's worth it!
p.s. If you want help doing the inner work so you can grow both personally and professionally, join The Training Library today!

Understanding Pre-Meeting Anxiety

If you are a nonprofit leader and have a tough meeting coming up, you will want to feel empowered going into it. Tune into Sandra's story to build your confidence going into challenging conversations!

Sandra's Story: Facing the Fear of a Tough Meeting
​When Sandra came to our coaching call, she was preparing for a meeting with the Executive Director about her performance. Sandra was dreading the meeting 😩 She knew her boss would make her feel stupid, small and even scared.
👉🏻 The meeting was supposed to help Sandra in her role.
👉🏻 The intention was that it would give her the support, guidance and assistance that Sandra needs to excel.
 
But that's not how Sandra anticipated the meeting was really going to go down! 😬

​Sandra knew she would feel attacked by her boss
​Sandra knows that "help" from her boss is typically in the form of them pointing out:
👎🏻 everything she's done wrong
⚒️ what she needs to work on and
😑 by her boss highlighting Sandra's weaknesses.
Rather than feeling empowered, uplifted and motivated to do a better job, Sandra generally feels beaten down after a 1-1 with her Executive Director.

​Sandra's anxious thoughts were almost out of control
​Ever since Sandra's boss had scheduled the meeting, Sandra had been rolling around the worst-case scenario in her mind. She imagined being fired on the spot, being raked over the coals and being belittled, berated and bullied. Hence, the knot in her stomach!

​Sandra had a history of not feeling supported by her boss 
​It's no wonder Sandra was dreading the meeting! Past meetings had not gone well. Most of what Sandra feared had happened in the past. 

• Sandra's boss would pick at her weaknesses
• They would identify what Sandra is doing wrong.
• How they communicated would be blunt, cold and unfeeling.

​It was time for Sandra to change her perspective
​Just because that is how Sandra's ED has communicated in the past does not mean that Sandra has to believe it means she is incompetent or not cut out for leadership.
 
Sandra can choose to pick between the well-intentioned but still hurtful comments and find out what's valuable in between those comments.

Sandra took back control of her thoughts
​Whether it is this conversation with her boss or another, Sandra gets to decide how she will proactively continue to grow and develop in her nonprofit leadership role.

​Shifting Your Mindset for Confidence
Sandra enlists the support of her nonprofit coach
​Sandra brought this upcoming conversation to our coaching call. In past coaching sessions, we'd already talked about mindsets, perspectives and lenses, so she knew her mindset mattered most!

To plan to feel more confident in the upcoming conversation, we took a look at the kinds of messages Sandra's boss might share:

• You have too much overtime.
• You get your monthly reports to me.
• You are not good at managing your time.
• You have too many staff meetings.
• Stop coddling your team.

​The Power of Perspective: Changing Your Mindset
​Leadership MINDSET # 1
If Sandra chose to see herself as flawed, she would take these kinds of comments to heart. Imposter Syndrome would take over, and the knot in her stomach would grow to a tightening in her chest. Sandra could see how her thoughts could snowball:

• I don't know how to do all of this work without overtime.
• I've never been good at managing my time.
• I've never been an organized person.
• I'm not leadership material.

Sandra knew she didn't want to go down that path. 

​Leadership MINDSET #2 (THE BETTER OPTION)
​I invited Sandra to PAUSE, and take a breath. I asked what might happen if she chose to hear the messages differently. Sandra PONDERed and considered the comments above and then what else might be true:

• I've been working hard to do a good job and putting in the extra effort.
• I'm a committed employee.
• I care about my job and my team!
• Yes, the overtime is killing me. I DO want to reduce it! Not because my boss is telling me to, but because I want to figure leadership out and have a life!

This new perspective allowed her to see herself as competent and always learning and growing.

​​Mindset # 2 helps Sandra feel more confident 
​Sandra then used curiosity to PIVOT to new thoughts:

• Where can I learn more about time management as a leader?
• What could I be doing differently, delegating or deciding quicker?

Sandra knew she wanted to learn to manage her time better and find more time for the rest of her life! She knew those new thoughts would help her courageously PROCEED into the conversation with her boss with a confident mindset.
 
Instead of feeling beaten down by taking time to move through the Inner Guidance Cycle, Sandra felt back in control. She was ready to take the core of the feedback (too much overtime) and hear it for what it is—Feedback.

​Believing in Your Potential: The Foundation of Confidence
​How does this help Sandra remove the knot in her stomach before the meeting?
By knowing she has control of her thoughts, choosing how to hear messages and intentionally choosing not to take things personally in the meeting but focus on the content, Sandra lessened the emotional charge going into the meeting. ​

​When Sandra chooses her thoughts, she feels her confidence soar!
​I reminded Sandra that feeling confident in a meeting isn't about what someone else says or thinks. Sandra smiled and nodded. She's been reading Mastering Confidence. I know, she said, it's what I believe.

​How confident you FEEL starts with what you BELIEVE.
​What you believe about yourself is what matters most. I asked Sandra:

• Do YOU believe you can learn?
• Do YOU believe you can grow and develop?
• Do YOU believe you have the potential to be an extraordinary leader?

She wholeheartedly answered yes to each of the questions. 
I reminded Sandra that if she believes those things, the tone with which her boss shares those messages in that meeting is less relevant than the content and what she chooses to hear, believe and take action on.

​Creating an If/Then Plan for Composure
Preparing for Triggers: Sandra's If/Then Strategy
​While feeling more confident, Sandra was still worried about being triggered and losing composure in the meeting. Sandra wanted to prepare to stay composed in her talk with her ED. She'd recently reviewed the webinar: How to Prepare for a Tough Talk so you can handle it with integrity in The Training Library. She'd learned the power of being prepared for getting triggered with If/Then plans. She asked if I could help her prepare an If/Then plan in case she got triggered.

Sandra already knew what kind of comments might trigger her and cause her to lose her composure. 

• If they call me emotional, I know it will make me feel like crying right there in the meeting. I'll feel threatened, vulnerable and insecure.

We prepared her If/Then plan and she practiced saying her response. 

• IF she calls me emotional, THEN I will take a slow, deep breath, even if she's waiting for me to respond. After a deep breath, I'll say:
  • 🗣️ My emotions are powerful guides to my work, and I am working on maintaining my composure and managing my emotions. Thanks for reminding me that I still have work to do! 😌

​Now, the knots 🪢 have turned to butterflies 🦋
​Sandra was still nervous but felt way more confident and in control of her responses! She messaged me later and said the meeting was still hard, but she left feeling in control of herself,  her responses and her future. 

​What's Next? Taking Charge of Your Leadership Journey
​Will you do what Sandra did?
If you want to ditch the knot in your stomach before your next uncomfortable meeting, then you need to get ahold of your thoughts and emotions before you go into the meeting. You need to create a mindset that allows you to take back power, your personal power. That way, you will be able to respond in a way that makes you feel empowered, and you'll be able to handle your meeting more confidently, too!

Your reputation is how others perceive you based on your actions, behaviours, and the way you interact with them. It's essentially the image you project to the outside world. Your reputation can be influenced by your conduct, what you do and say, and how you treat others. 
​

• Talking about your reputation, someone might say about you, "You can trust her." or conversely, "Don't trust her."

​Character: Your Inner Compass
​Character is who you truly are at your core. It's about your values, morals, and integrity. It's about what you believe in and how you behave when no one is watching. Character is your internal compass, guiding your decisions and actions.

• Talking about your character, someone might say you are trustworthy.

​Character and Reputation go hand-in-hand
​Your reputation is influenced by your character. People, however, have a limited view of you, which can impact their interpretation of you or how they would define your reputation. 

You may be honest in 90% of your life, but if your employee shared something with you in confidence and you told HR about it, and it got back to them, they may deem you untrustworthy based on that one situation.

​Aligning Character and Reputation
Over time, your character shines through in your actions and interactions. The more contact you have with someone, the markers they will have for defining your reputation. The total of your ongoing conduct, actions and behaviours shapes someone's view of you.​

​How to lead with strong character
​To become an authentic and trustworthy leader, it's vital to align your character with your actions. Here's how you can achieve this alignment:

1. Identify Your Values: Start by acknowledging your values and beliefs. Describe the kind of leader you aspire to be and the impact you want to have. This inner work is fundamental to understanding who you are.
2. Be Intentional: Once you've defined the leader you want to be, be intentional about showing up that way. Act in alignment with your self-determined criteria.
3. Consistency Matters: Your character shines through in your actions and interactions over time. The more you engage with someone, the more markers they have for defining your reputation. Consistency in your conduct is key.
4. Reflect on Your Behavior: Regularly ask yourself questions like, "Am I late often?" or "How do I share hard messages?" These insights provide valuable information about how others might describe your character.

​When you live in alignment, your character is solid, and your reputation will reflect that. That alignment, walking your talk, and being who you say you are leads to more authentic and trustworthy leadership.

​Your character is how people describe you. It's the traits that they would attribute to you. It's not what you hope they think of you. Your intentions and conduct are essential for developing your character, but ultimately, your character and reputation are how others describe you. 

• Stubborn
• Positive
• Caring
• Soft
• Bitter
• Narcissistic
• Empathetic
• Approachable

​Take a moment to fill in the blank:

• My boss has a reputation for…
• My board chair is known for…
• You can always trust the head of HR to…
• That employee is famous for…

​Perhaps these are some of the sentence endings you came up with:

• Flying off the handle at meetings
• Not letting people speak
• Interrupting
• Being patient
• Inspiring the team
• Being there when I need them
• Knowing exactly what I need to hear

​Your character is the words others use to describe how they see you and your impact on them. Your conduct is the behaviours and actions others see that they use to assess your character. This includes how you act, interact and engage with others. It is what you say and do as much as what you don't say or don't do.

• Are you late? Often?
• Do you swear? In public?
• Are you decisive or wishy-washy?
• How do you share hard messages?
• When something exciting happens, what can people expect from you?
• What's your default response when things don't go as planned?
• Do you walk into a meeting with checklists, agenda and handouts in hand, ready to get down to business, with a smile on your face or rushed, frazzled and oblivious to everyone in the room?

​Your answers to these questions give insights into how others might describe your character. Each incident, response or action doesn't stand alone. People use a total of all your conduct to assess your character and describe your reputation. Your conduct is not a one-time event.

The Power of Perception

What we often forget, though, is that people's view of us takes into account the good times and bad. You can't be available, sometimes and other times not, without a valid explanation and clear boundaries. In one way, people will see you as "all over the place" and, in the other, as someone with consistent boundaries. 

You can start to get a feel for your reputation and, thus, your character by considering some of the questions above. I've added more sentence starters below to get you thinking about others' reputations and how yours is defined. Try it with other people first, then switch it up to thinking about how people would finish these sentences if asked about you.​

1. Our team lead is consistently great at...
2. When I think of our CFO, I think of...
3. When our CEO faces a challenge, they usually...
4. The Director's strength lies in...
5. Our ED is respected for their ability to...
6. When our operations manager is under pressure, they...
7. When the coordinator is faced with a tough decision, they...
8. The Director is known throughout the organization for...
9. The finance officer is exceptional at...
10. The head of IT is famous for their...
11. Our company's founder is revered for...
12. When the assistant is in charge, you can expect...

​What did you learn? Did you have any ah ha's about your conduct and how it may or may not align with the character you wish to exemplify?

​Your Leadership Journey
If you want to learn more about how to develop your character and lead with your strength of character, here are additional resources for you.
Rebuilding Trust: How to fix your reputationhttps://www.kathyarcher.com/blog/rebuilding-trust-how-to-fix-your-reputation

How and why you MUST lead with your strength of character
​https://www.kathyarcher.com/blog/how-and-why-you-must-lead-with-your-strength-of-character

You want to learn. You want to grow and develop yourself.

• You want to take time to journal. 
• You want to take time for self-reflection. 
• You have a list of courses that you want to do and books to read! 

You know you need to do the work to grow yourself. And yet – When? 


When would you find time to do this? How on Earth would you fit it into your busy day, either at work or at home?


It's true. To be your best self, you need to spend time learning, growing and developing. You need to discover new skills, learn new information and do the inner work to figure out how to assimilate that into your leadership and life. 


Leadership is synonymous with personal development. The best leaders know that they must grow, develop, change and adapt to what is going on. Strong leaders work to become their best selves, cultivate strong character and continue that always. To do that, you need time to work on yourself,


But we all know you're going from meeting to meeting to meeting. Between those meetings, you respond to texts and emails while you put out fires, deal with crises or tick off the boxes of things that absolutely need to be done. And that doesn't cover what happens when you get home! 

​
So, how do you find time to work on yourself? Below are three things you need to consider​
​

2 - Connect Your Learning to a Goal
Adopting a mindset that personal growth and development are part of leadership and creating the space to do that work is most effective when connected to your goals. As a leader, you need more than goals that your organization may or may not have set for you. You need your own goals that you have crafted to help you be your best self. The best leaders create the impact you desire at work and in your life.

In The Training Library, I encourage you to review where you're at annually. From there, you create goals that you want to work on and draft a personalized learning curriculum. This learning curriculum will identify how and from what sources you will learn those things you need to learn or work on. 

From there, my students in The Training Library schedule time each quarter to see how they do on those goals. Then, monthly, weekly and daily, I encourage them to connect those goals to their daily activities. 

3 - You can't find time, you must create time
​You will never FIND time. You need to CREATE time. We spend most of our leadership and life reacting to things, and instead of reacting, we need to create our own experience of leadership. Part of this experience of leadership that you desire, if you've read this far, is the desire to grow and develop yourself. To do that, you need to create the time and space to grow and develop yourself.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day. What we choose to do with those 24 hours makes the difference for each of us. You have to prioritize in some tiny way growth and development.

1️⃣ Make use of existing downtime
The best example is all of the times in your life when you are waiting! For example:

• Waiting for your kids to finish their extracurricular activity or while they are at the dentist. 
• Waiting for a meeting to start
• While on transit or driving

2️⃣ Look at current time wasters/time fillers 
Consider changing what you do during some of these times:

• What could better do with your time watching T.V. or scrolling through your favourite social media app.
• How many times do you go back and check the same email without responding? What if you set aside specific times for checking email and specific times for doing your personal development work?
• How much time are you complaining that you don't have time, rehashing what's not working for you and your team or shuffling piles on your desk?

What could you do to be proactive about creating time for growth and development with these time-wasters?


3️⃣ Carve out time
Make time for 15 minutes of learning 4 times a week in these spots (That's a whole hour each week!!)

1. Get up 15 minutes earlier one day to journal.
2. Make time on a lunch break for 15 minutes of reading.
3. Schedule 15 minutes in the evening to watch a video.
4. Plan 15 minutes on the weekend to organize your notes, schedule time for the following week and respond to a question in the online program you are taking.

Tada....YOU just CREATED a whole hour each week to work on developing yourself!
WHOOOOO HOOOOO!!!! Remember, personal and professional development is your path to success in leadership and life! 


Do this right now
✅ Schedule at least two 15 minutes into your next week to begin the work you need to be your best self!
You'll be thankful you did!

Do you often wonder what you must DO to be a better leader?

• What training do you need to take?
• What meetings should you attend?
• How often should you meet with your people?

These questions revolve around what actions you need to DO?

While those are important components of leadership, the critical question is deeper than that. It's not what you have to DO to be a good leader; the question is: Who do you need to BE to be a good leader?
 
Be?
Yes, BE!
Who do you need to BE to be a good leader?



Consider the HOW of what you DO

Take a moment to consider who are you BEING when you do your job?

• Anyone can run a meeting. But HOW do you run a meeting?

 

• Executive Directors, Managers and Team Leaders always communicate with their team. But HOW do you communicate with your team?

 

• What type of leader are you BEING when you address an employee's poor performance or share positive outcomes with the team?

 

• Who are you BEING when the crisis hits?

Have you ever considered your character?
Who you are BEING when you do your job is a description of your character. It's the essence of who you are. But we don't talk about it.

🤔 When did your manager last talk with you about developing your character? 

🤷🏼‍♀️ When did you last consider why it might be important to develop your character? 

🤨 Have you ever wondered how to build your character? 

For most of us, the answer is never! It may be time to consider it. 


How you are BEING is a description of your character
Your character is your unique combination of who you are:

• personality traits
• values
• ethics
• morals

No two of us are the same. The problem is that we typically don't think about who we are BEING or our character as we lead our team. Instead, we follow the model of leadership passed down for generations. And honestly, most of us don't fit into that model. ​

Feeling like the imposter?
When we don't feel like ourselves while leading, we assume that's how it should be or that perhaps we aren't leading correctly. But when we are out of touch with our true selves, we feel awkward, fake, or like we are messing up. There is this enormous gap between who we believe we should be and who we actually are. That leaves us unsure of where to turn and not really satisfied.


When you develop your character, you'll be happier!
You will feel better, more fulfilled, and positively influence those around you if you take the time to cultivate your character. Instead of stepping into the role and trying to lead how you should lead when you develop your character, you will learn to lead from your character strengths. 

🎭 Rather than feeling like you're putting on a persona or mask for each encounter and interaction, you will feel more authentic and more productive and impactful.


Why don't we lead with our character strengths?
Most of us are genuinely unaware of our true selves. We've lost sight of our true selves as we transitioned through our teen years, started families, and advanced in our careers. Many of us don't know what makes us tick because, quite frankly, we don't know what our best gifts and talents are. And we have no idea how to use them to lead. We've never tried to find, unearth, or awaken them.
 
🤨 Who are you?


Back to describing character 
Once again, consider how we describe other people and how others might describe you.
Pay attention to the word character in each of these sentences👇🏻

🟪 Often, we talk about someone's character in GENERAL statements such as, 

• I admire her character.
• We might say someone has sound character.
• In a tongue-in-cheek tone, we might chuckle, saying, Boy, she's quite the character!
• At other times, we might whisper to a friend, suggesting That was out of character for her.
• Alternately, we groan as we watch someone do something and say She just damaged her character by doing that! ​

🟪 Now, think about SPECIFIC POSITIVE descriptions of other people's character traits. Consider again how people might describe your traits. These are some ways we speak in awe of certain women's characteristics:

• She is so reliable.
• I love her honesty.
• What grace she has!
• That is a woman of integrity.
• Such determination and persistence.
• I appreciate her ability to be decisive.
• She has a clear head on her shoulders.

 
🟪 Don't forget that not all character traits are good. Here are some SPECIFIC NEGATIVE traits
Reflect on this list below. These are times we cringe at character traits that some women exude:

• She's so cold.
• I can't trust her. 
• She's so inconsistent.
• She's got her favourites!
• She only cares about herself.
• She's condescending and demeaning.
• I'm tired of her micromanaging everything I do.

 
I hope you are now seeing how important it is to cultivate and develop your character.


How your character is defined:
A little overview: Your character is your unique combination of traits distinguishing you from others. It is how others perceive you, not how you describe yourself. Let me say that again. Your character is someone else's perspective of you. It's not how you see yourself and wish others would see you. You certainly can impact or influence what others think about you, and you should. Ultimately, how people describe your character is their perception, which makes character development tricky.
 
Perhaps you wonder if character development is about getting people to like you. 🙅🏼‍♀️ No, that's not quite it.

Your job as a leader is to guide people to a vision 👀
by inspiring them to grow 🌱
and helping them develop 🧩
so that together, you can reach your shared vision 🙌🏻

Your influence and impact on people can motivate them to be their best selves, which is incredibly helpful to reach team and organizational goals and serve clients. Achieving that level of impact on others may be easier if they like you. But still, it's less about people liking you and more about them respecting you.


Why you should care about how people define your character 
⭐️Your character is so important because it influences what people think about you and, therefore, its impact on them. 

When your character is strong, you have a good reputation. It's that reputation that garners others' respect. Someone doesn't have to like you to respect you. The two do not always go hand in hand.

However, when people on your team respect you, it allows them to be patient with you, persist for you, and push themselves. They'll often respect you because they believe in you, your message, and how you live that purpose, which is inextricably linked with your character. As such, they will conduct themselves in a certain way because you've inspired them, and they are motivated by your actions, your conduct and the type of person you are.


💡 How to lead with strong character

1️⃣ The first step
Start by noticing character, yours and others.
Keep a log, note on your phone or journal entry about character words you'd use to describe your or another's character.
​
2️⃣ The next step
Then, choose your character traits.
Pick words that you'd like others to use to describe you. What is the type of leader you want to BE?

3️⃣ Finally
Finally, cultivate your character
Do the work to grow and develop those character traits in yourself.
Next week, I'll introduce you to the strategies for developing your desired character traits and how to become the leader you want to be, having the impact you desire to have.