Trust-building requires regular self-reflection
Last week I talked about 3 reasons why you need to build trust in your team. To help you do that, I suggested spending a few minutes in self-reflection each week answering 3 questions. The third question was: How aligned do you feel with your values, ethics and morals?
When you lead with integrity, I reminded you that your actions align with your values, ethics, and morals. You are leading with integrity when you do what you say you're going to do. The further you feel from your values, ethics, and morals could be a big warning sign that others will begin to lose their trust in you.
The team lost trust in me when I wasn't in tune with myself!
When my team started losing trust in me, I didn't understand what was causing the quickly dwindling trust. It wasn't until my coach asked me to identify my values, I started to put the puzzle pieces together.
While I said I valued some things, I didn't consistently demonstrate that through my behaviours, which means that I was not trustworthy.
When we say something and do something else, it causes people to step back and question our actions and our motives. When we advocate wholeheartedly for one thing but then turn around and do something completely different, it sends a confusing message to people. Or perhaps it sends a message that is loud and clear: Don't trust her!
Things changed when I began to dig deeper into my values.
Over the years, I have gone back to my values regularly. I identify where they show up, how they show up, and I work to use them to make decisions, guide my behaviour and as measurements to see if I am on track. Let me give you an example.
I used to think that family was my top value. The problem was that having "family" as my guiding Northstar meant it often got in the way of work. Because of that, I made decisions that did not align with me, saying it was #1. As a result, I constantly felt the inner turmoil of being off track. What's more is that others could clearly see both that I was not in integrity and that I felt crappy as a result, regardless of what I said.
Yes, I'm heading to the city again. Yes, I'll miss awards day at school. I know it's a bummer, but this meeting is crucial. I'll call my daughter at night and talk to her about it.
Can you feel the disconnect?
At the same time, I valued good quality work. I was an overachiever with high expectations for myself and others. This value often got blurred with perfectionism. Because I wasn't doing the self-reflective work to see where good turned to perfectionism, I often stretched myself beyond what was reasonable and expected that in others.
Finally, I valued wellness. I had done work to become physically and mentally healthier. I tried to ensure I worked out and ate healthily. But so often, that didn't fit into my schedule as easily as I'd have liked. To do so meant I'd have to give up other things, things that were of value to me.
I had too many top values!
In addition to my family, good quality work and wellness also valued lifelong learning, spirituality, honesty and nature. How on earth could I put all of those at the top, lead well and enjoy life? It certainly wasn't working for me.
Do you know and understand your top values?
How about you? What are your top values? Can you name them, and do you honour them in a way that feels good every day? If not, that may be where you feel much of your inner turmoil.
What's changed for many of my clients and me is getting a clearer picture of our values. It's not just a word, but as I say, it's verifying what that value means, how it shows up and knowing how to use it to guide your life.
I verified my values!
Doing the work in Values Verification, I realized that my top value is excellence. It encompasses being a good wife, mom and grandma. It also means I want to do the work to be in excellent health, do excellent work for you and be an excellent human being making an excellent contribution to the world. That means I can't be perfect at any one of those things, and I need to continually come back to all of them during self-reflection to make sure I am on track.
Clarity of values helps make decisions
I had a message from one of my adult kids the other day. They asked if they could have an hour of my time, during my workday, to talk about something very important to them. After considering things for a minute, my answer was:
However, when my daughter called me when she went into labour a couple of years ago, I was in the middle of a coaching call. The coaching call ended early, and I put excellent mamma at the top of the list quickly.
Those decisions were "easier" because of the work I've done understanding my values.
Verifying values has helped many of my clients
An example from a client is that they realized their top value is "simplicity."
The goal to lead with trust and integrity is to align your values, ethics, morals and how you speak about those with your actions and behaviours. To do that effectively, you need to have a clear understanding of your values.
When I turned things around, I realized three things:
The work I needed to do was to get reacquainted with my values, what they meant to me, and how to use my values to make decisions, drive my behaviour and leave my team. That's why I created the Values Verification course.
Are you ready to get clearer on your values?
This week in The Training Library, I'm encouraging the members to revisit the course Values Verification. Values are our internal compass and help us lead and live with integrity. To learn more about the Values Verification course, click here.
Feedback from students
These clients have completed the Values Verification course inside of The Training Library. Upon completion of the course, this is what other students had to say about what they learned about their values and how they see them differently:
Let me know how it goes!!
p.s. I'll end with a quote from Brene Brown "Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; it's choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them." Make sure you understand your values so that you can practice them!!
I’m curious, as a leader, do you ever…
This kind of thinking could be a sign of a scarcity mindset. The scarcity mindset focuses on what isn’t there. It’s about lack. When you see things through the lens of scarcity, you see a finite amount of money, time and resources.
For example, there are only five good employees out there to hire, and you better get them before the other organizations scoop them up!
Instead, adopt an abundance mindset
The opposite of a scarcity mindset is an abundance mindset. Instead of seeing a finite amount of everything, there is an infinite amount. You have plenty of time to finish the project.
Abundance mindset in leadership
When you can come at your leadership challenges with an abundance mindset, you start to see what you do have and what might be possible.
An abundance mindset is filled with HOPE
Hope is an emotion, but it’s also a character trait. When you embrace HOPE, you not only (1) believe that tomorrow will be better than today, but you think you have the (2) ability to make that happen. Whatsmore, you know you have (3) multiple pathways to figure it out.
That’s what a true abundance mindset is.
Your mindset is your perspective
Mindset is your lens or the filter through which you see the world. Like we have filters around gender, colour and race through which we see the world, we also have money lenses and mindsets.
The way you think about money changes how you engage with your team, funders and donor when you are having money conversations. It can make you feel confident or doubt yourself and your message!
Understanding your money mindset
In this week’s episode of the podcast, I talked to Jenny Mitchell about your money archetype. Your archetype is a mindset. When you learn HOW you think about money, it will help you understand how other people think about money. That increased awareness will help you engage in those courageous conversations you may have been reluctant to in the past.
Help to shift your mindset
Perhaps you realize that your perspectives have been getting in the way. Maybe you also realize they are so ingrained. It’s hard to shake them off. That’s where practice comes in.
Keep working through The Inner Guidance Cycle to become more mindful of what’s going on in your mind.
It will take time
Don’t worry if you slip back to your old way of thinking. That’s completely normal. That’s why I said you have to practice this. You’ve probably been thinking with a scarcity mindset for a long time. It won’t change overnight.
Keep at it!
For more help understanding The Inner Guidance Cycle grab Mastering Confidence: Discover your leadership potential by awakening your inner guidance system.
For more help understanding your money mindset, tune into this week’s episode # 47 — How your Money Archetype Affects your Leadership & Fundraising with Jenny Mitchell
Your thoughts can help you ditch survival mode and thrive in both leadership and life. Do the work to become more mindful of your thoughts, and you’ll begin to enjoy impactful leadership!
As I walked into my office, my administrative support, Wendy, asked me a question. I turned and glared at her. Then, as I turned back and kept on walking, I answered Wendy through my teeth! I certainly didn't have the patience for her BS right now.
But....why didn't I have the patience for Wendy at this moment?
Was it because she had done something wrong?
** Possibly, but the way I handled it was all on me.
Ok, let me start by saying I do not like that word at all! If you can give me another word that we all know and understand to describe what I mean, please message me and tell me a better word. It's not merely being rude or being cranky it's more than that. And we've all been there.
I've had my fair share of staff challenges, and I bet you have too. We have staff that don't get along, stir the pot on the team, mess up with clients, neglect their paperwork, or in general, are somewhat incompetent at their job. And we need to address those issues.
How are you addressing the issues?
Instead, you probably want them to say something like, "That was a tough conversation, but I feel like she's supporting me and wants to help me out."
What gets in the way?
We are women leaders. There is a lot that can get in the way that has nothing to do with the work, the person we are dealing with, the sector or the issue at hand.
▶︎ It might, however, have to do with that time of the month.
▶︎ It might have to do with that time in our life cycle.
▶︎ It could also be that our hormones are off due to our diabetes or thyroid issues.
▶︎It might result from a lack of sleep because our toddler kept us up, we fought with our partner or dealt with night sweats half the night.
Hormones, emotions, burnout
How you respond to a challenge with your employee is less about the words you use and more about how you deliver that message. Hormones, emotions and burnout all factor in. They are all things you need to be aware of, manage and, yes, at times, workaround.
3 strategies to help you manage your reputation
1) Be mindful of your body, mind and soul
2) Be in control of your schedule so you can adjust when needed based on mood and energy levels.
3) Be honest
We respect vulnerable leaders
Most of our nonprofits are full of women, all of whom are likely going through similar emotional, hormonal and energy roller coasters. When you acknowledge where you are at, it makes you seem more human and permits others to do the same. Humour is useful in these kinds of situations if that's a strength of yours, but so is self-compassion, kindness, honesty and bravery.
For those of you in The Training Library, here are some resources you might want to check out to help you ditch the bitchiness and lead with confidence!
You are human! Don't forget that
Remember, it's not what you do as a leader that counts. It's how you do it. And you are a human being. You have emotions, hormones and a life outside of work that factor into how you lead. Don't forget to take that into account. When you do, you'll ditch survival mode and learn to thrive in both your leadership and your life!
Did you know that practicing mindfulness can make you a better leader?
You bet it can!
Mindfulness helps you to:
AND....Mindfulness helps you to be a compassionate leader:
Instead of being stiff, bristly and focused only on tasks and results, mindfulness helps you be a warm, caring, compassionate, emotionally and socially intelligent leader.
You are a caring person!!!
And let's be honest, that's who you are at your core! You are kind, caring and passionate about your work. Sometimes, we just get caught up in the mess of the day, lose contact with that part of ourselves (unmindful) and lose touch with the human side of our leadership capacity.
Mindfulness doesn't necessarily mean meditation
Now that we've confirmed, it might be a good idea to practice mindfulness; my guess is your thoughts immediately go to meditation. While that may be helpful, and I encourage you to try that, you don't have to meditate to practice mindfulness.
You don't have to live alone to do this!
But you might be saying I can't do that. I have a houseful. True. And when you sit and eat and listen to the sounds in your household, what do you hear?
You might also tune in to what you taste.
Use your senses at any moment to be mindful
Your senses are wonderful ways of bringing you present, being mindful in this moment 👃🏼👂🏻 👋🏻 👀 👅 Even during a meeting, travelling or watching tv, you can practice tuning into your senses.
As I practiced mindfulness this morning, I tasted the cinnamon in my oatmeal, the ground hazelnuts, craisins sprinkled in and the almond milk on top.
Mindfulness is being mindful of this moment...it's that "easy"
Practising mindfulness is simply just that, practising being mindful of whatever is happening around you.
Are you present or in the past or future?
Instead, most of us let our thoughts pull us back to what happened and regurgitate what went wrong. Alternately, we focus on the future and fret and worry about what is to become. To be mindful is to be in this moment, whatever is going on!
Mindfulness helps you build compassion, care and connection in your nonprofit
In this week's episode of the podcast, Elizabeth Bishop and I talk about love in your nonprofit. By love, we mean compassion, connection and caring. The problem is many of us have lost touch with that part of our leadership capacity. And it shows.
More help to build your compassion, kindness and mindfulness
To help, tune in to my conversation with Elizabeth for tons of ideas, insights and the incentive to practice mindfulness.
For more information on how to use mindfulness to maintain your composure during tough meetings, those of you in The Training Library can watch this webinar.
TRY IT: Just for a moment now, tune into your senses. Be present to this moment!
Go make the rest of your day awesome!
Have you lost your passion for your work?
We’ve been told we’ll burn ourselves out. But we are burning ourselves out by not caring, not feeling and numbing out.
In this episode, Elizabeth and I engage in a dialogue about bringing your heart back into your work!
You’ll learn strategies, mindsets and most importantly, you’ll gain the permission to once again feel the love in the workplace!
A leader's job is to stay positive all of the time. WRONG!
A leader's job is to lead a team
Sometimes that means you're positive. But more often than not, it means you're honest.
A leader's job is not to stifle emotions
I coach leaders all the time who want to turn people's moods, perspectives or feelings around.
They want to take a difficult transition or a change that's happening and make everyone see the positive out of it.
You can't ignore your team's emotions!
Let me give you an example
My friend recently lost his wife. He took care of her for months while she battled cancer. In the end, she couldn't talk, and he spoke for her to visitors. They had been together for over 30 years and were soulmates.
That's a difficult situation. I cannot say to him...
I know it's hard, but look at the positive:
Indeed, you can see how heartless that is 😳
Similarly, we try to do this with our teams
We take a difficult situation and try to hop them over the grief, loss and pain and suffering that they are experiencing.
2020 has been hard!!
Grief and loss are what we have experienced this year. Those feelings are not something you can move through quickly, get around or avoid.
What you can do is experience them. You can move your way through the emotions surrounding grief and loss.
Learning to let your team feel the hardness of this year
How do you sit with the icky feelings so that you can move through them?
Note: The opposite is to stuff emotions down, hide them or shove them away.
My guess is you probably already know this may work in the short term, but longterm, it has some serious consequences.
You're becoming an emotionally intelligent leader
The ability to recognize and manage your own emotions and those of others is a sign of an emotionally and socially intelligent leader.
Leaders do set a vision,
but they also help their team get there!
Yes, your job as a leader is to help teams see the other side
A leader is taking a team a direction via a powerful vision. You'll need to be motivating and inspiring to get there. And sometimes getting them to that vision will be hard on them.
What you can do
When it's difficult, we need to sit down beside our team and talk about how hard and difficult it is.
Are they ready to move on?
Sometimes they are ready, and we can then be positive again.
Sometimes they need more time.
If they get stuck, we may need to nudge them along a little bit with hard truths, inspiration, and motivation.
Someone once wisely said:
There is a time and a place for everything!
Practically how do you do this?
👉You slow things down.
👉You'll allow space for frustration and disappointment in conversations about the pain and agony.
👉You acknowledge the emotions rather than trying to push them away.
EXERCISE: Try this with your team
On this week's podcast, I talk about looking back over 2020. If you're looking for an exercise to do with your team to help acknowledge all of the rainbow of emotions that have happened, get them to listen to the podcast.
First, ask them to reflect on the questions I offer in the episode such as:
Next, sit down and discuss the answers together. Remember to allow and acknowledging what you have all been through how you've grown as a team.
Then, when the emotions have been acknowledged...smile and gently bring on the positivity...if the time is right!
Make reading a part of your 2020 leadership plan!
Ongoing growth and development is a critical component of leadership! You should be reading! Maybe you think you don't have time. Make time! Seriously. Create tiny pockets of time that you can read or listen to a book. It will change both your leadership and your life!
YOUR TURN: What made your list of 2019 books?
Comment below and tell me what books I should put on my 2020 reading list!
If you can't remember the last time you read a book, took a course that wasn't required training for the job, or spent a few minutes reflecting on your personal growth lately, then my dear, it's no wonder you feel crappy half the time!
You feel crappy because you keep going around and around
I'll be honest with you. It sucks being a hamster when you are supposed to be a leader. Yet that's where many leaders are.
Far too many leaders focus on the same old stuff every day! Round and round you go.
Sure, you might experience a different flavour of crisis.
The drama today could sound a bit different.
Yet, when you look back over the last year or two, does it look the same?
Are you trapped?
If you keep experiencing basically the same crisis and dramas every day, that might be because you've become trapped in the same spot. It's like swamp water that doesn't move, and it's why you feel icky.
If you feel icky,
perhaps your growth & development has stagnated
Are you living in the past?
Just like those who still have the 80's hair doo, are you approaching problems with the same mindset and skillset that you learned 10, 20 or 30 years ago? Those old ways are not going to keep you at the forefront of leadership or help you to enjoy life.
Do you want to know what else is causing you grief?
Let me explain something that you may not have considered. If you are like many women leaders, at times, you struggle with imposter syndrome. Instead of feeling competent, capable and confident, you feel:
To get out of imposter syndrome, you need the training to feel competent and thus confident! If you aren't getting the training you need, then you keep feeling like you are incapable, insecure and incompetent.
Ongoing personal & professional development
is your path to confidence
Here's how to get moving
Strong, confident and capable leaders are those that are continually learning and growing. And let me tell you a little secret, it's by engaging in ongoing personal and professional development that you will find success in leadership and happiness with life.
But you may be hung up here
Here is the extra challenge. If you are like most women, you are:
Let me tell you a little secret:
THREE FREE PLACES TO LEARN
THREE LOW-COST PLACES TO LEARN
THREE WAYS TO FIT TRAINING IN
Remember, effective leaders,
️️️√ Focus on learning and growth.
√ They are continually developing themselves
√ Keep the knowledge flowing through them and onto the people they serve.
Remember, ongoing personal & professional development is your path to confidence. If you want help to find low-cost ongoing training, learn more about The Training Library below.
Are you a manager or a leader? Here is the simple question to help you see: Are you trying to move things forward, or are you trying to stabilize them?
We need to both manage and lead
Likely you do both but at different times. The challenge is that we get caught in too much managing. We spend most of our time, heads down just trying to survive. More often, and we need to manage less and lead more.
A manager steadies things.
If at that moment, you are trying to stabilize things, keep them in line, and follow procedures, then you are managing.
Here is what managing looks like:
When you wear the manager’s hat, you are;
✔️Setting up work schedules
✔️Ensuring people are following their job descriptions
✔️Reviewing procedures at a staff meeting
✔️Solving the problem of the day
✔️Attending meetings, we are required to attend
?Managers get stuff done
Managers are maintaining order and consistency. They are keeping things status quo. In essence, they are getting the work done.
?Leaders are moving things forward
Shifting into leadership mode means that instead of maintaining the status quo, leaders are looking to challenge the status quo. You are looking to get out of the steady, sure place and find more movement forward. Leaders focus on change, movement, and growth.
Both Managing and Leading are needed!
Leadership looks like this:
Putting on your leadership hat has you do these activities:
Leaders develop others and the company
Leaders motivate, inspire, and energized team members to grow and develop to be all they can be. In doing so, this also creates the space for the company to be all it can be. Leaders help individuals and teams to reach their full potential.
Too often we get stuck in managing and forget to lead
Only leading or managing gets you into trouble
When we sit on one side of the other too long, it creates a void. Yes, we need to stabilize for a moment, but we also need to keep moving.
?️Always racing forward can lead to no foundation with which build on.
️.........Only focusing on the future can create chaos, and essentially you spin out of control.
?️On the other hand, staying still too long makes us stagnant ?
You need to shift between managing and leading
Leaders need to know how to shift back-and-forth
Leaders need to switch back and forth from their manager hat to their leadership hat.
?Your strength may be in seeing the future potential of an employee, and so you focus on that during their performance review. You talk to them about their goals and help them decide what training they need to take over the next year.
?You may also need to have a conversation with them about them being late with paperwork. That conversation manages day-to-day challenges. It also serves to stabilize their work and how that affects the rest of the team.
Don’t get stuck in managing
Add more leadership time
?I CHALLENGE YOU: Work to incorporate more leading in your day-to-day work. When you can set your sights farther down the road, you can look up and gain perspective.
Practice leading more often
When you demonstrate your leadership more often, you will develop your team to be stronger, more independent and more engaged. In doing so, you will find your organization more cohesive and will advance quicker towards the goals set out in your visioning processes.
I'm sending you lots of positive vibes to practice your leadership capabilities, so you can be your best self!?
p.s. Learn more about leading and managing in this video below ?️
I bet you are so done with survival mode, and you want to move to thriving 😀
You are looking for some work-life balance, more success in your career, to be doing fulfilling work and enjoying the people you are working with.
That's not much to ask for, is it?
No, my dear, it's not!
You have every right to have all of those things and what's more…
It is possible!
Keep reading to find out how!!
Let us start with the question: Why haven't you attained all of that yet?
My guess is that you have not found balance, fulfilment and confidence because your THINKING is tanking your success.
It's time to learn how to shift your mindset to the mindset that it is actually going to help you get the success you desire!
Yet, my guess is instead, you doubt yourself!
This kind of THINKING is called a curriculum mindset.
When you have a curriculum mindset, you are always asking yourself:
Curriculum mindset example # 1
GOAL: Create more work-life balance.
PATH: I need to learn how to set boundaries
Great, but how are you going to learn to set better boundaries?
You just can't wish that you're going to be better at setting boundaries. You can't just hope that one day you're just going to magically feel more confident and be able to set better boundaries. That is hope with no action. You need tools to help you.
TOOLS: In my mind, if you don't have a binder or book and a pen to write things down, you are not learning strategically. Your tools are:
Curriculum mindset example # 2
Maybe you want to be able to maintain your composure during tough conversations. But remember, you are not going to become a more emotionally intelligent person by wishing it would happen,
You're certainly not going to become more emotionally intelligent by waiting for your boss to stop being such a jerk. That's not going to change you.
You have to become response-able!
Take responsibility by developing your curriculum mindset:
What do I need to learn, and how will I learn it?
GOAL:: Stay composed during tough conversations.
PATH: Learn more about emotional intelligence and how to control my thoughts and emotions
TOOLS: Watch Kathy's webinar: Saying composed during those tough conversations is to increase your emotional intelligence.
When you create your learning curriculum, things start to change for you.
Your curriculum mindset will get you out of survival mode and moving towards THRIVING!!!
⭐️MY CHALLENGE TO YOU⭐️
🆘 A TOOL TO HELP WITH YOUR LEARNING CURRICULUM
If you need some help with the tools, I've created The Training Library for you!!!! Inside of The Training Library are the courses to help you get out of survival mode. There are courses to build your competence and confidence. I've included webinars for you on emotional intelligence and maintaining your composure.
AND...I'm doing a study group on one of the courses!
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the Willpower Essentials course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
Don't forget to watch your THINKING!
Think you can and then take responsibly for making it happen! 🤗
I bet you know what you don't want as a woman leader. But do you know what you DO want?
👉️Do you know clearly?
I think we can agree you know kind of what you DON'T want:
But are you clear on what you DO want?
An example to make it clear 😊
Let's imagine you're going to purchase a new car.
👉️You need to get 💎CRYSTAL CLEAR💎
The same is true if you are buying a house, looking for an outfit for that special occasion or for that matter, picking a life partner.
You need an idea of what you want.
The more specific, the better ✔️
Back to you and getting out of survival mode:
Let's go back to last week's discussion on survival mode. You know what you don't want. But do you know, specifically, with precision and 💎crystal clarity what you do want? I'm going to suggest it's time you did.
Get really clear on what thriving means for you
You need to get clear on what the other end of the spectrum looks like for you. I call this your thriving target. Take time to create a vision for yourself that precisely includes what you want.
DO THIS to create your thriving target:
There is one little ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ I want to share.
Creating that target won't make it happen. It's only the first step.
You've then got to come back and create a plan and do the work to get there.
🆘HERE'S A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU
If you've been thinking working on the Willpower Essentials course but haven't had time to register, start or finish the course, now's the time to do that.
For 7 weeks, I'm going to be guiding you through the course, week-by-week in the Willpower Essentials Study Group.
Available on Amazon
Women leaders often hit a point where they find themselves in over their heads and wondering if they have what it takes to lead.